


Ta Hell n' Back

by mordelle



Series: Neither Here Nor There [2]
Category: Beetlejuice - All Media Types
Genre: Complete, Dark Comedy, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Hell Trauma, Humor, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romance, Sexual Humor, Shameless Smut, Supernatural Elements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-10
Updated: 2019-03-05
Packaged: 2019-07-10 20:47:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 24
Words: 103,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15957236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mordelle/pseuds/mordelle
Summary: After creating an animated television series and a live show, Lydia's plan to pull Betelgeuse out of Hell actually works, but is it too little too late? Seventeen years is a long time apart, and Lydia has made some very dubious choices in order to cope with the loss of her groom. Beej has his own demons to deal with... quite literally. Bartholomew is still on the loose and Hell wants their escapee back.  The journey continues in this sequel to Neither Here Nor There as the strange and unusual couple go head-to-head with Hell itself!(WIP Part II/II)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, yeah, yeah, go ahead and skip the authors notes for now. Ya'll been waiting long enough.  
> Cover art is a stock photo that was manipulated by orangeplaneta on tumblr. Scene art drawn by my very amateur hands.  
> Disclaimer: I do NOT own Beetlejuice nor do I make any money off of this labor of love.

* * *

 

 

New York City - May 6th, 2012

To some unfortunate souls who dwell on the physical plane, still sheathed in mortal flesh, death is the answer to end their incessant suffering and loneliness. Some believe in a paradise just out of reach where they might take refuge. Others believe in blissful non-existence where they will never have to worry again. Then, there are those who know what truly awaits them once they take their last agonizing breath. That misfortune that cannot be dealt with on the physical plane simply follows into the next state of existence, a plane where souls wander in perpetual wait for a release from their burdens. Should a lonely, earthly soul take their life in hopes of unburdening themself, a regrettable fate awaits.

Few are touched by the sight, though all have the means to possess it. A fully fledged medium is difficult to come by. Even among the select minority, there are a scant few still who are privy to the depth of knowledge that Lydia Deetz possesses. It is this insight alone that has kept her from prematurely ending her time on the physical plane, no matter how much torment she has been forced to live through… a harrowing amount indeed. 

In the past seventeen years, not a single night has gone by that the seer of ghouls did not relive the moment her groom, lover and poltergeist turned to ash in her very arms. It ate away at her mind, body and soul. It would have driven her to madness were it not for one thing; her will to get him back.  
  
Every waking- and sleeping- hour was spent researching a way to bring him back. Lydia had even turned to witchcraft to push her way through her male dominated career as a producer. Occasionally, her strategy demanded she conduct her life in a way that called her ethics into question. No matter how trivial a decision, it was always met by her mantra. “What would _he_ do?” That question always made her choices crystal clear. Choices that at an earlier time, a different life, would have filled her with shame. Whatever regret festered within her, she knew it would be worth it as long as she could save him. Hold him. Show him how much she loved him. It would all be worth it.

His scorpion, that was what he called her. That is what she became. A dark, hard-shelled woman with a stinger always at the ready in order to succeed in her mission. Years of planning, invoking, taking, weaving, casting and believing that she, Lydia Deetz, would finally pull her soulmate out of whatever hell he was in and once again look at his beautifully-maddening face.

Now, standing by the large window in her New York City office, the haunted woman stared at the raindrops pelting the pane and was reminded of how everything started. How her world was turned upside down one summer break, ages ago. How her life was spared by the one she had come to idolize. The obvious connection, fortified by her willingness to take his hand, led to one of the greatest adventures she had ever experienced. A ghost of a smile tugged at the corner of her lips at the ever fading memories. She hardly even blinked when her alarm sounded off the hour, chapped lips parting.

“Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse… Betelgeuse.” She waited in silence but nothing happened. Nothing ever did. Not anymore. “That’s okay,” she whispered for the zillionth time, “I know you’re trying. I’m doing my best to get you out. I’ll get you out. I’ll get you out. I’ll get you out.”

A knock came at the door making Lydia look over her shoulder to find her trusted friend and assistant. “Did you say it, Prudence?”

Heels clicking on the expansive bare floor, Prudence walked over to her friend and slid her arm through hers. “Always,” the short owl-eyed woman reassured her. “We all say it. Every hour, on the hour. Just like you asked us to. Everyday.” 

“Our anniversary is coming up,” Lydia replied flatly.

“Everything’s in order. Rehearsals are going well. We’ll be ready,” she said confidently.

“What if it doesn’t work?” There was no fear in her voice, just a dry neutrality in the monotonous tone she was so famous for.

“Then we keep trying.”

Lydia nodded her assent.

“Lydia,” Prudence uttered calmly. “Dave is here. He wants to know if you’ll see him.”

Eyes growing steely, the raven-haired producer turned to her assistant. “Send him in,” she consented, pacing to the massive desk that sat in the center of the unreasonably large office. Every minuscule sound bounced off the bare walls and hard tile.

Outwardly composed, despite the warring guilt swimming within, Lydia thumbed at her blazer in search of strength. Hidden beneath the cloth and above her heart sat the spider brooch she found not long after her second disastrous wedding day. A weary inhalation later, she placed her hands on her lap and waited for the man who had dared threaten her. Dave Pearson was escorted into the room. His blonde, well kept hair was shorter today and his forest green eyes held an apologetic mist that was usually absent. His clean cut appearance along with his dated fashion sense angered her to no end.

“Thanks for seeing me,” Dave began as he sat before her. “I know you probably hate me right now. So, thanks… again.”

Tilting her head slightly, Lydia averted her gaze, uncomfortable with staring at Dave for any prolonged period of time. “What do you want?”

“Lydia,” he implored, “I just want you to know that… I did what I did because I love you… and our daughter.” His voice trembled with emotion, which only made Lydia grow colder.

**_Pathetic little man. You’re nothing like him._ **

“So, you’re threatening to take _my_ daughter away because you… love me. I’m moved to no end, Dave. Thank you,” she deadpanned.

“Please look at me,” he pleaded.

With a hooded gaze, Lydia snapped her cold, dark eyes to his light, sorrowful ones and had to push down a gasp. _There._ That look is what scared her. Sometimes she swore those eyes were blue, the same pleading eyes that once asked her for a second chance.

“I know a court order was a dick move and I’m sorry. My lawyer said it was the only way to make sure… I’m so sorry, Lyds…” Her unfeeling mask faltered as Lydia flinched at the use of _that_ nickname. “Bianca is my daughter, too. I know you wanted to keep me in the dark, but that wasn’t your choice to make. I deserve to be a part of her life. I just want a truce.” 

A silent moment passed as Lydia contemplated his words.

“What kind of truce?”

“I want to work things out between us. I want us to be a family--” Before Dave could continue she started shaking her head in denial. “Please listen! I know you’re not in love with me. I know you’re still… waiting for the one that got away. But Lydia, he left you…”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” she warned. 

“I know he’s a ghost.”

Lydia was certain her heart had stopped dead in her chest.

“He’s just a ghost of a memory… but I’m here.” He leaned over her desk and took her hand in his. “I’m right here. All I want is a chance. One chance.” Tears flowed down his cheeks.

Maybe the court order would go away if she accepted. Bianca deserved a father. Maybe- just maybe- the loneliness wouldn’t be so excruciating. Closing her eyes to will her emotions away, a pair of accusatory blue orbs kept her in check.

“I’m sorry, Dave,” she whispered. “I can’t.” Lydia pulled her hand out of his grasp and held onto the hard bump in her jacket for dear life. “I won’t.”

Head dropping in defeat, the usually poised man wiped away his tears and stood. “Okay,” he whispered back. “I’m not giving up. I’ll keep asking. That’s how much I love you, Lydia.” He walked to the door and paused to give her another apologetic look. “I guess… I’ll see you in court.” The door clicked behind him, leaving an emotionally exhausted Lydia behind.

Ever a true friend, Prudence emerged moments after his departure and took a seat. “What’d he say?”

“He’s moving forward to get a paternity test. I need you make a few calls and see if you can delay the process. Maybe even…”

“I understand. I’ll see what I can do.”

“In the meantime… I’ll be starting therapy.”

Prudence shot up in her chair. “Why?! You’re not crazy, Lydia!”

“Oh, I’m definitely unhinged... but not in the way Dave thinks I am. If I show I’m willing to get treatment and all turns out well, which it will, then maybe he’ll back off. I can’t have him destroying everything I’ve built, and I definitely can’t lose Bibi.”

After a moment of hesitation, the petite woman nodded her head slowly.

“I’ll play along for now.” Lydia finally sighed and let the matter rest. There was a lot to plan and too much time to plan it, in her opinion. The wait would be grueling, that much she knew. Fighting hard to keep her hopes at bay, Lydia discussed the details of her new scheme with Prudence for the umpteenth time.

* * *

 

Dante’s Commedia was meant to be a work of fiction. It really was. Although Dante was a morose and contemplative man, he did not have the sensitivities required to understand what he was writing. The lower levels, or _Hell_ as some call it, was a chaotic hole where darker souls tormented each other with their own evil vices. It was an unfortunate day indeed when a copy of the Commedia ended up traveling to the vile recesses. By virtue of the Catholics, things in ol’ Scratch’s pit were bad enough. Evil souls festered there, turning hideous and mad with malintent for their fellow inmates. Access to the detailed, unintentional handbook on how the lower levels should be operated only served to exacerbate the suffering. No one would have been able to make heads or tails of the crater without the infernal, Inferno verses.

So, it was due to miserable, old Dante that Hell’s residents found a greater purpose. As the years passed and newer generations appeared in the twisting halls, bringing grander and more intricate methods of eliciting torture with them, a bureaucratic system emerged. As all modern, civilized beings know, there is little of more importance to bureaucrats than numbers. Numbers, numbers, numbers. The numbers were _bad_ . Not enough evil going on in the world as education and _coexistence_ \- of all things- ran rampant. They thought it was a phase. Certainly, with the ever-growing, staggering population, there should be more tainted spirits arriving every second! But, alas, a mere one percent of the earth's total populace were arriving at a time. With long intervals between them too, as lifespans of the true sinners elongated with the advancement of medicine and technology.

A plan was hatched to rectify the matter. Cracks in the aether afforded them new communication routes and instead of focusing on solely corrupting the living, they now turned their attention to the dead. True, they had no jurisdiction on the higher planes. It was also true that souls who were assigned to a specific realm rarely shifted from plane to plane unless moving on permanently. Still, there were always loopholes. An ancient, more immediate mode of transportation existed. They just needed one fool with caseworker access to attain it. 

The fool in question, Bartholomew, was easily found and manipulated. At first, Bart made quick work of sending fresh spirits into the clutches of demons, but as the astral plane became more alert, the zealot had to be cautious. It was lucky for him that only one seal remained, otherwise he would have been out of a job for poor performance. A lower-level caseworker by the name of Baal would crack down on him when supply would dwindle in order to move things along. It was just one more annoying thing the ancient demon had to deal with.

Baal’s duties never ceased, especially when it came time to train new demon spawn. At this point, Baal was up to his ears in newbie questions and just wanted to slaughter the lot of them. 

“Alright! Shut up! One at a time. You there! What’s your name?”

“Um, Leonard, sir.”

“What the _fuck_ kinda name is that for a demon?” The crowd laughed and snickered. “Whatever, what’s the problem?”

“Well, ah, mister… Baal. I’ve been assigned to the Second Circle and I, uh, have come across a certain soul that is giving me… some issues.”

Baal sighed and rolled his eyes. “What kind of issues? Spit it out already.”

“Well, I was trying a mixture of psychological techniques--”

“Let me stop you right there and use you as an _example_ for the other assholes in this room. I’m an old fashioned kinda guy, okay? Call me a purist or just set in my ways. Physical manifestations of pain are the surest way to go if you want _real_ results! Wanna know _why_? Because the human mind is already all sorts of fucked up!” 

The crowd laughed in agreement.

“For example” Baal pointed to Leonard. “Leonard, what technique did you use?”

“I, uh, used his beloved to torture him physically.”

Baal was already chuckling. “And what happened?”

“Well… he… uh… enjoyed it…” Leonard muttered, uneasily.

The trainees screamed with laughter. “You poor shithead. I’m sorry, Leonard. But have you ever fucked anyone in your dumb existence?!”

Leonard dropped his head in shame.

“For Satan’s sake! Get this pathetic excuse of a demon a whore. Please!”

Leonard couldn’t take it anymore, he flapped his membranous wings and sped out of the training area back to the Second Circle. Embarrassment was not something he handled well, and Leonard was ready to take out his anger on the one who had caused it.

The lanky looking demon landed clumsily and charged right for the culprit, grabbing him by his matted white-blonde hair, and dragged him away from the violent storm where the souls waited for further torment. Throwing the naked man on a bed of spikes, Leonard roared with fury.  
  
“OW! Someone’s in a mood," the man muttered.  
  
“Silence! You vermin!” Leonard shouted.  
  
The blue-eyed man couldn’t help but chuckle. Seeing the sorry excuse of a demon angry was probably the funniest thing he had seen in… well, ever as far as he was concerned, since he still couldn’t remember past a few weeks at most. Still, a few weeks of memory was better than none.  
  
The spikes sliced right through him as they extended upwards, and he screamed in agony. It still felt like a victory. He had gotten under his skin. The torturer was being tortured. Using all of his energy, which wasn’t too much, he cackled wildly.  
  
“I SAID SILENCE!” Leonard pulled an axe off the rack and cut the ingrates head off.  
  
The blonde head rolled to Leonard’s feet. He smirked as he picked it up by the hair and raised it to his own face. Leonard was shocked to see that the inmate’s face was grinning wickedly at him. 

“Hey, bud,” the head gruffed. “Didn’t mean ta make ya lose yer head. BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

  
  
The monster's jaw dropped. The prisoner should not have been able to speak. He should have been dead, to be regenerated for more torture. Instead, he was laughing! “I don’t understand this! How are you able to do this?”  
  
The laughing died off and the head became still before it could answer. Leonard did not know how to handle this situation. This prisoner was in his first group of charges. He could not fail. Somehow, the madman was gaining strength, which was impossible. The head disappeared along with the body and the hell caseworker went to his office to pull his file.  
  
“What was his name again… B. B. B.” He thumbed through his dusty filing cabinet and came across a worn file with only a single name. "BETELGEUSE!"

**Soul known as Betelgeuse: Sentence TBD as he is a DS. Could not move past the Second Circle as DS’s are stolen souls marked by the Damnatorum Sigillum.**

That was as far as Leonard got. “So that’s why those souls have the DS initials! How could I have missed that?! He’s a stolen soul! Maybe that’s the answer!” Leonard was elated, perhaps it was not his failure after all.

 


	2. The Premiere

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks to the kudos, faves, comments, anon messages, and lovely messages on tumblr. It really pumps me up and motivates me to keep going! The inspiration is still running strong, just going through some subplot issues. No biggie. It will be figured out!
> 
> Thank you luvthephantom for thy beta skills! Check her out! https://archiveofourown.org/users/luvthephantom
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Beetlejuice.

In a tall Manhattan building, bare feet slapped against the cold, wide floor. The sound echoed off the high ceilings and walls as an angry New York producer paced in her office. The poor older man on the phone was on the receiving end of her fury for daring to challenge the plans that Lydia had spent years working on. It was unacceptable, and although a small part of her cringed at her treatment of him, she pushed on.

“I don’t give three shits about what you think is impossible,” she seethed through the phone. “I want them all to start at the same exact time. Understand?”

“Ms. Deetz, please understand… the time zones!”

“At the same time or I pull out of the deal,” Lydia’s cold, commanding voice carried through the receiver.

“Y-y-yes… Ms. Deetz. I’ll make sure it happens.”

Lydia hung up the phone. “Fuckin’ Hollywood dipshits,” she muttered as she hit the pager on her office phone. “Prudence! I need you, please.”

Always anticipating her friend's needs, Prudence was already on her way to Lydia. Stopping briefly at Lydia’s secretaries desk to drop off her updated schedule. Tina gave her a wary look.

“It... wants to see you,” Tina muttered.

Prudence pursed her lips in disapproval. “Tina, I’d appreciate it if you would not speak ill of Ms. Deetz, we’ve talked about this.”

“Ugh, how can you stand her? You’re so nice, and she’s so…”

“Your boss is a fair boss. She’s under a lot of stress. You know how she gets this time of year.”

“She’s always stressed,” Tina grumbled.

“Enough… please. I want you to keep your job.” Giving Tina a sad smile, she proceeded to her best friend’s office.

Lydia was still pacing back and forth. “Lock the door,” she snapped over her shoulder. 

Prudence obeyed. “What’s going on?”

“Universal Hollywood is giving me problems. They want to start the shows at different times from Orlando. Complaining about the timezones or something.”

“Well, it is a three-hour difference,” she reasoned.

Lydia whirled around shooting daggers at her personal assistant and friend. “I don’t care,” she hissed. There was a flash of regret on Lydia’s face before she turned and marched to the window, crossing her arms.

Cautiously, Prudence approached her pained friend and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. Over the course of their long friendship, she had only ever once told Lydia that maybe she should just quit her mission and let the afterlife staff take care of it. It had been a horrible mistake, almost losing her friendship altogether. Prudence would never make that mistake again.

“I know things are rough for you this time of year.”

“My birthday is around the fucking corner,” she bit out.

“I know.”

“Thirty-nine, Pru!” She almost broke down crying. “I’m already older than he was when he died. I’ll be a fucking old maid by the time I get him back. Maybe I should just cut my fucking wrists already and work on the other side!”

“You don’t mean that. You have other responsibilities now. And you said it yourself. Invocation is strongest when done by the living. You need to be here making sure the summons keeps happening.” 

Lydia buried her head hands. 

“It won’t matter, Lydia. When you die, you can change—“

“What if he comes back and I’m sixty or ninety?! Senile or some shit! Shitting my fucking bed and wearing adult diapers?! I need a drink.”

Lydia practically ran to her desk and pulled out her whiskey, taking a gulp right out of the bottle.

Prudence yanked the bottle out of her hands before she could throw back more. Her boss growled, kicked her desk and threw herself onto her chair. 

Hitting the pager, Prudence called the executive assistant. “Tina, did you do your rounds today?”

“Uh…”

“Tina, please come in and remove the contraband from Ms. Deetz’s office.”

Lydia closed her eyes, turned her chair around , and faced the wall while Tina came bustling in. 

“I’m so sorry, I guess I got distracted.  Sorry !” Tina went through Lydia’s desk and checked all the drawers and even crawled under the desk. “All clear!” 

“Thank you, Tina.” Prudence handed her the bottle of whiskey  as Tina  went out the door. 

Prudence turned Lydia’s chair around and got right in her face. “You listen to me, Lydia Deetz. I know there are a lot of things you regret in your life, but there is nothing you’ll regret more than losing him if you start your self-destructive habits again.”

Lydia’s eyes went dark. 

“You’re always asking yourself, what he would do. Well?”

Lydia eyes filled with unshed tears and grew steely. “He’d never give up on what was his.”

“That’s right. Neither will you.”

Lydia nodded with purpose.

“You have to be clean and sober.”

“He’ll hate me, won’t he?” She asked flatly. 

“We’ve been through this. He would have wanted you to live your life.”

The raven-haired woman couldn’t help but laugh. Prudence decided to rephrase her words. “He would want you to be happy.”

Lydia grew serious again and looked into her friend's eyes. “Thank you,” she whispered. 

“We’ll always be here for you. Dead or alive.”

“Pru…” Lydia continued fearfully. “I can’t lose her too.”

“You won’t… How about we visit home for the weekend ? Bibi hasn’t seen Delia in a couple of weeks.”

Sighing with relief at the prospect of going back to Winter River, Lydia nodded her assent.

* * *

 

The deafening winds of the storm blew the souls into each other until one could not tell where one began and the other ended. Squeezed between the howling, naked dead, Betelgeuse listened to the beautiful sound of his name. At least, he thought it was his name. It didn’t matter whether it was or not, he had already claimed it as his own, and he meant to keep it for himself.

He wondered if anyone else heard it. Wondered if anyone else could see the angel. The very thought of the angel speaking to any other soul filled him with jealousy, and he reveled in it. Anger, he found out, was good. Anything other than pain was good, but it was anger that made his mouth water. There she was again, like clockwork.  **_Clockwork? What the fuck is that?_ ** Things came to him now all the time. Sometimes he knew what those things meant by instinct alone, then he’d lose it again.

**_Clock. Watch. Watches. Time. What is time?_ **  He rubbed his left wrist absentmindedly. 

What he knew for sure was that something had changed. The angel came more frequently and sometimes with an army of shades behind her, all chanting his name. Every time the chanting started, his chains would weaken. She would come for him soon, and if for some reason she could not reach him, he would break his fucking chains and find her himself.   
  


* * *

 

They turned hundreds away, there were so many. A crowd had gathered on the outskirts just to listen to the grand premiere of Beetlejuice's Rockin' Graveyard Revue. The animated series had been such a hit, fans turned out in droves to see the more adult version of the Ghost With the Most. The void was finally being filled after the sad news of their beloved series being canceled. 

“HEY! You guys ready ta have some fun?!” 

Lydia watched the crowd scream from backstage. “YEAH!” They yelled.

“I SAID. Are you guys ready ta have some FUN?!”

“YEEEEAAAAHHH!!!!”

“You guys think I’m the SEXIEST MAN dead or alive?!”

Lydia smirked. The impersonator was nothing like him, which made it easier to watch, but sometimes… she wondered if she’d coached her actors a little too well.

The crowd laughed while one lowly drunk woman stood up and yelled… “HELL YEAH!”

Lydia checked her watch, the striped-suit imitator looked over at her, and she gave him the signal.

“Well, everybody! I’m gonna need ya ta do me a favor if ya know what I mean? I’m gonna need ya ta say my name three times. So! Let me hear those beautiful B words!”

“Beetlejuice!”

“That’s one!”

“Beetlejuice!”

“Thaaaat’s twice!” He looked at Lydia again waiting for her last signal. She nodded again. “THIRD TIMES A CHAAAAARM!”

“BEETLEJUICE!”

Fireworks blasted, smoke filled the air,  and then the music started. Lydia scanned the crowd for any sign of him… and saw nothing but  the cheerful audience. Her cell phone vibrating in her pocket, she made for the exit and answered.

“No sign of him! You?!”

Lydia didn’t even bother answering. She hung up the phone and raced away to a private corner behind the loudest speakers and screamed.   
  


* * *

 

A resonating crack split his bindings almost completely.  **_YES!_ ** Looking around wildly to see if anyone had noticed, he struggled discreetly in the mash of astral bodies. Tugging, twisting and pulling, he suddenly caught a glimpse of the asswipe, Leonard.  **_Asswipe…? No. Come on. Break. Break._ **

Another demon joined his torturer, they were scanning the crowd. At last Leonard found what he was looking for and pointed in his direction. No.

“There he is. Grab him. We need to question him.” 

The other demon flapped his wings and began soaring right for him.

**_No. They can’t know. They can’t find out._ **

The crack was so obvious now, and the angel had disappeared.

**_Please come back,_ ** he pleaded in his mind. **_Please. Don’t leave me. Not yet. So close! COME BACK GODDAMNIT!_ **

* * *

 

Somewhere in the sunny suburbs of Miami, Florida, little Hector was turning ten years old. Against his mother’s best efforts, he had finally gotten exactly what he wished for. It was the best birthday party ever! Hector marveled at the cobweb and striped decorations adorning the yard. Oh, and the cake. The cake! So far, the sandworm shaped cake with his two favorite characters riding it was his pride and joy. There was only one thing left that could top it all.

“Okay, kids! You all know what you have to say?”

“Yeeeeessss!”

“Let’s hear it!”

"Though I know I should be wary. Still, I venture someplace scary! Ghostly haunting I turn loose…”   
  


* * *

 

It was over. The demon grabbed him by the hair and yanked him out of the crowd. 

“LET GO OF ME YOU MOTHERFUCKING PIECE ‘O SHIT FUCKTURD….!”

* * *

 

The children giggled with anticipation and clapped their hands.

“Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice... BEETLEJUICE!"

The ground began to tremble, and a resounding  _ CRACK _ made the children huddle together in a panic.

“...I WILL FUCKING SKIN YOU ALL AND EAT YOU--!”

Screaming erupted, and the children ran in every which direction away from the gaunt, naked man bellowing obscenities in their yard. As suddenly as he appeared, he vanished, leaving chaos behind. 

It is safe to say that, at the very least,  that this would be Hector’s most memorable birthday… ever.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well? Meta enough for ya? lol
> 
> This was a fun chapter to write... hehe. Let me know what you guys think. You can also reach out on tumblr! @mordellestories


	3. No Juice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm feeling sick and grumpy so, I've decided to release this chapter EARLY to make me feel better. Honestly, the long waits between posts are just making me lazy about writing. I need to feel the pressure! lol
> 
> Fair warning, this chapter is LONG. This chapter is a mish-mash of setup from different perspectives. I tried to break it into two chapters but it just didn't make sense for the second half to be on its own. So, just be aware that time passes quickly between certain sections. 
> 
> (UPDATE! Commissions below of Beej and Juno were drawn by http://drakonarin.tumblr.com/) YAY!!
> 
> luvthephantom is currently helping me with my plot snags that I've mentioned, and I think we've made some lovely progress!
> 
> Beware the ANGST
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Beetlejuice

Civil Servants in the afterlife have demanding jobs, and inherently they feel like they deserve these jobs. There were a few who rejected their duties but only one who really ever got away with it… for the most part. There was no way that Juno could ever ignore her responsibilities. Especially now. Juno was now one of the oldest civil servants around still in Limbo, having always felt like she rightly deserved her postings, she was only ever offered promotions. Never offered a ticket to the next plane.

Guilt, she understood now, kept her in that wretched place more than actually deserving it. Many mistakes had been made in her life. One of the biggest regrets was telling her parents that she would look after her younger brother when in reality she had let him run free to spend some time alone with her would-be lover. Her sibling had perished in the river that day. That pain would never truly leave her, but at least he had moved on and hopefully her family was happily reunited.

It did not escape her, that the ten-year-old boy who appeared in her life later looked so much like the sibling she had lost so many years prior. Juno had taken him in almost immediately and was secretly delighted when the boy sought her out the very next day after their encounter. That boy had grown into a man by her hand… and then… a new regret festered. Juno had convinced him to end his life on his own terms because she believed he would die a horrible, degrading death. Trusting her with his life for so long, he had trusted her with his death as well.

It was apparent to Juno, only after she had slit her own throat, that what she had done was out of selfishness. Betelgeuse would have survived the plague and maybe, just maybe, would have lived a full life. Now, new guilt sat on her like a cherry atop a cake. He was in hell because she had not taken Bart’s disappearance seriously enough. Too much paperwork.   **_Who the fuck can move on with that kind of baggage?_ ** There were more responsibilities as head of the new search and rescue department, but she was determined to make things right.

All Juno could do now was her job and pray to whoever the fuck was really in charge, that Lydia’s plan would one day… someday... work--

“--I’M GONNA FIND YOUR MOTHER’S AND DEMON SPAWN AND FUCKING CUT THEM INTO PIECES AND WEAR THEM AS NECKLACES! YOU PIECES OF--” Betelgeuse cut himself off when he realized he was sitting in a quiet office sitting in front of a thoroughly shocked old woman. Looking confused, he let his eyes drift around the unfamiliar room and then brought his gaze to the soul before him.

“Where am I?” He asked rather civilly.

It was luck more than anything else that Juno landed in her chair safely. Mouth hanging open and fingernails digging into her desk, she continued to stare at her almost unrecognizable adopted son.

Naked, filthy and even thinner than the thinnest man she ever knew. What was left of his hair was surely completely white under all of that grime. The initials DS stamped on his forehead. The upswept eyebrows and wild look behind his piercing blue eyes were what made her sure that it was indeed, Betelgeuse, sitting right smack in front of her.

“What day is it?” He asked chirpily.

Juno wasn’t even sure her mind was working properly enough to answer. “I-i-i-i-it’s… it’s…it’s.”

“Is it burn day? Or is it dismemberment day? Or is it a special day? It’s a special day, innit? That’s why I’m here. I’ve never been ‘ere before. What’s on the docket?! Wait. What’s a docket?”

Juno furrowed her brow and tried desperately to cling to sanity. “Is this really happening? Are you really here?” She asked quietly.

Shrugging his shoulders, he plastered a crazed smile on his face. “How the fuck should I know?” Then, he started chuckling.

The sound of that stupid, annoying chuckle that she hadn’t heard in seventeen years is what finally did Juno in. Barking out a loud laugh, she threw her hands on her head as the tears poured forth.

“I CAN’T FUCKING BELIEVE IT! DEETZ, YOU CRAZY GENIUS!” Juno jumped out of her chair and used her desk as support as she raced around it to grab onto her foolish but beautiful bastard.

Betelgeuse backpedaled alarmingly quick, sending his chair to the back of the room and held his arms out to brace himself. “DON’T YOU FUCKING TOUCH ME!”

Juno froze in place, and her smile fell as she watched him cringe in his chair and snarl at her. After another shocking moment, she brought her palms up and stepped back slowly. Betelgeuse stopped, frowned, and then blinked in confusion.

“I’m not going to hurt you,” she told him as calmly as her nerves would let her.

The skeleton of man narrowed his eyes in suspicion and tilted his head as he inspected the woman before him.

“Do you… remember who I am?” Juno asked with a crack in her voice.

Betelgeuse wracked his brain for an answer. Something was familiar about her, but he wasn’t sure what or why.

“Do you know… who you are?” She managed a more composed tone.

The look of confusion on his face turned to one of smug confidence. “I have. A name.” He pronounced wickedly. “It’s mine. No one else's.”

“And what’s your name?” She inquired carefully.

“I. Am. Betelgeuse.” His grin was malicious. “You can’t take it away from me.” He announced coldly. “The angel gave it to me. It’s mine.”

Oh boy… “The angel?” Juno needed to sit, but her feet would take her nowhere.

“That’s right. My angel. Mine. And ya know what? She’s comin’ for me.” He nodded resolutely. “She’s gonna get me the fuck outta here and destroy all o’ you.” He laughed maniacally, making Juno shudder.

“Do you mean… Lydia?”

Abruptly, Betelgeuse stopped laughing, and his eyes darted quickly and all over the place, desperately trying to find meaning in that name. Juno could tell he was losing some kind of internal battle as he began to whimper and rock in his chair with his arms hugged tightly around him. Her heart was breaking.

“Who’s Lydia?” He pleaded. “Is that the angel’s name? Do you know the angel?” He whispered fervently. “She-she-she has black hair. So beautiful. Her eyes… big, chocolate brown, she’s-she’s beautiful! Small. She’s small. But Beautiful! Pale! Pale skin… I-I-I see her-she comes to me… do you know her?”

Juno stumbled backward, barely managing to keep standing, she juiced up a chair before she fell in earnest. Feeling like she was about to break down completely, the caseworker closed her eyes and concentrated on fortifying herself.

“As a matter of fact, I do. I know her very well.”

The broken man shot out of his chair and kneeled before her, clawing and petting her legs not quite sure what to do to gain her favor. “Take me to her! Please. I-I-I I’ll behave. I swear! Then you can do whatever you want to me! Please...”

The older ghost could no longer stand it. A sob tore through her as she placed a hand on his head and knocked him out cold with her energy. He crumpled to the floor, and Juno draped herself over him, letting grief consume her.

* * *

 

It was a beautiful evening in the suburbs of New York. The skies were clear, and the new moon allowed the few stars that could be seen take center stage. A single form holding a bottle of whiskey in one hand and a neck of a telescope in the other stood on the empty porch of her gothic home. Even as drunk as Lydia was at the moment, she knew where to look to find Orion. It took longer than usual to maneuver her telescope, but she finally found the dim red glow of Betelgeuse.

So engrossed was she in trying to stay stable to keep the star in sight, that she did not notice a car park in her driveway. She ignored the strange footsteps approaching her but startled when she felt a hand on her shoulder. Snapping her head up, Lydia quickly grew angry at the sight of Dave.

“Jesus, Dave! Do you always hafta sneak up on me like that? Fucking creeper.” She shrugged out his grasp and sat on the bench behind her. “What're doin’ ‘ere, anyway?” She slurred.

Calmly, the persistent man sat next to the mother of his child and removed the whiskey bottle from her grip. “You’re drunk,” he noted quietly.

“It’s midnight, ‘kay? Bibi’s asleep since, like, nine. Pru is ‘ere. I can get drunk if I wanna.”

“Lyds--”

“Don-call-me-that!” She snapped.

“Okay.” He breathed and hung his head in defeat.

“Why... are you here?” The haunted woman asked again.

“I was, uh, driving… I felt… lonely… and I kept driving. Realized where I was headed and just didn’t stop myself. Then I saw ya out here. Thought maybe… you were lonely too. Thought we could be lonely together.” He tried to smile at her but stopped himself when he saw tears flowing down her cheeks.

Knowing he could end up at the end of her stinger, Dave decided to take his chances and wiped her tears off her left cheek. Surprisingly, she let him. Feeling braver, the blonde man tilted her chin in his direction so she’d look at him. Heartbreaking at the sight of Lydia’s empty eyes, Dave leaned in and paused a hair's breadth away from her lips.

Her plan had failed. He did not come as she thought he would. Miss Argentina had told her that Juno could not see her and that there had been no new developments. The scorpion's strength had depleted. Family and friends tried to console her and tell her it was not over. The shows would go on, and one day, it would work. It had to work. Almost two decades of pushing forward with no end in sight.

There was no protest in her eyes when Dave finally placed his lips gently on hers. He dared not do more than that. When Dave finally pulled away, he found her eyes open and empty. “Lydia,” he whispered, “come home with me. Let me take care of you and Bibi. You don’t have to be alone.”

Anger flared inside her. **_Alone? I’m not alone._ ** No, Lydia was not alone even though there was an ever-growing dark pit that festered within her. I have my friends. I have Bibi. It was then she remembered that the fuck-face beside her still threatened everything she had worked for including her daughter. It took everything in her not to head-butt Dave right then and there. The damning evidence against her was still in his hands. Turning her drunken hot rage into her more tactful cold fury she had become famous for, Lydia gave the best acting performance of her life that would have made her stolen lover proud.

Dead eyes turned wide and teary as Lydia took a shaky breath. “What about all the horrible things I’ve done to you?” She asked meekly.

Dave was quick to jump at the barely visible opportunity that was afforded to him. “We can fix things. I know we can.”

The frail-looking woman cast her eyes to the ground. “I don’t know, Dave. What about the court order? How are we supposed to fix things when you’re threatening… to...” She sniveled for good measure.

“I’ll drop it,” he replied resolutely.

Lydia dropped her head, a curtain of hair masking her evil grin of triumph. “Okay,” she uttered, barely audible but her acquiescence had been heard.

* * *

 

The second circle was in an uproar. The souls were rowdy, and the rumors were flying around amongst the tormented ones that a fellow inmate had escaped. Anyone caught talking about it was instantly seized and tortured until their memory was fuzzy on the matter. Once they were among the herd again, the memory of the man’s disappearance from the demon's clutches would come back to them, and the buzz would start all over again.

Leonard was shitting bricks.

“What am I gonna do?!” He whimpered as he paced back and forth in his office. “They’re getting stronger… they’re remembering. I’m done for.” He plopped down at his desk as another demon burst into the room, pulling a woman in by the hair. The initials D.S. on her cheek.

“I’ve got another one!” He yelled as he pushed the woman down on her knees.

“What is it now, Chax?” Leonard asked, exasperated.

“Tell him what you told me.” Chax kicked the inmate.

“We will win!” The woman screamed with an evil smile. “We know we don’t belong here. It’s only a matter of time before--” Leonard kicked her head clean off her shoulders.

“SHIT!” He shrieked. “FUCK! SHIT! SHIT-SHIT-SHIT! WE’RE FUCKED!”

“No. You’re fucked.” Chax corrected.

“I need to find him. I need to find him and bring him back. Maybe things will go back to the way they were.” The lanky demon reasoned as he paced once more. “And when I find him, I’m going to make him suffer!”

“Weren’t you already making him suffer? The bulkier demon asked, bored.

Leonard gawked at his assistant then charged right into his face. “Well! I’m going to make him suffer MORE!”

“Jeez, okay, okay.” Chax backed up before Leonard could blow another fuse. “What are ya going to do when Baal hears about what’s goin’ on?”

The scrawny demon plopped down in his chair, buried his head in his hands and groaned.

* * *

 

Eaten alive. That was his torture at the moment. Leonard had one his legs halfway down his throat, and it was agony.

“WAKE UP!” A voice yelled. “BETELGEUSE! CHAVI!”

The room started to slowly fade into view. When he saw the small old woman, Betelgeuse was filled with hope. That hope quickly vanished when he tried to reach out to her and found that he was chained down on the ground.

“No,” he started to panic. “Please! Not you too! Let me go! You fuckin’ bitch! LET ME GO!”

The restraints vanished, to his astonishment. No one had ever listened to his pleas. Turning over and crawling to a far wall, the weak spirit cowered and hugged himself. When his hands felt something odd, he looked at his arms and found that he had sleeves. Lowering his gaze further, Betelgeuse realized he was no longer naked. A pair of soft blue pajamas clung to his person. Thoroughly confused and frightened by the silence, he looked up at the dead woman on the other side of the nicely decorated room.

“Where am I?” He asked as he inspected his surroundings.

“My apartment,” the woman replied in a tired voice.

The decor was familiar, a nostalgic feeling swept over him as he continued to take it all in.

“Who are you? Why did you bring me here?”

“I’m your--” Juno faltered. “I raised you… like a son. A long time ago. My name is Juno.”

“You said you knew the angel. Where is she?” He demanded with a scowl.

Juno took a step toward Betelgeuse, and he instantly scurried away until he hit her nightstand. “I’m not going to hurt you,” she promised. “I’ll take you to Lydia… the angel, but not yet.”

“Why?” He asked, hurt shining through his blue eyes.

“You’re not well.” She braved more steps in his direction. “Let me help you heal. Then I can bring Ly-- the angel here.” Juno conjured up a bowl of beef stroganoff in front of him. “Eat that. It’ll make you feel better.”

The haunted man looked at the bowl with hunger in his eyes. Picking it up, he brought his lips to the edge and scarfed it down in one shot. An ache he didn’t even realize he had, ebbed as his spirit absorbed the aether he consumed. Sighing with exhaustion, Betelgeuse rested his head on the wall and fell asleep quickly.

Levitating him to her bed, Juno was careful not to wake him. The restraints would not be placed on him again, she decided. Ever. Sitting in her small wing chair, she juiced up an IV and hooked him up to it again like she had done before. Four days, Juno had been slowly feeding him energy, afraid that too much too quickly would do him harm. Her son could do a lot of damage to himself and to her if his mind could not catch up to his astral body. He’d be strong and insane. No, she wanted to make sure she could get his mind back to some semblance of his former self before giving him too much power.

Poor Lydia would have to wait. If Juno could barely stand it, there was no way Lydia would not finally break at seeing him this way. She would ask for her forgiveness later and hoped that her ward could be healed completely. Otherwise, who knew what the poor girl would do. No, the tired caseworker was committed to treating him. She had to succeed. Their story could not end like this.

* * *

 

The life of a fugitive is a dismal one. Even if that fugitive is dead, with a considerable amount of knowledge and power, and the protection of the Almighty on their side. Things were lonely for Bartholomew. Haunting a tiny Catholic church built and decorated in the blasphemous post second Vatican council style, the self-righteous inquisitor flipped through pages upon pages of files, hunched over a rickety unbalanced desk. After having to reread the same paragraph three times, Bart decided he needed a break. Bored, the zealot looked around his limited work area and pouted. Honestly, he really did think that doing God's work would be a little more glamorous. A moment of weakness overtook him, and he kicked at the desk in disappointment as he longed for his office in Sector Eight.

“BART!” Resonated the voice of the lord, the sound of it so loud and sudden that it sent Bartholomew toppling backward over his chair.

“Y-y-yes! Here I am!”

“You haven’t sent a soul down he -- I mean, you haven’t sent a soul to the lower levels in months! What’s going on?”

Scratching his head and then fumbling with some files, the frazzled ex-caseworker defended himself. “Well, I haven’t come across anybody too bad lately,” he mumbled sourly.

“I have a hard time believing that. Have you grown lax in your judgment?”

The lonely soul clasped his hands in supplication. “No, my lord! It’s just… really… I’m sure it’s just a dry spell. I’ll come across some soon. There are evil doers in here somewhere…” he muttered quickly as he tossed files aside in the search for something to show for. “Gotta be some rapists and murders galore, I’m sure!” Pages were flying all over the place in his desperation.

“Really? That’s what you’ve been focussing on? Most of those souls already get sent here on their own!”

“Here?”

“Er, Judgment Office! Here… to the Judgment Office.”

“Oh,” he breathed morosely. “I could broaden my criteria, I suppose.”

“YES! Absolutely. Look for drunkards, sexual perverseness, addicts of all kinds! Maybe even people who watch too much porn or something. Marijuana users are growing by the hundreds. Gotta nip that in the bud. No pun intended.”

“Pun?”

“Nevermind. Witchcraft! Loads of pagans messing with evil. Hone in on that too.”

“Uh, yes, of course!”

“Great! I expect results soon!”

“I will not fail you!”

The connection severed and Bartholomew was left alone once more to his task. Uneasy, the ghost sat at his desk and pushed away at his uncertainty. Something nagged at his mind. He chalked it up to his own weakness. Faith, he knew, was what he must latch on to in moments such as these. So, he did and went on with his search.

* * *

   
There were perks to being dead, feeling like you had superpowers was one of them. That is what Bertha thought as she set the dining table, cooked dinner, and washed the dishes at the same time. Then there were drawbacks as well. Relationships with the living was a huge drawback for Bertha. She pondered this as she watched Prudence pour over her work in her office.

It had happened so gradually, her feelings for the small ginger. Now, they plagued her every day as she considered confessing those feelings to her longtime friend. The thought horrified her as much as it excited her. There were times where she thought she caught lingering stares from the adorable workaholic, but she could never be sure. Over the years, Bertha had learned how to make herself look older, so that she didn’t feel so, well, dead. It was mostly for Prudence really, now that she thought about it.

It had taken quite some time for Prudence to see her, back when they were first introduced. Bertha had finally been able to communicate with Lydia, per Betelgeuse’s suggestion. That very same day, Lydia had come knocking at the door of her parents home with a bag full of cash, wanting to buy the property. Bertha was elated and eternally grateful to her dear friend. When Lydia asked her if she could bring in another roommate, Bertha had been absolutely delighted. Poor Prudence was terrified of her at first, which is why it took so long to officially meet.

Add to that, a little one running around the house and Bertha felt like she had been given a new afterlife and a new family. Little Bianca was a treasure, and she loved her like a niece. Their absence was beginning to depress her quite thoroughly.

“Fucking, Dave,” she muttered angrily.

Prudence looked up from her computer and smiled sadly. “We’ll get them both back. I’m sure of it.”

“I hope it happens soon. I miss them so much!”

“Me too.”

“But you get to see them almost every day!”

Prudence stood from her chair and approached her much taller friend. “Need a hug?”

The lanky woman smiled and threw her arms around the itty-bitty. “That always makes me feel better!”

Prudence knew she couldn’t really feel physical contact properly. It made her very sad to think about it. “You know…” she cleared her throat and released her friend, a blush spreading on her cheeks. “I’ve been, um, looking into astral projection…”

“Really?!”

“Yeah, I mean, I’ve always wanted to know what its like. Lydia is such an expert at it.”

“Ask her for lessons!”

Prudence frowned. “She’s got a lot on her mind.”

Bertha nodded in agreement. “Well-- uh oh.” The ghost furrowed her bow as she turned toward whatever had caught her attention.

“What is it?” Pru asked concerned.

Bertha ran to the basement with Prudence in tow. Waiting for them in the large standing mirror was Juno.

“Juno!” Bertha cried happily. “How are you! So glad to see you! Did see the show? I’ve seen it about a gazillion times--”

“It worked.”

There was a long moment of silence before the owl-eyed woman tugged on her friend's arm. “What? What is it? Is it Juno? Does she have news?” Prudence could never see or hear the spirits in the mirror.

Bertha’s eyes widened right before she started jumping up and down with glee. She picked Prudence off the ground and twirled her around squealing. “IT WORKED! IT WORKED! OH MY GOD!”

“WHAT?! IT DID?!” Prudence was feeling nauseated from the spinning, but a smile broke out on her face anyway.

The tall ghost suddenly froze, comically still holding Prudence in her arms. “Does Lydia know?!” She breathed excitedly.

The caseworker shook her head.

“OH! Please let me tell her! I wanna be the one! No. Let’s tell her together! OH I’M SO HA--”

“We can’t!” Juno cried out suddenly, a look of desperation took over her while she clutched the hem of her blazer.

Bertha placed Prudence down and frowned at the older woman. “Why can’t we tell her?”

“What?” Prudence asked confused. “What do you mean we can’t tell her?

Juno held a hand up to her midsection. “She can’t see him like this. It’ll destroy her.”

“Bertha… what is she saying?”

Juno explained what she could as quickly as possible, and Bertha only became more serious.

“You’re right. Why don’t we give it a couple of days… maybe… he’ll feel better.”

“I’ve been trying to heal him for weeks now. He’s not much better than when he arrived. I don’t know what to do anymore,” Juno confessed.

“WEEKS?! He’s been back for weeks?!” Bertha screamed, aghast.

“What the hell?!” Prudence let out in outrage.

Bertha was stock still as the gravity in Juno’s voice, and countenance hit her. The room went unnaturally cold, and Prudence began to worry. “Will you tell me what’s wrong?!” Prudence was at her wits end.

“Meet me in my office,” Juno finally bit out and cut the line.

Bertha placed a hand on her agitated friend. “Beej isn’t feeling… well.”

“Lydia needs to see him. I’m calling her.” Prudence pulled out her phone.

“No!” Bertha sent the phone to float by the ceiling.

“We have to tell her!”

“You don’t understand! He doesn’t remember. He’s not… himself. He’s… dangerous.”

“You really think Lydia would care?!”

“I think Lydia is going through a lot right now. He’s back, okay? One less thing to worry about. Let’s give him a little while longer to recover. I’ll go see for myself. Who knows? Maybe Juno is overreacting. Let Lydia focus on Bibi.”

Prudence shook her head and scowled. “I don’t like it. We don’t lie to friends.”

“They’re traveling right now, right? When she gets back. We’ll tell her. I’m gonna go right now and see what’s going on. Maybe we won’t have to wait after all.”

“Fine. Can I have my phone back now?” Prudence grumbled with disappointment. 

Bertha dropped the phone into her hands and Prudence left without a backward glance.

“Damn it,” the lanky woman muttered.

* * *

   
It was a quick jump to Juno’s office. Bertha no longer needed vouchers, having been given special transfer permission for the extenuating circumstances and her untimely death at the hands of a caseworker. She found Juno pacing with a hand to her forehead.

“I’d like to see him, Juno,” Bertha asked nicely. “We’ve met before. Maybe he’ll remember me.”

The caseworker whirled around with doubt written on her face. “I’ve known him for six hundred years, and he doesn’t know who I am!”

“Maybe it’s like what happened to Lydia! We can jog his memory!”

“It’s nothing like what happened to Lydia! He’s been tortured! He’s finally lost his fucking mind! Where is Lydia, anyway? Do you think she heard our conversation?”

Bertha took a deep unnecessary breath to break the news. “Lydia and Bibi moved in with Dave.”

The older ghost almost tripped over her own feet, wide-eyed with shock. “SHE WHAT?!”

“She thought it didn’t work! So, it's your fault she’s there!”

“Do you have any idea what he’s going to do if he finds out she’s with another man?! The father of her child that he knows nothing about, no less!”

“Stop freaking out!” Both ghosts stared at one another and after a moment, composed themselves. “It doesn’t matter what state he’s in or what Lydia has done. We need to get them together.”

“Of course, I just… she’s… she’s worked so hard,” Juno breathed.

“And it paid off. Let me see him,” Bertha insisted with conviction.

Juno led Bertha to her private apartment right through a secret door in her office. The younger ghost marveled at the decor, it was decorated like some kind of gypsy caravan chic. Curled up on the bed was a scrawny looking man in blue silk pajamas. He was wide awake and staring at them with suspicion. Bertha couldn’t help but gasp when she got a better look at him as he raised himself on the bed and sat against the headboard.

“He’s so skinny…” Bertha breathed.

“He’s actually fattened up since he first arrived,” Juno muttered.

“You’re not the angel,” he uttered dryly.

Bertha looked to Juno questioningly. The older woman merely raised her eyebrows and shook her head. Looking back at him she stepped closer, very slowly.

“Hi Beej,” she replied sweetly.

“That’s not my name,” he replied defensively.

“Oh, no, that’s your nickname. Lydia gave it to you. Do you remember Lydia?”

“Take me to her,” he demanded.

“We will!” She assured him. “You just need to get better first. Plus, Lydia is out of town right now. But! She’ll be back soon. Promise.”

“Lies. Both of ya are liars. You don’t know the angel.”

Bertha was momentarily at a loss of what to do, then an idea struck. “I can prove I know Lydia.”

Bertha manifested a drawing that Lydia kept of them and offered it to Betelgeuse as she stepped closer. Juno was stunned at the bravery of the girl. She had moseyed right to his side and sat on the edge of the bed even though Betelgeuse was starting to get jumpy.

Pulling the drawing out of Bertha’s hand, he peered down at it and smiled. “It’s her…” then his smile faded when he noticed another person in the picture holding her. Nostrils flaring, Betelgeuse jabbed a finger at the man. “Who is that?” He seethed.

“Oh, Beej…” Bertha replied sadly. “That’s you. Lydia drew this for you.”

Betelgeuse brought a fist to his head and knocked hard, trying to remember. It was evident to him that the angel and he had been friends… maybe more. He prayed it was more. “I want to see her.”

“You will.”

“NOW!”

Bertha jumped a little at the outburst, but remained at his side. “If you were in your right mind. You wouldn’t want her to see you like this.”

“See me like what? What’s wrong with me?”

“You're drained and you can’t remember anything. Look at yourself. Can you imagine how sad she would be if she knew you didn’t remember her? If she saw you… hurt?”

Betelgeuse looked at the picture of himself, brought up his hand, then pushed up his sleeve. He continued inspecting himself until he understood. “I get it now,” he whispered despondently. “When… when will I look like that?” He pointed again at the drawing.

Juno stepped forward. “Soon. You need some more time to regain your energy. We can help it along by feeding you some of our own. We’ll try and help you remember what you’ve forgotten. Then, we can call Lydia to come and see you. But you have to let us _touch_ you.”

Betelgeuse nodded slowly, clearly unhappy, but he knew he had no other choice. He didn’t know how much time had passed, but the old woman never hurt him and never restrained him again. In fact, every time he awoke, she was there ready to feed him and tell him stories about his angel.

“Here,” Bertha chimed. “I’ll give you some of my energy right now! Give me your hand.” When he didn’t make a move, Bertha reached out for it. Betelgeuse flinched, but she snatched his hand up anyway. Slowly and gently, Bertha’s energy flowed through, and an angry vision assaulted him.

 _“Who the fuck is Bertha?!”_  
_“Haven’t, uh, seen her since… ya know…”_  
_“Hey, uh, for what it's worth. Sorry, I couldn’t save ya.”_

Bertha snatched her hand away when his grip became unbearable. Betelgeuse grabbed her face on both sides and looked into her eyes with a manic glint.

“Chavi! Please let her go!” Juno was ready to blast him, but Bertha held up a hand to stop her.

A smile crept onto his face. “Burp!” He greeted her happily.

“HA!” Bertha grabbed onto his hands and bounced on the bed.

“Can someone tell me what the fuck just happened?!” Juno shouted.

“That’s what he called me in the waiting room!”

“Yeah, that sounds like him,” Juno affirmed as her wheels turned. “Bertha…”

“I think I know where you’re headed, partner!” Bertha exclaimed with excitement. “You’ve known him the longest! Yes! Let’s get you back in ship-shape, Beej! Whaddya say?!”

When Bertha looked over to Betelgeuse, he was already sleeping serenely with the drawing clutched to his chest.

“Move over, Burp,” Juno spoke with purpose as she rolled up her sleeves and rubbed her hands together. The caseworker smirked and placed her hands on the sleeping Betelgeuse. “Time to turn up the juice.”

 


	4. Back In Business

Family vacations are meant to be a relatively pleasant experience but they hardly ever turn out that way for anyone involved, especially for Lydia Deetz. Pondering on that very fact, the stoic woman, now somewhat sober with a few nights of proper rest, was wondering what in the flying fuck she had been thinking. She had moved herself and her daughter into Dave’s clutches. Too drugged most of the time to think straight, because Dave was being very insistent on making sure she was taking her “medicine.” There was only so much of it she could purge at a time. She knew it would be next to impossible for her usually depressed and addled mind to get back on track with her plan without some proper space form the ever-hovering shithead.

So far, Dave had thwarted her every attempt at finding the footage of her arguing with “voices.” She had managed to get her hands on his phone while it was still unlocked, but nothing was there. She had searched the entire apartment for any memory cards or flash drives. Nothing. His laptop was her next target, but it was password protected, and he always took it with him to work. Lydia might have come up with a plan by now had it not been for Bianca’s emphatic and unrelenting displeasure at the whole situation. She was extra needy and just plain unbearable. The child would not let her be, following her around the apartment with her complaints.

_ “When can we go home?”  _

_ “When are we leaving?” _

_ “Why are we here?”   _

_ “I hate this place.”  _

_ “I hate Dave.”  _

_ “I hate you.”  _

By some miracle, she had been able to avoid having sex with the man, pulling “let's take things slow” and “Bibi can’t sleep,” “It’s all just so new” moves. Still, she could not escape the flowers, hugs, and kisses. Five weeks was a while though, and she wondered how long she’d be able to avoid seeing his flabby, extra hairy, naked body. Lydia shuddered with disgust.

At least, it was a beautiful day at the park and Bianca was actually having fun, running rampant, playing tag with the other children. Watching her dark braids bounce as she ran to catch the others put a smile on Lydia’s face. It was the only time she didn’t feel guilty for smiling. 

“She’s having fun, huh?”

Lydia’s smile faded as Dave interrupted her Kodak moment. “Looks like it,” she replied dryly. 

“Lydia… I’ve been meaning to say this for a while… I’m really proud of you.”

Lydia could feel her stinger rising. Soothing her inner scorpion, she looked up at Dave’s annoying face and half-smiled. “Thanks.”

Dave looked away and watched his daughter laugh as she got tagged again.  She took this moment to scrutinize him. The blonde hair and the light eyes were enough for her to choose him five years ago, but quickly realized what a mistake she had made. Lydia did not regret having her daughter, but she did regret the tool she had chosen to bring her into being.  Maybe he was not aware of it, but Dave was a manipulative, passive-aggressive, bore of a man. All of those less than great qualities were hidden deep under layers of what he would call concern, respect, and manners. Lydia grew to despise him very quickly and was happy to be done with him once she’d taken what she needed. The guilt of giving herself over to him now was eating away at her all over again.

Lydia’s phone rang.

“Hi, Tina… wait… what? But the show just launched! How could he want to quit already? All right, fine. What about the understudy? He quit too. Godda… okay. Okay. We’ll have to hold auditions. Make it for the same day as film auditions. Two birds with one stone... I’m sure Mr. Burton will understand… No. No one else from Florida. I want New York actors only. They’re the only ones who seem to take their fff-- I mean their careers seriously... Yeah, set it up for me please.” 

She hung up.

Dave sighed. “We’re supposed to be relaxing, sweetie.  You’ve been so stressed for so long. With your family history of nervous breakdowns, heart attacks and your… well, your psychotic break. I feel like your job is--”

“Don’t start,” she warned. “I quit drinking. I’m getting therapy. I’m taking unnecessary pills. I moved out of my house. Now you want me to quit my job?”

“That’s not what I said,”

“Good. Glad we’re on the same page.”   **_Assclown_.**

* * *

 

No one had touched his grave since the last time he’d been there with Lydia, not that he could remember that yet. It’s what Juno had told him. Lydia had explicitly said she wanted it kept precisely how they’d left it. Betelgeuse looked around with an amused grin on his face. The place was a mess like he and his angel had holed up in there for who knows how long and just banged away. There were even claw marks on the ceiling. The fractured past was coming to him slowly, and the poltergeist was finally gifted with some moments in time of his beloved angel. Shuddering with pleasure at the vision of her naked and writhing beneath him, the still healing ghost sat on their bed and caressed the sheets lovingly.   
  


Juno had given him the last of what she could spare, and it had taken weeks of almost constant energy transfer to do it. Least he had all of his hair back. Betelgeuse looked down and found his gut was starting to protrude over his pants. He grabbed his slight muffin top and gave it a shake.

“Nice ta see ya again, pal. Been awhile.” He chuckled at his own expense. 

Juno appeared before him. “Remember anything else yet?”

The deadman nodded his head. “Bits n' pieces.”

“Good. I have two more who are willing to help you get back in shape.”

“Who?”

The caseworker smiled devilishly. “You wouldn’t believe it if I told you. First, we have a meeting to attend.”

“After,” He declared stubbornly.

“No, it’s the higher-ups. We have to go now.”

Betelgeuse let out an exaggerated phlegmy sigh and rolled his eyes. “Fine. Then we get me more juice?”

“Yes.”

“Like, right after?”

It was Juno’s turn to roll her eyes. “Yes, yes, yes.”

A short jump later and they arrived in Juno’s office at the new search and rescue headquarters. Juno motioned for Betelgeuse to sit but he leaned on the wall instead and checked his wrist. He was confused for a moment when there was nothing there. 

“I had something here…” he mumbled. “Something important.”

Juno opened her drawer and pulled out a box. Opening the box, she pulled out a couple of watches and tossed them to him.

“That’s it! Thanks, ma!” He quipped happily. “Any other goodies in there for me?”

The caseworker smirked at the now chipper manchild and motioned for him to take the box. Quickly and excitedly, he plopped down on the chair and snatched it as if it were a Christmas present. Carefully, he pulled out a ring first and tried putting his finger through. It didn’t fit. 

“That was Greta’s,” she stated flatly.

Betelgeuse immediately dropped the ring as if it had burned him. He gagged aloud then pulled two more rings and looked at his mother questioningly. 

Juno sighed. “Those are yours. The very first ring you stole is that one,” she pointed to the one with the ruby. “And that one…” she eyed the gold and black band. “That’s the ring I picked out for you… for your wedding.”

“To Greta?” He asked with a bored tone.

“To Lydia.”

A wide grin split his features as he placed the wedding band on his left ring finger. “So we did get hitched? Not that one time though… when?” Betelgeuse looked up to find that Juno looked furious. 

“No, Chavi. Both ceremonies were… interrupted.”

Before the poltergeist could ask more questions, a red phone appeared on Juno’s desk and rang. She picked up the receiver. “Juno speaking.”

“Hello Juno, please call me… Rachel for the sake of ease.”

There was a long pause before Juno and Betelgeuse shared a look of contempt, and both replied in unison.

“Hi, Rachel.”

“Oh! Betelgeuse, so glad you could make it! How is your progress going?”

“It’s goin’.”

Another long pause had Betelgeuse taping his fingers on the desk.

“We kind of need more details than that,” Rachel finally responded.

The caseworker decided to take the initiative. “It appears that, as his energy is replenished, his memory improves. Especially if the energy has traces of him. My energy has been the most beneficial so far. I have two former clients of mine, the Maitlands, who have dealt with him in the past and are willing help.”

“That’s wonderful! Excellent information for when we find the others.”

“Others?” Betelgeuse finally interjected.

“Yes, Betelgeuse. So far there are seven-hundred and sixty souls unaccounted for. You are the first one to come back! Congratulations! How did you manage it?”

“Well, the angel--”

“AH - I can explain that one as well.” Juno cut him off and gave him a warning glare. “A medium took it upon herself to summon him. The summons was not strong enough to bring him back so, she came up with a brilliant idea.” Juno smiled. Credit was certainly deserved where Lydia was concerned. “She created a television series for children in his name and image. Children all over the world have been invoking his name.”

“My goodness! Spectacular! Of course.”

“Over the years, she decided that it wasn’t enough. She was able to pitch a live show!” Juno was getting excited. “I mean, the girl… I… It’s incredible. She managed to manipulate thousands of people, children, and adults, to truly believe they were summoning him without knowing they really were!” 

“Quite extraordinary!” Rachel exclaimed.

Betelgeuse was now thoroughly confused and decided to go through the box again and look for more clues. A little black book caught his attention.

“My concern is,” Juno continued. “We can’t replicate this with the others. Not on that kind of scale.”

**Note to self: Turn Mr. Big into a fly and eat him.**

“You’re right Juno, but now that we know a summons can still work…”

**Note to self: Tell Ginger you’re an asshole. **

“We might be able to have a higher division work out the logistics…”

**Note to self: Jumpin’ jeepers! Elvis is DEAD! Guess where you’re going when you get out of this shithole?!**

“We’ll need someone on the ground. Do you think this medium would help?”

**Note to self: Write to Ricki Lake.**

Betelgeuse began tearing pages out of the book but listened to the conversation carefully. If they wanted his angel… his Lydia to be involved in their mission, he needed to know the details before he’d allow it.

“I think she would help in any way she could, however…” Juno looked up at Betelgeuse only to be met with the ghost shoveling paper into his mouth and eating it. “... uuuhhh… Bart is still at large. He tried to kill Lydia before--”

“WHAT?!” Betelgeuse bellowed, mouth full of paper. Chewing quickly and swallowing, he kept shouting. “Who is he?! WHERE is he?!”

“Calm down! We don’t know where he is. We’re still looking.”

Growling with frustration, the angry ghost viciously ripped out more pages and consumed them. The caseworker just stared at him, confounded by his new choice of snack.

“Oh my… my supervisor would like to speak with you… both.”

Juno started, realizing the gravity of what that meant. “I’d be happy to speak with them.”

“In person.”

Her eyes nearly fell out of her skull. “When?”

“Please remain in your office. We are working on a mid-dimension. A door shall appear soon.” The phone disconnected and disappeared. 

“Wha wa dat ‘bou?”  Betelgeuse chewed.

“What the hell are you doing?” Juno finally asked.

He popped another crumpled piece of paper in his mouth. “Eatin’ ma memories.”

Juno’s mouth dropped open. “That’s… that’s actually pretty smart…”

Betelgeuse shrugged his shoulders and continued eating. Before Juno could ask if it was working, a white door manifested on the back wall of her office.

“Well, here we go.” Juno moved from around her desk, and Betelgeuse followed. Unlocking the door, she opened it and walked inside. After stepping into a bright empty room, the door closed behind Betelgeuse, and two forms appeared to be walking in their direction. 

“Oh my god…” Juno was having trouble keeping herself standing. The man wearing the light gray suit was unfamiliar. The woman, however… “Ginger?”

Ginger smiled at her old friends and gave them each a hug upon reaching them. “I’m so happy to see you both!”

“I know you! You’re Ginger! Okay, well, I’m an asshole,” Betelgeuse announced.

The tall, slender dancer looked momentarily confused but smiled and nodded her head. “Yes, you are.” She laughed good-heartedly and gave him another hug. “I come bearing gifts my dear friend, but first! This is Julian!”

The tall, thin man was beautiful, with long chestnut hair and piercing blue eyes. Bowing before them, he smiled but said nothing. Julian turned to Ginger and stared into her eyes.

“Julian says it’s a pleasure to meet you. He chose me as his interpreter because he wanted to make sure you were comfortable and at ease during our meeting.”

Juno wiped a lonely tear from her face and nodded her understanding. 

“The situation is worse than we first thought.” Ginger continued. “Bartholomew is being protected by lower management. We’re afraid he may have more access to the physical plane now. Some of the most recent disappearances happened to souls while in their respective haunting perimeters. Now that we have more information on how to retrieve souls successfully, thanks to Lydia’s efforts, we have a plan!” Ginger hopped up and down with excitement. “We hope that Lydia could work for us on the ground.”

“Eh. No,” Betelgeuse stated simply. 

Juno gave him a shove with her elbow, but the two messengers didn’t seem upset. “Why don’t we hear them out?”

“I don’t want Lydia involved.”

“We understand,” Ginger started, “but she--”

“You don’t understand because you’ve never been to the lower levels,” Betelgeuse sneered. “She can’t end up there. So, no way.”

“They need someone on the ground like Lydia, and she’s the only medium registered that we can trust right now,” Juno tried to explain.

“I’ll do it.” He offered. “I’m a medium.”

“You’re dead, you nincompoop!”

“So?”

There was a long silence before Julian stepped forward and looked into Betelgeuse’s eyes. 

“Julian says that you would be perfect for the job! You’re skill sets and experience would be extremely valuable once your memory is completely restored.”

“No…” Juno interjected quietly. “He’s been through enough. I can’t allow it. If he ends up… back there…”

Julian interrupted by raising a hand. “Julian says that it would be impossible for him to enter the lower levels again as long as he maintains a physical body and since he’s already dead, no one would be risking their lives. Don’t worry Juno,” Ginger said sweetly. “We both know that Betelgeuse can handle himself.”

Juno nodded her head. “But what about the fact that he has no physical body?”

Julian gave them a toothy grin that sparkled. “Julian says there will be a gift sent to Betelgeuse with instructions, soon. There are terms that he must accept to make this contract.”

“Terms, yeah, sure. What terms?” Betelgeuse waved it off like the terms wouldn’t matter.

“No killing mortals.”

“........ Okay.”

“Accepting this job is irrevocable until upper management says you have completed your mission.”

“And when will I complete my mission?” 

“We don’t know yet,” Ginger responded with a sad smile.

“So, I could end up working for ya for all eternity? I think I’m gettin’ the shit end of the stick here, pal.”

Julian shook his head and smirked. “He says the job comes with great benefits. If at any point you are truly unhappy with your posting, we can discuss different terms. This posting is not meant to be a punishment. However, you do owe the afterlife a fair amount of work. Make up for it all and new opportunities await you.”

“Put it in the contract. I’m not workin' for ya forever. I’ll get rid of Bart, then I’m done.”

Julian thought for a moment. “Apprehend Bartholomew. Help us get all of the stolen souls back. Then you may resign if you wish.”

Betelgeuse stuck out his hand. “Deal.”

Julian smiled and shook his hand. Betelgeuse felt a humming energy wrap around his arm as the binding took place. Julian nodded and released him, then placed a hand to the ghosts head. “Thank you, Betelgeuse.” A wave of energy removed the damnation seal from his forehead.

“Yeah, whatever.” He replied as he felt around and was relieved to find the stamp gone.

“Okay! Now, I can give you my present!” Ginger exclaimed with glee as she extended a graceful hand and faced her palm up. A small ball of concentrated energy appeared. “Go on. Take it.”

Betelgeuse picked it up and felt its weight. It was a solid little thing and was changing colors. “Er, thanks?”

Ginger giggled. “It’s from all of us. All of us. We haven’t forgotten either of you. We’re sorry we didn’t wait for you Bait Al. I hope this makes up for it. We know you’ll both join us someday.” Ginger sighed then smiled. “Time’s up. Good luck on your mission.”

Ginger gave her friends one last hug, then turned around and followed Julian until they disappeared. 

“Come on,” Juno choked out with emotion and went for the door.

After returning to the office, the door disappeared. Juno walked to her chair and plopped down like her own weight was too much for her. She looked up just in time to see Betelgeuse pop the little ball in his mouth.

“What?! Don’t!” She yelled right before he gulped it down. “Damn it, Chavi! What the hell--”

Almost immediately, Betelgeuse’s form filled out and his eyes glossed over as memories flooded his mind. “Whoa, Nelly!” He shook his head like a wet dog then held his head in his hands. After a moment, he slowly met Juno’s gaze and smiled wickedly. 

“Well, spank me cross-eyed, momma…” Betelgeuse jumped out of his chair and opened his arms wide. “The incredible, delectable, fuckin’ phantasmagorical Bait Al-jauza is back in business!”  

Snapping his fingers, he dressed in his striped suit and showbiz face and let out a wild cackle. 

 

Juno couldn’t help the smile that was plastered on her features. Juicing up a couple of cigarettes, Betelgeuse tossed one to Juno and took a long drag from his own.

“I think it’s time to pay my little scorpion a visit.” He grinned. “Gotta show ma gratitude, know what I mean,” he waggled his eyebrows and snickered.

Juno’s smile fell, and she cleared her throat. “Uh… there are some things you should know first…” the caseworker gave him an apologetic look as he tilted his head, assessing that there was bad news coming.

Betelgeuse stepped closer to Juno’s desk with a dangerous look in his eye. “ _Go on_.”

  
  
  



	5. Hey, Babe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, my. Am I going too fast for ya? But I'm getting so many lovely messages from you guys that I just HAVE to oblige. I believe a couple of you have mentioned needing this chapter more than air... well... BREATHE! lol  
> Guests, anons, followers, friends... THANK YOU for being so supportive. The encouragement really does go a long way. I love you all!
> 
> I am SO looking forward to the screaming from my screamers out there lol. This chapter is my pride and joy right now. Enjoy!
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Beetlejuice.
> 
> Beta: luvethephantom

The smell of burnt… everything had filled the air. Delia was running around the kitchen like a chicken without a head. She was cooking a feast in her excitement for the guests that would be arriving soon. Barbara and Adam didn’t have the heart to tell her that no one would be eating except her because, well, the guests were dead.

“Don’t tell me no one is going to eat!” Delia yelled like she had read their minds. “I know you people can eat the ghost layer of this stuff so, you’re eating. Everyone. Is. Eating.”

“Okay, Delia.” Barbara nodded at Adam to agree with her.

“Yeah, of course, we’re eating!” Adam whispered directly into Barbara’s ear. “I know we can’t taste it but…” he looked over at the overstuffed turkey that still looked raw after coming out of the oven, “... I don’t think I can put any of that in my mouth.” Barbara snickered just as Juno appeared.

“You’re early! Oh, my goodness. Is he here? Where is he?!” Delia screamed.

“Delia…” Juno raised an eyebrow. “You look awful.”

Delia could only manage to stare at the caseworker when there was a knock at the door.

“Who could that be?” Barbara wondered. They looked at each other warily.

Juno wore a cryptic smirk. “Why don’t you go find out?”

Still, with oven mitts on, Delia scurried to the front door and looked through the peephole. There she saw a wild-haired, reasonably handsome, naked man with his eyes closed hopping up and down.

“Would ya open the fuckin’ door, Medusa!” A grating voice yelled.

Delia turned around to face the others inside and splayed her arms behind her on the door, bracing herself. “It’s - it’s… HIM!” She let out a shriek and quickly scrambled to unlock the door.

Betelgeuse was cupping his nether regions as he stumbled inside the house and landed face down on the floor. Delia slammed the door shut and they all looked at the groaning, bare man in complete shock.

“Ow,” he muffled into the floor. Placing his hands on either side of him, he brought his knees up first giving Adam a compromising view of his bare ass and other details better left to the imagination, if at all.

Adam placed a hand to his eyes. “Why?” He whispered.

Betelgeuse pushed as hard as he could but only managed to roll over onto his back, exposing the rest of himself to the crowd.

“Whoa! Okay,” Barbara started and desperately tried to look elsewhere.

Delia had her eyes fixed on Betelgeuse’s crotch. Eyebrows raised, she frowned and nodded her approval.

“Can someone get him some clothes?” Juno barked.

“I might have something.” Delia ran upstairs as Barbara summoned a blanket and draped it over the grumbling naked man.

“How’s the fleshbag, Betel?” Juno asked curiously.

“Ugh…” he complained. “I think… I think Imma throw up.”

The sensations were overwhelming. The lights, the sounds, everything was so loud, and the ground felt like it was moving. Betelgeuse tried opening one eye and immediately regretted it. “Aw fuck. Lights! Turn em off!”

“They are off,” Adam explained.

“Stop yelling!”

“I’m not!”

Juno closed all the blinds and curtains in the house with a flick of her wrist, then levitated him to the couch.

“Ugh… my throat… my… my everything,” Betelgeuse whined.

“Don’t be such a baby. You’ll get used to it,” Juno chided.

Delia came rushing down the stairs with a bundle of clothes in her arms. Adam finally questioned the obvious. “He’s alive?”

“In a manner of speaking.” Juno went to the love seat in the living room and sat down. Everyone migrated there as well and surrounded the seemingly resurrected. “See that cord around his neck?”

The three of them bent over Betelgeuse and saw a thin, braided, leather rope where Juno had mentioned.

“It’s called Odin’s Noose. It gives his astral body life as long as he wears it.”

“Well, Odin can suck my dick," Betelgeuse complained. "This shit is broken. I feel like Odin just shat me out of his asshole!”

“We’re so… glad to have you back, Betel,” Barbara let out dryly.

“We are ecstatic!” Delia clapped. “This is even better news! Wait until Lydia sees you! Oh, how should we do it? Should we call her?”

Everyone looked at each other at a loss of what to say. Betelgeuse finally opened his eyes, squinting, and looked around.

“Hey... Babs, Red… Four Eyes.” Betelgeuse smirked. “I wanna surprise her.”

“How about a party?!” Delia squealed.

Eyes finally adjusting, he opened them wide and interjected the murmuring that started. “As much as I like parties, I think we’ll need some one-on-one time. Lots… to discuss,” He answered seriously with no perverse implications whatsoever.

Barbara bit her lip. “Don’t you dare give her crap for the choices she’s made. Lydia had no idea whether she’d ever see you again while she was still alive.”

Betelgeuse sighed and waved her comment off. “Don’t worry 'bout it. None of it matters.”

“It should,” chimed Adam, “there’s a child involved, now.”

Betelgeuse scowled. “Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know.”

“OH!” Delia blared. “I have… an idea.” Her grin was evil as she clapped her hands together in excitement.

* * *

 

Pacing back and forth in Lydia’s office, Prudence brought out her napkin again and struggled to dry her armpits. She was sweating from pure nerves. Ever since she had found out that Betelgeuse was back, Prudence had been trying to act as normal as she could. Lydia, however, had caught on quick. It was lucky that Lydia had moved out, taken a few weeks off to focus on Bianca, and then the fiasco with the actors happened, or Prudence would have caved in by now.

Lydia stormed into her office and didn’t even look at Prudence as she fished out her purse from her drawer. “All right Pru… let's get going. They’re waiting on me.” Lydia finally looked at her friend and noticed the sweat stains on her blouse under her arms. “Okay, that’s it. What the hell is wrong with you? Are you sick?”

“Huh? Um, no. Why would say that?”

“You’ve been acting weird ever since I got back.” Lydia eyed her suspiciously. “Tell me. It’s bad, isn’t it? Did Bertha find something?”

“NO!” Prudence knew that came out a lot louder than she intended when Lydia widened her eyes in shock.

“Is it Bart?” She whispered.

“No, no, no. Nothing it’s nothing.”

“I don’t believe you. I know you. And I can feel you’re hiding something--”

“I have feelings for Bertha!” Prudence bellowed.

Lydia’s jaw dropped. “Holy… fucking… shit!” The raven-haired woman brought her hands to her mouth and tears started flowing. “Oh my god!” She muffled into her hands.

 **_Oh shit. What did I just do?_ ** Prudence wanted to jump out the window.

Lydia started fanning her blushing face to dry her eyes, but she was failing. Tears of joy kept pouring forth. “I was hoping you felt the same way!”

“Huh? What do you mean?”

“I mean, Bertha has been checking you out for months! Maybe even longer. It just… took me… awhile to notice… because I’m a horrible friend,” she started sobbing.

The ginger ran to best friend and wrapped her arms around her. “You are an amazing friend!”

The phones pager system beeped, and a voice rang through. “Ms. Deetz? They’re still waiting. Should I tell them to go on without you?”

“You know what, yeah--”

“NO!” Prudence blared, making Lydia jump.

“Wha--”

“I mean… heh heh… this is very important. She’ll be right there!”

“But Pru! I wanna be here for you! It’s obviously been bothering you for some time--”

“Later!” Prudence cleared her throat. “I still need… um… time! Time to process it. We can talk after. Promise.”

“Well, okay…” Lydia shrugged. “If you really want--”

“YEP. Let’s go!” Prudence pushed Lydia out the door as she swallowed her acid reflux down.

This was either going to be amazing… or a complete shitshow.

* * *

 

Tapping his foot on the ground, heart pounding in his chest, and feeling like he needed to take an epic shit, Betelgeuse memorized his lines.

**_I can’t believe I let them talk me into this shit._ **

“Hey, man,” the actor beside him called his attention. “Nervous?”

The total wreck looked at the actor next to him and almost did a double take. Whoever the dark-haired, blue-eyed fox was, reminded him a lot of himself, angular eyebrows and all. Weak nose though. And what’s with the curly mullet? “You have no fuckin’ idea,” Betelgeuse said with a shaky voice.

“If you think about this as an appointment, it's easier. Trust me. You got this.”

Betelgeuse wanted to punch his lights out. He was not nervous about acting in front of a group of people. He was a master at the craft and had no doubt that he could walk in that room and just be his vile self. Maybe even get hired. The fact of the matter was, Lydia was supposed to be there, and that made him feel physically sick. For the first time in seventeen years, after everything he had been through, he was finally going to--

The door opened and time slowed for him. Blinding light poured in right before Lydia walked inside. Her hair was up in a messy bun, she still had the same bangs, she was older and thinner than when he last saw her but, oh, was she still the most beautiful thing he had ever laid eyes on.

The door was closed behind her, and she disappeared behind another door. Betelgeuse let out the breath he didn’t know he was holding. An orange-haired woman looked around the room until her eyes fell on him. She looked as bad as he felt and she ran right for him.

“Uh, you.” She pointed at him. “You’re him, right? I’m Prudence,” She whispered and stuck out her hand.

That was the name that Delia had given him. Their hands slipped and slid from each other's profuse sweating. Awkwardly, they wiped their hands on their clothes.

“Nice to finally meet you. You should probably go last,” she squeaked.

“Okay, yeah, I think that’s best,” he squawked back.

Prudence nearly tripped over an actors feet as she walked backward, not able to keep her eyes off of Lydia’s resurrected former lover. She smiled at him then disappeared.

An agonizing hour went by as the room started to clear, one actor at a time. Betelgeuse was the only one left in the place when the last actor exited and gave him a thumbs up.

A pudgy, short man came out with his clipboard. “Uh, Beh-tell- uh… Horeson. Last name, Horeson?”

Betelgeuse rolled his eyes. “Thas me.” He stood up and followed the man into the next room.

 **_I’m gonna puke._ ** He swallowed down the bile that rose in his throat and walked to the little blue mark on the floor. Betelgeuse looked up expecting Lydia to be wide-eyed with shock, but she was looking at her phone. Prudence was sitting behind her, hair drenched, and patting herself down with an already soaked napkin.

“Hi there, sir. Have a headshot for us?” The casting director asked.

“Uh, no.”

“Okay then… slate your name.”

Lydia brought her phone up to one ear, a finger to her other one, and closed her eyes, concentrating hard on whatever message had been left for her.

“Betelgeuse.”

“No, your real name.”

“That’s my name. Betelgeuse.”

There was a long awkward silence, then the casting director smiled. “Method actor, nice. Okay, start whenever you’re ready.”

Lydia still wasn’t paying attention, and it was pissing him off. **_So, this is how you treat your actors huh, babe? Okay. I’ll show you what’s what._ ** Betelgeuse shook his hands out, whipped his arms wide and put on his most terrifying showman grin.

“Attention Kmart shoppers! How’s everybody doin’ TONIGHT?!”

Jaws dropped. He had the attention of the entire room now. Lydia’s phone fell to the floor, her hands frozen in midair.

“I’m feelin’ a little bit anxious. If ya know what I--”

A long, loud, terrifying, blood-curdling scream tore through Lydia right before she fainted, falling face first on the ground.

“Oh shit.” Betelgeuse made to move for her but was instantly blocked by the rest of the people in the room who had surrounded Lydia on the floor.

Prudence started pushing people out of the way. “Give her space! We need some air in here! Betel!”

Betelgeuse couldn’t take his eyes off of Lydia.

“BETEL!” Prudence called again. He looked up at her, and she was pointing to the door. “We’ll come for you later. Go.”

The casting director was already calling for an ambulance. The whole room was in chaos and Betelgeuse was nowhere near prepared for what his new body was currently doing to him. The choice between the fight or flight sensation was beyond frightening. He chose flight.

Barreling out the door, Betelgeuse doubled over panting as soon as he reached the sidewalk. His lungs were on fire, and his heart was beating in his brain. Losing balance, he collapsed on his knees and pain shot through him. He couldn’t take it. Right before things started going black, he ripped off his noose and disappeared.

* * *

 

At first, all she could hear was murmuring. It was like a swarm of flies were buzzing around her head. Lydia swatted the air slowly and opened her eyes.

“There she is,” said the paramedic leaning over her.

Lydia blinked and tried to understand what was happening. Head pounding, she noticed that she was wearing an oxygen mask. Lydia looked around the room and caught sight of Prudence who looked like she’d been doused with a bucket of water, fanning herself with a stack of papers. The memory hit her like a ton of bricks, and the producer started whimpering.

“Shush, now, everything is okay. You just fainted.”

“Pru!” She croaked out. “H-h-he - was...”

“She might have a concussion," explained the other paramedic.

Prudence ran to her and knelt beside her. “It’s okay, Lydia. Let’s just get you better and then we can get out of here.”

“I’m not crazy. I’m not crazy,” the producer reasoned.

“No. You’re not.” Prudence gave her a knowing look and nodded her head slowly so Lydia would understand. “We can leave whenever you’re ready.”

There was only a second that went by before Lydia ripped off her oxygen mask and clamored to her feet unsteadily.

“Whoa there! Please sit down, Ms. Deetz!” The paramedic grabbed onto her arm, and Lydia hissed at him like a feral cat. “Get your hands off me. I’m fine. Pru! Let’s go. Now!”

Lydia shot her arm out, and Prudence took it, supporting her as they walked out the door. When they got to the waiting room, it was empty. The women ran out of the entryway. Betelgeuse was not there.

“Where is he?” Lydia demanded.

“I-I don’t know.” Prudence was looking around as wildly as Lydia was. The ginger jumped when Lydia’s phone started ringing in her pocket. She fished it out and answered when she saw Delia’s name on the screen. “Hello?”

“Lydia?” Delia sounded concerned.

“Delia, um, the plan went awry--”

Lydia ripped the phone out of her hands. “WHERE IS HE?!” She shrieked into the phone.

“He’s here. He’s here honey,” Delia managed to sound calm.

“Where?!”

“At home. In Winter River. I’d put him on but… he’s… feeling sick.”

The sound of retching could be heard in the background.

Nothing was computing for Lydia. All she heard was Winter River. “Pru, take me home. Home-home-home!!” She would have projected, but her nerves would have never allowed it.

“Okay! Okay, I’ll get us a cab.”

Lydia’s phone beeped. Her battery was dying. “Fuck! Don’t hang up, Delia!”

Prudence led Lydia to a cab and helped her to get in then ran around the other side and joined her. The cabby sped off.

“How?! How could he do this to me?” Her voice was hoarse from the ill-treatment she was giving it.

“Honey, it was my idea," Delia explained. "Obviously... a bad idea.”

“He just left?!”

The phone died.

“Pru! Call Delia, give me the phone!”

Prudence patted her pockets, and then her head fell forward. “I… left it in my purse. I’m sorry!”

Lydia dropped her head in her hands and tried the calming breaths that her useless therapist had taught her. It was working somewhat. Maybe he wasn’t that useless.

In the hour it took to get to Winter River, Prudence had confessed everything. Lydia boiled in her seat from the massive betrayal her friends and family had accomplished. It was dark when they finally arrived, and she said nothing as she shot out of the cab while it was still trying to park. Lydia stumbled but ran up the stairs of her old home. Just when she was about to bang on the door, it opened revealing Barbara. Lydia pushed past her, heaving.

“Where?” she rasped.

“He’s in your room.”

Lydia ran for the stairs.

“There are some things you should know,” Adam tried to stop her. Lydia pushed past him as well and bolted.

The bag of nerves stopped dead at the door of her old room. Taking some calming breaths, she raised a trembling hand and wrapped it around the cold doorknob. The thought occurred to her that she hadn’t dyed her hair in months and was horrified that Betelgeuse would see her gray strands. She shook the idiotic thought from her mind and turned the knob.

The door made a loud and exaggeratingly long creaking sound as her room was revealed to her. It was dark within, and there was no sign of him at first so, she tiptoed inside and looked around, eyes wide with trepidation, and closed the door behind her.

“Hey babe,” a voice gruffed.

Lydia whipped her head to the source. In a dark corner, sat the man she had been hoping and yet dreading to see, draped in shadows. Lydia watched him push himself up to standing and walk into the only light coming from her window. She gasped when she saw his face. He was the same. He looked exactly the same. Lydia’s right hand shot up to her mouth and the other to her chest when a sob broke loose. They ran to each other and wrapped their arms around one another.

Between the crying and his death grip on her, Lydia couldn’t breathe. She came up for air and Betelgeuse attacked her face with wet kisses. Voice thick with emotion, he squeezed her even tighter and started talking a mile a minute.

“Oh, Lyds, I’ve missed you so much. You have no fuckin’ idea. As soon as I was out, I wanted ta see ya, but I was all sorts of fucked up. Please forgive me. I know promised I’d never leave, but that was, ya know, kinda outta my hands. I shoulda gone after him. I shoulda had my guard up. I’m so fuckin’ sorry. I’ll make it up ta ya, I swear. I’ll do anything. Anything. Everything--”

Lydia’s laughing stopped his tirade, and she brought her hands up to his face, then she brought one finger close to her mouth and licked. “Tears,” she rasped. Lydia shook her head in bewilderment, then brought his head down. Thinking she was going to kiss him, Betelgeuse leaned in, mouth ready to conquer but she jerked back and laughed again.

“What?” He laughed with her.

“Your breath… reeks.” She couldn’t stop her hysterical giggles.

“Shit,” he hung his head in shame. “I, uh, threw up,” he confessed. “Got a mint or--”

Lydia pulled his head down and kissed him anyway.

 


	6. Fishy Business

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for your continued support! Thank you theghostandtheowl for your lovely comments! I hope you guys won't be too disappointed with Beej's reaction to the baby fiasco. I tried really hard to make this all as believable as possible while staying in character. Remember that Beej has a lot to be grateful for. Hell is nothing compared to real life drama, especially if he gets what he wants in the end... his Lyds. Plus, a problem usually seems like no big deal until you're face to face with it. Sprinkle a little denial in there and you got yourself a human who is just dealing with shit as it comes. lol Hopefully, that all comes through. As I've said before, staying in character is my number one concern. 
> 
> Thank you luvthephantom for going through this chapter for me!! You guys should check out her BJ rp blog http://thefreelancebioexorcist.tumblr.com/
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Beetlejuice.

The five of them smiled as they hovered near the staircase, listening for the frequent laughter of their favorite people coming from upstairs. Delia would occasionally dry a tear and shake her head in astonishment as Lydia’s tinkling joyous sounds floated in the air around them. The girl had gone through so much heartache, so many disappointments and roadblocks but she had finally succeeded. Now, the eccentric grandmother hoped that her dearest daughter could finally rest and have the life she always wanted.

The Maitlands were just as relieved at the unexpected turn of events. Their goddaughter's happiness was all they wanted. They were saddened indeed when it seemed that having a daughter did little to lift Lydia’s spirits, though Lydia never gave Bianca reason to believe she was unhappy. When Dave had appeared in her life again, they thought things might work out between them. Moving in with him seemed like progress until Delia shot that notion to hell because she knew for sure that Lydia was even worse off. She was just punishing herself for her failure. It made sense now.

Although Betelgeuse was not the partner they would have chosen for their honorary daughter, he had made her happy. That was certain. So happy, that Lydia had planned a shotgun wedding after only a mere five months of dating him. Of course, it was more than just dating. They were living together, inseparable. Whatever Betelgeuse had done to make the girls head spin and give away her heart in such a fashion had to have been incredibly life-changing. Those were the happiest they had ever seen her, and they were grateful to him for it. 

“Is Bianca with the leech?” Delia asked Prudence. 

“Yeah, I already called. And lied. Again. Told him you were in hysterics…”

Delia shrugged. “You didn’t lie.”

Everyone managed a giggle. 

“Has she,” Barbara whispered carefully, “mentioned anything about how things are?”

Prudence sighed. “No. You know how she is. Doesn’t want to burden anyone. She says we’ve helped enough… with… you know… other things.”

“We want to help with anything she needs!” Adam stood frustrated. “I know he’s Bianca’s father, but that guy rubs me the wrong way. He’s… just something off about him.”

“How did Betel take the news, Juno?” Delia asked quietly. “You know, about Dave and Bibi?”

The caseworker sighed, remembering the conversation. “He just listened quietly, which was strange as hell, then asked me if I thought she’d leave the ‘rebound’ for him. He didn’t let me answer. Just said it didn’t matter, that he’d get her ‘back on daddy’s lap, where she belongs, faster than a hooker with a mortgage.’” Juno chuckled. She was apparently in a good mood.

“I feel like Lydia is hiding something,” Barbara confessed with shame. 

Delia nodded her head. “I know she is.” They were taken aback at Delia’s certainty. 

“Do you know something?” Prudence asked. 

“Ever since she met that tool… she’s been locking up the basement door. She never did that before.”

“Yeah but that’s because of the sensitive information down there… right?” Adam asked with doubt. 

“I think…” Delia continued quietly. “There’s something down there she doesn’t want us to see. I still haven’t figured it out. I’ve looked the place over a thousand times.”

Barbara was taken aback. “You’ve been down there?”

“Of course I have!” Delia hissed. “I may not be her biological mother but after Charles... I promised that I’d take care of her like she was my own. Lydia is trying to keep us out of something. Why? Who knows.” Delia seethed in her seat.

Adam shook his head in denial. “After everything we’ve been through together… all of us. Why would she hide anything?”

“It has to be something bad,” Prudence worried as she clenched her fists in her lap. 

“Well,” Barbara tried to soothe, “maybe, now that Betel is back… things will get better…”

They all nodded silently. 

“Okay!” Exclaimed Delia with false enthusiasm. “I’m going to order them a pizza. I’m sure they’ll work up an appetite sooner or later.” She winked and made for the kitchen phone. 

* * *

  
Having a physical body was not all it was cracked up to be, Betelgeuse found out the hard way. It was a big let down for him for most of the day, especially since living was the only thing he had wanted to do since he’d found out he got the plague. Continuously reminded of the things he didn’t miss about being alive, Betelgeuse quickly disliked his current state of being. 

It wasn’t until Delia had shoved him into Lydia’s room to calm him down that Betelgeuse started to appreciate his new physical senses. The first thing he did was dive into her bed, of course. He inhaled deeply to familiarize himself with Lydia’s scent. The beddings were a bit stagnant, letting him know that she hadn’t slept there for some time so, he got up and opened her closet. Instantly, his nostrils flared from the waft of her soft feminine bouquet. Quickly intoxicated, Betelgeuse’s eyes rolled back right before he buried himself in the closet.

It was his aromatherapy, quelling the remnants of his panic attack from earlier. After his eyes adjusted to the darkness, he looked through the small space and froze when he came across some baby clothes in a clear protective sleeve. Hesitating only a moment, he unzipped the jacket and sniffed. The memory of Rhoslyn’s baby boy flared in his mind when his neurons recognized the subtle traces of baby smell. It was the only time he had ever held an infant, and his chest constricted suddenly at that thought. Quickly, he zipped up the sleeve and stepped out of the closet.

Betelgeuse went through everything, even the things under Lydia’s bed but was careful to place everything back to how they were found. Traces of Bianca were everywhere as he came across toys and drawings. At one point, he had pulled out a box that contained everything he had robbed from graves so that he could try and provide for Lydia in some way. The brooch he bought her for their anniversary came to mind, and he wondered if she had found that too. Finally, he saw an album that told Bianca’s story starting with her barely visible form in an ultrasound. 

The masochist in Betelgeuse brought the album with him to a dark corner of the room where he hoped that, if anyone barged in, he would have enough time to hide the evidence. He had a sneaking suspicion that the album was made by Delia since every photo of Lydia was candid. There were even a few photos of Lydia with her hand up covering her face. Clearly, his dark beauty still hated getting her picture taken. He finally reached one photo that was purposefully posed. It showed Lydia in the center, one hand on her very pregnant belly, Delia smiling and kissing her cheek, Prudence under one of her arms, and four orbs floating on the outskirts. He could tell that Lydia was forcing a smile as she looked incredibly uncomfortable. Still, a deep ache swelled within him at the sight of the portrait. The album sat there yet as he and Lydia cuddled on the bed and talked.

“It’s a fun show! People love it,” Lydia defended.

“Yeah, well, I don’t remember signing over my life or afterlife rights to ya, babe. I think ya owe me some compensation.”

“Fair enough. Name your price.”

Betelgeuse raised his eyebrows in surprise. “I made ya that rich, huh?”

She gave him a wicked little grin that said it all, and he couldn’t help but puff his chest out with pride. He had provided for his woman… and her daughter. Albeit indirectly and unknowingly.

“Doesn’t surprise me, honestly. I’m pretty interestin’," he bragged with a crooked grin. 

Lydia laughed openly and stroked his hand. She smiled when goosebumps erupted on his skin. “So, let's address the elephant in the room,” she hinted cautiously.

**_Finally,_ ** he thought, Lydia was going to bring up her daughter.

“Is this temporary or something? Or, are you really alive now?”

**_Okay, guess not._ **

“Apparently, I get to keep this for as long as I want.” He smirked, not wanting to divulge the intricacies of the contract.

Lydia held his hand as she leaned over to the nightstand and turned on her lamp. When she turned to face him again, she couldn’t help another gasp. Their time together so far had felt almost dreamlike and surreal. Like she could wake up at any moment and realize she was back at square one. Now, the light illuminated the space and proved that he was really there, in the flesh. Betelgeuse looked so real and so alive that it made Lydia nervous. The span of their years apart felt so tangible, and she worried now about what the estrangement would do to them.

Not wanting to let Lydia’s sudden and apparent uncertainty fester, Betelgeuse tugged on her hand inviting her to move closer to him. All he wanted was to taste those lips once more. Their kiss had been long and hard but just once and it was not enough. After she had clumsily fished out a pack of mints from her nightstand at his request, he was hoping things would move along in a more physical aspect. Instead, Lydia had burst into a frightening fit of gut-wrenching sobs and collapsed onto the floor. Somehow, the bewildered, emotional mess that he was had the strength to migrate her to the bed and just held the poor thing until she hiccuped through a barrage of questions and unnecessary apologies. The natural jester within was quick to turn everything she threw at him into a joke until Lydia’s crying turned to laughter. Then he attacked her with his own inconsequential and silly questions about the ridiculous musical she’d created in his name.

He noticed her gulp while she hesitated to move closer to him.

“Oh! Do you know about the animated series?” She asked with a hint of guilt.

“Juno mentioned it.” He didn’t want to say that he saw the tapes in her dresser drawer.

Lydia let go of his hand and raced to the dresser. She yanked one of the tapes out and brought it to the bed with her. “Four seasons,” she blurted out. 

Betelgeuse pulled the VHS out of her hand and inspected the sleeve. “Geez, Lyds. Is that how ya see me?” 

Lydia rolled her eyes. “It’s a kids show, Beej.”

“And why am I an old guy and you’re - what? Ten? You were sixteen when we met! Not an innocent one either.”

Lydia glared at him. “It’s. A. Kids. Show. Betelgeuse.”

Ending his torture, he chuckled, placed a kiss on their cartoon counterparts and held it against his chest. “I love it,” he announced with a genuine smile.

“No, you don’t,” she grumbled.

“Yes. I do,” he replied seriously. “Thank you," he whispered.

Lydia looked up to find his rare serious face on. Her chest hurt as she realized what he was saying. “Was it… awful? Ugh, I’m so stupid. Of course, it was.” She was losing her composure quickly. “If anything from mythology is true… just - tell me… tell me you’re okay. That whatever they did to you - if you ever want to talk about it. I mean, I can’t promise that I won’t freak - I want you to be able to tell me anything--”

“Lydia.” He finally interrupted her and gave her a sad smile when she met his eyes. “I’m okay now.”

Slowly, Lydia nodded her head in understanding. “Prudence said you couldn’t remember...” she whispered. 

“I saw you every day,” he consoled. “You gave me my name back. I couldn’t remember anything, but there wasn’t a moment that went by that I didn’t think about cha. And that was all because of you. Because of this.” He patted the VHS on his chest.

The waterworks started up again, and Lydia rubbed at her face as she tried to extinguish the tears as they appeared. Betelgeuse pulled her reluctant form into his arms and reveled in her warmth as she sniveled into the crook of his neck. “It’s over. Okay? Ya did it.”

Lydia laughed and cried with relief. It was over, and she had no idea what to do with herself without the heavy burden of guilt on her soul. “What now?” She asked fearfully. 

“We marathon the show, duh,” he answered like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

She laughed again and then stared at her beloved who started sniffing the air. Mouth watering all of a sudden, he sat straighter and tugged on Lydia’s sleeve. “What. Is. That?”

“What’s what?” She asked curiously.

“That smell.” His stomach growled loudly, and Lydia erupted into giggles again.

“Smells like pizza.” She sat upright and smiled excitedly, bounced off the bed and pulled him with her. “Come on!”

* * *

 

Delia opened and closed the Pizza box by the stairs until she heard their footsteps, then smiled devilishly, and raced into the kitchen. Pulling out a slice, the redhead leaned on the kitchen counter casually and munched. The pair ran down the stairs and into the kitchen.

“Oh,” Delia feigned surprise. “You two hungry? Dig in.”

Lydia tore the box open and served herself and Betelgeuse a slice. She and Delia stared at him, stock still until he took a bite.

“O ma fuhkin gawd” he muffled through a full mouth of pizza, eyes closed in bliss.

The two women burst out laughing. Lydia sped to the fridge, pulled out a coke, snapped it open and thrust it into Betelgeuse’s other hand. When he took a sip, it took everything in him not to spit it out. They laughed again at his scrunched up face of disgust.

“That fuckin’ burns!” He belched immediately, and the two women were hanging onto the counter for dear life, completely overrun by their hysterical fits.

“Losers,” he grumbled but happily shoveled more pizza into his mouth. After he finished the slice, Betelgeuse felt parched. He eyed the coke suspiciously. “I think I’ll take water for now.”

Seeing that his little savior was still fighting through small spurts of amusement while chewing, Betelgeuse walked to the fridge to serve himself. Lydia sprang into action, determined to be a good hostess when both their hands landed on the handle, and she saw his eyes lock onto a magnet. She paled when she realized it was a picture of her and Bianca.

Mortified, Lydia’s heart started pounding in her ears as she tried to figure out what was worse. Betelgeuse already knowing she had a daughter. Or just plain forgetting Bianca entirely since she saw Betelgeuse at the audition. The internal war between concern for his well being and her daughters was so overwhelming that she jumped when she felt his hand cup her face. That piercing look she had fought so hard to capture in drawings so that she would never forget it, bore through her now. That look that Dave could never hope to replicate.

“It’s late,” he murmured. “You should prolly head back.” 

The slice of pizza Lydia had greedily eaten threatened to surface as her heart fell into her gut. Lydia opened her mouth to say something, but only a whimper came out. 

“Hey,” he soothed. “It’s okay. I’m not goin’ anywhere.”

“I… I’ve heard that before,” she squeaked.

All Betelgeuse could do was sigh as he brought her into his embrace. 

“Just… a little while longer,” she pleaded into his shirt. “I’ll make a call… and then… then we can… talk about it… or… whatever… whatever you want.”

“Sure,” he said as he rubbed her back. It was torture for him seeing her this way so, naturally, he pinched her ass. 

Lydia yelped and looked up at Betelgeuse in utter shock as he smugly grinned down at her. “Go call yer kid. Imma pig out here.” He tore himself away from her and opened the fridge to block her view of him. Pretending to rummage around for something, Betelgeuse waited for her to walk away. Finally, he closed the door empty-handed when he heard her climb the stairs.

Delia looked at the haunted man with a sad smile before opening a cabinet and pulling out a glass. She opened the tap and filled it, then handed it to him. “She’s lovely, you know. Bibi. She adores you.” Delia laughed. “I mean... the cartoon. She was so excited to see the live show. Not exactly appropriate for kids but she was beside herself when she met… the actor… got his autograph and picture.”

“This is fucked up,” he replied flatly, then chugged the entire glass of water down without stopping for air.

Delia nodded while he brought the glass down on the counter too hard and shattered in his hand. They both jumped from surprise. “Fuck,” he breathed.

“It’s okay!” The red-head ran to another cabinet, pulled out a broom and dustpan, and made quick work of sweeping up the shattered glass. She looked uncertain for a moment before she finally faced him again and spoke. 

“I’m worried about her.” She admitted.

“The kid?”

“No. Lydia.”

“You n' me both.” The fragile bag of bones his beautiful scorpion had become pained him.

Delia whispered quickly. “I think she’s keeping something from us. And I think it’s eating her alive. She moved out of her house in New York to move in with that… that… fucking waste of space. She had the nerve to say that it was because she wanted to give him another chance because he’s Bibi’s father! Bullshit. After we probed her further, she admitted that she was trying to prove to him that she didn’t have a drinking problem. But I think there’s still something missing from the puzzle! Prudence mentioned a court order. He wants custody of Bibi.”

Betelgeuse raised his eyebrows at all of the new information that Delia dished out.

“And she is definitely hiding something in that fucking basement!” She pointed to the door.

Glancing in the direction of the basement door, he felt a chill run down his spine.  **_Yep. Definitely somethin’ down there._ ** “Hmm…” He pondered what it could be, then smiled wickedly. “Don’t worry, momma Deetz.” He winked at her. “I’m here now.” With that, he grabbed the pizza box and made for the stairs.

“Amen,” Delia smirked and started humming a happy tune as she tidied up the rest of the kitchen.

* * *

When Betelgeuse found Lydia, she was rushing to get off the phone while pacing in a circle. The frazzled woman raised her angry eyes at him and then cast them down again.

“Yes, yes, everything’s fine. No… I didn’t have another episode. I fell off my chair, and people overreacted… Well, yeah… I was just… surprised… it’s a long story, and I’ll tell you about it when I get back… soon… I just need some more time here… a friend of the family is in town… yeah… okay. Okay. Okay. Bye.”

Frustrated, Lydia hung up the phone, threw it on the bed and crossed her arms over her chest. Eyes still cast down, Lydia faced the window so she wouldn’t have to look at the man whom she felt she betrayed. As casually as he could, Betelgeuse made his way to the bed and sat against the headboard. No longer hungry but wanting to keep up the pretense of being completely fine with everything that had transpired, he pulled out another slice of pizza and munched.

“I, uh, went a little crazy five years ago… I didn’t think the whole biological clock thing was really a thing, but I guess I was wrong. I’m not sorry because that would mean that I regret my daughter. And I don’t. But... I’m sorry that… you had to come back to this… I hope you don’t think that I was just going around sleeping with anyone I could find - I mean I was lonely - very lonely - and there were a few--”

“It’s cool, babe,” he stopped her before he could completely lose his shit. Juno had assured him that the rebound was hardly even that. Lydia wanted a child. That was all. 

“They meant nothing to me. He… means nothing to me.”

“I said it’s fine,” he replied calmly.

Lydia whirled around with daggers in her eyes. “Why? Why are you okay with this? That’s not you. You should be fucking furious! Threatening to kill anyone who’s ever touched me or some shit like that!”

“Alright!” Agitated, Betelgeuse scratched his head and sniffed, then tossed the pizza box onto the nightstand. 

“Okay,” he relented. “Maybe it’s not me. Maybe I’m not okay with it. But I’ve had a little time to process and what the fuck do ya want me ta say, huh? It’s been seventeen fuckin’ years, Lyds. We were together for about the span of a fart in comparison. I’m not gonna blame ya for wantin’ to live your life. As much as part of me wants ta. Okay? Is that what ya wanna hear? Or do ya want me ta say, that if I were in your shoes, I’d o’ done the same thing?”

“Would you have? Done the same?” She questioned with hope. 

Betelgeuse could have just blurted out whatever his desperate angel wanted to hear. Instead, he thought hard on the question. Would he have abstained? Maybe for a while. For seventeen years as a mortal with hormones? Nope. To fight his loneliness, he probably would have shared a bed with as many whores he could find. He knew he did not take heartbreak well. Who knows what else he would have done in her absence, especially given his history of self-sabotaging habits. Would he have wanted a child? Most likely. He had wished to have children when he was alive, had been very eager to adopt Rhoslyn's son as his own, and didn’t mind marrying Greta too much when he found out she carried his child. The ache from earlier returned and he pushed it down with as much willpower as he could muster.

“Yeah, I think so,” he muttered sourly.

Lydia sighed with relief. “So, you don’t hate me?”

Total disbelief read on her beloved's face as his eyes bugged out. “Jesus, Lydia! Hate cha? You’re literally my savior from eternal damnation! I don’t think ya understand what that means! I fuckin’ worship the ground ya walk on! Imma build a fuckin’ shrine ta ya. Make a whole fuckin’ religion!”

Lydia fought the urge to laugh. He would understand how funny that was after watching episode five.

“But you wouldn’t have ended up there if it weren’t for me! I… I… You should blame me.”

“You know who I blame for this mess? The piece o’ shit, Bart. When I find him…” he chuckled mirthlessly, “He’s gonna wanna send himself to hell once he gets a taste of what I have in store for’em!” 

Lydia’s eyes went wide with fear. “You can’t. You can’t go after him.”

“Oh, yes, I can.” He smiled dangerously.

“No!” She hugged herself tighter but stayed rooted in place. “I can’t... lose you again…”

“You won’t.”

“YOU CAN’T KEEP SAYING THAT!” 

“YES, I CAN. NOW GET YER ASS OVER HERE SO THAT I CAN HOLD YOU GODDAMNIT!”

Lydia shook her head and faced the window again. 

“Fuck this,” he growled.

Violently, Betelgeuse pushed himself off the bed, took three long strides, picked Lydia up, and threw her on top of it. Before she could get up, he trapped her with his own body weight and hissed into her ear.

“I’ve been playin’ real nice, all patient, carin’ and shit. I think I’ve waited long enough for this moment. You’re gonna let me love you. Now!”

Lydia shook her head again, fighting off the fog that was starting to take over and whined.

“So, that’s it, huh?” He murmured seductively. “I’m too late? You don’t want me anymore?” He knew she did and was glad to see that her tells where had not changed. The slightly furrowed brow, the tiniest lick of her lips, and clouded dark look his her eyes all said the same thing. She wanted him. The undiluted look of desire in those beautiful brown eyes had always thrown him for a loop. No one had ever looked at him like that. It drove him insane now.

“You don’t know me anymore,” she bit out. “I’m not the sweet easy-going girl you fell for. I’m an old, cold-hearted bitch that does anything to get what she wants--”

Betelgeuse forcefully spread her legs and put almost all of his weight on her again. Lydia almost choked on her saliva when she felt his erection press into her jeans and bit back a moan. Heat flooded her, and it felt good. He felt so good. The chemistry was still there, that was certain, and the feel of his heat coming off of him in waves was intoxicating her further. He was so alive. The kiss from earlier had almost been her death. She had never felt him that way before. His lips had been surprisingly soft, his stubble had scratched roughly at her skin, lightly coating her in his oils that smelled so goddamn manly and sexy. No one had ever made her feel like she did at this moment. No one before or after him had ever made her feel so alive.

A low growl vibrated in his chest. “Gahd,” he rasped. “You feel that? That’s us, babe.” The impassioned lover didn’t have to search his memories to know he had never felt that kind of intensity for anyone in his life or afterlife. Not only were their souls a perfect match, now he knew their physical bodies were too. “We’re made for each other. Fer better or worse. Tell me no. I fuckin’ dare ya.”

Lydia would never deny it, she had already come to terms with that ages ago and felt no shame in it, but she owed him the same chance he had given her in the past. “B, you don’t know what you’re getting yourself into.”

“Don’t gimme that shit. You know me better than that. And ya think I didn’t see the cold-hearted bitch under all that cute?” He growled again and crushed his lips to her hard. The feel and taste of those lips could kill him all over again. He ended his kiss just as abruptly. “You said it once already. We know each other. Now, if you still want me, then I expect for you to fulfill that promise ya just made and take what ya want, fuck the consequences.” He thrust again.

Lydia couldn’t hold back her moan that time, it egged him on to conquer her mouth once more and continue his bucking, hard. 

It was over fast. He was not prepared for the quick and brutal release in his pants that came upon him suddenly. Stars burst behind his eyelids while his mouth was still on hers and a loud, choked, desperate grunt escaped him. Panting, he came down from his orgasm unsteadily as Lydia bucked her own hips into his sensitive bulge. 

“Fuck,” he husked, overwhelmed and disappointed with his weak body.

Lydia pulled his head down to hers and whimpered into his lips as she clawed at his back and propelled her hips fiercely, frantic for her own release. Dragging his hand over her breast, he stopped when he felt something hard beneath her blouse. 

Pulling on her collar suddenly, he flipped the material over to find the spider brooch he had meant to give her for their anniversary, pinned on the inside of her shirt over her heart. Lydia was frozen beneath him as she watched his eyes fill with emotion. He shot a hand to his neck and pulled on a long leather cord until it revealed a ring. Lydia smiled as she recognized the wedding band, then a smugness took over his features as he met her gaze. 

“Not too late, after all.” He grinned with confidence, then plunged his hand between them to her warm, damp jeans between her legs and began thrusting again with vigor. Pushing, grabbing, rubbing and circling as he whipped his hips hard against her, Lydia finally keened and fell apart beneath him. After a few moments to catch her breath... she started banging her fists on his chest with fury.

“Fuck! Damnit! I was trying to give you a way out!” This was not how it was supposed to go. He was supposed to hate her, blame her, find her disgusting… leave her.

Betelgeuse wrestled her arms away and held them down on either side. “Shuddup,” he grated before plundering her mouth greedily until she went limp. When he surfaced, Lydia was thoroughly dazed and, at last, calm.

“Finally.” He let go of Lydia’s wrists and stroked her hair away from her face. “Now, listen up,” he continued with a softness that shocked her. “I’m back. And I’m stayin’.” She opened her mouth to argue, but he cut her off. “I can’t go back there. Ya get me? It’s impossible.” 

“Don’t lie to me," she warned.

“I never lie ta ya.”

“Liar.”

Betelgeuse snickered. She really did know him too well. “Just tellin’ ya what they told me. Ask Juno if ya want.” She doesn’t need the details.

Lydia narrowed her eyes at him but stayed silent.

“I’ve got stuff ta do while I’m in this fleshbag, but you n' me? We’re gonna fix this shit storm. M’kay? Startin’ with gettin’ rid o’ that asswipe you’re goin’ back to.”

“I’m not going back to him,” she defended. 

“Yer goin’ back to yer kid, whatever. I’d tell ya ta pack yer shit tonight, but I’m under the impression there’s some fishy business goin’ on?”

Lydia stayed quiet and nodded her head slowly. There was no way she was going to divulge any of the unsaid threats from Dave. Not yet anyway.

“We’ll figure it out tomorrow. Yes?”

Lydia nodded again, completely surprised with his uncharacteristically mature reaction thus far. Why he wasn’t suggesting she stay was beyond her and filled her with doubt. She wanted to stay more than anything, but little Bibi’s face flashed in her mind, and she knew what she must do. Lydia had to leave. Tomorrow. Tomorrow would be a new day. Tomorrow was filled with hope and promise.  **_He will still be here… tomorrow._ **

“Okay,” she relented.

“Good. Now get.” He rolled off of her and helped her stand. 

Feeling limp, Lydia staggered and leaned into him for support. “For the record, this is not how I imagined our reunion would be.”

Betelgeuse chuckled, brought his hands low and squeezed both her cheeks. “Yer welcome.”   
  


* * *

 

Lydia was on her fifth “last hug” in front of the cab as she clung to Betelgeuse for dear life. “Lunch. Right? Be at my office at noon. Don’t be late. Actually be early. Okay?”

“You got it.” He forced her to turn around and shoved Lydia into the cab before he could throw her over his shoulder and lock her up with him upstairs.

“Wait!” Lydia screamed and grabbed him by the collar, pulling him down for another kiss. “I love you,” she whispered fiercely. “I never said that enough back then. And I have no idea what the fuck is gonna happen now. So… yeah.”

Betelgeuse gave her a goofy smile. “Love you too, babe.” He licked her nose, the surprise making Lydia giggle, then closed the door and slapped the cab's roof. The pain of watching her departure was almost too much, but he smiled and waved at his stolen bride as she hung out of the window. He wanted to run after her. Stop her. Take her back to the room and never leave. He wondered if he wondered if had he pushed hard enough, whether she would have stayed, but a memory burned in his mind whenever he felt the urge to do so. 

When he was still a boy, Betelgeuse had overheard an argument between Juno and a promising suitor. The man wanted to turn him out. Said he’d marry her and provide for her so long as she left the whoreson behind. There had been a long moment where Betelgeuse was sure she would agree. She owed him nothing. In fact, he owed her for the work, the roof over his head and warm meals. Juno had thrown the man out. “ _ A man should know better _ , she proclaimed,  _ than to try and come between a mother and her child.”  _

As soon as the cab disappeared, Betelgeuse stalked toward the house and entered. Delia and the Maitlands stood by patiently as he walked in and clapped his hands hard.

“Alright, kids!” He grated as he rubbed his hands together in anticipation. “Show me what’s in the creepy basement.” 

It was a much-needed distraction, but a small part of him felt a bit of dread over what he might find. The rational side of him said it couldn’t be that bad, it was Lydia they were talking about after all. Still, the closer he got to the door, the more uncomfortable his physical body felt. It was a feeling he recognized from his life, and it worried him. Something eerie and undeniably dead was definitely down there. Of that, Betelgeuse was sure.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	7. Oh, Lyds...

The basement was their first headquarters after Betelgeuse had disappeared. Everyone helped Lydia clear it out entirely to organize their investigative efforts. Over the years, the basement had turned into the birthplace of Lydia’s plan to bring her infuriating beloved back from whatever hell Bart had sent him to. Both handbooks had been dissected and reorganized in binders, inside protective sleeves, with colorful tabs and Lydia’s scribbled notes and typed theories.

Corkboard became the new walls, maps and clippings became the new wallpaper as they collected anything that might help get Betelgeuse back or at the very least, capture Bart. It should have been a complete mess, but Lydia had taken great pains into making sure that everything was clean and organized… and safe. The four of them stood in the basement and looked around. To the naked eye, there was nothing suspicious but Betelgeuse could feel the eerie energy coming from every corner.

“When did she start lockin’ this place up?” Betelgeuse asked.

“When she met Dave. About five years ago.”

“Hmm. When she went baby crazy,” he stated matter of factly.

Barbara rolled her eyes. “Yes.”

Betelgeuse could hear the annoyance in her voice and smiled. Taking a deep breath, the medium closed his eyes and focussed. He stayed silent for a while and very still.

“Well?” Asked Adam. “There’s nothing here is there?”

“Maybe it’ll be easier if you were… you know. A ghost?” Asked Delia hopefully.

Ignoring them, Betelgeuse opened his eyes again and looked at the floor. He gave it a few testing stomps and walked around continuing his search. Everything was solid, which confused him. Then he noticed some scratch marks.

“What was ‘ere before?”

“A couple of desks,” replied Adam.

“When were they removed?”

They looked at each other with sudden realization.

“Five years ago.” They replied in unison.

Betelgeuse smirked and looked over his shoulder at the three dummies. “Anyone got a black light?”

Delia fetched the blacklight bulbs, Adam switched them out with the current ones, and a shocking sight was revealed. One the ground glowed an array of faded pagan symbols in an almost perfect circle surrounding a large pentagram. While Delia and the Maitlands gasped, Betelgeuse pursed his lips and shook his head slowly.

“Oh, babe. What did you do?”

“What is it? What does it mean,” asked Barbara concernedly.

“Not sure. Definitely messin’ with some dark shit 'ere. But…” He knelt down to inspect some symbols. “Looks like she was bein’ careful. These here,” he pointed, “are right-hand path. White magic. So… I’m guessin’ she made this… mish-mash-whatever-spell herself. Which means there’s probably notes. If I can find that, I might be able to figure out what she did.”

“Unless she destroyed them,” Adam stated.

“Nah, if she were bein’ a smart witch, and I think she was, she’d have them just in case she needed to fix somethin’.” Betelgeuse got up too fast and lost his balance while seeing black spots. He felt his form steady by an outside force. Barbara was keeping him upright.

“You need to take care of that body for it to work properly, you know?” Barbara chided.

Betelgeuse shook it off and smirked. “Yeah, outta practice, what can I say?” In all honesty, he wanted to rip the noose off his neck, but since he wasn’t used to the physical form, his transitions had been awful. There was another reason to keep the rope on as well. The physical form dulled his mind considerably making his memories murky and less painful. It almost felt like his time in the lower levels was a bad dream. He liked it better that way.

“You must be exhausted. We can look for her notes tomorrow.” Delia offered.

“Sure. And find whatever else is down ‘ere givin’ me the heebie-jeebies.” Betelgeuse added.

“There’s something else?” Adam asked, shocked.

Betelgeuse looked around suspiciously. “Oh yeah.”

“Oh Adam,” Barbara lamented. “For her to hide anything from us? It’s got to be bad.”

Delia nodded in agreement.

“Calm yer tits, everybody. If it were that bad, somethin’ would've happened by now. Five years is a long time for ya not notice anythin’.”

They murmured their assent but dubiously.

“You don’t think…” Delia started with wide eyes. “That it has anything to do with Bianca, do you?”

**_Well, duh._ **

They all stared at him in fear.

“Nah, nah,” he waved it off, lying through his teeth as his eyes widened briefly when they landed on the fertility symbols on the ground again. “Alright,” he decided to change the subject. “Sherlock, here, needs to catch some shuteye or I’m gonna fall on my face.” Betelgeuse left them behind to deal with removing the evidence of their disturbance. Winded from climbing the set of stairs, he rolled his eyes at his weakness again and flinched when he felt pain near his hips. “What is it now?” He grumbled and poked at the area. “Oh.” He needed to take a piss. “What a fuckin’ inconvenience…” he muttered with other obscenities as he made his way to the bathroom to do his business.

* * *

 

The drive back to New York was quicker than she realized. Lydia was dazed for most of the trip, just answering Prudence’s questions as they came. As they stopped in front of Bertha’s home, Lydia gasped.

“Shit, Pru!” She exclaimed horrified. “We didn’t talk about you and Bertha!”

Prudence hoped the dark cab hid her blush that she felt creeping down her neck. “You’ve had a crazy day, Lydia.”

“I always have a crazy day,” Lydia replied with disappointment. “It’s no excuse to forget my family.”

Prudence knew that Lydia cared deeply for her friends, calling her and Bertha family had always felt like a great honor. Her best friend tried so hard to be present for all of them, but she was too hard on herself. The only one with expectations of Lydia was Lydia, and they were set high.

“Lydia, the love of your life just came back from hell. You’re allowed not to give three fucks about anyone else right now.”

Lydia looked at her friend in shock. Prudence hardly ever cursed. Prudence started giggling, which sent Lydia into a little fit herself.

“Hokay, if you say so,” Lydia laughed. “But Listen…” she sobered. “If you have feelings for her, you should just say so. Bertha is very patient and understanding, unlike Beej. So, if you don’t give her a hint? Things may never happen. If it hadn’t been for Betel’s insane persistence… I may never have jumped off that cliff. And I wouldn’t have the fond memories to look back on. Love… it’s worth taking the risk. And coming from me? That’s saying something.”

Prudence laughed and nodded. She gave her friend a hug. “Thanks. I have a lot to think about. Go home and try to rest, okay? You have a big day tomorrow.” Prudence exited the car and gave Lydia one last smile.

As soon as the door closed, she gave the cabby the next address, and the usual sour mood started to take root. Lydia pictured the excited, smiling face of her daughter, but it did little to quell her guilt. There was so much that Betelgeuse just didn’t understand yet and, as usual, he was jumping in head first into a myriad of problems with no care for the repercussions.

Lydia shook her head in dejection and wondered if she could do the same. It was the kind of courage or just plain carelessness that had sent her into his arms in the first place. Maybe, just maybe, she could do it again… but Bianca was in the picture now, and for both her sake and Betelgeuse’s, Lydia knew she would have to exercise enough care for the both of them.

Finding the willpower to curb his impulses had never really worked in the past but she had to try. Betelgeuse had to know how important it was to do things right this time but she had no idea how to express that to him without telling him the whole truth. Lydia shuddered at the thought of divulging everything. He’d kill Dave, no question. With a smile too.

The driver dropped her off at Dave’s apartment, and Lydia took a deep breath before punching in the code to get in. When she finally entered their shared space, Bianca ran to her with open arms and puffy eyes.

“Mommy!” Bianca cried as she wrapped her arms around her mother’s legs.

“Hey, sweetie! Why aren’t you asleep? It’s so late.”

“She wouldn’t go down without you.” Dave entered and leaned on the wall, exhausted and frustrated.

“Bibi, let’s go to your room, Okay?”

Bianca sniffed then nodded her head as she let go of her death grip on her.

Meeting her daughter in her room, she tucked Bianca in and stroked her hair. “What happened, baby? Was he mean to you?”

Bianca shook her in denial. Lydia almost wanted it to be a “yes” so she could pack up their things and leave and not care about the consequences.

“I missed you. He said you would come back if I fell asleep,” she uttered timidly.

Lydia felt an evil satisfaction every time Bianca would carefully avoid calling Dave “dad.” It bothered him immensely, and he blamed Lydia for it. Whenever Bianca did say it, it was because Dave would insist on it if she wanted something from him.

“Where were you?” Bianca asked with accusation.

“I was at Gammy Didi’s.”

Bianca’s eyes widened comically. “Whaaaat? I wan’ed to go!”

“I’m sorry, honey. It just sorta happened all of a sudden.”

Bianca crossed her arms over her chest and pouted. Lydia gave her a cryptic smirk and leaned in to whisper near her ear.

“Someone special was there, and I had to meet him quickly so, I’m so sorry that I didn’t have time to come and get you.”

Bianca took the bait and narrowed her eyes. “Who?”

“Mommy’s best friend.” Lydia let that simmer as she watched Bianca process her words.

“Auntie Pru? No… you said him.”

Lydia shook her head in bewilderment. Bianca wasn’t even five yet, but she was smart as a whip.

After a few more moments of deep thinking, little Bibi’s face lit up, and she bolted upright.

“BEETLEJ--”

Lydia covered Bianca’s mouth quickly. “Shh! Shh!”

Bianca was muffling a mile a minute behind Lydia’s hand. “Bibi!” She whispered laughingly. “Quiet!” She grew serious, “Dave can’t know! Okay?”

Bianca composed herself and dramatically gesticulated while taking deep calming breaths that made Lydia giggle. When Lydia removed her hand, Bianca whispered excitedly.

“He’s back from the Neitherworld?” She bit her lower lip then brought her templed fingers to her mouth.

Lydia nodded her head and laughed at her little human.

“Is he going to take us there?” Bianca bounced up and down.

“Maybe someday. You know it’s not as easy as the cartoon.”

“I know! Because it’s make-believe!”

“That’s right.”

“When?! When can I see him?” A sudden thought made Bianca freeze and widen her eyes in horror. “Is he here right now? But invisible?”

“No. No. He’s with Gammy Didi.”

“Oh,” she deflated. “Can we call him? Now?”

“No, baby. He can’t hear us right now. He’s sleeping.”

“Oh, okay. Can we visit him tomorrow at Gammy Didi’s?” She asked hopefully. “Please!”

“We’ll see. He’s only just got back, you know. It’s been so long. He needs time to adjust. Times have changed a lot since he was last here. We should give him a little while to… um...”

“Prank people?!”

“Yeah,” Lydia snickered.

“Oooo! He’s going to have so much fun!” She bounced up and down again and fanned the air.

“Okay. Get back under the covers. Go to sleep.”

Bianca exhaled with annoyance. “How am I gonna sleep now?! That is, like, the bestest news!”

“It is. But we have our appointment tomorrow so, you need to be rested.”

Bianca shrunk under her covers at the thought of the critical appointment.

“Mommy?” She whispered with uncertainty. “Can we finally go home after the appointment?”

“Not right away. If everything goes well, then we should be going home very soon.”

“Maybe B… um… Beej can help us with the appointment.”

Lydia’s face fell for a moment at the thought of having her recently returned fiance clean up her mess. Hadn’t he been through enough already? Plus, his way of dealing with things would certainly be cause for concern. This needed to be handled tactfully. He couldn’t just bully or scare Dave off. Legal issues wherein the mix now and Lydia knew she had to exercise caution on this delicate matter. “Bibi, mommy has everything under control. Okay?”

Bianca nodded, and after Lydia gave her a goodnight kiss, she turned over and smirked. The doting mother heard her whisper “Beetlejuice” as she closed the door behind her. Not realizing she was still smiling, Lydia’s smile instantly faded when she saw Dave waiting for her in the living room.

“We had a good day today,” he offered with a pep in his voice.

“That’s good,” she replied, flatly as she casually made her way to the kitchen for a drink of water.

“So, who’s the friend?” He inquired with a hint of accusation.

“Huh?” She stalled, not ready to drop the bomb yet. Lydia was not prepared for a fight. Not tonight. She needed more time to figure a way out of the mess she’d thrown herself into.

“You said a friend of the family was over at Delia’s?”

Lydia opened the fridge and tried to sound nonchalant. “Yeah.”

“Okay… so what friend?” He interrogated again with more suspicion while he moved around the counter to wrap his arms around her waist.

It was as if acid had burned through her clothes from his touch. Lydia ripped herself out of his grasp so violently that Dave lurched forward and almost stumbled to the ground. For the first time in weeks, her mind was clear. The colors and details of the everything around her were in sharp focus as the scorpion's adrenaline kicked into high gear.

“What the hell?” He exclaimed as he regained his footing. Dave righted himself and was rooted in place when he saw a look of pure venom in Lydia’s eyes.

“I’m exhausted. It’s been a long day, and I don’t want to talk about it right now. Okay?”

Dave’s defenses were up in an instant. Five weeks was all it took for her to start treating him with her usual disdain. He thought things were getting better. He thought she was finally making progress. He thought she finally saw things his way and… giving in. Obviously not. “Fine,” he said with his old passive aggressive tone. “We’ll talk about it tomorrow.”

 **_Oh yeah, asshole? That’s what we’re gonna do, huh? Because you say so?_ **  “Sure. Whatever. I’m going to take a bath and go right to bed. Please don’t disturb me,” she bit out as she powerwalked to the bathroom and locked the door behind her, leaving a fuming Dave behind.

Dave pursed his lips as he eyed the two doors that separated him from his infuriating family. He knew it was more than doors that kept them apart. Neither one of them trusted him, and Dave had no idea why. He was intelligent, was musically inclined, he cleaned, cooked,  always asked them how their day went, gave them affection and always told them that he loved them. What more did they want? Maybe he was a bit out of shape, but that didn’t stop Lydia from fucking him before. There were so many instances where he tried to make sense of it all. Sure, Lydia had told him that she wasn’t looking for anything serious. In fact, she was sincere from the get-go about still being in love with another man. His Leo-like confidence told him he could win her over and boy was he wrong. **_No, not wrong…_ ** he just needed more time, and he was a very patient man.

 

If only Bianca would grow to love him, then maybe Lydia would finally follow suit. Honestly, he really thought he had the stubborn woman this time around. When he had laid eyes on little Bianca, he did not guess right away that she could be his, she looked nothing like him, but when he found out her age? Well, the suspicion was confirmed when he cornered Lydia and asked her outright if she was his daughter. Not that Lydia openly admitted it. It was her look that told him. That look of fear he never saw on that lovely face before or after that moment. And how he basked in that look. That look that said he affected her in some way. The stoic thorn that she was, never gave away her feelings and if fear was the only thing she’d give him, then fine. Fear is what he would use to chisel away at that hardened outer shell and find the angel within that he was sure was there. Dave was sure that once he helped her uncover who she really was and helped her discover her true potential as a woman and - dare he say, wife - she would finally see him with different eyes. She would eventually love him. All he needed was patience… and well, little, innocent blackmail didn’t hurt either.

* * *

 

Stripping off her clothes quickly, she practically ran to plug up the tub and turned on the water. Hastily, she lit her special candles and turned off the lights. When the water was at the hight Lydia preferred, she climbed in. Placing her neck pillow behind her, she shimmied down and relaxed.

Almost immediately, her little green orb appeared, and the medium concentrated on matching her breath with its pulsing glow. This was the image that helped her reach a deep meditative state for astral projection. It didn’t take long, a mere eight seconds and she was standing over her physical body. With a blink, Lydia clothed herself and appeared in the bedroom first. Dave was still asleep. She checked on Bianca who was already asleep as well, then concentrated on reaching her old home.

After a short rush, Lydia opened her eyes only to be met with Betelgeuse in her bed, watching Beetlejuice the animated series, laughing his ass off. Cloaking herself before arriving, the master of astral projection stayed hidden from view and hoped he hadn’t noticed her.

Stifling her own amusement, Lydia watched him. For a moment, it seemed his countenance changed to one of caution, but then he laughed suddenly again. Lydia turned her head to see what episode he was on and realized he was laughing at his own willpower named Will. Any moment he would see the shrine in his cartoon counterparts head of Lydia. She watched with great anticipation and was not disappointed by his reaction.

“Holy fuckin’ Christ! BAHAHAHAHA!! OH, BABE! FUCKIN'-A!” He was out of air to laugh anymore and started coughing.  

The invisible woman brought a hand to her mouth to keep from screeching. After the episode was over, he turned the tv off and stretched, then got up and left the room. Lydia levitated herself off the floor and followed. The hallway bathroom shut behind him. Not very patiently, she waited but then heard the bath running. Biting her lip and wondering if she should go in, Lydia contemplated what he would do if in her situation. With a blink, she was inside and watched him undress.

Betelgeuse’s back was turned to her, and she watched his back muscles twitch with every movement he made to take off his pants. It was all new to her. The slight pink tinge to his skin, the tiny muscle spasms, the way his plump round ass jiggled as he hopped out of the last pant leg. The dulled memories of his ghostly naked body plus the new and very much alive flesh he inhabited made her feel like she was looking at a stranger. Lydia wanted to cry again, but she refrained. She waited on baited breath for him to turn around, wanting so bad for him to feel familiar again.

Not bothering throwing his clothes in the designated hamper, Betelgeuse stepped into the tub and rummaged through the toiletries set out for him on the shelves. She wanted to see his face, she really did, but her eyes went straight for his crotch instead. In her periphery, Lydia noticed him sniff every bottle before finally plopping down into the tub with a splash, barring her from continuing her ogling of his ample package.

Betelgeuse scrubbed away at himself quickly and surprisingly thoroughly, then reclined and closed his eyes. Looking at him completely relaxed made Lydia’s heart hurt. How long had it been since he was able to feel safe enough to enjoy a relaxing moment? How long had it been since he had been given any kindness? How long--

**_What the fuck?_ **

The water was too murky from the soap residue to make anything out clearly, but Lydia was sure that Betelgeuse was now stroking himself just beneath the surface. Her suspicion was rewarded when he let out a soft moan.

“Oh yeah, now there’s somethin’ I’ve missed,” he murmured.

The intruder whirled around and comically moved about not knowing where to go or what to do.

“Ungh, Lyds,” he rasped.

Lydia froze and chanced a look over her shoulder, giving her best deer in headlights impression. The oblivious man was still at it and going at a faster pace, the water making little splashes from his efforts. His moans came in more frequently, and he uttered her name just before he tensed up and let out a curse and a grunt. His head thumped onto the ledge of the tub as he panted lightly.

Lydia closed her eyes, and before she could process what had just happened, she heard him speak again.

“Did ya like that, babe?”

Lydia opened her eyes to find Betelgeuse smiling wickedly, right at her.

“Aw fuck!” she let out just as she brought herself out of her projection. His cackle rang in her ears as her bathroom came into view. Lydia looked around wildly then slapped the water in frustration.

“Motherfucker!” She seethed, then buried her face in her hands and laughed.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	8. Oh, Beej...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No scene art today, sorry! My tendonitis is acting up again so, I'm resting my arm and booking a deep tissue massage! Hopefully, that helps and puts me back on track with writing chapter 20. I do have a lot going on right now so, I've slowed down a bit. I'm starting a business! However, I want this story to be complete by Halloween. That's my goal!
> 
> A special thank you to snarky-synesthete for that lovely message this morning. Thanks for all the follows, favorites, and comments! Again, it all really inspires me!
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Beetlejuice

In the early morning, before the birds even started their song, a terrifying scream filled the air of the Deetz residence. The horrific sound of agony penetrated so thoroughly through the walls that the valium induced Delia shot out of bed with a yelp, flamingly her arms with her sleep mask still on. After the moment of confusion passed, she ripped off her mask and scrambled out of bed. Throwing on her robe, she ran straight for Betelgeuse’s room and threw the door open. The Maitland’s were already inside yelling at the top of their dead lungs.

“WAKE UP!” “YOU’RE DREAMING!” They blared to no avail.

Betelgeuse was screaming and thrashing in bed. Quick on her feet, Delia ran to the bathroom, dumped the decorative basin and filled it with water as quickly as she could. She ran back, unable to keep water from spilling on the way and finally threw what was left onto terrorized man’s face. His eyes snapped open, and he coughed from inhaling some water. The wild man launched out of bed and cornered himself, snarling on all fours like a rabid beast. Suddenly, he closed his eyes and started yelling in an unrecognizable language.

“Be bunden defles! Eouwer Fel Dæds are bonnen!”

The effect was almost immediate. Barbara and Adam were thrust back into the walls as if crucified and began their own wailing. It was chaos, and as much as Delia shouted and pleaded with Betelgeuse to stop, he could not hear reason. He could not hear anything. So, the red-headed medusa ran for the lamp on the nightstand, charged at Betelgeuse full speed, and cracked the base of the lamp over his head, knocking him out cold. The Maitland's dropped to the ground, and they stared at one another in horror.

* * *

 

“You are not fine!” Delia shouted at the annoyed Betelgeuse currently facedown on the granite countertop with a bag of frozen vegetables resting on his bruised head.

“I had a nightmare. So what?” He replied with boredom.

Adam threw his hands in the air in frustration and gritted through his teeth. “That was no regular ol’ nightmare, Betel.”

“Yeah,” Barbara chimed in. “You nearly exorcized us!”

“Nah.” He waved them off.

“Nah? NAH?!” Delia slammed a cup of coffee down in front of Betelgeuse, which made him flinch.

“Would ya give me a fuckin’ break? All o’ ya?! FUCK! It’s like livin’ in a goddamn, frantic hen house!” He finally lifted his head and grimaced when he saw black and a wave of nausea hit him. “I think I have a concussion, _Delia_! Screw this. I’m starting over. If I’m gonna feel this shitty - might as well!” Betelgeuse ripped the cord from his neck and felt instant, blissful relief from physical pain. “Ugh. Thank Madonna’s sweet tits!”

“Betel,” Adam started. “I think we should call Juno.”

Betelgeuse let out a long phlegmy exhale of annoyance. “You’re worse than the women! Grow a pair! I’m not gonna go cryin’ to _mommy_ every time I have bad _dweam_.” He finished in a childish, whiny tone.

“What if Lydia had been in bed with you?” Barbara fumed. Betelgeuse growled and glared at her. “You would have hurt her,” She continued.

“Yeah, well, she wasn’t, and I didn’t!” He defended.

“Listen,” Adam tried again in a calmer tone. “Post Traumatic Stress is a very real thing, and there’s nothing to be ashamed of. You need help.”

Eye twitching with fury, Betelgeuse looked from one pitying asshole to the other and suddenly transformed his face into the most grotesque, terrifying, bat-looking creature and screeched as loud as he could. It got the reaction he wanted as everyone screamed and jumped back away from him. Then he disappeared.

The poltergeist popped back into Lydia’s room dropping straight into bed. Groaning with annoyance, Betelgeuse grabbed one of her pillows and screamed into it. While his eyes were closed, Leonard’s face was clear as day behind his eyelids. He yelped, snapping his eyes back open to dispel the vision. The nightmare had been terrifying, and his astral mind had no buffer to keep its sharp details at bay. With a sigh, he picked up the “noose” and wrapped it around his neck once more. The transition was not as bad as the first two times, but it was still unsettling.

Once his physical form was back to normal, Betelgeuse searched for his head wound and found it was gone. There was no pain except for the dull discomfort of being alive. His terrible nightmare was foggy once more, and he sighed with relief.

The bed was still damp from his profuse sweating, and he thanked the stars above he hadn’t pissed or shit himself. If Lydia had been with him… Barbara’s words filled him with fear, and he cursed her under his breath for putting the thought in his head.

“I need a fuckin’ distraction. I just need ta have some fun. Right? Right. Yes. Let’s do this!” He threw his fists in the air to rile himself up and then hopped out of bed.

* * *

 

Delia and the Maitland’s were huddled together muttering about what to do with Betelgeuse when he came rushing down the stairs. Practically skipping into the kitchen with a smile on his face, the chipper blonde slapped Delia’s ass as he made his way to the fridge. Delia jumped then stared open-mouthed at the bipolar bastard.

“So, what’s for breakfast, Red?!” He yelled with enthusiasm as he opened the fridge. “I’m starvin’!”

Delia looked at the other two dumbfounded people at the counter and shook her head. “Well, I can make some pancakes…” she offered.

Betelgeuse slammed the fridge shut and twirled before landing in front of a basket of fruit.

“Mmm, apples! Ya know I love’em!” He tossed four apples into the air, started juggling, then caught one with his mouth. Placing the other apples down, he crunched hard on the one between his teeth and chewed. He noticed everyone was staring at the show so, he gave them a toothy smile and winked. “Still got it!”

Betelgeuse plucked a banana from the basket, having never tried one, and tripped over his too large shoes, knocking Delia’s purse off the counter.

“Uh oh! Sorry about that,” he picked it up and placed it back on the counter, then went for the front door.

“Hey!” Called Delia. “Where do you think you’re going?”

Betelgeuse smoothly turned to face the three oglers and sighed. Placing a hand to his chest, he cast his eyes down in shame, and shuffled his feet awkwardly.

“Well,” he began full of remorse. “I’ve been thinkin’ about what y’all said. And… yer right.”

Barbara couldn’t help but gasp.

“Red, Babs… four-eyes. I’ve got a lot ta think about. But I know… that I’ll get the help I need as long as I have my new friends around supportin’ me.” Betelgeuse glanced up at them and almost regretted making eye contact because the three losers looked like they were close to tears.

“Anyway,” he continued. “I’m just gonna step outside and get some air… think about what ta do next with my second chance at this crazy thing called life.”

“Of course, darling!” Delia crooned.

“Take your time,” Barbara added sweetly.

“We’re here for you,” Adam stated supportively.

Betelgeuse gave a curt nod and walked out the door.

“That went surprisingly well,” Adam beamed. “He really is different from the first time we met him, right hun?”

“Yeah, yeah, sure. I mean. I can see why Lydia is so fond of him.” Barbara acknowledged.

“He’s like an old tattered teddy bear, isn’t he?” Delia added. “Doesn’t matter how awful he is, he still a snuggly old—“

 _SCREEEECH_!

…

…

“He just stole my car, didn’t he?” Delia asked flatly.

“Yep. I think so.” Adam replied dryly as Barbara buried her face in her hands.

* * *

 

“WOOOOOO YEAH!” Hair blowing in the wind, Betelgeuse was flying in Delia’s BMW Z4 convertible, and he had hardly any idea what he was doing. Having never driven a car before, Betelgeuse relied on what he had seen in movies and poked at the buttons on the center console until the radio turned on.

“That’s the ticket!” He turned the knob that started the music until it was loud enough to blow his ears off and nodded his head to a techno-pop soundish song.

“Korean?! What the hell? Nice beat though... Ohohoho nice lyrics... Shit! This song was made for me!”

By the second chorus, he was already singing along.

_“Areumdawo sarangseureowo_

_Geurae neo hey geurae baro neo hey!_

_Areumdawo sarangseureowo_

_Geurae neo hey geurae baro neo hey!_

_Jigeumbuteo gal dekkaji gabolkkaaaaa!_ YEAH! ALL THE WAY BABY!”

The long lonely road was not entirely empty, however, and it wasn’t long before a siren blared behind him.

“Aw, no!” Betelgeuse pouted. “That’s no fun! Ah, well!” He pulled over on the side of the road and waited patiently.

The old copper dusted off the powdered remnants of his doughnut as he parked his car behind the speedster.

“It really is too early for this shit,” he complained as he pulled out his clipboard and tickets, and made his way to the vehicle.

“License and registration,” he requested, dully. Met only by silence, the cop looked up to find the car wholly deserted.

“What the—“

Quite suddenly, his own vehicle’s engine revved, and sirens started to blare. The officer was only able to catch a glimpse of wild, blonde hair before the car peeled backward.

“HEY!” He yelled and waved his arms.

The cop car lurched forward and sped around the cop and the BMW, effectively dough nutting around them three times before screeching off the road and tumbling down a hill.

* * *

 

It was a quiet day in the Search and Rescue Headquarters as Juno furiously typed away at her infuriating computer when Betelgeuse shimmered into view in the chair before her looking very confused.

Mouth dropping open at the sight of him, she noticed some smoke emanating from his singed clothes.

“Chavi! What the hell did you do n—“

“Whoopsie! Toodle-oo!” Betelgeuse exclaimed merrily. “Home-home-home!”

He disappeared.

“Shit. Has it even been twenty-four hours?!” Juno yelled, exasperated.

* * *

 

Hoping to end up anywhere Lydia was at the moment, he frowned when he realized that his Home parameters were set to the Deets house itself when he materialized in Lydia’s room.

“Gonna have to fix that,” he grumbled. “Home is where the heart is dammit!” He yelled and gesticulated furiously at no one in particular.

He was furious, or was it forlorn? Definitely frustrated beyond comprehension because he could not get a grasp on what was happening to him at the moment as he paced back and forth muttering and snarling. It was not an unfamiliar feeling, however. This was something the six hundred and forty-five-year-old deadman was very familiar with. The great downward spiral of Betelgeuse, self-destructor-fucker-upper extraordinaire. Still, being familiar with the deploring cycle did nothing to help him gain any kind of footing. He was a mess.

It was evident that he was deep in the rabbit hole because when his adoptive mother appeared, he took no notice. Juno stood at the doorway to his room and watched her son’s telltale behavior that a total meltdown was about to ensue for a few moments before addressing him.

“One day, Chavi.” Juno shook her head in disappointment. “One fucking day and you’ve already stolen two cars and managed to kill yourself?”

Betelgeuse turned around, frowned, flipped Juno the bird and dove face first into Lydia’s bed, spread eagle. Delia and the Maitlands appeared behind the caseworker.

“Where’s my car?” Delia asked, surprisingly calm but with a raised eyebrow.

“It’s being towed here,” Juno replied dryly as she faced the new arrivals. Juno motioned toward Betelgeuse. “Welcome, everyone, to Betel’s famous ‘I’m not getting what I want so, I’ll destroy everything including myself tantrum.’” She continued as she stared at his lifeless form. The three stooges looked confused, so Juno directed her next words to the manchild.

“I thought this shit was over. Why aren’t you with Lydia? She’s the only one who keeps you outta my hair!”

His answer to her was kicking his legs furiously on the bed. After about ten seconds of that, Betelgeuse went still again so, Juno turned to Delia.

“What happened?” She asked with only a sliver of tolerance left in her being.

“He stole my car.”

Juno rolled her eyes. “Yeah, why?”

“I don’t know!” Delia defended.

“He has PTSD.” Barbara blurted out.

They heard the poltergeist growl into the covers. Adam decided to fill in the blanks for her and explained what had happened earlier. The caseworker turned to look at her charge and sighed.

“All right,” she managed as she facepalmed. “Everyone out.”

Left alone, Juno sat on the bed and smacked her adopted son over the head. “What part of undercover don’t you understand?” Juno berated. “You can’t go bringing attention to yourself like that! You’ll ruin everything and then what the hell are we going to do? Huh?”

“I don’t care,” he muffled into the sheets.

“Yes, you do. If you don’t care about the other souls who are still going through what you went through, then you at least care about what happens to Lydia. She’s on Bart’s shit list, and you know it. As soon as she no longer has the protection of her living status, he’ll come after her and then how are you going to get her back?”

The paint started to peel, and the house began to shake.

“Stop that,” Juno demanded. All went still. “Put the fleshbag back on. You need to adjust, and you need to be ready at all times. You know that having a physical body is the only way to stay safe and exorcise Bart.” The manchild groaned again, but did as he was told, and flipped himself over. Moping, Betelgeuse stared at the ceiling and stayed quiet. Juno shook her head in frustration. “If the nightmares and flashbacks are really that bad, then we can find someone to help you.”

“She went back to him.” Betelgeuse let out, thoroughly dejected, finally figuring out the real reason as to why he was in such a sour mood. Lydia had been in his arms only a handful of hours before, and he had allowed her to leave. She wanted to leave.

“For Christ’s sake,” Juno breathed, “Lydia hates that man.”

“Then why is she living with him?”

“You’ll have to ask her.”

“She fell in love with him!” He choked out in pain. “That’s why!”

“Did she tell you that? Or are you just fueling a completely unnecessary fire?”

The flesh he now wore did nothing to soothe him. Where it took away the clear and unsightly mental images of Lydia in the arms of another, it gave him a deep seeded emotional and physical need to be with her that stabbed him right through the chest.

“Breathe, Chavi.” Juno implored as she took his hand in hers, the motherly gesture shocking him into stillness. Juno ignored his incredulous look and continued to try and console him. She’d be damned if she was going to let him suffer anymore. “It’s not my business or my place, and I cannot presume to understand why she decided to live with a man she feels no love for. But I can tell you this… Lydia spent every waking and sleeping hour, trying to find a way to get you back. She abandoned everything else. Her promising career as a photographer, her home, her life… all for you.” Juno’s eyes softened if that was possible. “She has a child now. Are you really going to try and make her choose between you and her child?”

“No.” Surprisingly, there was no hesitation from the deadman, and the mother hen could not help but narrow her eyes at him in suspicion. “I’d never win that fight, I know that…” he muttered under his breath, winning him another smack to the head.

“It’s not about winning anything!” Juno hissed in frustration. “Moron. She loves you. Period. Do not mess this up or, so help me, I’ll send you back to hell myself.” There was no bite to her bark, of course, but she gave him a warning glare anyway.

Closing his eyes, Betelgeuse took a deep calming breath and tried to listen to reason. **_She loves me. She loves me. She loves me. Don’t fuck this up. Don’t fuck this up. Don’t fuck this up. That fucker is just a plaything, not a replacement. A walkin' sperm bank. Fuck that guy. The kid… the kid… she was just lonely. She just needed someone to love who would love her back and still not… replace me. Yeah. That’s it._ **

Inner monologue complete, the rejuvenated trickster was back on track. He sat up abruptly and adjusted his sleeves, effectively breaking the awkward and tingly contact with the weirdly, softened version of his parent.

“What spell did she cast on the asshole and why?” He asked suddenly and matter of factly.

Juno’s eyes went wide briefly before she got off the bed and faced the opposite direction. She stayed quiet for a long moment. “I don’t know, but I have my theories.”

He tried to keep his tone even. “What are _they_?”

Juno turned to face him and frowned. “Like I said, it’s not my place. I’m sure she’ll tell you in her own time. Now, go to her before you do more stupidities and blow the whole mission.” She faded from sight.

Betelgeuse smirked to himself, becoming giddy with anticipation of seeing Lydia again. She had told him to arrive early. **_And that’s what I’m gonna do._ **

  


* * *

 

**POST AN: Middle English Translation: BE BOUND devils! Your evil deeds ARE forbidden!**

  



	9. A Day in NYC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late post today guys. Had some serious BS to deal with. I love writing this story. Makes me smile, and your replies make me smile even more. Thanks for the support. 
> 
> Sorry to say this is more of a set up chapter. I think you'll like it though. Got some angst and fluffy stuff too. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Beetlejuice.

After Lydia dropped Bianca off at her pre-school, she raced to work, barged into her office and went straight for the bathroom. Picking her hair up into a bun, she lifted the toilet seat and stuck a finger down her throat until she purged her stomach thoroughly. She hated throwing up. It was on her top three worst feelings, but it had to be done. The antidepressants and antipsychotics were only making her worse. 

The meetings were agonizingly slow, and Lydia would check her phone every few seconds to see if Betelgeuse had called and to check the time. Her mind would drift off into one daydream after another about how her lunch date would go, or how Betelgeuse would take the news about the facade he would have to keep up, or what he would say about what steps Lydia thought they should make next. Still, after thinking, debating and internally role-playing to prepare herself and pass the time, Lydia would look at the clock on the conference wall and imagine herself bashing her head on the table.

At long last, the little hand struck twelve on the dot and Lydia launched out of her chair. “Well, everyone! Thank you so much for coming! I think we can pick this up after a nice long lunch, Whaddaya say?” She knew she would not be returning for the meeting. The group of executives and assistants nodded in agreement, and everyone dispersed. Lydia tapped her foot impatiently as they took their time exiting the room. Prudence closed up her laptop and placed a calming hand on Lydia’s shoulder.

“Did you get all the Pru?” Lydia muttered anxiously.

“Yes.” She smirked.

“Because I was not paying attention. Like, at all.”

“I know,” she chuckled.

“Okay, good. Do you think he’s here?”

At that moment, a roar of laughter could be heard coming from the lobby from multiple sources. Lydia and Prudence eyed each other, and the owl-eyed assistant tried to hide her amusement.

“I think it’s safe to say, yes.” Prudence couldn’t hold back her giggles when whoever was gathered out there burst into laughs again.

“Oh, boy,” Lydia replied nervously. She tucked her hair behind her ears, adjusted her blazer, took a deep breath and finally stalked toward the lobby with purpose.   
  


Lydia paused upon reaching the corner where the commotion was coming from. She could hear people trying to stifle their giggles, snickers, and scoffs. She peeked around the hall to find a group was gathered around Betelgeuse in the lobby area, all hungry to hear more details about their boss. Everyone was smiling and laughing, noy able to picture the Ice Queen doing anything of what Betelgeuse was depicting.

“So, the tall, bulky ass broad starts rubbin’ up on me while we’re dancin’, and I mean, what kind o’ guy ain’t gonna like being the ham in the sandwich, I’m I right? But Lyds? She’s a jealous - a real jealous little thing. So, Lyds starts fumin’, and I mean, fumin’ and I’m an asshole so, I wanna see where this goes, know what I mean? She grabs me by the ear and starts pullin’ me away from the dance floor, but this broad - fuckin’ broad - yanks me back by the pants, Lyds falls on her ass, everyone is laughin’ by now, and then! Then, my friends, the beast was set loose! Lyds gets up in her face, well, not really because I swear, Lydia is tiny, right? So, really she’s just face to face with this chicks poon.”

He let people laugh at the image of Lydia facing off with a giants crotch and then continued.

“And she says, ‘just who the fuck do you think you are Brun-fuckin’-Hilda?!’”

“NO!” “No waaaay!” Some exclaimed.

Betelgeuse crossed his heart and snickered. “Then Gargantuana grabs Lyds by the hair and lifts her off the ground! And she’s just kickin’ and snarlin’ like an ANIMAL!”

At this, people were already bursting at the seams laughing.

“And I was like, ‘Whoa! I gotta stop this!’ But as usual, Lyds takes care o’ things her own way. Once she dropped to the ground, she gave that bitch the most epic cunt punch I’ve ever SEEN! The Sequoia had no chance against my little lumber jane!  _ TIMBER _ !” 

Lydia shook her head smiling at the memory as her subordinates cried and cheered. Prudence was looking at her friend with new eyes. Smacking on her most venomous glare, the producer stepped from around the corner.

“What the hell is going on here?” She seethed.

Thoroughly spooked, everyone parted like the red sea, revealing a grinning Betelgeuse sitting comfortably with a glass of whiskey in his hand. 

“Oh, hey babe!” He exclaimed then swirled the contents of his glass around before taking a tiny sip.

“Lydia!” Tina exclaimed. “We never knew that Beetlejuice was based on this guy!” The group chortled and chuckled, but when Lydia’s glare did not falter, they started getting nervous. Some rando cleared his throat in the moment of awkward silence.

“Well?” Lydia breathed. “Do I pay you all to stand around laughing at my expense?” She asked dangerously sweet. They all scattered.

Betelgeuse chuckled, got up and set down his barely touched whiskey on the table before walking to Lydia and stopping about a foot away from her. A smug grin on his face, he watched Lydia survey his appearance. He had put some effort into it and wanted her to appreciate it so, he opened his arms and turned around slowly.

“How’d I do?” He quipped.

Lydia raised an eyebrow and nodded her approval. The open, charcoal gray, denim button-down shirt was very nice, his sky blue t-shirt beneath it brought out his eyes, she could tell his black jeans were very form fitting, and his steel-toed black boots added a bit to his height. She could see his pulse twitch under the five o’clock shadow by his collar and was filled with the need to bury her face in his neck. She refrained.

“You look great,” she said as she pushed down the urge to rip off his clothes. “I thought we would go shopping together, though.” She tried not to pout.

Betelgeuse snorted. “I had to get out of Delia’s boy toy’s clothes, Lyds.” He shuddered to get his point across. “Anyway, that’s still the plan! I only got this right before comin’ over.”

“Sold your loot?” She asked mischievously. 

“You know it!”

She caught Tina hungrily peering over her computer screen at them. Lydia narrowed her eyes at her secretary warningly, and Tina cast her eyes down immediately. 

“Tina, Prudence will be taking over for me for the rest of the day.”

“Yes, Ms. Deetz.”

“Have fun you guys,” Prudence winked at them and walked into her office.

There was an awkward moment between them when Lydia finally excused herself to grab her purse from her office. Betelgeuse followed her and whistled when he walked into the expansive bare room.

“This is… so not what I expected,” he exclaimed as he looked around. 

“What do you mean?” She asked with a laugh. “Too big for your tiny lumber jane?” She mocked.

“Nah, too empty. Where’re all your prints?” He did a double take when he caught a look of pain in Lydia’s eyes.

“Oh, uh, I haven’t… I don’t… do that… anymore.” She avoided eye contact as she gathered her keys and purse. “Ready? There’s this great Italian place down the street. I figured you liked the pizza, so maybe you’d enjoy Angelino’s.”

Lydia started to walk out the door, but Betelgeuse pulled her back in and kicked the door closed behind him. He held her face in his hands and searched her eyes before finally placing a long sensual kiss on her lips. Lydia’s heart felt like it was pounding out of her chest. He was the only one who had ever made her feel so weak in the knees. Letting him take the wheel, she melted into him as her mind went blank and her ears roared. After giving her lower lip a nibble, he pulled back. His pupils dilated as he wrapped his arms around his angel's tiny body.

“We can stay ‘ere if ya want,” he murmured, “order in.” His eyes made a quick dart to her desk, obviously thinking about throwing her on it.

Lydia gulped down the lust that was already building. “Um… heh. We should go. Spent the whole night planning everything and I have a lot to tell you,” she replied timidly.

Betelgeuse placed his hands low on her bottom and brought her closer so she’d know how he was affected. He smirked when he heard her gasp. “After,” he rasped into her ear.

“B, I’m… I’m not ready,” she whispered hurriedly, not wanting their first time in almost two decades to be some mindless romp in her workplace.

Betelgeuse froze, his whole body tensing before he let Lydia go suddenly and turned away from her. His movements were small but frantic as he took unplanned steps in whatever direction his feet took him. Then he suddenly turned to face her with a mixture of hurt and anger on his face.

“Do you love him?” He let out in an exhale.

“No!” She exclaimed as she dropped her belongings on the floor and ran to him, wrapping her arms around his waist. Her heart was torn to pieces as she watched his uncertainty on his face. 

“Did you sleep in his bed last night?” He was looking off into nowhere.

“No,” she reassured him, “I slept in Bibi’s room.” It was true. Lydia had done it many times before and Dave never questioned it.

Betelgeuse gnawed on his lower lip as he processed her words. “Why did you move in with him?”

“It’s complicated, and it’s part of what I want to talk to you about.” She rubbed his back to console him. 

Lydia couldn’t remember ever seeing his face so raw with emotion and wanted nothing more than to relieve him of any pain she was causing. After a few moments of calming breaths, Betelgeuse looked down at his lifeline and placed his forehead on hers. “I know it’s been… awhile… since we…” his voice was thick with emotion and uncertainty. “...and I know that yesterday… I, uh… got carried away…” he trailed off.

“It’s okay.”

“I miss you,” he choked out. “Bein’ apart after… after everythin’ that’s happened. It’s… you don’t know what’s it doin’ ta me.”

“Oh, Beej, I miss you too,” Lydia was already crying. She couldn’t stand seeing him this way. “I don’t want us to be apart. Okay? And I do want to be with you. It’s just… I’m a… a parent now. You know?” She squeaked as she tried to push down the pain in her chest. “We have to be careful with how we handle this… this situation. Please. Please tell me you understand?” She begged.

Betelgeuse sniffed loudly to clear his nasal passageways and nodded. He knew he couldn’t argue with that, as much as he wanted to. He felt Lydia’s hands wiping his tears away and opened his eyes.

“This body sucks,” he complained. “It fuckin’ leaks this weird salty, watery stuff. I swear it’s broken.”

Lydia managed to laugh through her own tears and tried to pull “a Betel” by pinching his ass, and lighten the mood. He growled instead and brought his hand to her left breast. At first, she thought he was feeling her up but then realized he was searching for the brooch. As soon as his hands found it, he let out a sigh of relief, jumped away from her, and rubbed his face with his sleeve. 

“Okay!” He blurted it out with conviction as he clapped his hands hard. “Let’s get some grub!”

* * *

 

The strange and unusual couple walked into the warm outdoors of New York City. Lydia was always a half step ahead of Betelgeuse as she led the way. When she glanced up at him, his eyes were cast to the floor, and he had a somber look on him. It was such a stark difference from how she remembered him, that her chest constricted as she momentarily grieved the loss of her hyper and lewd best friend. 

Lydia pulled Betelgeuse’s hand out of his pocket and entwined her fingers in his. Smiling slightly, he gave her a wink. 

“I called you this morning,” she started. 

“You did?”

“Yeah, Delia said you were out for a joy ride?”

“Oh… heh.  Yeah.” He replied with the familiar glint in his eye she was hoping to see. “I think the Stooges are about ready to kick me out.”

“Noooo,” she countered, “you’re gonna have to do better than stealing Delia’s car for that to happen.”

His eyes widened briefly as he realized Lydia didn’t yet know about the cop. “I’ll try harder next time,” he joked. 

The shadow in her beloved's gaze lessened as she continued talking to him. If talking nonstop would help ease his mind, then Lydia was determined to be a parrot. 

“How’d you know I was there last night?” She asked with a hint of embarrassment. 

The mischievous grin was back as he chuckled. “Lyds, you can hide all ya want, but our souls have mingled way too intimately for me not to find ya,” he replied, lewdly.

“But what about the times I couldn’t sense you creeping before?”

“You just weren’t paying attention.” He gave her a playful shove. “I think you’re past the newbie stage not ta notice now.” 

He was right. It didn’t matter anymore whether ghosts hid from view or not. Lydia could feel their presence, she just still couldn’t figure who was who. 

“What’s it like? Being alive again?” 

“Ugh, what a pain in the ass!” He blared to the sky.

They both laughed openly, but Lydia squeezed his hand to get him to answer seriously. “Come on!”

“Ah, well, it’s fuckin’ weird. Ya know? Sometimes it feels like nothin’ out of the ordinary, then other times I’m wonderin’ what the fuck my body is tryin’ ta tell me. I’m tired, like, all the time. Hunger hits me like a ton o' bricks. I jump every time I walk by a mirror. Wanna talk about weird? Try seeing your reflection for the first time in six hundred odd years! This city is so loud.”

Lydia laughed again. “Welcome to life!”

“Thanks,” he deadpanned, then changed his tune.  “But… there are perks,” he said with a smile as he rubbed his thumb on her hand. “This feels… amazin’.”

“It’s so different, isn’t it?” She mused. “I don’t feel like it’s better or worse but both states of being are just so different. Feeling things in the astral form is more of a… Well, a feeling rather than an actual sensation. I don’t know how to describe it.” Lydia’s tone had turned excited, and Betelgeuse couldn’t help but glow along with her. 

“Here it is.” Lydia pointed as the walked up to Angelinos. “I come here often, and I gave the owner a heads up that we’d be coming. There’s a back area reserved for us so we can have some privacy. And!” She looked up at him happily. “It’s quieter!” The blonde tourist fed off of her excitement as she led him inside and weaved through the cramped area. 

“Lydia Deetz!” Exclaimed a tall silver fox from behind a counter. “Oh! And is dis the lucky bastard who nabbed ya ‘fore I could?!” 

Betelgeuse raised an eyebrow and gave the flirt a once over as his dark-haired companion laughed aloud. 

“Holy hell! Was dat an honest ta gosh laugh and is that a twinkle in ya eye?!” The fox exclaimed. The man was wide-eyed and placed a hand to his heart before he smiled at Betelgeuse and shot a hand out to him. “Put it there, pal! Anyone who can make dis sourpuss smile like that is a friend o’ mine!”

“Angel, this is Betelgeuse.”

Betelgeuse shook his hand. Hard. 

“Ohohoho!” Angel smirked. “Nice… strong… rough hands ya got there, handsome. A little short fo ma taste but if Lydia kicks ya to da curb… I wouldn’t mind givin’ ya a go.” Angel winked at the shocked Betelgeuse before laughing along with Lydia and motioning for them to follow. “Come on, come on! Gotcha all set up ‘ere.” Angel led them through a narrow hall and into a small room that only had a few semi-circle booths. The room was made to look like it was outdoors on a patio with murals of the Italian countryside. Once they were seated, Angel waived a server over with garlic bread and water. Lydia ordered their food right away, and Angel left them. 

After a few comments on the aesthetics of the place, Lydia cleared her throat, not wanting to waste any time with idle chit-chat. 

“Okay, so, first of all,” she started nervously. “I’m working on getting the hell out of Dave’s apartment ASAP.” Lydia looked up at Betelgeuse, who nodded and plucked a roll out of the basket in front of them. Clearing her throat, Lydia continued. “I… slept with Dave… because…” she was worried it was going to sound ridiculous. 

“Because you wanted a kid. Got that part already,” Betelgeuse interjected matter of factly.

“Right. And that was supposed to be the end of it. We dated for a month until I was sure I got what I… needed. Then I bailed.”

He grunted to let her know he was still following.

“About a year ago, he found me and found out that Bianca… existed. And he begged me to let him be a part of her life.” She looked up at him again to see if he was okay with the news so far. Lydia went on when Betelgeuse raised his eyebrows and nodded slowly. “Dave was… persistent and kept hanging around.”

“He stalked you,” Betelgeuse corrected, his voice taking on a dangerous tone. 

Lydia was afraid he’d freak so, she tried another tactic. “Well, not exactly. He, um, we bumped into one another… on several occasions…” she looked at him again and found him boring holes into her. “Okay, yes. He may have stalked me a little,” she confessed. “But… it was for Bianca,” she sounded unsure. “Anyway, he got some not-so-good footage of me doing something that concerned him… greatly. And—“

“He’s blackmailing you,” he finished and started to drum his fingers on the table. 

“Well, not exactly, he just wants to keep a close eye on things until I can prove that I am… a fit mother.”

“Sounds ta me like he manipulated you into moving in with him.”

“I moved in with him because I wanted to,” she defended her pride pointedly without thinking about how it sounded. To her horror, the man she loved shot his hand to his abdomen and paled. “ I mean,” she added quickly and loudly, “I moved in because I thought I could beat him at his own game! I’m looking for the footage,” she continued as she desperately clawed at his shirt, “and I’m trying to buy some time! I swear, Betelgeuse, I haven’t had sex with him since I found out I was pregnant.”

Every excuse and justification Lydia had come up with for moving in with Dave now sounded ridiculous. He had attacked from every angle possible. Making her feel guilty for keeping him away from his daughter, essentially blackmailing her, and demanding a paternity test so, that he could file for some form of custody. Lydia knew she had to make things crystal clear. 

“Beej,” she emphasized while she entwined her fingers in his, “there are legal issues involved, and I have to tread carefully. I cannot let him get custody.”

“He’s her father isn't he?”

“Do you really want him involved in  _ our _ lives… for the  _ rest _ of our lives?

Immediately, Lydia recognized the murderous craze in his eyes. Betelgeuse was biting down on his lower lip, and the corner of his mouth was twitching. 

“Betelgeuse,” she said carefully. “I’ve got this under control. Today at five-thirty, everything will get sorted out. I need to do this, I can’t involve you.” Sighing, Lydia broke eye contact once more. “After our appointment today, I’ll break the news to Dave that things are not working out.”

“Then what?” He asked quietly as his brow furrowed with uncertainty. 

“Bianca and I will move back to Bertha’s… some renovations are being done right now… give her some time to adjust… again... and… you and I can work things out properly.”

Before Betelgeuse closed his eyes, they still had a gleam of his former self within them, but when his eyes opened again… the fire was gone, and so was any hint of hope. 

“Hey.” Lydia tugged on his arm. When he didn’t even blink she tugged harder. “Hey! Don’t do that! Talk to me, please.” 

“When can I come home?” He asked with an emptiness in his voice.

Lydia’s mouth fell open at the same time her heart shattered to pieces. At a loss of what to say, the broken woman’s mouth opened and closed as she tried her best to utter something. The server walked in with their food and apparently read the room enough to know not to say a word, he left as quickly as he came. 

Pouring her heart out was never her strong suit, preferring her actions to say what she felt. Still, Lydia knew that words of praise and encouragement had always been his love language. Afraid that his ego would hurt her pride, the stubborn Scorpio never gave him much verbal fortitude in the past. Gazing into his vulnerable eyes now, she knew that ego had suffered much. Damn near snuffed out. Having Bianca had given her plenty of practice to soothe that kind of vulnerability, and so, she planned on using that refined skill now.

All he wanted was to be with her. Lydia felt like she had pulled him out of one hell and right into another, it was killing her. She had to give him something. The gentle side of her, that was usually tucked away, wrapped a hand behind her beloved’s neck and pulled his head down to her chest. Instinctively, he wrapped his arms around her tiny waist and listened to her heart beat like he’d done so many times before in the past. The thought of her breasts pressed against his face almost didn’t register. Almost.

With the most profound love and affection she could muster, Lydia ran her fingers through his hair and swallowed the lump in her throat before finally soothing him with words. At first, she murmured into his blonde tresses about how much she loved and missed him. How he was the only for her and how eager she was to live their lives together. How excited she was at the new opportunities afforded to them as a couple because he was now alive. It had a drugging effect on him, and his mind was growing fuzzy from her reassuring tone and loving words. A small part of him was shocked that she was so open and verbose about her feelings. It was precisely what he needed.

“How about this?” She whispered enticingly after a moment of contented silence. “I’ll take the day off tomorrow - I’ll take the rest of the week off. The whole damn month. We can… get a hotel and just… spend time together. Have fun. Get reacquainted?” She tried to sound perverse but failed. “It’s going to be okay. I just need a little time to get things settled. Bibi is very sensitive, and I just put her through a major change. Moving back home will do her good and… whenever you’re ready, I’d really love… to introduce you to her. If… if that’s something, you’d like to do?”

Meet her child? Whenever he was ready? When would he ever be prepared for that? His mind started to come up with excuses to prolong the meeting but then... **_The faster I get on the kids good side, the quicker I’ll be able to step in to play step-daddy… but… if Lydia finds out that… I’m…_ ** His mind wanted to fill in the blank with the word “broken,” but he pushed it aside. 

“Yeah. Let’s do it,” he announced finally as he sat up with purpose. “When?”

Lydia was a bit dumbfounded with his sudden change of mood though; honestly, she realized it should not have phased her. “You mean, when can you meet Bibi?”

“Yeah, yeah! Maybe we should do, like, uh, a day at an amusement park or somethin’ like that!” He offered excitedly.

She eyed him suspiciously. “You mean you want to make a good impression quickly so you can move in as soon as possible?” 

Caught redhanded, the impatient man gritted his teeth and then scowled. Lydia laughed good-heartedly and pulled him in for a kiss. He managed a guilty smile when she pulled away. 

“Trust me,” she giggled, “you won’t have to try too hard.”

Eyes lighting up because he remembered what Delia had mentioned about Bianca adoring him, he was filled with hope, and a wicked little plan started to brew. Priority number one would now be to make sure the kid was on his side and get her to convince her mother on making him the man of the house. By the time they got to dessert, his sense of purpose was renewed, and it was just like old times. They were laughing and bickering.

“I discovered that I hate pancakes,” Betelgeuse announced resolutely.

“I’m not a super fan of them, but hate? I think that’s a strong word.”

“Delia made them for me this morn--”

“WHOA! Whoa, whoa!” She guffawed and held her full tummy. “If your opinion of any food comes from eating anything Delia makes, you’re in for a world of surprise, buddy! You probably love pancakes!” She giggled uncontrollably.

The blonde man nodded in understanding. “You coulda warned me ya know!”

“I thought you knew!” Lydia laughed again and checked her phone. “Oh! It’s getting late, I want to make sure we get some shopping in before I have to go.”

Angel came with the bill, and both mediums fought over it. The owner raised his hands in surrender and chuckled while walking out the door. “I’ll come back when you’ve figured it out.”

“It’s twenty-twelve, Betelgeuse. I can pay without you getting butthurt over it.”

“We never got to it back then, Lyds, but I’ll make sure ya understand what butthurt really means in my book.”

Lydia’s eyes widened in horror. “Uh-uh. Nope.”

The wicked man chuckled as he held the check high out Lydia’s reach and slapped a wad of cash on the table. “Don’t worry, babe, I’ll make sure you won’t care if it does.” He waggled his eyebrows and gave her a dark look of promise.

The prideful woman frowned and shook her head, then suddenly pounced on him and clawed at his raised arm.

“Damn it, woman!” He managed to yell before they both tumbled to the ground.

* * *

Although Betelgeuse won the fight to pay for lunch, Lydia had the upper hand when it came to the clothing. The boutiques already had Lydia’s credit card on file, and she was spoiling her lost lover rotten, or at least she was trying too.

“TWELVE HUNDRED DOLLARS FOR--” she covered his mouth before he could make more of a scene but it didn’t stop him from yelling into her hand.

* * *

 

When they finally made it back to her office, Betelgeuse was in a foul mood. “How am I ever gonna keep up with ya now when ya have that kinda money ta spend like that?” He lamented sourly.

“B!  _ You _ made me this money! I’m allowed to spend it on you!” The wealthy businesswoman pulled on his shirt and crushed her lips to her goldmine. The effect was what she had wanted. The angry male turned to putty and gave her a dazed smile that only faltered a moment when he noticed her check the wall clock. The producer immediately looked apologetic, and Betelgeuse did not want her to kick him out so, he took upon himself take his leave.

“I had fun, babe, but this guy” he thumbed to himself, “has some important stuff ta do now. I think I’ve humored ya long enough.”

Lydia raised an eyebrow but played along, glad his ego was back on track. “Oh, really? So, you think you’ll be too busy for me later tonight?”

“No, no, no, I’m sure I’ll be done with business by then,” he assured her, suavely.

“And what kind of business is it that you’re referring to?” She asked curiously.

Waggling his eyebrows, Betel grinned. “I’m applyin’ for a job.”

Lydia let out a very loud unattractive snort. “Okay. Sure.” She started laughing.

“Laugh all ya want, sweet cheeks, but I ain’t gonna let ya be the only breadwinner here. My ego won’t allow it.”  **_And neither will my contract._ **

Rolling her eyes, Lydia grabbed his hands. “Can’t you just see  _ this _ ,” she motioned around her, “as yours too? My entire success is based off you. Your life. Your afterlife. Us.”

“Wish I could, babes. It’s just not me.”

“Men,” she replied dryly, shaking her head. “Fine. Why don’t you just work here?” His laugh was loud and incredulous. “What?! You can have any job you want!”

“No way! I’ve seen your people skills,  _ boss _ . I’ve already started damagin’ your reputation as a hard ass. Trust me. You’ll kill me before ya fire me if I stick around here.”

Lydia pursed her lips and nodded in agreement. “You’re right… Okay… what job are you applying for?”

Betelgeuse made a zipper motion at his mouth. “Don’t wanna blow my chances by blabbin’.”

“Aw man, please don’t tell me you’ll be doing anything sketchy,” she pleaded. “I have. A. Child. Okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” He waved her off.

“No,” she said soberly. “I’m serious. Tell me I don’t have to worry.” She poked at his chest.

He placed his left hand to his chest and his right in the air. “Scouts honor!”

The raven-haired woman looked dubious, but she sighed and relented. “Fine. I’ll come visit tonight again.”

“No hiding,” he crooned. “Or I’ll have to take drastic measures to draw ya out,” he warned and then winked.

She turned a lovely shade of red as Betelgeuse pulled her in and dipped her for one last breathtaking make out session.

“Ahem.” 

The couple turned their faces to the door to find Tina and Prudence ogling the passionate show of affection. Growling, Lydia smacked Betelgeuse’s shoulder. 

“Let me go now will ya?” She ground out.

“Mkay.” He dropped her on her ass.

“Oomph! Bastard!” 

Lydia clamored after him to give him a good kick in the ass but he was already hoping away. Chuckling evil, Betelgeuse snatched up his bags, blew Lydia a kiss, and raced out the door.

“So, like,” Tina began when he disappeared. “Did I hear you…  _ snort _ ?”

The producer stayed silent as she adjusted her blazer and flipped them off with both hands before sitting at her desk. The subordinates giggled uncontrollably, and Lydia couldn’t help but join them.

  
  



	10. Skeletons In the Closet

It was too late. His time had run out. The cat was apparently out of the bag, and Baal was most certainly on his way to give Leonard a piece of his mind, to put it very mildly. It really had only been a matter of time for the shit to hit the fan the way that it did. Leonard knew he couldn't trust the other demons for very long, so it was no surprise to him that a sticky-note from who the fuck knows, was stuck to the windowpane of his office.

It read: **Put your head between your knees and kiss your grimy demon ass goodbye. The boss is on his way.**

The other demonic assholes didn't give him much time either. He was already keenly aware of the souls in the storm jeering at the sight of the much larger and scarier supervisor hauling ass in his direction.

Leonard bolted out of his office and flapped his wings as hard as he could while comically hopping as he tried to launch himself off the ground in time, but it was too late. His brutish superior swooped down with two others and pinned him to the ground.

“And where the fuck do you think you're going?” Baal sneered as he towered over his subordinate.

“I'm so sorry boss! I'm so sorry. Please, please, please don't take my wings!”

“Did you hear that fellas? I could have sworn I heard a blubbering little girl begging for us not to take her wings!” He mocked in a childish voice. He then directed his attention to back to Leonard. He grabbed the smaller demon by his thin, slimy hair, and snapped his head up to meet his gaze. “Now why would you think that we're going to take your wings?” He asked with faux ignorance.

Leonard began to stutter, neck craned back so far he was starting to see black. “B-b-b-b because I fucked up?”

“Poor…” There was a long pause before Baal shut his eyes and scratched his head. He couldn’t remember the idiot's name. “What's your fuckin’ name again?”

“Leonard?” He squeaked.

Baal rolled his eyes and facepalmed. “Oh my Lucifer! How in the hell did you ever become a demon?” He really was dumbfounded. Only the real ruthless became demons in the lower levels, souls that had committed such atrocities in life that would make any wayward spirit left in limbo sick. What the hell could Leonard have done in life to get his wings? “You know what? I don't give a shit. What I do care about, is how in the flying-night-crawling-fuck, you lost a soul?”

“I swear, I don't know how it happened! It wasn't my fault! The soul! I tried to warn you! I was having trouble with him, but all you did was make fun of me-he-he-heee!” He started blubbering in earnest.

Jaw dropping from the pathetic display before him, Baal looked around at the other demons who were casting their eyes away uncomfortably.

“Tell me what happened,” he groused.

“He just disappeared! Ask Chax! He's the one who had him in his claws! He's the one who let him disappear. I swear he just poofed!”

Before Chax could escape, Baal clotheslined him as he tried to run past. He brought a taloned foot to his throat. “Chax? Is this true?”

“HEH! I'm sorry, boss! I really don't know what happened. He's right. The guy just vanished. I had him by the hair and all of a sudden he just disappeared. How could it be my fault? Obviously, Leonard wasn't doing his job right! He let him get too strong!”

“That's not true!” Leonard countered. “It didn't matter what I did--”

Baal cut him off with a backhand to the face. “Speak when spoken to.” He addressed Chax again. “Who was it?”

“One of the stolen ones, boss. Um, um, his name was…”

“Betelgeuse!” Leonard shouted.

Baal growled as he faced the idiot demon who had spoken out of turn again. Leonard cowered before him but continued to open his gob. “His name was Betelgeuse, boss.”

“Get me his file,” he gritted through his teeth as he pulled Leonard to standing and shoved him in the direction of the office.

Leonard was off in a flash. He barged into his office and crashed right into the filing cabinet, tipping it over and sending files strewn all over the floor. He crawled and tore at the vast amount of weathered manilla folders until he found the one he was looking for. Staggering to his feet, he raced back to his superior.

Baal snatched the file out of his hands and opened it. “Died in the 1300s? And he was still in limbo?” He kept reading until he realized that Betelgeuse was a suicide. Had they really stolen a caseworker? He flipped through the pages quickly and stabbed a finger at the file. “He was a caseworker in training!” Could it be that was the reason the soul had gained strength and was able to escape? He closed the file with a snap and punched it into Leonard's gut, making the demon fold over and howl in pain. “Alright listen up you worthless piece of guano! You're not gonna make me look bad in front of the lowers! You're going to bring this asshole back!”

“But how?” A summons from the physical plane was the only way to open a portal and that hadn’t been properly done in centuries!

“Come with me,” Baal muttered as he stalked away.

Leonard sauntered behind his boss until they reached his office. Baal closed the door behind them and spoke so that the other demons would not hear.

“You are to tell no one about this conversation. Or I’ll have your wings for breakfast with a side of your asshole.”

“Yes, boss.” He shuddered at the imagery.

“I've got a guy on the ground. Happens ta be from the same era as our escapee. Caseworker. Maybe he knows who he is. We’ll use him to find him and bring him back. I'm putting you in charge though. I'm stretched thin enough as it is. Do not fuck this up do you hear me?

“Yes, boss! You can count on me! I swear!”

Baal kicked the door open and stalked out. He ordered his demons to fly ahead of him as he flapped his wings and launched into the dark sky. “And get those souls under control!” He pointed at the riled hoard below.

* * *

 

 

The office was nice enough, it was homey, and it smelled of lemon and lavender. It was expertly decorated to instill calm, and the effect always worked on Lydia, even though she knew she had to lie through her teeth. Lying had already become second nature anyway so, it was with ease that she looked Dr. Whiting in the eye and did just that.

“I feel great. I’m eating a lot better now. My mood has improved. Overall I’m just… great.”

“That’s good to hear, Lydia. Have you had any more episodes?”

“Nope. Just the one. I think you were right… stress may have caused that… episode. Just a one-time thing. I’m so glad, you know? That was… scary. Hearing voices... I honestly think we can go ahead and wean me off the pills to see how I do. If you think that’s a good next step?”

“Yes, I think we can try that… I would like to get Dave and Bianca’s side of things first though. Any idea when they’ll be arriving?”

“Um, you know, Dave is usually so punctual. I’m sure he’ll be here any minute.” The patient started tapping her feet impatiently, but when Dr. Whiting noticed, she stopped. “Maybe I should call again.”

“Sure, go ahead.”

Lydia pulled out her phone and called Dave. After ringing for an eternity, Dave picked up. “Hey, Lydia!” Dave answered.

“Dave! Hey so, are you almost here?” She asked hopefully.

“Oh, no… so sorry, honey. Just having some car trouble. Trying as fast as I can to get this sorted out but I don’t think we’ll make it in time.”

Lydia felt her whole being shut down. “What?” She whispered.

“Can you hear me okay?”

“Where are you? I’ll call you a cab.”

“You’re breaking up!”

“I can hear you just fine!” She yelled then caught a look of concern on Dr. Whiting’s face. “I can call you a cab,” she said calmly. “We need to do this today. They won’t have another opening until…” Lydia looked up at her therapist who shrugged his shoulders. “Dave. Dave, you need to get here… now.”

“That’s not gonna happen, Lydia. We’re too far. By the time we get there, they won’t have time to see us. Just make us another appointment. It’s fine.”

“Dave.” _**You slimy piece of SHIT!**_

“Oh! Got to go. Triple-A is here.” He hung up the phone.

In complete denial, she continued to hold the phone to her ear unblinkingly. After about five seconds, Dr. Whiting cleared his throat. Lydia looked up at him and brought her phone to her lap.

“I’m guessing they won’t be making it?” He surmised correctly.

“No… no, they won’t.” She replied quietly. “Dr. Whiting… Bianca and I are not happy living with Dave.” She continued carefully. “And, I’m not saying that he missed our appointment on purpose… but hypothetically, if he did, how would that look if I were to fight him for custody—“

“Lydia,” he interrupted seriously.. “I can’t give you any legal advice. What I can tell you… is that if Dave won’t cooperate… this journey is going to long and arduous… and expensive.”

“Right.” Lydia looked completely hopeless.

“You know what? I think we can lower your dose. See how things go. How does that sound? If things continue to go as well as they are, it could help your case in the future.”

“Yes. That’d be great. Thank you.”

* * *

 

Surprising herself, Lydia was able to keep it together even when she entered Dave’s apartment and found Bianca screaming at the top of her lungs.

“I HATE YOU! YOU DID IT ON PURPOSE! I KNOW YOU DID!”

“Bianca, why would you think that, sweetie?” Dave condescended.

Bianca whirled on her mother and pointed a finger at Dave. “I don’t wanna talk to him. I don’t wanna see him. Take me home!”

Stone-faced, Lydia stared at her daughter and said nothing. The child's face was terrifying as her eyes flared with the purest malice that only Lydia knew so well. Bianca growled at the both of them when neither responded.

“I HATE YOU BOTH!” She shrieked, ran to her room and slammed the door.

“Lydia,” Dave started.

Fed up with him entirely, she held up a hand and glared. “Our next appointment is September second. I’ll be bringing Bianca myself this time around. I expect you’ll be there too. If you don’t show up, the only one who’ll look bad… is you.”

“Sweetie, I get you’re upset. It doesn’t really matter though? Right? We’re a family now. I understand it’s going to take some time--”

“This isn’t working,” she bit out coldly.

A moment of silence passed between them before the man furrowed his brow and blinked in confusion. “What?”

It would have been preferable to have more time to plan her exit. This is not how Lydia wanted things to go. However, emotions were running high, and Dave had clearly sabotaged the appointment. No, this game was now a bit too tiresome. The manipulative man thought he had the upper hand. That he could play her and dictate how things were going to go. Blue eyes and a crooked grin flared in her mind and although she had no intention of using the ace up her sleeve, the thought of knowing she could, filled her with sudden courage.

“This isn’t working. I should have never agreed to move us here. It was a mistake.”

Confusion turned into silent anger as Dave expertly controlled his features. His eyes dulled of any emotion, he dropped his hands to his sides and shrugged. “You want to make me out like the bad guy. You always do. But I’m not going to give up. Because I love Bianca. I love you.” Dave’s words only filled her with disgust. “Ever since we met… It was love at first sight. Like someone cast a spell on me, Lyds.” Lydia’s eyes widened with horror as Dave stepped closer and his face changed once more into something more desperate. “Why can’t we go back to what we had the very first time we met?” He asked with tears in his eyes. Lydia pursed her lips and backed into the wall. At that very moment, Dave’s pathetic countenance that she loathed so much, looked too much like the face she loved so dearly.

“Stop,” she breathed.

Dave froze in place with his arms out to her, palms up in supplication.

“You can’t con us into loving you, Dave,” she whispered.

“I’m not conning anyone. I swear it wasn’t my fault. Please, Lyds—“

“Don’t call me that!” She hissed. “I told you never to call me that.”

Dave looked so heartbroken that Lydia actually sobbed aloud. “I need… I need to shower,” she blurted out.

“What about Bianca?” He asked as he looked at his daughter's door.

“She needs time to calm down. I’ll check on her later.”

Dave nodded but pursed his lips. “I think… I think there’s something wrong with her, Lydia.”

“Don’t you dare,” she warned.

“Something is just off…”

Lydia stalked up to Dave’s face with death in her eyes. “There’s something wrong with me. There’s something wrong with Delia. Now there’s something wrong with Bianca? Have you ever stopped to think, that maybe, just maybe… it’s you there’s something wrong with?” With that, Lydia turned around, and before she stormed into the room, she hissed out her next words. “I’ll be staying in Bianca’s room until we move out.” She slammed the door shut. Lydia leaned on her door and slid to the ground. The crushing guilt was back in full force as she counted her transgressions in her mind. She was keeping Betelgeuse away, she was keeping Bianca in the dark, and there was definitely something wrong with Dave… and it was all her fault.

* * *

  
In an old run-down apartment in Los Angeles, little Susie was watching her cartoons. The seven-year-old had no idea that a ghost was a resident in her home. The spirit had no interest in bothering her roommates. The soul was sitting right next to her, cross-legged, and in front of the television, enjoying reruns of one of Susie's favorite shows. Sometimes, Susie could see her, but most of the time the specter was undetected. Clara was what she went by, and she had two months left of haunting. Although she would miss Susie very much, she was excited to see what the rest of the afterlife was like.

Having only used up her last voucher recently, Clara was very hopeful about her prospects in the astral plane. Her caseworker had given her the complete rundown of how things would proceed after leaving her home parameters. And so, Clara had not a worry in the world as she laughed and ate astral popcorn next to her favorite kid, while an intruder tiptoed in the hall behind her.

Bartholomew did not like confrontation. He could take care of himself in an altercation, but he much rathered avoid it. The lurker was very careful to enter the aetherial crack as quietly as possible. With the help of the Lord and his stolen vouchers, he was able to push through without a summons. It was unfortunate that this soul would have to be damned, she didn't really do too many evil things while alive, but she did do _some_ evil. Prostitution, drugs, and witchcraft being the main offenses. According to the new laws set by the holy messenger, it just had to be done. His trust in the Lord gave him the strength he needed to linger in the shadows and wait for the perfect opportunity to bring down his judgment.

As Bartholomew crept into the child's room where his next victim was enjoying herself, a name rang out from the television set that would have made his blood run cold if he had any.

_“Beetlejuice! What do you have in your closet?!”_

_“Oh, just some talkin’ dolls that I bought for the neighborhood kids,_ hehehe _, I like to do a good deed, you know, that's just the way I am.”_

_**No, I must be hearing things. Nerves and whatnot.** _

_“Lies, lies, lies!”_

Bartholomew shook his head to gather his gumption again, and he snuck further into the room.

_“Beetlejuice! You have skeletons in your closet!”_

Again, Bartholomew stopped dead in his tracks.

_“Beetlejuice hates your dancing!”_

_**It can’t be.** _

_“Beetlejuice bothered your dog!”_

_**It just can’t be…**_ He edged in closer and tried to get a look at the screen, but it was obscured by the two enraptured audience members.

_“Beetlejuice steals your fruit!”_

_“Lydia lied to her parents!”_

Finally, Bart was close enough to gawk at the cartoon characters on the screen standing side by side. One in a red spider web poncho and the other… in stripes.

“Who the hell are you?!”

Thoroughly shocked into immobility, Bart could only snap his dark eyes to his now alerted prey. There was a long and lingering moment where the two specters faced off, neither of them knowing what to do. She had been warned by her caseworker, they all had. This was the traitor. The soul hunter. The hell sender. The moment was broken abruptly by Susie’s ringing giggles.

“Silly Beetlejuice!”

The hunter averted his gaze to the little girl for only a fraction of a second, but it was enough to fill Clara with a tsunami’s worth of fury that stemmed from an age-old, motherly instinct to protect the child. The affectionate, docile ghost was now a raging poltergeist to be reckoned with as the collected knowledge from reading the handbook flooded her mind. There was no hesitation. She attacked.

Clara would wonder later if her old job as a seamstress had anything to do with the long needle-like nails that sprouted and shot out of her hands. Looking like a flailing, pansy ass Pinhead. Bartholomew used his legs to kick off the angry female and managed, just barely, to escape. She would definitely laugh to herself later when she remembered that a shrill cackle had erupted from the television at the same time the intruder screamed in agony and backpedaled for the portal.


	11. Skin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eh... you wanted de smut? I give de smut.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Beetlejuice. ::ugly cry::

Betelgeuse awoke on the floor soaked, tangled in bedsheets, and Delia standing over him with a steel bat at the ready. He threw his arms up to brace himself for the attack.

“GAH! I’M OKAY! I’M OKAY! I’M AWAKE!” He yelled frantically. 

When he was sure there would be no beating, Betelgeuse opened his eyes to find Delia smiling at him.

“Good morning!” Delia chirped. “Breakfast is ready,” smiling, she lowered the bat and quickly left the room.

He didn’t know what was more frightening, his most recent night terror or having to eat Delia’s cooking again. The demons from his nightmares still won but Betelgeuse grumbled about the lesser of the two evils anyway as he fought off the sheets. New pajamas damp and stuck to his skin, he decided to just shower and dress for the road before going down to face the concerned idiots. 

As he scrubbed away the stink of fear off his person, Betelgeuse mused over why Delia and the Maitlands even cared about his well being. It was still an odd feeling for him, having so many people actually happy to see him and fussing over him. Why he continued allowing it to happen was beyond him as well since his usual M.O. would be to make quick work of driving people away.

Eventually, Betelgeuse chalked it all up to Lydia. They were happy to see him because they knew Lydia would be happy. They worried over him because they worried about Lydia. He had not driven them away because he loved Lydia and Lydia loved them. A sneaking thought entered his mind and whispered that maybe, he actually liked having the morons around. Obviously, Betelgeuse pushed that thought aside, and a new idea plagued his mind.

Lydia had not visited him the previous night as she said she would and he had fallen asleep waiting for her. He frowned and wondered what could have happened. The stalker was already worrying him, and Betelgeuse imagined the worst when a knock came at the door.

“Lydia is on the phone for you,” called Barbara. “Should she call you ba--”

“I’M COMIN’, DON’T HANG UP!” Betelgeuse nearly slipped trying to hurry through washing the essentials and barely covered himself when he opened the door and yanked the phone out of Barbara’s hand.

“Hey, babes! Everythin’ okay? You didn’t come over last night. I was startin’ to worry. Why didntcha call me?” Betelgeuse brought his fist to his mouth to shut himself up.

“I’m fine.” She replied like she was far from it. “I sent you a text last night. I thought you didn’t text me back because you were mad.”

“A what?” He asked confused, then he heard her sigh.

“Oh right. I’m sorry. I should’ve called.” She said tiredly. “Guess I have to teach you how to use your phone.” He could hear a tiny smile in Lydia’s voice that time.

“I forgot about it… still in one of the bags. Was the matter? Ya sound bummed.”

“Uh, yeah… our review… got pushed back.”

Betelgeuse wanted to punch something. “Ta when?”

“Next month…” Lydia answered timidly.

“............”

“B?” Lydia called for him fearfully. “Please don’t be upset. I don’t think I can handle that right now,” she whispered.

Greedy. Betelgeuse always was a greedy bastard, and his instincts were telling him to make Lydia feel bad so that she would cave in and give him anything he wanted but her voice… her voice was breaking him. Not wanting to lie but also not wanting to hurt Lydia further, he decided on changing the subject.

“I wanna see ya.” He blurted out as he heard Lydia sniff. “You said somethin’ about a hotel and sex?” He asked perversely.

Lydia let out a weak snicker. “I mentioned something about getting reacquainted. Wouldn’t you rather see the sights?”

“Nope. I’d rather see ya naked.”

Lydia scoffed. “I can’t make any promises on that front. But I can book the hotel somewhere in the middle? Call you a car?”

“Nah, I’ll just steal Delia’s.” 

Lydia managed a single laugh. “Yeah, I don’t think so. When do you wanna meet?”

“Now. Before I have to eat Delia’s food.”

She finally giggled freely. “Okay. Be ready and keep your phone on you.”

“You got it, babe.”

“See you soon,” she promised sweetly.

Lydia hung up the phone and Betelgeuse lit a fire under his ass to get ready. Frustrated at not being able to find his new phone right away, he tossed all the contents of his shopping bags on the bed until the phone bounced off onto the floor. He pressed the only button on the front, and the phone lit up. The seventeen years that had passed him by while in torment hit him like a kick in the balls as he unblinkingly stared at the little square pictures on the screen. There was nothing he hated more than being behind on the times, well, that was no longer true. He positively hated demons more.

Betelgeuse went through his bags again and fished out the little box the phone had come in. He opened it and pulled out the manual and began flipping through the tiny words in the booklet. Someone cleared their throat, and Betelgeuse looked over his shoulder to find Adam covering his eyes.

“Why do I always have to see that?” Adam whined.

Still damp and naked, he smirked at the nerd behind him. “Don’t be a pussy. You know you like it.” He turned back around and squinted, bringing the manual close to his face.

“I printed this out for you,” Adam barked and held out a stack of papers.

Betelgeuse turned around, stalked to Adam and snatched the papers out of his hands. “What is this?” He gruffed.

Adam stared at Betelgeuse’s forehead as not to look down. “It’s info on PTSD. I thought it might help.”

The painful exorcism rights that Juno had taught him while he was a boy popped into his mind as Betelgeuse started to boil with fury. About to open his mouth to blast Adam out of the room, a thought stopped him.

**_You’re about to share a hotel room with Lydia, and you don’t have this nightmare shit under control._ **

Face-palming, Betelgeuse cleared his throat and turned to face the bed again, papers in hand. 

“Whatever. Now get out,” he muttered.

Adam nodded his head and smiled at the small victory. “If you ever need to talk--”

A loud echoing fart cut Adam off. “Yep. Got it,” Adam said flatly and walked out of the room.

* * *

  
  


Lydia was all nerves by the time she reached the lobby to check in. Her nerves skyrocketed when the concierge told her the keys had been given to the gentleman she informed him was coming. 

“Wait. You gave him the keys without a credit card?”

“Oh no. He provided a credit card, ma’am.”

“He did?” She asked astonished.

“Yes,” He replied as he checked the computer. “Delia Deetz?”

Lydia rolled her eyes. “Yeah, that’s right.” 

The concierge gave her the room number, and the butterfly’s started fluttering in her stomach the closer she got to the room.

**_What have you done, Lydia? There’s no way he’s letting you leave here without putting out!_ **

Lydia mentally scolded herself some more as she prepared to knock and cringed at the thought of Betelgeuse getting a look at her naked body. Her body image never bothered her up until his reappearance. Not only had age and motherhood taken a toll on her over the years… she was very aware that her decreased appetite and lack of exercise had pretty much turned her into a female Skeletor. 

**_Fuck. I can’t do this._ **

Right as she was going to bolt, the door was thrown open.

“Babes!” Betelgeuse exclaimed jubilantly as he picked her up with ease, kicked the door behind him shut and raced to the bed throwing her on it. 

“Oh boy! Are you a sight for sore eyes!” He emitted in between planting sloppy kisses all over her face. 

Lydia couldn’t help but laugh at memories of Betelgeuse reacting the same exact way, even after just a few hours apart, flooded her mind. The passionate lover chuckled as he hovered his face above Lydia.

“So! Whadda we gonna do first?!” He waggled his eyebrows insinuatingly. 

Lydia tensed beneath him immediately.  **_Oh god. Oh god. Oh god._ ** “Um, well, there’s a pool and a jacuzzi…?” She offered questioningly.  **_Shit! Are you insane? You’ll be half naked!_ **

Betelgeuse frowned. “Hmm. I don’t got a bathing suit.”

“Ah, well. Next time, maybe!” She uttered, relieved. “We could just hang out here and relax!” She laughed nervously. “There’s stuff I gotta tell you.”

Betelgeuse smirked and wondered if Lydia was going to bring up what she was hiding in the basement.

“Okay!” He chirped happily and rolled off of her to kick off his shoes. “Hey! I saw a spa downstairs! I think I wanna try a mani-pedi.”

Lydia giggled at the outrageous thought.

“What?” He asked seriously. “You know, I watch the damn show, and I guess I give off the impression that I’m just a brainless, dirty, smelly, green-toothed… stop laughin’.”

Lydia couldn’t help it. She wondered when he would bring that up.

“And I know that can’t be right because ghosts don’t smell. Okay? And I’m not afraid of baths! What the fuck is that about? Huh?” He barked in outrage.

It was too much for her, she was crying and could hardly breathe. 

“Why should I bathe if I don’t smell? Explain that ta me.”

Through Lydia’s bouts of laughter, she tried to joke. “I just figured… you came from a time… when people…”

“Stop right there, babe. We had baths. Maybe not as frequent as today, but you try haulin’ buckets o’ water to fill a tub! When the plague broke out, you better believe everyone was washin’. AND! I had my own basin in my caravan for in between bathhouse visits. So. THERE!”

Keeping up the pretense that he was insulted, Betelgeuse stood up and stalked to his duffle bag. 

“Since this,” he motioned at himself up and down, “obviously disgusts you. I have brought my own toiletries, and I’m not sharin’. Exhibit A!” He dug through his bag, pulled out a toothbrush and toothpaste and threw them at Lydia who was still rolling with laughter. “B!” Next, he pulled out fancy bars of soap and launched those as well while going through more letters of the alphabet until Lydia ended up running for her life when he pulled out a litter sized bottle of shampoo. “OH no, you DON’T!” He yelled as he chased his prey into the bathroom and cornered her in the jacuzzi tub.  

Betelgeuse pumped at the shampoo bottle, effectively covering her person in a multitude of white glops. He stopped his onslaught when she begged for mercy. Dropping the container, the roused man pressed into his merry beauty and rubbed himself all over her.

“Whaddaya think of this, huh? Clean enough for ya?” He growled as Lydia fought for air. 

Betelgeuse was officially and thoroughly riled up. Hiking Lydia up on the wall while wrapping her legs around him, he plundered her mouth viciously. Between the hysterical laughing and now Betelgeuse’s new attack, Lydia’s nose began to tingle from the lack of oxygen. 

The little voice in his head started to whisper a reminder that not even twenty-four hours ago, Lydia had told him she was not ready to move things along yet. He told the voice to shut the fuck up but tore his mouth away to check on her. Recognizing the lusty dazed look in her eyes, he decided to continue down the road to sure bliss and started tearing at her buttoned shirt.

“Wait-wait-waaah! Beej!” Lydia grabbed his face in her hands to still him. The hunger in his eyes was undiluted and wild, it was a wonder he could hear her at all.

“Huh?!” He blinked and caught a flash of fear in Lydia’s wide eyes. “Oh!” He dropped her on her feet. “Heh…” Betelgeuse stepped back but kept his trembling hands on her waist. “Sorry… ya drive me crazy, babe. Ya know that already, though,” he huffed through shallow breaths.

Lydia noticed Betelgeuse’s shaken demeanor immediately. His breath was erratic, he was jittery, and his eyes that were so hungry with lust were now frantic and confused. The now expert nurturer grabbed onto his hands and brought them up to find them shaking. When he realized it, the frenzied mess of a man snatched his hands away and jumped out of the tub.

“Betelgeuse?” She called out to him concerned.

“I’m cool! Totally fine!” He blurted out as he slipped on some shampoo and stumbled backward.

Lydia practically dove at him to brace his fall. She grabbed onto his arms and fell down with him instead.

Once Lydia had brought herself up to kneeling, she examined him again.

“Ouch,” he grumbled. “Let me tell ya somethin’ Lyds. After six hundred years, ya really forget how much bein’ old hurts.”

“Well, I don’t need six hundred years to know how you feel.” She grimaced as her knees started stinging in protest of her position. “I’m older than you now,” Lydia grunted as she plopped down next him.

Betelgeuse rolled his eyes and scoffed. “Sorry, sweet cheeks. You’ll never be older than me.”

Although she was still worried about his earlier reaction, it is evident to her that Betelgeuse was trying to push it aside. Making a mental note to bring it up later and to keep a close eye on him, Lydia decided to bicker instead.

“I’ll be thirty-nine… soon. You died when you were thirty-seven. I’m the cradle robber now.”

“PFT!”

“Betelgeuse…” Lydia wanted to make something clear.

He winced as he braced himself for something bad.

“I, uh, want to be with you. It’s just…” Lydia tried to find the right words.

“You have a kid. And you need ta make sure I’m good daddy material,” he finished for her dejectedly.

Lydia’s eyes widened in shock. “Eh?”

“Look, Lyds, I can’t promise I’ll be pah-drey of the year, but she’s yer kid. And that means I’m gonna give it my best shot because I want cha… really bad. Like… really… bad. And when… or if… you’re finally mine again, then… she’ll be mine too, and I’m gonna make sure I’ll be there every step--”

Lydia shut his nonsensical trap up by straddling his thighs and attacking his mouth with her own. Those words threw her caution to the wind. She was ready. If Betelgeuse would take her old, scrawny twig of a body now, then she would give herself to him because...  **_Fuck it…_ ** those words had unraveled her entire being and soaked her panties.

“You beautiful idiot,” she breathed as her face hovered over his shocked one. “I’ve been yours since the day you put me in that hideous thing you called a wedding dress and forced me down the aisle.”

Betelgeuse’s jaw dropped at the insane confession. “Whaa--?”

“That’s right. I never told you because I didn’t think your ego or my pride could handle it. But there it is. I may not have admitted it to myself at the time, but I was waiting for you to come back for me and secretly hoped you’d get away with it, with me pretending to be kicking and screaming just to keep my dignity. And I regret never telling you that… before… before you fucking turned to ASHES in my FUCKING HANDS!” 

The dark beauty burst into tears and started to sob uncontrollably as she buried her face in the crook of his neck. “Now-take-me-to-the-fucking-bed!” She hiccuped. 

“You don’t gotta tell me twice,” he muttered as his adrenaline kicked in enough to raise himself off the floor with Lydia still attached and raced to the enormous bed still littered with toiletries.

“Oh, this happening,” Betelgeuse whimpered as he placed Lydia on the bed and frantically swatted the bath products to the floor. “This is happening. This is happening!” He didn’t know where to start. 

Hands shaking again, he tried to unbutton the rest of Lydia’s shirt and failed over and over again, fingers slipping from the shampoo mess still on her. “Just, ah, warnin’ ya, this may be over quicker than, ah, I intend it ta be but--”

“Just rip it off already!” She demanded.

“Okay!” He did as he was told, buttons flew in every which direction and he froze when Lydia shut her eyes hard and tensed up. “What happened? Did I hurt cha?” Wha'd I do?!”

Lydia opened one eye and saw the terror on his face. Relief almost set it in when she realized he hadn’t noticed her physique. “No, I’m okay,” she squeaked. “It’s just… things are different… I look different.”

Betelgeuse furrowed his brow and looked down at Lydia’s bare torso. He had already expected her to be skin and bones. There was no way she wouldn’t be after having felt her body against his for the first time in seventeen years. 

“I’m  _ sorry _ ,” he said dripped with sarcasm, “but do you  _ know _ me?” His tone changed to what sounded like anger. “I don’t give a flyin’ fuck whatcha look like. You’re my fuckin’ angel, and I’ll have ya any which way.” He tore his shirt over himself and threw it aside. “Any given day.” He clawed at her jeans and yanked the rest of her clothes off. “For the rest of our lives.” He kicked off his own pants and trapped her beneath him. “And our afterlives,” he ended resolutely before bring himself down upon her.

Skin. What a glorious thing, skin is, when it melds with the one your soul longs for. It seamlessly divulges and keeps secrets all at once. There is an ache to it too, a delicious ache as one's soul tries to reach out to the other but can’t because of infuriating yet delectable… skin.

Betelgeuse, usually always in control of the pleasure he wanted to give and take, basically checked out as soon as her warm flesh made contact with his. All he knew was that he needed her. Out of all the torment, he had endured, the greatest of all was seeing his angel always out of reach. As much as his angelic vision had brought him solace and strength, the time without her also compounded his agony, and now she was here. Lydia. His Lydia. Open, accepting and needing… him.

Body on autopilot, there was no preamble, no preparation for either of them as Betelgeuse’s hips jerked forward and he sheathed himself within her in one thrust. Their joining was so desperate and dire that they screamed in unison. He didn’t even get the chance to thrust again as he came quickly and intensely, howling into Lydia’s hair. 

It didn’t matter, by some miracle Lydia was crying out her pleasure as Betelgeuse realized he was whipping his hips into her, still hard as a rock. All manner of screams, a vast array of curses, and nonsensical outbursts were being yelled at the top of their lungs. Somewhere in the deep recesses of their minds, they were aware of the headboard pounding so hard against the wall there was sure to be damage by the end of it all, whenever that would be... 

It happened to be two hours and three orgasms later, that Lydia’s nails were dug into the wooden headboard as Betelgeuse continued to bear down on her, pounding into her as she teetered on the edge once more. His initial frenzy had subsided after his second climax, but he was determined to deliver her into pleasure again. Dripping sweat, the persistent beast was leaning over his obsession with her legs closed to one side as he pumped away. 

He dared not spank her again to push her over, Lydia’s cheeks were beyond raw already. No amount of nipple play was working anymore either. His voice was shot, but he tried dirty talk anyway. Still, Lydia gasped and pleaded for release or an end to it all. He would give her release even if he had to chance something he had never tried on her, if only because she expressed opposition to it before.

**_Desperate times, babes_ ** , he thought evilly as he brought his hand down to her delicate, reddened cheeks.

Lydia was not in the room. She was sure she was somewhere between heaven and hell as the tension within her refused to snap. She winced as she prepared herself for the next set of spankings to come, but they did not come. Instead, she felt rough hands lightly massage her butt. It felt so nice. So relaxing. Until she realized his thumb was getting closer and closer to a very “no-no” area. 

“Wha-what’re you doing?” She rasped, barely.

“Shh-shh-shh” he consoled, “just relax,” he whispered hoarsely. 

“N-n-n-n--OHMYFU _ HUCK _ !” She splintered ferociously when the pad of his thumb finally reached its target, pressing and circling her into madness. 

Hearing that animalistic cry tear through his lover was enough to send him into oblivion, but her clenching walls pulling him further within was his outdoing as his member spasmed painfully and exquisitely inside of her again. He could go on no more. Betelgeuse fell behind his panting, convulsing angel, and held her through her violent aftershocks. 

“Oh… you… you fucker,” she croaked. 

He chuckled, but it sounded more like coughing at this point. “Yep, yer welcome.”

  
  



	12. Sneakin'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I know I haven't been very communicative in my notes lately, but I want you all to know that I am so grateful to you all. My partner has been working as a cinematographer on a couple of projects lately, which leaves me with the raging toddler at home. I've also had an influx of voice over jobs. This is all great news but has taken up all my spare time. Still, I want to keep sharing this story with you all and I'm pushing through it! I haven't written anything new in like a week, but I'm finally catching a break this weekend! I'll be doing some self care, getting a new haircut, and WRITING! I am SO excited to be going to the Beetlejuice musical next week!!!! Can't wait to share the experience with you all!
> 
> A special thank you to whatsbrewingbruja, snarky-synesthete, mostghcst, orangeplaneta, ghostandtheowl, sm4567, Tess, Azeran, RainbowDrop, and everyone who has left a kudos, favorite, and comment. It was a bit rough for a few weeks and all of you contributed to giving me hope and smiles. THANK YOU!
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Beetlejuice.

Spent. They were utterly spent, and there was nothing Betelgeuse wanted more than to just doze off holding onto the only thing that mattered. Every time his eyes closed of their own accord, demons laughed behind his eyelids, and he would snap awake again. It was the fourth time that Betelgeuse had startled awake, and Lydia jerked from surprise again. Turning to face him, she frowned when she saw his bloodshot eyes.

“We can sleep, you know… I set the alarm for when I should head back. You can stay here if you want. I’ll come back tomorrow morning.”

Relief set in, even though he had wanted to spend the night with her very badly, he couldn’t risk accidentally attacking her in their sleep. “I don’t wanna sleep,” he croaked, tiredly.

“Could’ve fooled me. Well, what do you wanna do?”

Stretching and rubbing his face to dispel his exhaustion, Betelgeuse shimmied up to sitting. “Hot tub? Then you can show me how ta use that phone.”

Lydia laughed and tried to sit up but her arms buckled beneath her own weight. “Goddamnit, B. How am I gonna move?” She giggled.

“Alright! Ol’ Betel to the rescue!” Betelgeuse heaved himself off the bed and walked his arms on the edge until he reached Lydia’s side to carry her to the jacuzzi tub.

After a much-needed soak, the lovers lounged in their robes on the bed and Lydia tried her best to show her dated beau how to work his phone.

“The letters are tiny, babe. I’ll never be able to read or type anythin’!”

“Okay, we can make’em bigger!” Lydia went into the settings and enlarged the font. “Better?”

“Can it be bigger?”

She furrowed her brow. “Okay… how about now?”

Betelgeuse took the phone from her and squinted. “More,” he said and handed it back to her.

Lydia’s eyes widened as she looked at the phone. The font was larger than necessary in her opinion, but she enlarged them again to a setting obviously made for senior citizens. “Now?”

“That’s better,” he announced.

Lydia watched him in utter shock. “You’re pullin’ my leg right?” She asked, flabbergasted.

Ashamed, he gave her a sideways glance in warning. “Ya got somethin’ ta say?”

“You’re fucking blind,” she burst out laughing. “Oh my god! You need glasses!”

“Shuddup,” he muttered in annoyance as Lydia continued her fit.

Now that everything was legible, the quick-witted man surprised Lydia with how quickly he was able to maneuver and understand the apps.

“So, I can ask it to look up anythin’?” He asked dubiously.

“Yep. Go ahead, try it.”

Betelgeuse held down the button and spoke into it. “Show me porn.”

“I don’t know how to respond to that,” the phone replied, monotonously.

“Lies,” Betelgeuse smirked and looked at Lydia who was staring at him with a raised eyebrow. Looking back down at the phone, the joker brought it up and snapped a picture of his angel, which earned him a smack. “ _What_? This will work better than porn, anyway.”

Lydia suddenly stopped, and a smile broke out on her face as she gasped and reached for her own phone. Before she could snap a picture, Betelgeuse had held up his hand to the lens.

“NO!” Lydia cried. “Come on! I can have a picture of you now!” She exclaimed excitedly.

“Together or nothin’,” he stated resolutely with a smug grin. He knew she would cave, remembering her furious sketches she would do when she thought he wasn’t paying attention.

Lydia frowned and pouted but then became giddy at the thought of having a picture of them both. “Okay!” She shimmied closer to him, brought up her selfie camera and quickly regretted it. “Oh no. Nope. I look…”

“Like you’ve been expertly fucked?”

She smirked devilishly at him. “Okay, the front-facing camera should help. It’s just for us. Right? Okay, come closer.”

After a series of shots where Betelgeuse was either making funny faces or licking Lydia’s face, she finally got a shot that caused her heart to flutter. Lydia was open-mouth laughing while Betelgeuse looked at her with pure adoration in his eyes. Upon seeing it, she threw herself at him quite suddenly and buried her face in his neck, inhaling deeply. The abrupt embrace surprised him. Eyebrows raised for a moment, the tired man enveloped his lover and squeezed her. Maybe it was losing him that had softened his once prickly scorpion, but whatever it was, he hoped she’d continue the unreserved shows affection and loving words she kept showering him with.

Quickly, she tore herself away, cupped his face in her hands, and looked deeply into his searching eyes. “I love you, Betelgeuse.” Tears were welling up again as Lydia fought through her next sentence. “That’s what I should have said when… when…”

He knew what she was referring to. “It’s okay--”

“No.” She shook her head. “No, I should have it said it. You were disappearing before my eyes, and you told me you loved me. I should have said it back. All this time… I just need you to know…”

“You think I don’t? You spent almost two decades tryin’ to get me out,” Betelgeuse murmured as he tucked loose strands behind Lydia’s ear.

“I would have spent my whole life - and afterlife trying,” Lydia replied with steely determination. “Even if I had to find Bart and have him send me to hell--”

Betelgeuse quickly covered Lydia’s mouth, eyes wide with fear. “Don’t. Don’t ever fucking say that.” At this point, his breathing was coming in quick and shallow. She tore his hand away and kissed him until he became calm. When she looked at him once more, he was half asleep. Gently, she pulled him to lie down with her, head resting on her chest and stroked his hair until his breathing became soft and rhythmic.

Lydia checked the time on Betelgeuse’s phone and realized its low battery. Wriggling ever so gently out of his embrace, she went to his duffle bag to find the charger. The duffle bag was a mess, of course. Lydia pulled out his brand new clothes, already wrinkled beyond help, then pulled out sheets of paper and froze. Pulling up the single page in her hand, Lydia’s eyes were glued to the header.  


_ADAA_

_Anxiety and Depression Association of America_

_Post-traumatic_ _Stress Disorder_

She looked up to the bed to make sure that Betelgeuse was still asleep. Light snoring confirmed it for her. Gathering up the rest of the pages, Lydia brought them with her to the bed, put his phone to charge, sat beside his sleeping form, and read.

* * *

 

The ringing in his ears was unbearable, and there was no relief from the agony the demons inflicted upon him.

“Betelgeuse…”

When he saw her face, he was filled with hope and dread all at once.

“Betelgeuse...”

**_Please don’t leave me. Don’t leave me._ **

“Betelgeuse.”

Snapping his eyes open, the haunted man found himself clinging to Lydia’s waist, face buried into her side. The fear was palpable as he lurched back and assessed his saint for any damage he may have caused.

“Hi,” she said sweetly with a gentle smile.

Betelgeuse swallowed hard and cleared his throat. “I fell asleep.”

“I think you really needed it,” she expressed with concern as she held up the damning evidence against him.

“Fuck,” he breathed as he grimaced. “I can explain that…” he began, not knowing what the hell was about to pour out of his lying mouth.

“I had night terrors for a while too,” she informed him. “I mean, who wouldn’t have PTSD after their fiance literally turned to dust in their hands on their wedding day?”

Betelgeuse sighed with relief and collapsed into her lap. “You can tie me to the bed at night until I find a way to make’em stop. I’m gonna figure it out, babe, I promise.”

Lydia massaged his scalp. “We, Beej. We will figure it out. Don’t keep things from me, okay?”

He couldn’t help but scoff. “Okay, then. What’cha got hidin’ in the basement?” He finally asked with a smile.

Tensing up at once, Lydia’s hand stilled in his hair. He smirked then raised himself to eye level and watched the scorpions lies dance in her sockets before she opened her mouth.

“What do you mean?” She forced out.

Betelgeuse chuckled darkly. “Don’t keep things from me, okay?” He mocked in a raspy, high-pitched voice, wishing at that moment he could mimic her accurately.

“I, uh, am not hiding anything.” She tried to maneuver through the multitude of half-truths she had already come up with over the years.

“Then spill it,” he demanded.

A staring contest commenced until Lydia blinked first. “I… did some stuff down there. I didn’t want anyone to worry over it so… I just didn’t tell anyone about it, but I’m not hiding anything in Delia’s basement.”

Smiling, the bullshit expert shook his head slowly, letting her know he wasn’t buying it.

“What? Why?” Lydia would not divulge anything further until she knew what he knew.

“Okay, babe. Keep your little secret,” he lilted dangerously sweet as he fisted a hand in her hair and tugged her forward. “It’ll be more fun ta figure it out on my own anyway.” He crushed his lips to hers hard when an alarm blared, making him jolt and look around wildly. “What the fuck?!”

Lydia grabbed her phone and turned it off. “Sorry! I had snoozed it before while you were sleeping.  I… gotta go.” Her chest tightened at the thought of going after she had heard him beg her not to leave him while he had his nightmare. At first, she thought he was awake, his eyes were half open at the time, but his fingers had dug into her skin so deeply that Lydia had to swallow the pain down. She called out his name softly and caressed him until he awoke. Lydia was sure she would find bruises later.

“Come see me tonight, or I’m comin’ to you,” he warned.

Lydia widened her eyes in alarm. “No, no! I’ll come. It’ll be late though.”

“Fine with me. I’ve got investigatin’ to do when I get back.” He winked.

Lydia frowned. “You’re not staying here?”

“Nope! I didn’t bring ma bedtime girlfriend with me,” he said simply as he got from the bed.

Lydia’s frown deepened. “You’re bedtime girlfriend?”

Leaning over to kiss the top of her head, Betelgeuse gave her boob a squeeze. “Your pillow.”

Lydia snorted and went to smack him, but he was already running to the bathroom.

They packed their things and waited for their transportation in the lobby.

“So, tomorrow? Same time?” Lydia asked.

“Uh… no. I got a thing in the mornin’ in your neck o’ the woods. But I can meet cha after and then we can fuck like rabbits!” He exuberated a little too loudly.

Lydia buried her face in his shoulder and laughed. “What thing do you have?”

“What’s in the basement?” He prodded.

She rolled her eyes. “Nothing,” she insisted.

Betelgeuse shrugged his shoulders. “Same,” he quipped.

“Fine,” she said with a pout. “It’ll be more fun to figure it out on my own, anyway,” she mocked in a deep, gruff voice.

The wicked man laughed and gave his lover’s ass a playful smack as their respective cars arrived outside.  


* * *

 

Lydia’s mind reeled at the thought of Betelgeuse snooping around in the basement. It was clear that he knew something and she felt stupid that for not having thought he would sense something there to begin with.

**_Of course, he sensed it! Goddamnit. Shit. I have to tell him. Sooner or later he has to know. If he finds out… no. No. I have to tell him before he finds out. He won’t find out. I moved it. He’s just sensing the residual energy. He’s not going to find anything so, relax. Just take your time. He has enough to deal with as it is. Take your time. Ease him into it. He’s going to flip his shit. Oh god. He’s gonna freak. Maybe he won’t. Oh, he will. He definitely will._ **

The inner argument went on for the whole ride home, and before she knew it, Lydia was already at the apartment door with no recollection of how she got there or if she tipped the driver. The door opened before Lydia even placed the key in and she was greeted by a furious Bianca.

“Where. Have. You. Been?” She tapped her foot on the ground and huffed impatiently.

Lydia furrowed her brow in confusion and checked her phone for the time. Bianca should have just arrived from her aftercare not even half an hour ago, and Lydia was usually home later anyway.

“Hi to you too,” Lydia said briskly and took a step forward, but Bianca would not budge.

“You went to see _him_ didn’t you?” Bianca accused.

“See who?” Dave asked from inside.

Lydia could not believe her ears. Bianca had no reason to assume anything was different, and now she was throwing her under the bus in front of Dave. Pursing her lips and widening her eyes, Lydia glared at her daughter and mouthed at her to be quiet. Bianca rolled her eyes dramatically and stepped aside.

Dave was making himself a snack, and upon seeing Lydia, he inquired again. “Who’d you see?”

Lydia took a deep breath and prepared her half-truths. “I actually met up with an old friend today.”

“I knew it!” Bianca grated. “You told me that you’d take me to see him!”

“Bibi,” Lydia warned calmly.

“Who?” Dave persisted.

“Beetlejuice!” The tiny infuriated child blared. A moment of intense silence permeated the air before the tattletale went wide-eyed with fear at the realization of what she had done.

“Huh,” he breathed.

The adulteress was rooted in place as she waited for Dave to add up the math.

“You know, Bibi,” he continued with an even tone, “the live show really isn’t appropriate for someone your age. I don’t even like that you watch the cartoon much, for that matter.”

Bianca and Lydia eyed each other in confusion right as Dave walked away with his sandwich to the dining table. The deceiver almost danced in triumph when she realized that Dave thought she had gone to see one of her actors. This did nothing to stop her from giving her daughter the “you’re in big trouble, missy” death stare. Usually, that look would scare the kid straight, but unfortunately for Lydia, Bianca was watching the stupid man in amazement. She snorted and then flashed her famous eerie grin. This was getting out of hand quickly, and Lydia started to get very worried about what her daughter would say or do next so, she grabbed her by the back of her shirt and pushed her in the direction of her room.

“I think you and I need to go over your homework, young lady,” Lydia gritted through her teeth, then shut the door, and sat Bianca down on her bed. “Are you trying to get me into a fight with Dave?” Lydia asked seriously.

Bianca’s blue orbs darted frantically as she tried to understand her own motives. Yes, she realized that is precisely what she wanted. She wanted her mother to fight with Dave so Dave would get upset and make them leave back to their home.

“When are you going to marry him?” Bianca asked concerned.

“What?! Dave? Never!”

“No, Beej,” Bianca whispered.

Lydia’s mouth fell open. Never, in all of the stories she had told her daughter, had she ever brought up that she and Betelgeuse had been engaged.

“If you marry him, then Dave will leave us alone,” Bianca reasoned. “If you take me to him, I can make him like me and then you can get married. I know I can make him like me, mom. I’ll bring him beetles every day. And-and-and I promise to be good on adventures. And-and I’ll stay out of the way. I know he gets jealous. I get jealous too, but I can be better!”

Lydia threw herself down to the floor and wrapped her arms around her daughter. The weight of everything was bringing her dangerously close to a nervous breakdown, but she held steady.

“Okay look,” Lydia began with conviction. “He wants to meet you too.”

A teary-eyed Bianca tore herself away from her mother and smiled with hope. “Really?” She asked like it was too good to be true.

“Yes. Yes, he does. Why don’t I ask him if he’s available next week?”

Bianca’s smile fell. “No,” she whined. “Today! Please!”

“He can’t today.”

“Tomorrow!”

“You have school tomorrow, and he’s busy anyway.”

Bianca turned away from Lydia, crossed her arms and stomped her foot on the ground.

“Bibi, please be patient. He’s not feeling well. He needs more time.” **_I need more time._ **

The child turned to face her again, worried but also suspicious. “What’s wrong with him? Is he sick?”

“Um, no, but he’s having some trouble adjusting to everything. He’s definitely not happy with us being here. Like you said, he’s very jealous. Look, I promise… I’ll text him right now! You want me to text him?”

Bianca looked incredulous. “He has a phone?”

Lydia couldn’t help but laugh. “Yes, I got him one!”

“Prove it,” Bianca challenged.

Lydia pulled out her phone and started texting away.  **Are you free next week to meet Bianca?**

Lydia held the phone out so her daughter could see. Bianca gasped when she saw the little bubble appear notifying them that someone was writing a message. It was then that Lydia regretted what she was doing as she had no idea what he was going to respond with and Bianca could already read at a second-grade level.

**Just tell me when n where babes.**

Lydia sighed with relief, and Bianca hopped up and down laughing. “He called you BABES! Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh! Tell him… uh-uh-uh-tell’em I say hi! Tell’em-tell’em!”

She could not say no to that happy face. It had been so long since Lydia had seen her daughter so excited. Lydia swallowed hard and wondered how Betelgeuse would react to her next message.

**Bianca is here, and she says “Hi.”**

She sent the text over then quickly added... **She can read** , as a way to hopefully curb any inappropriate, impulsive reply. The little bubble appeared and promptly disappeared again. Bianca was staring at the phone, gnawing her bottom lip, on tiptoes. The little bubble appeared once more.

**Hi twerp.**

“AH!” Bianca jumped ecstatically then frowned and looked at Lydia. “What’s a twerp?”

“Don’t worry about it.” Lydia put her phone away.

“No, wait! Tell him--”

“That’s enough for now, okay?” Lydia worried that she may have caused some damage, putting Betelgeuse on the spot like that. As Bianca began to protest, Lydia’s phone chimed so, she pulled it out to look at the message received.

**See you very soon, Bibs. ;)**

Lydia’s heart skipped a beat, and her mouth twitched into a silly smile as Bianca wrestled the phone from her grasp. Nevermind how Betelgeuse had already figured out emoji’s, Lydia focused on watching Bianca read the message.

“Bibs,” she whispered, then looked up from the phone in utter shock. Bianca placed the phone to her chest and smiled wide. “BIBS! I’M BIBS!” Suddenly, she lurched forward and started running circles around Lydia, screaming.

Dave opened the door and watched the spectacle, astonished. “Everything okay?”

Bianca turned to Dave and pointed the phone to the sky in victory. “BIBS!”

Dave looked at Lydia questioningly, but Lydia was looking into the beyond, far away, with a goofy smile on her face. A look he had definitely never seen before.

  



	13. The Twerp

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is all over the place but I hope it's still good. =)  
> More setup, some smut, and Beej and Bibi finally meet!
> 
> I go to DC tomorrow and meeting up with a fellow Beetle Babe to see the MUSICAL so, follow me on tumblr @mordellestories for pictures. Or on IG @gisellemarie.la
> 
> SO EXCITED!
> 
> Hope you all enjoy this extra long chapter!
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Beetlejuice.

The basement was infuriating him. Betelgeuse had spent hours, the previous night, searching high and low, reading through notes and books for any hidden messages. He had called it a night when Lydia sent him a text that she would be coming over soon. Frustrated, Betelgeuse waited for his witch, ready to bombard her with his fury but when she arrived in nothing but red lingerie and said something about him being a “very good daddy”… he had no recollection of being angry at all.

Now it was morning, his lover was gone, and he was back in the basement tearing through everything, papers flying everywhere. It was Juno’s arrival that finally made him pause.

“Lydia’s going to kill you,” Juno said seriously as she looked around the trashed basement.

“I’m the one that’s gonna do the killin’. I’ve looked everywhere! All I’ve found is evidence of a ritual on the fuckin’ floor! There’s somethin’ else down here. I know it! Don’t you feel it?”

“Honestly? No.”

Betelgeuse froze and stared at Juno in disbelief. “ _You_  don’t feel anything?”

“Just some residual traces of a spell.” She shrugged unconcernedly. Juno conjured up some papers and handed them to Betelgeuse. “Here’s your assignment. Straight from Julian.”

“I don’t even have the job yet,” he grumbled as he took the papers and squinted. Growling with annoyance, Betelgeuse pulled out a ridiculous red pair of feminine looking reading glasses and perched them on his nose.

Juno’s eyelids fluttered as her eyebrows practically disappeared into her hairline. “Er... you know you’ll get it.” She decided not to bring it up. “I’ll, uh, be waiting for your report. Let me know how it goes.” She disappeared taking a mental picture of the sight before her.

Now, with the help of Delia’s lenses, Betelgeuse was happy to be to speed reading again. His photographic memory thanked him for the much-needed assistance as he sat comfortably in a chair and reclined. He was so engrossed in reading the details of the company he was going to infiltrate that he barely noticed a pair of footsteps coming hurriedly down the stairs.

When the footsteps stopped, and no further sound came, Betelgeuse peered over the rim of his glasses to find Adam frozen in place, staring at him with a blank expression. They stayed that way for an eternity before Betelgeuse slowly raised a single brow, challenging Adam to utter even a single word.

“I, uh,” Adam sniffed, “nevermind.” He left the same way he came.

Betelgeuse was about to return to his task when his phone vibrated in his pocket. Pulling it out, he was surprised to see there was a text message from Lydia.

**Hi! It’s Bibs!**

He was momentarily too shocked to process the message.

**Are you there? I took my mom’s phone. She doesn’t know. Don’t tell.**

Betelgeuse snorted. “Well, well, well. The twerp has co-ho-knees.” He started texting back.

**Helloooooo, twerp. Aren’t you supposed to be in school?**

**I know what that means now...** **Twerp: a silly, insignificant, or contemptible person.**

“What the…?”

**Contemptible/Contempt: the act of despising**

“Holy shit…?”

**Despise: strong dislike… >:(**

Eyes bugging out, he scratched his chin. “Smart kid…”

**What are you, the word police? And aren’t you supposed be, like, 5 and dumb or something?**

**I’ll be 5 on October 2. And my school wants to put me in grade 3 next year. Mom won't let them.**

“Well, fuck me,” he breathed in disbelief. “Lydia’s got a little savant on ‘er hands.” Momentarily disappointed in Lydia for holding her kid back, he expressed it in a text to Bianca.

**That’s stupid.**

**Yeah.**

Curiosity peaked, Betelgeuse waited for Bianca’s next text.

**Why don’t you ever show up when I call?**

He frowned, not understanding, thinking she meant the phone, then realization hit. Bianca had tried summoning him.

* * *

 

Bianca waited anxiously for Betelgeuse’s reply, confident he would tell her that he just did not like her and that’s why he never showed. Swallowing hard, the child watched the little bubble and waited for the crushing truth.

**Say the magic B words.**

Yelping in surprise, Bianca looked at the bathroom door and ran into the handicap stall. Her nerves were on edge, and she tried the calming breaths that her mother had taught her. “Oh my gosh.”  _BREATH_ . “Oh my gosh.”  _BREATH_. “Okay. Just say it.” Bianca put her phone away, gripped onto the sink, and looked into the mirror. Frightened eyes staring back at her, she decided to close them.

“Beetlejuice... “Beetlejuice……….… Beetlejuice!” Bianca snapped her eyes open and waited.

“You call me. Into the little girl's room. Of a  _school_?”

The startled girl whirled around and backed into the sink, mouth agape. There he was, arms crossed, leaning casually against the stall, almost like the actor she met at the live show. Almost. Bianca looked him up and down and took everything in. His striped suit was dusty and worn with small tears here and there. His face, she gulped, knowing what to expect did not prepare her for the face looking down on her now. Dead. Clearly, terrifyingly dead, white skin with dark circles, and green mold all over, and hair like he’d been electrocuted. She was elated.

Jumping up and down with excitement, Bianca covered her mouth and squealed, then quickly stopped and pointed an angry finger at him. “Why didn’t you come before?!” She growled in frustration.

Betelgeuse scoffed at the angry little face glaring up at him. Pictures of the kid had not prepared him for the little changeable spitfire that was Lydia’s daughter. “I’m famous now, kid. I’ve got everyone and their mothers callin’ me on the horn these days. Ya think I got time to just show up at everyone’s beck n’ call?” He raised an eyebrow at her questioningly. Bianca really did look like her mother in every way except her eyes. Either she got them from her father or Charles Deetz. The ghost decided he’d rather stare at Chuck’s blue orbs than the rebound’s. The child also saw more sun than Lydia, that was certain.

Bianca dropped her finger and her scowl. “Oh… right.” That makes sense, she thought as her plan to woo him was brought forth into her mind again.  **_Aw man. Now you showed him your bad side. Great job. Okay, time to turn up the juice!_ **  She gave him the most adorable smile she could muster. It worked on everyone, she already knew, and hoped it would work on the Ghost with the Most.

Betelgeuse knew he had every minuscule detail of Lydia’s face memorized, he knew immediately that the smile Bianca flashed at him now had not been passed down by his lover either.  **_My god that is the cutest-- NOPE! Don’t fall for it! She’s up ta somethin’._ ** Betelgeuse gave her his most terrifying sneer in return. Bianca’s smile faded as she paled. “So,” he looked her up and down. “You’re the little twerp messin’ up all my plans, ey?” The poltergeist watched with delight as Bianca swallowed the lump in her throat.

“I-I-I’m not messing with a-a-a-anything,” she replied nervously. The ghost took a step toward the child. She quickly moved from the sink and backed into the wall. “I p-p-p-promise!”

Another step in her direction brought Betelgeuse a mere few inches away from Bianca’s face as he crouched down in front of her. He tilted his head and stared into her frightened eyes. “Hmm. I want yer mom all ta myself, kid. And you,” he poked her nose causing her to flinch, “are in the way.” He finished with a mirthless smile. “She won’t come ta me because of  _you_.”

Fear gone at his accusation, Bianca’s eyes grew hard, and she shook her head in denial. “That’s not true!” A bulb turned on in her brain. “It’s Dave!” She accused with mischief. “It’s all Dave’s fault. He won’t let us leave! It’s his fault,” she ended with a growl.

The surprise on Betelgeuse’s face could not have been more comical. The little runt was throwing her own father under the bus. “Dave, huh?” Betelgeuse asked suspiciously.

“Yeah! He’s a loser!”

He couldn’t help the snort that escaped him. He actually liked the kid. “He’s your pops, isn’t he?”

Bianca feigned a dramatic gag that sent Betelgeuse into a chuckling fit. The little girl looked at her idol and grinned victoriously at having made him laugh.

“Oh boy! You must give yer mom a run fer her money. HA! Okay, kid.” He stood and placed his hands on his hips. “I think I like ya.”

Bianca’s tears welled up immediately as she looked up at him with puppy eyes. Betelgeuse waggled a finger at her, but before he could tell Bianca to stop the waterworks, she launched herself from the wall and wrapped her arms around his legs.

 **_Aw shit._ **  “Hey! Yer leaking all over my suit,” he grated. He tried to pry her away, but she only clung to him harder. “C’mon, kid! Get off me, or I’m outta here!”

Bianca let him go and wiped her tears away.

“Geeze! Alright, now listen up. Yer mom doesn’t want me interfering in ‘er business but what she don’t know won’t hurt ’er, know what I mean? You ‘n me, kid? We’re gonna get you and yer mom out of that dipsh-- Dave’s place. Thas whatcha want, right?”

Bianca nodded fervently. “How?” She asked with the cutest little voice Betelgeuse had ever heard. The wicked man crouched before her once more and gave her an evil grin. “Wait fer my instructions, little sidekick. Until then, hasta la vista.” He popped out of sight, leaving an over the moon Bianca behind.

* * *

  


In the sorry excuse of the church office, Bartholomew was stretched over a small couch. Still recovering from the attack from days prior, he stared at the ceiling with a fist pressed into his forehead. The little cartoon skeletons mocked him as he heard them repeat the infernal name of his nemesis repeatedly in his mind. He hardly ever thought of the striped mongrel after he was confident that Hell had taken its victim. Seventeen years and not a peep from the dirty bastard, but now? Now, he showed up on a television set! As a beloved cartoon character no less! How?  **_No, no,_ **  Bart reasoned with himself for the millionth time,  **_if he escaped then the Lord would have warned me. Unless they do not know he has escaped? No. The Lord is infallible. Certainly, he woul--_ **

“BART!” The angry messenger of God called out to him. He always seemed angry lately. Bartholomew shot up to attention, the throbbing pain in his face suddenly forgotten.

“Yes! I am here!” He responded with genuine humility.

“We got a fu--” the messenger of God interrupted himself, “we got a problem,” it grumbled with annoyance.

“Oh, my Lord! I know I failed, but I was thrown off. I swear it won’t happen again!”

“What? Nevermind. Listen up. Someone fu-- someone messed up dow… up here. A prisoner escaped.”

In utter shock, Bart accidentally phased through the couch and onto the floor. His entire astral network buzzed within his being and it was difficult to process the holy messenger’s next words.

“He’s from your era, civil servant status goes by the name of--”

“Betelgeuse,” Bart whispered in horror. The urge to vomit was intense, and that was a feeling Bart was no longer used to. A dense, icky sensation crawled up his back and into his mind. Panic. Pure panic is what it was.

“So, ya do know’m? Good. I need you to--”

“HOW?! How could this happen? I thought the transitions were supposed to be permanent! The higher-ups are supposed to be perfect. It’s impossible--”

“SILENCE!” The voice bellowed. Bart’s mouth clamped shut. “A lower-level caseworker lost him.”

A loud sigh escaped Bartholomew as he realized that it was not the fault of his lord but of Satan’s spawn. “Oh, thank goodness… I thought…”

“You have to summon him so we can put the fugitive back.”

“Summon Bet-- I mean… summon the fugitive?”

“No, genius” he dripped with sarcasm, “summon his caseworker.”

There was a long silent moment while Bart simmered on the ghastly instruction. “You… want me… to summon… a demon?”

“Yessss,” the voice smiled through his reply.

“But… shouldn’t we send a higher-up instead? The purer ones should--”

“You think the higher-ups should waste their time with one wayward soul? Do you doubt me now? I could always give your job to someone else, you know. Someone with loyalty and faith. Since you’ve obviously lost yo--”

“I am ever faithful, my lord! Please, do not be displeased with me. I know I am weak, but I am true! I will do whatever the Lord asks of me,” he pleaded on his knees.

“Hmm, I don’t know…” he responded with doubt.

“I will summon an army of demons if that’s what it takes!”

“Well, then… it’s too bad we can’t send an army. No, one will do. I’ll give you one last chance, Bartholomew.”

“Thank you, my Lord! Tell me its name, and I shall rip it out of Hell to search for the ingrate!”

“Leonard.”

“Huh?”

“His name is Leonard.”

“Erm… the demon?”

“Yes. Don’t get me started.”

After the voice gave Bart detailed instructions on how to summon one of Satan’s children, the messenger left him. Grabbing onto his hair, the faithful servant let out a yell before folding over in defeat. Betelgeuse was loose and probably searching for his revenge. Although sickened by the thought of participating in a satanic ritual, the inquisitor was relieved that he would not have to go head-to-head with the vengeful poltergeist himself. The little cartoon counterpart popped into his mind once more and only filled him with more questions than ever. The voice that came from the vile animation was not his. Nor was it Lydia’s voice that came from his partner. But then how were they on the television?

Filled with a burning curiosity, Bart launched toward the computer. It was still a mostly unfamiliar piece of technology that he had yet to master, but his drive pushed at the keys before him anyway. Typing in Betelgeuse only brought up the red giant. So, he tried another tactic. Pushing at the keys again, he typed in Lydia Deetz, instead, and was floored by the number of results that came up. There were no images of the woman, but there were plenty of articles about the creator/producer of the hit animated series called BEETLEJUICE.

An unwitting smile crept onto Bartholomew’s features as he finally found an article with Lydia’s image. She seemed to be staring right at him with a tiny, challenging smirk at the corner of her mouth. Now, he understood. She had manipulated thousands to cast the most massive invocation ever known. That is how he had escaped. “Well, well, well, Ms. Deetz. Looks like you are one to be reckoned with after all. But I wonder… how much of yourself wasted away in your fruitless endeavors?” Bart chuckled at the prospect of the woman in question being pulled into hell with her dead lover. “I await your timely death with great anticipation.” He patted his pocket, where the Damnation Seal lay waiting. 

* * *

 

It was quickly decided that Betelgeuse’s least favorite place on any plane, except Hell, was New York City. It was quite a bummer since he really did want to enjoy it but the noise, the crowds, and the pollution were nauseating. He finally found the building he was looking for and entered, stopping only a moment to admire the sleek modern decor of the lobby.

“Can I help you, sir?” The receptionist called out to him dryly.

Betelgeuse walked up the severe-looking woman with short cropped hair, pointed nose, and dead shark eyes.

“Uh, yeah, I have an interview with Guy Random?” He snorted aloud.

The receptionist was not amused as she picked up her phone and dialed an extension. “Mr. Random? I have your next appointment waiting here… mister?” She raised an eyebrow at the slightly unkempt man before her.

“Betelgeuse.”

“Mr. Juice?”

Rolling his eyes, she pointed Betelgeuse to a door, and a buzzer sounded. The receptionist hung up the phone. “Through that door and to the left.”

He followed her instructions and entered into what he could only describe as nerd heaven. The room’s walls were lined with desks, all with computers with large double screens. Geeks galore no older than twenty sat at them with headsets. Some were playing video games while others were watching security footage. Horror movie posters covered almost every inch of spare wall. Shelves housed action figures and signed autographs of horror memorabilia. Betelgeuse’s eyes locked onto a signed poster of his cartoon counterpart in the corner.  **_Oh boy._ **

“Hey there, Mr. Horeson, right?” a frumpy young nerdling, with visible Asian roots, shot out his hand in greeting.

Betelgeuse raised an eyebrow. “Random, Guy?”

“Heh heh! Yeah. I’d rather you just call me Guy.”

“Then ya can call me Betelgeuse, bub.” He shook Guy’s clammy hand and frowned.

“Cool name, man. Like the show. Spelled differently though. Uh, this room here is headquarters, we’ll do the interview in the breakroom for some privacy.” Guy turned to another nerd and called her over. “Hey, Trish! Interview time.”

A little goth looking chick rolled her eyes and stood up. When she saw Betelgeuse, she scoffed but went in their direction. “You’re the medium?” She asked bored with a slight Hispanic accent.

“At yer service,” he replied with a glint in his eye as he followed them to their small break room.

They all sat at a round table toward the center of the room. Guy was quick to get to the point.

“So, we’re not the stuffy corporate type around here--”

“We also don’t hire viejo white guys,” interjected the angry goth. “Job market is tough enough for us women, who are usually more  _sensitive_  to energy fields.”

Betelgeuse sucked in his lower lip as the corner of his mouth started to twitch, his eyes blazing with amusement.

“Trish… is my partner and she’s… blunt.” Guy offered an apologetic look.

“I like that in a woman.” He winked and could almost see the opening to Hades in her black eyes. He chuckled to try and dispel the tension. “Just joshin’, kids. Since we’re being honest here, I was gonna try and just weasel my way into this job by being a nice guy, but, that just ain’t me. Looks ya you value individuals in this place fer who they really are and their work. So! That bein’ said. Imma hard pill ta swallow, okay? Not the desk job kinda guy or the followin’ orders type either--”

“Looks the interview is over then.” Trish stood up.

“However,” Betelgeuse continued. “I’m the real deal, and I guarantee that no one you’ve interviewed or will interview can do what I do. Woman or no.” He ended with a cocky smirk.

Tricia looked down at Guy who shrugged his shoulders. “Why don’t we just see what he can do?” The young woman frowned and sat back down.

“What do you got old man? Tarot? Runes? Palm reading?” She chided.

Betelgeuse chuckled. “Nah, don’t got time for theatrics today, gotta make sure I make time ta fuck my little lady senseless before lunch. So, just tell me who you want ta communicate with, and I’ll make the hookup.” The medium clapped his hands and rubbed them with anticipation.

Tricia audibly gagged as Guy sat speechless, frozen in place. Tricia nudged Guy into speaking. “Ah, okay. So, um, my aunt Esther passed away last year. I guess, her?” Guy offered.

“Esther… okay!” Betelgeuse cracked his knuckles then shook his hands out and plucked a banana out of fruit basket at the center of the table. He held the Banana to his ear like a phone. “Operator, operator, operator?”

Tricia snorted, and Guy buried his face in his hands. “I told you we’d get a crazy in here at some point.” The goth slapped Guy on the shoulder and snickered.

Betelgeuse held up a hand to silence the non-believers as the operator answered, her monotonous drone going unheard by all but him.

“Who may I connect you to?”

Betelgeuse cleared his throat. “Yeah, uh, I need to speak with Esther, aunt of Guy Random. Passed away sometime last year?”

“One moment please.”

“Hello?” A feminine voice answered, confused.

“Hi, Esther?”

“Yes?”

“I got yer nephew here, Random, Guy.”

The woman on the phone laughed. “Always did tell my sister she was nuts for calling him that.”

“Yeah, hilarious. So, listen, toots, he’s interviewing me fer a job as a medium with his company, and I need to prove ta him I’m actually talkin ta ya. So, how about a nice embarrassing story that nobody knows about so I can land this gig already and get outta here?”

“Oh, well… um… ha! There was this one time…”

Betelgeuse’s smile widened as Esther continued her story. “Ohohoho! Wow! Nice. Thank you so much, sweets. Gimme a minute will ya?”  The evil man covered the bottom half of the banana with his hand and grinned wickedly at Guy. “So, ya shit yer pants when you saw Mickey Mouse at Disney World?” Guy’s mouth dropped open. Tricia looked at Guy questioningly. “That’d be okay if you were kid n’ all, but dude,” he continued with an evil chuckle. “It was yer high school grad night?”

Guy shot out of his chair. “IT WAS NIGHT TIME, AND HE POPPED OUTTA NOWHERE!”

Tricia’s eyes almost fell out of her sockets. “Da FUCK?!”

Betelgeuse cackled away. “Okay, Esther, I think I got the job. Thanks, sugar.” He hung up the banana.  


* * *

 

A knock on the hotel room door sent Lydia running to open it. Betelgeuse was leaning casually against the frame, hunger in his eyes, and one arm behind his back.

“Why hello there, ma’am,” he lilted sensually. “I have a special delivery from a secret admirer for ya.” Betelgeuse pulled his hand out from his back, revealing a beautifully large Principe Negro. It’s dark crimson petals making Lydia gasp as she took it gingerly and smiled. Her smile turned mischievous when she glanced up at him taking in her delight.

“Why, thank you, sir,” she replied coyly.

“You can thank me with a tip, pretty lady,” he murmured.

“Oh?” She asked with faux concern. “I don’t have any cash on me,” she pouted.

Betelgeuse grinned toothily. “There are other ways I can think of ta show yer gratitude,” he drawled as he took a step inside and placed his hands on her tiny waist.

“What kind of ways?” She asked so innocently that Betelgeuse felt his prick practically dance in his pants. Sliding his hand up under her blouse, he took his time finding her left breast and used the pad of his thumb to lightly graze over her hardened nipple. Lydia bit back a moan and tried her best to keep up the naive pretense.

“Oh, mister, that feels nice, but I don’t understand what you’re doing.” She fluttered her eyes and looked at him in confusion.

The aroused man looked up to the ceiling and inhaled deeply through his teeth. “Oh, babe,” he chuckled in warning. “You keep talkin’ like that and I can’t make any promises that I’ll behave.”

The witch held back a victorious smirk. “But mister, I’m the one being bad. Not giving you a tip and all. You can punish me if you like. I deserve it.” She said sweetly with mock sadness.

Betelgeuse let his head drop to meet her gaze. The glint behind those wide submissive eyes made him scrunch up his face and nostril flare at the prospect of what Lydia was insinuating.

“Okay, little lady, I think yer right. You owe me, and I’m gonna take what I deserve. Ya gonna let me?”

Lydia nodded her head somberly. “Of course, mister. Whatever you want. Though, I don’t know what I possibly have to offer you. You’ll just have to tell me what to do, I guess.” She shrugged and looked up at him through heavy eyelids and moaned loudly when he pinched her nipple.

Betelgeuse looked left and right and saw the hall was deserted. “Unzip my pants,” he demanded. Lydia grinned excitedly as she looked down the hallway herself to make sure no one was around, then brought her hands down and carefully unzipped his tented jeans.

“What now?” She asked gullibly.

“Well, there’s a surprise in there for ya,” he murmured.

“Really?” She asked with a smile.

“Mhm. Why don’cha get on yer knees and take a look?” He had to hold back a growl as Lydia knelt on the floor and placed gentle fingers into his jeans.

“Oh, you’re right,” she fingered his tip lightly. “It’s so hard… and wet.” The naughty woman looked up at her lover to get his reaction. Biting her lip to keep from giggling, she watched him raise an eyebrow and nod.

“Wanna taste?” He gruffed.

“Okay,” Lydia pulled out his hardened girth gently and kept eye contact as she slipped her tongue out and licked his head slowly from the bottom up.

“Fuuuuuck,” he breathed.

“What else do you want me to do with it?” She questioned as she circled him with her thumb.

Betelgeuse bit down on his lower lip and hissed before he answered. “Suck on it,” he husked, eyelids growing heavy.

Again, Lydia kept her eyes on his as she placed his cock on her lips and slowly pushed forward, taking him in one tiny bit at a time. “Mmmmm,” she moaned as she used her tongue to circle him in her mouth. Lydia tried not to smile when Betelgeuse’s half-lidded eyes rolled back.

An elevator opened down the hallway revealing the housekeeping crew and their carts. Betelgeuse gritted his teeth and leaned his hips forward to make sure Lydia was out of their eye line. Adrenaline spiked for the both of them as the wheels of the carts squeaked in their direction. Betelgeuse gripped onto the doorframe tightly as Lydia increased her pace.

Looking down at her bobbing head, a wave of pleasure coursed through him and he couldn’t help himself, he brought one hand down to rest on her head. The sight was almost enough to finish him completely. Fingers digging into Lydia’s hair, he tilted her head back slightly and gave a slight thrust. When she moaned around him a bit too loudly, he snapped his gaze down the hall.

One of the crew members made eye contact with him and gave him a curt nod. Betelgeuse brought his right hand up and saluted the woman, gaining him a momentarily confused stare. Smiling, he waited for the woman to look away and thrusted again just as Lydia flicked her tongue quickly under his tip, which was his undoing.

He slammed a fist into the door frame and cough-yelled through his orgasm. “AHEMFFFECKSH! HO-shit!” He glanced toward the woman again who had her eyes narrowed at him. “Whoa! What’s a guy gotta do ta get some water here, babe?!”

Lydia stood and poked her head out. Upon seeing the woman, she giggled and yanked him into the room, slamming the door behind her.

* * *

 

Their sexcapade had been just as long and intense as the previous day, their need for one another still so acute that it was all just one big blur with Betelgeuse retaking the lead. Having felt his dire need for her, she gave him everything she could. Lydia had caught a few concerning looks from her lover during their coupling, his eyes going blank at times and she wondered where he was in his mind. Now, she watched him fight sleep once more as she caressed his chest.

“You should get some sleep,” she offered.

Betelgeuse took a sharp inhale and rubbed at his eyes. “Nah. I’m starvin’, let’s go out for somethin’.”

“We can just order room service.”

“I’d rather get outta here for a bit.” He turned to Lydia and gave her ear a nibble. “Yer just too fuckin’ temptin’ and if we don’t get outta here, we’ll fuck ta death.”

“Is that so bad?”

Betelgeuse laughed. “I guess not!”

Not wanting to give her any reason to question his motives, he changed his reasoning for wanting to go out for lunch. He knew it would be a sore spot and wholly unfair but he tried to move things along with his plan as quickly as possible so, he grew a bit serious and broached the subject he knew would get him what he wanted.

“Lydia,” he said soberly and felt her tense. “I’m feelin’ a little claustrophobic in here. And… we gotta put some meat on ya.” Lydia tensed further and immediately tried to defend herself.

“I know, okay! I’m a scarecrow, and it’s probably a huge turnoff…” the absent look in his eyes from earlier flashed in her mind and made her insides churn.

“I didn’t say that.”  **_Well, I fucked up._ **  “You’re beautiful no matter what, babe, I mean it.”

“I’ve been eating better!”

“Okay…”

“I have. And I’ll start working out.”

“What?”

“It’s the sex, isn’t it? I’m not as… things are different…”

Betelgeuse sat up with lighting speed and pulled Lydia into his arms. “Stop that. I’m an asshole. I didn’t mean it like that. Okay? I’m throwin’ bullshit around because it’s really me with the problem. I just need ta get out of this room. You’re perfect. It’s me.”

His sincere sounding words helped quell the doubts in Lydia’s mind, but the damage had been done. “I’ll eat a veggie-burger… with fries,” she offered, “all of it.”

“Goddamnit, babe. Eat whatever the fuck ya want. I love you just the way ya are.” After more pronouncements of love, caressing, and begging for forgiveness, his lover finally softened in his arms. “Now, get me outta here, please… PTSD and shit.” He finally went where he didn’t want to go to manipulate her into leaving.

“Oh! Okay, yes, of course.” Lydia held his face in her hands and saw the look of pure shame in his eyes. “Don’t feel embarrassed. Please.” She gave him a gentle kiss and watched him half-smile. It was good enough for her so, she got out of bed and started the shower.

He did feel shame, he had used old tactics that he never wanted to use on her. Still, he focused on the greater good and Lydia could not know that, very shortly, Dave would be taking Bianca’s bait.

* * *

 

Full of nervous energy, Bianca barreled through the door of Dave’s apartment as soon as he unlocked it. Running straight for her room, she shut the door behind her, threw her backpack on the ground, and fished out Lydia’s phone. A text message from Betelgeuse awaited her as she fumbled with the device. Entering Lydia’s passcode, Bianca quickly went into the text messages and read hungrily.

**Meet me in Central Park. By the Touch My Buns Food Truck. On the left.**

Hearing Dave’s footsteps, Bianca shot up and raised the phone for him to see. “I FOUND MOM’S PHONE!” She blared loudly.

Startled by Bianca’s extreme outburst, Dave gasped and flinched. “Bibi, you don’t have to yell.”

“Sorry,” she said bashfully. “We should take it to her. She has lots of messages… heh.”

“She can do without it. Might be good for her. Let’s get started on homework,” he offered instead.

“Already done! Um… oh, look! There’s a message from  _Beetlejuice_!” She announced with a slow nod.

Dave was already annoyed with his daughter but tried his best to conceal it. He was convinced she was ADHD and she drove him insane most of the time. Especially since Lydia refused to acknowledge it. “Really, Bibi, you shouldn’t be…” It suddenly hit him that Lydia’s phone was unlocked.

How many times had he jumped at the opportunity to look at her phone to snoop around? Too many failed attempted times. He moved into the room and grabbed the phone, read the name Beej and the message. Why would an actor want to meet her in the park? The message was too cryptic, and there was nothing before or after it to give Dave any clues into what was going on. It was then that Dave decided he needed more information. He checked her email first. Nothing. When his eyes locked onto the photo application… he wondered… and tapped.

The first picture to greet him made his blood run cold. He swiped and swiped… and swiped until the many selfies of Lydia and another man, in hotel robes, in what appeared to be a bed, came to an end.

Dave hardly ever wore his emotions on his sleeve, even now, anyone would guess that he was nonchalantly reading an unimportant message. Bianca, however, knew his tells. Dave’s jaw was clenched as he ground his teeth within, his eyes were blank, and nostrils just slightly flared. He was angry. Bianca waited for his neutral tone of voice that really meant he was feeling everything but that. Dave was a liar, and Bianca was quick to recognize it. His tone of voice never matched his eyes, those were the real truth tellers.

Dave turned his neutral gaze on Bianca. “I think you’re right, Bibi,” he said very calmly. “Lots of important messages in here. Why don’t we go find your mom?”

Bianca smiled and nodded. “Okay,” she said ever so sweetly.  **_It’s showtime._ **

  



	14. The Showdown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally two chapters but I've merged them because I think they should stay together. Since I've merged chapters before, I'm actually only two chapters ahead in my writing... which is making me nervous. lol 
> 
> Hoping to write some more this weekend and end the whole thing before my bday on the 29th. Wish me luck!
> 
> As for the musical... I WAS OVER THE MOON. Be warned, if you are going to see it, keep in mind that it is a complete AU. It follows the movie loosely and lots of liberties were taken with characterizations. I still loved it. Saw it as one massive fan fiction lol. The film is still my favorite. Again, I had lots of fun, got some autographs and pictures that I will post very soon. 
> 
> Now, on with the story!

The bright sunny day was tolerable enough for Central Park to be packed full of residents and tourists alike. It was as if everyone just decided to skip work, relax, and chow down on fattening food truck grub. After getting their hot dogs, Lydia led Betelgeuse to a nearby favorite spot of hers. An old gnarly tree that had inspired Spooky in the animated series was the regular haunting spot of a little old, frumpy Puerto Rican woman who only went by the name of Paula.

“Did my Lydia finally find herself a husband?” Paula greeted happily. “He’s a little short for my taste, pero guapo.”

“Why is everyone raggin’ on my height? Five-nine is not short,” Betelgeuse complained.

Paula gasped long and loud as she placed her hands on her chest. “You found a brujo! Oh, I’m SO HAPPY FOR YOU!” She shrieked as she ran up to Betelgeuse, walked a circle around him, and inspected him thoroughly. “That hot dog isn’t going to help that panza, hijo. How’s your cholesterol?”

Betelgeuse patted his paunch with a smile and winked at the old ghost. “Healthy as a dead man can be, abuela.”

“A smart ass,” Paula wagged a finger at him. “I can see the loco in your eyes. I guess that means he’s good in the sack?” Paula snickered as Lydia blushed.

Betelgeuse threw an arm over Lydia’s shoulders and gave her a playful shake. “Go ahead, babe, make the old broad jealous,” he announced with pride 

Lydia shook her head slowly. “This is the man I told you about, Paula. Betelgeuse.” 

Paula’s smile faded, and she looked at the blonde man with new eyes. “But I thought… he was dead?”

“Not anymore,” Betelgeuse chirped.

“So… it worked,” Paula breathed. Another moment went by before she ran to Betelgeuse, pulled him down to eye level, and searched his eyes. 

“Take it easy, lady!” He exclaimed as he held his hotdog tight.

When she released him, she looked somber. “You’ve suffered greatly,” she noted sadly as she kept eye contact.

Eyes hardening, Betelgeuse tensed. “I’m fine,” he replied curtly.

“A dear friend of mine was taken too.” She looked at him with hope. “Her name is Regina Campos. Did you ever meet her… there? Black hair, she had mole--”

 “No,” Betelgeuse cut her off flatly as he started to feel queasy.

 Paula cast her eyes down. It was clear she wanted to cry, and Betelgeuse couldn't stand the sight of any woman crying, let alone a fragile looking senior citizen.

“Look, uh, it’s a big place, and there isn’t, like, a meet n’ greet kinda thing down there, ‘kay?” He muttered uncomfortably, placing his free hand in his pocket, and shuffled his feet.

Paula nodded. “Could I please describe her to you? Maybe you saw her?”

The blonde man shut his eyes hard and was about to protest when he felt Lydia grab onto his arm. She gave him a gentle squeeze. He barely glanced at her, but he knew she was hoping he’d do the old woman a favor.

“Fine,” he bit out, even though he instantly regretted it. 

After a thorough description of Regina was given, the former damned soul sat down on the ground with his back against the tree and very reluctantly closed his eyes. Although his memory was murky and full of holes, Betelgeuse concentrated on the vast amount of information he had gathered in the lower levels that were tucked away in the dark recesses of his mind.

In a moment, he was there. The second circle. The tortured faces of his fellow inmates flooded his mind until he found who he thought matched Regina’s description best. She was practically bald and covered in sores. His photographic memory allowed him to notice a dark mole under her jawline.

“Betelgeuse!” He heard the angels voice.

The wind was so strong. Leonard and the other demons were plucking souls from the herd. His body was on fire.

“Betelgeuse!! BETELGEUSE!”

He heard it more than he felt it. A loud smack woke him from his paralyzing memories. Betelgeuse snapped his eyes open, cheek ablaze, only to find he was enveloped in a vanilla scented curtain of dark hair. Lydia rubbed at his reddened cheek and kissed his temple with fervor. “I’m so sorry! I’m so sorry!” Lydia pulled back, eyes filled with tears as she continued rubbing the injury she had caused. “Are you okay? Please say something!”

“You're stepping on my wiener,” he muttered tiredly. His angel furrowed her brow in confusion, then looked down to find she was crushing his hotdog with her shoe. 

“Brujo,” called out a regretful Paula as she approached cautiously. “Perdona me,” she apologized sadly.

“She’s there,” he replied as he waved off her apology. “I’ve seen’er. Mole, right here,” he pointed to his jawline. 

Paula clasped her hands together and closed her eyes. “Do you think she is ok--”

“No. No one is okay,” he interjected gravelly. “I’m workin’ on it. Just sit tight, abuela. I’ll figure it out.” Betelgeuse attempted a smug smirk. “I’m the Ghost with Most. Or haven’t cha heard?” 

It did not take long for Paula to see the confidence and conviction behind the haunted eyes of the man before her. If he had come back and not been broken, maybe Regina and all the others would come home intact as well. The old woman smiled at the couple as Lydia helped Betelgeuse to stand. They were quite a pair. Yin and yang. Perfect complements to one another if she ever saw one.

“Thank you,” Paula said sincerely. “I’ll leave you to enjoy the rest of your day together. Please keep in touch.” She did not wait for them to say their farewells and faded from view.

At her disappearance, Lydia latched onto her lover and buried her face in his chest. She felt awful. “I’m so sorry--”

“Hate ta say this, babe, but I’m low on cash. Spot me for another dog, and I’ll pay ya back when I get paid?” He gave Lydia a guilty smile and pulled away from her.

She raised her eyes to meet his with a frown. “Get paid?” Lydia was momentarily deflected.

“Oh, yeah, forgot ta mention,” he said proudly as he thumbed to himself. “This guy, right here? Got the job. I start tomorrow. Wanted ta keep the honeymoon goin’ but I, uh…” Betelgeuse sighed like the weight of the world was on his shoulders, “I gotta start right away.”

 “What job,” Lydia asked, wide-eyed with concern. “If it has anything to do with getting those souls back or getting Bart, count me in.” 

“You’ve done yer part already.” Betelgeuse started walking in the direction of the food truck. Lydia chased after him and pulled him forcefully to a stop as she rounded on him.

“That’s why you won’t tell me. You don’t want me involved. Well, guess what? I’m involved, and I want my fucking revenge too. You can’t take that from me. I’d never take it from you.”

Betelgeuse gnawed on the inside of his cheek before retorting. “You’ve spent seventeen years wasting your life to get me out--” 

“I didn’t waste anything!” She defended.

“Haven’t cha?” He raised an eyebrow in challenge. 

Lydia’s face hardened as she met his challenge. “No.”

It was a lie she really believed, and it made him feel all the more shitty. When he got a look at her bare office and the hurt in her eyes as she confessed that she gave up on her passion, he had been suddenly flooded with guilt. He knew at that moment that she had indeed been living and breathing just to get him back. In the past, the camera had always been nearby, and he’d even made jokes about it being surgically attached to her. Betelgeuse had every intention of repaying his debt to his lover with interest. First, he needed to make sure that she stayed out of harm's way. So, he punched below the belt to get his point across. “Yeah, because ya always wanted ta be a loner, hotshot producer, and a single mom at forty, right?” 

“Thirty-eight,” she growled. “And what I wanted, was you. If I had to do it all over again, I would,” she said with conviction as she stomped up to him, chin raised with purpose.

He wanted to throw her down to the ground and take her right then and there, but a quick glance down the hill kept him in check. “Well, here I am. Why don’t cha just focus on makin’ up for lost time? Quit your fuckin’ job, be what you always wanted ta be, and let me handle the problems from now on… startin’ with gettin’ rid of that stalker-shithead that’s got you and yer kid hostage.” A dangerous smile cracked his features as he sidestepped his scorpion and gave her a peck on the cheek. Lydia turned around and was rooted to the ground when her eyes landed on Dave who was hand in hand with Bianca, waiting in line to order a hot dog. 

“Oh, fuck,” she croaked as she watched Betelgeuse practically skip toward them. **_Run, Lydia. Run off into the sunset and never return_ ** , her inner voice pleaded.

Betelgeuse took a few moments to assess his nemesis and couldn’t help but chuckle as he counted off the features that resembled his own. They did not look exactly alike, but he was sure they could be mistaken for brothers if he just mimicked the shithead’s melancholy slouch, scowl, and borrowed Adam’s clothing. The longer he stared at Dave, the longer the poisonous thoughts pranced around in his mind. The man before him had touched his Lydia. The man before him had dared taken his Lydia into his bed. The man before him had given his Lydia something that _he_ never could. All of that, especially the latter, was unacceptable. Glancing at father and daughters clasped hands, Betelgeuse felt the slithering snake of jealousy. Expertly pushing those thoughts aside, he decided it was time to swoop in.

Dave was growing impatient as he waited in line to order their hotdogs. The millennials in front kept asking questions about vegan substitutions, and his right eyelid was beginning to twitch with frustration. As the younger generation finally moved aside, Dave was thrust forward violently as a man threw a strong arm around his shoulder and shook him hard while also bringing his mouth real close to the side of Dave’s face.

“Hey there, hermano!” The man grated into his ear. “Listen, pal - cute kid ya got there, by the way - I was wondering’ if you can do a hungry guy a favor and spare a couple bucks for a scrumptious wienerwurst,” he finished enthusiastically. 

Dave was sure he was about to get mugged, but after a second thought, he realized it was broad daylight, and they were surrounded by people. Thinking the man might be on drugs or just plain crazy, he decided to be cautious. “Uh, I don’t have any cash…” Dave reasoned.

“Ah! What a shame, I mean, who does nowadays? Amma right? I think it’s a travesty. Nothin’ like carrying yer hard-earned loot - I mean - money in yer pockets. Know what I mean?” Betelgeuse shook Dave hard again and chuckled merrily.    

Bianca stared at the spectacle in shock. The man was frightening, but the look on Dave’s face was priceless, and she didn’t know whether to laugh or run away screaming. Then the man made eye contact with her, grinned wickedly, and winked. Had Bianca not seen that exact grin only hours before, she would have never dared to even guess that it could be her favorite poltergeist.

 **_No. Way_ ** , Bianca thought as she narrowed her eyes suspiciously at him. In response, he crossed his eyes and stuck his tongue out at her. **_Nooooo. Waaaay._ **

“Got somethin’ on ma face, Bibs?” He sneered.

“NO WAY!” Bianca screeched. 

“Bianca!” Dave scolded, afraid her screaming would instigate the man further. Then Dave froze. **_Bibs…_ ** Ever so slowly, Dave finally turned his face to the man who was now tightening his grip on him further to a painful degree. “Who are you?” He questioned the blonde, wild-haired man with a menacing glint in his blue eyes. He knew it was him. Beej. Beetlejuice. The man in the damning photos on Lydia’s phone.

“Really? You the only one who doesn’t know?” He provoked with a smile. “Or are ya too chicken to say it out loud?”

A staring contest commenced between the pair of dull green and bright blue eyes. A clearing of someone’s throat broke the tension.

“Uh, you guys going to order something?” The food truck employee asked.

 Betelgeuse released Dave and smiled at the employee. “Sure! I’ll have what she’s havin’,” he pointed to Bianca who was still open-mouthed and reeling at the recent revelation. “Take cards?” He asked sweetly as he pulled out his wallet and offered Delia’s credit card over.

 Still seething in his mind to react to anything the aggravating philanderer was doing, Dave clenched his fists and ground his teeth. He had come here to catch them, corner Lydia, mark his territory, and bring her home. How had the tables been turned? Dave looked down at Bianca who seemed just as surprised so, he wasn’t sure what to think. Maybe this Beetlejuice simply recognized them from afar. Dave turned around and scanned the area as he ordered his food and finally found a wide-eyed Lydia half-hiding behind a large gnarly tree in the distance. Glowering in her direction, he continued to fume within. It was apparent now that Lydia had just been playing house the entire time to keep on his good side.

“HEY, BABE!” Betelgeuse shouted at Lydia as he picked up their dogs and waved her over. “COME ON DOWN!” With a bounce in his step, he nudged Bianca forward and handed her a dog. “That picnic table over there looks good ta me. Whaddya think, kid?”

Bianca said nothing as they approached the table and sat down, still dumbfounded from the events unraveling. Dave pulled her down to sit next to him, and Betelgeuse plopped down straight across from them. Lydia took her time getting to the table and watched her poor daughter look from one silent man to the other as if she was watching a tennis match. Knowing how observant her little Bibi was, she dreaded the innocent questions undoubtedly present in her mind.

“Hi,” Lydia announced herself, then stiffly sat down next to Betelgeuse, facing Bianca. An awkward silence commenced, and Betelgeuse was the only one chowing down on his hot dog with gusto.

Dave continued to assess the oaf before him. Not a very observant man himself but the resemblance was just too obvious for it to escape him. Still, he could tell that they were complete opposites only by the way Betelgeuse moved freely, without a care in the world. Considering himself to be a very intelligent man, Dave always presented himself like a smart man should, with poise, reservedness, and manners. Everything the fool sitting in front of him contradicted. So, naturally, Dave pegged Betelgeuse as an idiot.

“So, you’re Beetlejuice?” Dave questioned as he sent a quick glare in Lydia’s direction. The rude adulterer nodded his head while he open mouth chewed. Bianca gasped at the confirmation. “Well, you don’t have to hide behind your character anymore,” he challenged, “what’s your real name?” He questioned dryly, aptly keeping his emotions in check.

Betelgeuse worked on swallowing as he smugly pulled out his wallet and tossed Dave his ID. Lydia’s eyes bugged out as it landed with a slap on the table. Before Dave could take it, Bianca nabbed it for herself and read aloud. 

“Be-tel-ge-use Horeson.” Bianca looked up from her mother to Betelgeuse. “Like the star?” She had always thought that it was her mother's favorite star because of her best friend’s name, but she did not know that’s how it was spelled. There was a small feeling of betrayal, but one look at her poor mother’s anxious face and the betrayal turned to guilt. It was her plotting that was a much bigger slight than her mother’s failure to correct the spelling of her idol’s name.

“Thas right.” He smirked as he took another large bite, finishing his hot dog. WIthout warning, Betelgeuse grabbed Dave’s hotdog as well. “Gonna eat that,” he questioned right before taking an enormous bite. “I’m just famished,” he muffled through his chewing.

 Dave wanted to snatch the ID out of his daughter’s hands but knew that would give away too much. Instead, he placed his hands in his lap and gripped onto his legs. This made no sense to him. Betelgeuse was his real name. Did Lydia purposefully seek him out? Did he seek her out because of the show? Was he even an actor in the show? He needed more information but knew it had to be done tactfully. “Do you know your surname is derived from ‘son of a whore’?” Dave smirked.

Betelgeuse chuckled at the man’s bluntness. “Yeah, I do, Davy. ‘S why I picked it.”

“What’s a whore?” Bianca questioned.

 “What do you mean, ‘picked it’?” Dave questioned, ignoring the child.

“Orphan,” Lydia finally blurted out but then cleared her throat and shifted her eyes, not knowing what else to say.

“Well, I mean, I’m sure the caretakers called me somethin’, but there was no paperwork, then the place burned down, yadah, yadah, yadah, then ran away ta the circus and named maself!” His tone was chipper enough, but his eyes shone with something close to craze.

The story was preposterous, and Dave scoffed in disbelief. “You ran away to the circus?” Dave asked dubiously. 

“Cliche, right?” Betelgeuse chuckled again. “It was good gig though.”

Bianca was giddy from the new information. “Were you a--”

“I was not a clown!” He pointed a finger at Bianca, interrupting what he knew was coming. 

“So, is that where you’ve been for seventeen years… the circus?” Dave pried, wondering if he finally hit the nail on the head and correctly guessed that this cretin before him was the reason he had never been able to win Lydia’s heart. It’s what made the most sense, after all. Dedicating her life, working herself to the bone to create a hit animated series and live show… just to win _him_... back.

Lydia was growing nervous. She still hadn’t filled in Betelgeuse on the lies she had told Dave about him, and the circus had nothing to do with it.

“Nah,” Betelgeuse waved it off. “I was in prison.” 

Lydia wanted to faint, but the gods did not grant her that mercy.

Proud but also disgusted to be right, a wicked closed mouth smile unwittingly stretched over Dave’s face. Slowly, Dave turned his gaze to his pathetic girlfriend. Was she ever his girlfriend? He wanted to vomit. The thought that he had loved this woman more than anything was sickening to him now. The shameless affair wasn’t even that big a deal until the very moment the dunce had confirmed his suspicions. Always thinking that his sweetheart was this strong, immobile woman, Dave now saw Lydia for the pitying creature she really was. A fragile, weakling that spent her life fighting to gain a worthless, fool’s favor. He’d wasted his time. Years of time. Dave couldn’t help the venom that dripped from his words. “So, Lydia, your fiancé up and disappears on you and you just… crawl back to him?”

Bianca’s mouth dropped open before she started to sputter. “F-f-f-f-f--!” 

“It wasn’t his fault!” Lydia defended, losing the last shred of control over her erratic emotions.

“Oh right! I forgot,” he scoffed as he snapped his attention back to his enemy. “Lydia said you were detained outside of the country because of her. That you were fighting for a woman’s right to live.” 

Betelgeuse burst out laughing as Lydia shrunk in her seat.

“That’s what I thought,” Dave looked pointedly at Lydia.

 “I did not lie…” Lydia replied venomously.

Once Betelgeuse regained some semblance of composure, he tried to save his silly lover. “That’s what makes it hilarious! But, babe,” he placed an arm around her shoulders and looked into her eyes, “wasn’t your fault.”

“So… am I to gather that it was Lydia’s life you were trying to save,” Dave asked with mock boredom.

“Saved, pal. But she helped,” Betelgeuse gave Lydia a sloppy kiss on the cheek.

 Lydia paled as Betelgeuse snickered.

Realizing that he had handed control over to his nemesis, Dave finally put up his neutral mask. It had been difficult, but he was proud of himself for being able to accomplish it under the circumstances. He needed to regain the upper hand. 

Lydia cleared her throat. “Uh, Beej?”

“Yes, Lyds?” He asked innocently. 

Dave waited for Lydia’s outburst at the nickname.

“Could you get Bianca a cone while I chat with Dave?” 

Dave boiled in his seat as Lydia didn’t even flinch from the use of the name she had forbidden him to call her. Apparently, her rage that she directed at him for calling her that was because the nickname was reserved for one alone.

“Sure thing, babe. Yo, kid! Let’s hit it.” Betelgeuse stood up and barely waited for Bianca to catch up.

Lydia sighed and buried her head in her hands. When she looked up at Dave again, it was with pity. “Why are you here?”

“Bianca found your phone. Thought it would be a nice gesture to bring it to you. Since we’re trying to work things out. Are we still trying to work things out?”

Lydia shook her head. “Work things out? Even after all this? Are really that in denial or what?”

“So you’ve given up on us being a family?"

Lydia placed her fingers to her temples. “Dave. You never had a chance. I mean, for fuck's sake, you forced us--”

“I didn’t force anyone to do anything.”

“You’re blackmailing me, Dave! So, yes, you forced us to live with you. You’re basically threatening to take my daughter away from me and ruin my career!”

“I never said that. See what I mean? You just want to blame me for everything. I’m not blackmailing you. I’m a concerned father. You wouldn't be concerned if I had a psychotic breakdown and started hearing voices? Knowing you, you would have taken Bibi away from me in a heartbeat. But I didn’t do that.” 

“Well, I’m fine now. The doctor lowered my dosage. And when we get our review, everything is going to come out fine. And then, Bianca and I are going back home. Do you understand?”

“We’ll see. Because it seems to me you’ve done nothing to take away the stressors in your life that caused the breakdown to begin with - if it even was a breakdown and not full-blown schizophrenia. And now, you have a new stressor. That guy… he’s not good for you, and he’s definitely not good for Bianca.” He threatened, his cheek twitching with fury. 

“You don’t even know him.”

Dave shrugged. “You’re blind if you don’t see that.” 

Lydia looked over Dave’s shoulders and blinked twice at the scene she had just noticed. A slow smile crept on her face that made Dave look back in that direction. Betelgeuse and Bianca were surrounded by people. Through the break in the small crowd that had gathered Lydia and Dave watched the duo challenge each other with dance moves. They were hilariously spectacular, and the crowd cheered and laughed, some even threw money at their feet.

“I don’t know, Dave, I think he’s just what Bianca needs right now.”

Dave whirled around to face Lydia with pure hatred in his eyes that Lydia had never seen before.

“She is _my_ daughter!” He hissed. “I don’t want that filthy con artist near her!” He stood up from his seat and Lydia lurched to standing to face him.

“You. Do. Not. Get a say in that. You. Don’t have custody,” her tone was dangerously calm.

“Yet,” Dave warned.   

It didn’t feel like faith, all those years that Lydia spent working herself to death to bring back Betelgeuse, but that’s what it had been. She placed her faith in an abstract system created from the aether, believing her plan would work. It had worked. Now, Lydia put her faith in her other dealings with the aetherial forces from almost six years prior. Lydia looked to Betelgeuse and Bianca again, time slowed for her as she watched their matching choreography and smiles. Her mind latched onto the only thing that might be able to save her from Dave forever. 

“I don’t think she’s your daughter, Dave,” Lydia pronounced quietly.

“How dare you?” He breathed. 

With a hooded gaze, Lydia said her next words. “I was seeing someone else while we were together. So, if you really want to try and fight for custody, you’ll have to prove you're her biological father.”

“Liar--”

“Nope. Not this time.”

“Mommy!” Bianca ran up to the picnic table and threw down a bunch of coins and dollar bills. “I made twelve dollars and twenty-five cents!” 

“Correction!” Betelgeuse meandered his way to them. “ _We_... made twelve dollars and twenty-five cents. I expect half as my performer fee and an extra twenty percent as your manager fee.”

“That’s not fair!” She whined.

“Fifteen percent.”

“No!”

 “I’m not goin’ any lower than ten, kid!”

 “Half or NOTHING!” She blared as she stomped her foot on the ground.

“DEAL!” He bellowed back and stomped his own foot angrily.

Bianca and Betelgeuse shook hands firmly and seriously.

“Let’s go, Bianca,” Dave grabbed Bianca by the arm and pulled her away from Betelgeuse’s grasp.

“Ow!” Bianca cried more from surprise than the pain. 

It was instant. The serpent that had been asleep for almost two decades awoke within him and rose to the surface as crimson filled his eyes. Betelgeuse felt… deadly, and it felt good. His hand shot out of its own accord and wrapped a death grip around Dave’s arm as he spoke through gritted teeth. “Let go. Of the kid. Now.”

“Bianca,” Lydia called calmly. “Come here.”

Eyes as big as saucers and panting with fear, Bianca twisted out of Dave’s grasp and ran to her mother’s side. Betelgeuse let Dave yank his arm back.

“We’ll talk about this when you get home, Lydia.” Dave pointed at her.

“No, Dave,” Lydia corrected. “Bianca and I will be staying with my mother for a while. I’ll be sending someone to get our things from your apartment.”

 “You can’t do this!” He yelled as he took a step in Lydia’s direction.

“You heard ‘er,” Betelgeuse warned and blocked his path. “Now get. Or I’ll  have to show ya a thing or two I learned in prison,” he sneered with malice.

“You’ll be hearing from my lawyer,” Dave spat at Lydia as he turned around and stalked out of the park. 

Betelgeuse’s proud smile faded the moment he laid eyes on Lydia who was holding a crying Bianca in her arms. **_Shit._ ** Lydia murmured consoling words into her daughter’s ear and stroked her hair gently as Bianca buried her face deeper and deeper into her neck and sobbed.  He felt thoroughly wretched.

“Would you like to go home and see how your room is turning out? I’m sure auntie Pru and Bertha would love to see you. What do you think?” Bianca sobbed harder but nodded her head. “B, can you hail a cab for us?” Lydia didn’t look up to meet his gaze.

“Yeah, sure,” he replied softly and sulked away.

Betelgeuse waited patiently as Lydia and Bianca approached the cab, hand in hand. The gnawing sense of guilt that he was not used to feeling was making him feel nauseous, and he was desperately trying to think of a way to fix the situation before he was forced to say goodbye. Knowing that he would see them again later in the evening did nothing to quell his anxiety. His gut wrenched when the girls got in the cab without a word or a glance his way. Betelgeuse fought down a sob that was building up within his chest to speak. “So, uh, see ya later?” He asked with uncertainty.

 Lydia snapped her head up with a furrowed brow. “You’re not coming?”

 Before Betelgeuse could even sigh with relief, he clamored into the cab in a frenzy. Slamming the door shut with his right hand, he latched onto Lydia’s hand with his left and squeezed it for reassurance. Lydia squeezed back but also gave her telling sigh that things were far from okay.

“Lyds…”

“Later, please,” she breathed quietly.

All he wanted to do was make things right as soon as possible, but he did not want to upset either of them further so, he reluctantly kept his mouth shut and suffered silently.

* * *

  
Home was Bertha’s old three-story, gothic revival style house. It had a steeply pitched roof with decorated bargeboard and cross gables, arched gothic windows, and doors with arched panels, and a first-floor porch. Lydia breathed a sigh of relief. Being home was just what the doctor ordered. Bianca was smiling from ear to ear as she ran into Bertha’s arms.

“Oh, I’ve missed you, little one!” Bertha cried as she levitated Bianca and twirled her in the air.

“I’ve missed you too!” Bianca giggled as she floated gently to the floor.

Bertha gave Lydia and Betelgeuse a hug at the same time. “I’m so happy to see you guys together, you have no idea!”

“Uh, yeah, okay,” Betelgeuse muttered uncomfortably.

“Can I see my room?!” Bianca was already running up the stairs.

“Hey! It’s not done yet!” Bertha called after her and floated through the ceiling to meet her on the second floor, leaving Lydia and Betelgeuse alone.

Itching to feel Lydia in his arms to quell his unease, Betelgeuse tugged on her sleeve gently, hoping she would come to him the rest of the way. When she did not, he ran his fingers through his hair and bit down on his lip. “Lyds, please talk ta me. I’m dyin’ here,” he begged.

Lydia turned to him and was shocked to find him so agitated. “What’s wrong?” She questioned as she wrapped her arms around his waist.

Betelgeuse was confused but was quick to trap her in his arms. “Yer not mad?”

Lydia sighed again. “Mad? No…” she replied sadly. “Maybe a bit… worried. With a hint of disappointment. But honestly, I didn’t expect you to stay out of it for too long. I thought I had a bit more time, though, before the shit would hit the fan… but I forget… you work quick.” 

“I just wanted--”

“I know,” she whispered and rubbed his back consolingly. “But involving Bianca, going behind my back…”

Betelgeuse did not wait for Lydia to finish that sentence as he threw himself at her feet and wrapped his arms around her legs. “I know, I know. I fucked up bad. I’ll never do that again. I swear. I’m sorry. I’m so fuckin’ sorry.”

“Please come back up here,” she asked gently as she ran her fingers through his hair.

 “I don’t deserve ya, Lyd’s, but I gotta try. Ya gotta let me try. I can’t-I can’t even think about bein’ without cha--”

Lydia dropped to the floor and held her lovers face. “Betelgeuse. I’m a goddamn hypocrite. Okay? I shouldn’t have kept you out of it because you are part of it. Just like you can’t keep me out of your plans to get those souls back. I’m part of it. Whether you like it or not. Bart will come after me one day.”

“No. No, I won’t let that happen,” he denied, shaking his head quickly.

“ _We_ won’t let that happen,” she corrected.

Betelgeuse shot up to standing and paced furiously. “You don’t understand. If you die… and he… I can’t… I’m not the same anymore… I won’t survive it. I won’t. I'll lose the last shreds of my fuckin' sanity. I’m not strong enough--” 

“Of course you are!”

“I CAN’T LOSE YOU AGAIN, LYDIA!” He blared as he wrapped his arms around his aching middle. 

She ran to him, pulled him into Prudence’s office, and shut the door. Once Lydia was sure that they were somewhat soundproofed, she turned on Betelgeuse, grabbed him by his shirt, and shook him hard. “You listen to me!” she grated. “I don’t want you to think that the worst will happen, okay? We are going to find Bart and end his sorry ass, together. But, if--” Betelgeuse started shaking his head again. Lydia only shook him more violently. “IF! The worst were to happen, you are going to make sure that you find him and destroy that motherfucker before you even think about trying to get me out--”

“No.”

 “BECAUSE! You told me you were all in. You told me you wanted me no matter what. So, guess what? I come bearing baggage. Understand? You will get rid of Bart before he goes after Bianca or so help me, Betelgeuse, I will bust outta hell myself and show you what a real demon looks like when I KICK-YOUR-FUCKING-ASS!”

The scorpion effectively stunned the deadman into silence. She was panting, and her voice was hoarse, but at least he was calm now and listening. Lydia changed her tone slightly to drive her point home. A confident, calm string of words came forth. “You’re not the same. You are not as strong. You are greater and stronger, and I believe in you because… you… are… Betelgeuse. And I’m fucking Lydia Deetz. We’re together now and hell…” she laughed mirthlessly. “Hell’s got nothing on us. Now tell me we’re going to find that little bitch, Bartholomew and set the juice loose.”

Of all the bullshit Lydia had ever spewed to get what she wanted out of someone, this was her masterpiece. She wasn’t even sure what had come out of her mouth, but it all felt right, and it seemed to have worked because now, the terrifying glint was back in his eyes.

“We’re gonna find Bartholomew and feed him to demon spawn one little agonizing piece atta time.” Trembling with a mixture of fury and sick joy, Betelgeuse grabbed Lydia by the back of the head and plundered her welcoming mouth. When he pulled away for them to gasp for air, he hissed into her ear. “Now ride me like the crazy witch you are. Fuck me right into the ground, you perfect fuckin’ goddess of sex n’ death--” 

Lydia tackled Betelgeuse to the floor, and they became a wild, tangled mess of limbs when the door flew open.

“Oh shit, Lydia!” Prudence cried. “I-I-I--”

 “Get the fuck out, Prune!” “Shut the fucking door!” They yelled over each other.

“Gah! Okay!!” Prudence ran out, forgetting to close the door, then ran back, fumbled with the knob, and finally slammed the door shut.

* * *

 

It never took long before Bianca would grow bored of a task and that is precisely what she was now, bored. Bertha and Prudence were rambling on and on about every little inconsequential thing and had even blocked her path when she wanted to find her mother and Betelgeuse. **_I guess they really did miss me_ ** , she thought as her two aunts hovered over her, trying to keep her entertained. Footsteps coming up the stairs finally silenced the chatterboxes, and they seemed very relieved as Lydia leaned on Bianca’s door frame to her room.

“What do you think, Bibi? Like how things are coming along so far?” Her mother asked.

“Oh, yeah,” Bianca smiled as she looked around once more.

She was especially happy with the fake tree that was being installed to look like it had grown through the floor and into her ceiling. Everything else had plastic over it, but she could tell that her room was going to be the dark wonderland she had always wanted.

“Where’s Betelgeuse?” She asked her mom. 

“I think he’s raiding the fridge,” Lydia smirked.

“He eats. He breathes. People can see him. I don’t get it.” Bianca shook her head, bewildered.

“Oh, it’s the magic necklace!” Bertha explained. “It's known as… hmm. Can’t remember.”

Bianca darted passed her guardians and down the stairs to the kitchen. The three women exchanged an awkward smirk.

"Lydia," Bertha uttered with guilt, "I haven't had a chance to apologize for--"

"You're forgiven," she interrupted seriously. "It was a shitty thing to do, but... I understand why... and I don't want to dwell on it anymore." Her shoulders slumped as she glanced toward the doorway. "I want to live in the now because... I don't know what's gonna happen." She looked back at the sad looking women in the room. "And I need my friends."

Bertha ran to Lydia and wrapped her arms around her. When she pulled away, she smirked at her evilly. “So... sore yet?”

"Jesus, Bertha," Prudence scoffed as she blushed.

 “I’m gonna need a vagina transplant,” Lydia said seriously.

 Prudence’s blush deepened as her friends shared a deep, good-hearted laugh.

* * *

 

 

Betelgeuse was disgusted by the lack of edible food in the fridge. The doors and shelves were lined with protein shakes, energy drinks, and bottled coffee. “Cold coffee. Unbelievable. Prune is gonna give herself a fuckin’ heart attack,” he muttered as he slammed the fridge door shut and nearly jumped out of his skin when the tiny Bianca was revealed. “FFFFffff-kid! Geeze!”

“Let me see your necklace!” She chimed excitedly.

“Eh?”

“Your magic necklace! Lemme see!” she started jumping up and down. “Please-please-please-please--”

“Okay! Relax!” He barked and crouched down when she finally stopped. Betelgeuse tugged on his collar, but her little hands were already fishing out his leather cord. Personal space now invaded by the child, Betelgeuse almost laughed at her complete lack of manners.

Bianca pulled on the necklace and found a black and gold ring on it. When she touched the ring, she knew it had no physical body. It was a ghost ring, but she recognized it as she remembered seeing its physical twin in her mother's jewelry box. She had found it one day in a small velvet pouch with another pretty ring. Bianca decided to save her questions about their engagement for later.

Betelgeuse observed her as she gently handled his wedding band.

The braided leather choker was tight around his neck so, Bianca’s fingers grazed against his stubbled neck. Still holding Odin’s Noose, she looked up to ask Betelgeuse a question but was momentarily stunned by his penetrating stare. After looking deeply into his eyes, she raised her other hand and poked his cheek. He raised an eyebrow questioningly but let her explore some more. She poked and prodded at his every facial feature and even separated his lips to look in his mouth.

“Ya quite finished there, doc?” He deadpanned.

 “Your teeth are kinda crooked and really yellow," she observed. "Have you gone to a dentist?” She asked matter of factly.

 **_Why-you-little--_ ** Quite suddenly, Bianca dove into Betelgeuse’s arms and placed her head on his chest,  knocking him off his feet and onto his ass. “Watch it!” He exclaimed with a hint of annoyance. Not even close to being ready to hug the little invader, he left his arms at his side and rolled his eyes. Then he realized she wasn’t hugging him. Bianca’s arms were on his shoulders, and the bottom of her head was pressed against his chest. She was listening for his heart.

When Bianca was finally satisfied with her inspection, she emerged with a bright smile and tugged lightly on the cord giving him life. “It’s Frankentwine! Just like the episode where you save Spooky!” She laughed loudly. “That’s awesome!”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Frankentwine… right,” he grumbled and pushed himself up to standing. He was greeted by Lydia, Bertha and Prudence by the stairs, watching their little moment with smiles on their faces. “Women,” he muttered as he exited the kitchen with a frown.

Bianca was hot on his heels.

“Are you really afraid of sandworms? And, do you really eat beetles? You don’t smell too bad for someone who hates taking baths. What’s your favorite color? Mine is blue. How did you die? Did you really work in a circus? What did you do? What’s your favorite number? Mine is two. Because I was born on October second. Oh! When were you born?--”

 “LYDIA!” Betelgeuse shrieked.

A burst of feminine laughter rang through the house at his expense.

  
It was dark by the time they finally arrived in Winter River. Bianca had fallen asleep in the cab between Betelgeuse and Lydia and was drooling on his sleeve. He did not mind at all, because for once, the silence he usually hated was a blissful godsend. The kid could drive anyone nuts. Never really giving himself the opportunity to contemplate in silence, Betelgeuse’s thoughts were frantic in his mind during the entire hour-long ride.

 

* * *

 

Lydia had not really forgiven him, that fact did not escape him. The look on Bianca’s face when her father had been driven away was also irking him. The child’s eagerness to get Dave out of the picture had matched his own, or so he thought, and it was the reason Betelgeuse decided it was the perfect time to step in. If the kid was on his side, then Lydia would surely forgive his intrusion. Now, looking at Lydia’s tiny daughter, Betelgeuse realized that he should have taken a four-year-old’s words with a grain of salt. **_Too late now_ ** , he thought begrudgingly. Still, he had gotten what he wanted. Lydia was coming home to him, and he should be dancing a jig with happiness, but instead, he felt heavy with worry. Consequences were not something he liked thinking about. He preferred to do as he felt and deal with the effects of his actions at a later point in time, if at all. One more glance at Bianca’s innocent face told him that his old, tried-and-true behavior may no longer be acceptable.

Betelgeuse chanced a look in Lydia’s direction and found her looking somberly out the window. No, his lack of concern for consequences was definitely unacceptable now. His shortcomings were quickly bombarding him in the much too quiet ride. Greedily, he had cornered Lydia into giving him what he needed, his every whim and desire, he had just taken it, even when she had told him that she wasn’t ready. To top it all off, he had given nothing back. Take, take, take while knowing that she blamed herself for what had happened to him. It was unbearable and it could not continue. Not if he wanted to keep her. She would leave him someday if he kept it up. Collar itching from the sudden stifling heat in the cab, Betelgeuse was growing anxious again.

**_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck! Three fuckin’ days, Betel. Three fuckin’ days, after seventeen years and you’ve done jack shit to worship that woman. Just fuckin’ waltzed back into her life and immediately demanded she gives you everything. And now the kid. Shit! We’re about to be under one fuckin’ roof, and you have no fuckin’ idea what you’re doin’._ **

Betelgeuse did not realize that his breath was coming in shallow spurts until he felt a hand squeeze his knee. Snapping his gaze up, he found Lydia furrowing her brow at him questioningly. More guilt washed over him at the thought of her having to worry about him and her daughter. Feeling the sting in his eyes from threatening, stupid tears, he looked out of his window and took some calming breaths just as the cab arrived home.

When Lydia made a move to carry Bianca, Betelgeuse stilled her hand. He had to show her he was willing to make this all work. Now. “I got ‘er,” he whispered. Lydia’s smile did not reach her eyes as she nodded and exited the cab. Opening the door first, he tried to keep his movements gentle as not to wake the sleeping child. It surprised him how light Bianca was as he climbed out of the cab and made his way up to the house. She really was such a tiny, fragile thing. **_This is so fuckin’ weird._ **

Head resting on his shoulder, Bianca jostled awake and was momentarily disoriented. Horrified at the thought that she had fallen asleep in Dave’s arms, she shot up only to be greeted by the face of the person she both loved and feared. To escape his sideways gaze, Bianca put her head down again and feigned sleep. She listened to the murmuring of her grandmother and honorary grandparents greeting them. The climb up another flight of stairs and a turn to the right told Bianca that they were putting her to bed in her mother’s old room.

Betelgeuse placed Bianca, who still had her eyes closed, on the unmade bed he had been sleeping in and sat on the edge next to her. Lydia was still downstairs filling everyone in, and he did not want to hear the rehash of his interference. For certain, he did not want to see the unsure, disapproving stares from everyone.

“You look sad,” Bianca said softly, startling Betelgeuse slightly.

“Hmph. I’m alright,” he dismissed, but then caught the hurt in her eyes. After a moment, Betelgeuse frowned and focussed on his moral compass, Lydia. She would want him to apologize to Bianca. So, he tried. “Listen, kid, I… er… feel kinda crappy about what happened today. You know, with your pops. I’m sure you’ll see ‘em soon. He’s not gone forever, okay?” 

Bianca’s eyes widened with worry. “He’s not? What are we gonna do?”

“Well, I dunno. I mean, yer mom will prolly need to set up days where he can pick ya up and stuff--”

Bianca shot up to sitting and latched onto Betelgeuse’s arm. “No! I don’t wanna see him! Please don’t let her! You don’t understand. He’s a liar! He doesn’t love me! He hates me! And I hate him!”

Betelgeuse was thoroughly confused. “But you cried when he left," he outraged, "what was that about?”

The child let go of his arm to scratch her head, apparently confused at her behavior as well. Frowning, she thought deeply on why she had cried so much. “Everyone was so mad. And it was my fault.” She felt her lip quiver at the realization.

“No, it was mine, kid. So, don’t ya worry about that,” he muttered uncomfortably. 

“Can everyone just stop blaming themselves already?” Lydia quipped from the doorway.

Betelgeuse and Bianca whipped their heads to Lydia like deer caught in headlights. 

“I know I’ve done enough of that myself and I’m tired of it,” she continued as she walked to the bed, threw her arms wide, and let herself fall face first onto the bed dramatically.

Bianca burst into a fit of giggles at her mother’s silliness and then laughed openly when she saw Betelgeuse’s stunned face. Lydia emerged with a toothy grin then crawled to Bianca and attacked her with kisses. The sound of his lover's genuine laughter was enough to make Betelgeuse's heart burst, and he couldn’t help a crooked smile as he watched the two of them. It wasn’t long before he felt like an intruder and stood up to leave.

“Where are you going?!” Lydia lurched at him and yanked him forcefully to the bed. 

“Gah!” He landed hard, making the girls bounce. Suddenly, he was whacked with a pillow to the face. Flailing his arms in a frenzy, he turned over and got on all fours with a dangerous glint in his eye. Both Bianca and Lydia were frozen, each with a pillow in hand. “Who did that?” He growled.

Each comically pointed at the other. Betelgeuse launched at them and attacked them both with their own pillows until they begged for mercy through fits of laughter.

In the hallway, Delia and the Maitlands watched the spectacle with bewildered smiles.

“He doesn’t just steal cars and credit cards, people,” Delia announced good-naturedly, “he steals hearts too.”

 


	15. Ghost Hunter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My bday yesterday was pretty uneventful because I’m coming out of a cold. But going to the musical last week and attending a showing of the film tonight makes up for it! I think I might have seen evidence of multiple watches on Juno in the film!
> 
> I’ve merged two chapters in this again. It was originally one chapter and I thought it was too long, but who cares how long a chapter is right? The longer the better in my opinion! Just don’t be too disappointed when there’s a short one. 
> 
> Laika fans will see my tribute to Boxtrolls at the end of the chapter. Fellow Hook fans probably spotted my tribute in the previous chapter. ::WINK::
> 
> Thanks again to those of you who keep cheering me on! HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYONE!
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Beetlejuice.

 

* * *

 

 ****A cowardly escape. That is what Betelgeuse had done in the early morning that led him to his new job much earlier than he had intended to be. Leaning on the wall next to the entrance, dressed in the clothes Lydia had laid out for him, and matching newsboy cap, he tapped a foot impatiently. Not even the shark-eyed receptionist was there yet, and he was now regretting not having a more substantial breakfast because he was feeling nauseous. The busy sounds of the city was a welcoming relief for once, drowning out the nagging self-deprecating thoughts that had plagued him all night long while he tossed and turned uncomfortably on the couch.

 **_At least I didn’t wake up screamin’ like a little bitch this time,_ ** he thought semi-gratefully.

At one point, Betelgeuse had wondered for the briefest of moments what was worse: Intruding thoughts of hell and demons or his insecure visions of Lydia resenting him for insisting on starting their relationship from where they had left off. Betelgeuse mused on how he could have done things differently to make sure they had started off on the right foot. Seventeen years was a long time for a mortal to change and grow into someone completely different with different desires and priorities. A child would definitely change things if nothing else would.

**_Ugh… the kid. What the fuck am I gonna do about the kid?_ **

Yes, that was indeed another big problem that Betelgeuse could not wrap his head around no matter how hard he tried. It was pretty damn clear that Bianca idolized him, Lydia’s doing, most certainly. She had been preparing Bianca for his arrival into their lives, probably while still in the womb, and he had no idea how to live up to that fact. It was lucky for him, he thought, that the kid seemed to know some of his not-so-great personality traits. That would make things a bit easier but exemplifying any kind of model fatherly behavior...

**_PFFT! No, fuckin’ way. Lydia’s crazy. Preppin’ this kid for a poltergeist daddy? I mean, she didn’t know if I’d ever come back… but still! What the hell was she thinkin’? I ain’t papi material! Even I know that! I mean… I wanted to be…_ **

Well, that much was true, and he had indeed thought about the fact that he’d never be able to give Lydia children. That is why there was a plan in place should she ever exhibit the need or want for any spawn, because he was not going to chance losing her for something like that. Something a deadman could never give her. Shortcomings were not allowed in Betelgeuse’s mind. A pitch to adopt a child was always in his back pocket, so to speak, if the subject ever came up. This situation, however, was never in the plan. A child begot by her union with another man. Dave’s infuriating mug popped into his mind and the serpent slithered within once more as the unintended vision formed in his mind of Lydia… naked… beneath the fucker.

“Fuck! I shoulda killed him,” he seethed in a sudden outburst.

“Killed who?”

Effectively and gratefully startled out of his reverie, Betelgeuse turned around to find Tricia staring at him with a frown and narrowed eyes. “Oh, hey, gothy!” He greeted happily, like nothing in the world could be wrong.

“You can call me Ms. Perez,” she uttered flatly as she punched in the code to the building and entered.

Betelgeuse memorized the code without even meaning to and followed her inside. “I thought you guys weren’t the stuffy corporate type, Señorita Perezzz. Say! Where’s that cute accent from anyway?”

“What accent?” Trisha beelined to the other door and buzzed herself in.

“Dare I detect a hint of España? Hablo Español, muñeca de la muerte!” He was bugging her, and he knew it.

“Well, the, si me llamas muñeca otraves, te voy arrancar tus labios de tu cara.”

“Ooo, saucy. Ya know I love it. And I take back Spain. You got a bit of gringa accent in there with… hmm… Carribean… my money’s on Dominican or Cuban.”

“I didn’t peg you to be the early bird type,” she bit out in annoyance as they entered HQ.

“You’ll come to realize I’m a bit on the unpredictable side ‘o things. So, listen! I got a bit of dilemma with my little lady, and I need a bit of advice.”

“That’s a personal problem. You’re in a place of business. Act professional,” Tricia pronounced through gritted teeth as she stood up straighter.

“TRISH! Whaddup? Nice goin’ last night at the LAN party! You kicked ass!” A lanky nerd called as he walked in with a bluetooth speaker device that was blaring house music. “Oh hey, new guy! How’s it hangin’?”

“Long, loose and full o’ juice!” Betel replied emphatically.

“HA! I like you, dude!” The young man put his headphones in and turned to his computer.

Tricia’s face fell as Betelgeuse smirked in her direction, eyebrows raised.

“Professional. Go it,” he smiled like a shark.

Sighing in resignation, Tricia took her seat in front of her desk. It took everything in Betelgeuse not to snicker when he noticed she had taken a chair in front of the signed Beetlejuice poster. “That yer desk?”  He asked with a cheshire cat grin.

“What the fuck does it look like?” She retorted exasperatedly.

“That yer poster?”

“Yessss!”

Chuckling darkly, Betelgeuse sat in the chair next to her, rested his head on his hand, and drummed his fingers of his other hand on the desk. “So, what’cha got for me, snookums? What’s my assignment? I bore easily so, I hope it’s good. Didn’t really get into the details of what I’d be doin’ ‘round ‘ere. Hey! What’s my salary?! I got a family to provide for now.”

“Fucking. Christ. We will be going to scout locations today. Your job is to tell us if the places are haunted or not. Okay? And right now, you’re on a trial run. That means you’re freelancing with us until further notice. Twenty bucks an hour.”

“Fifty,” he bantered.

“No. Twenty. That’s being generous.”

“Forty-five,” he rebutted.

“We can renegotiate after you prove you're worth it,” she replied slowly, losing her last shreds of patience with the asshole.

“Hey! I already did!” He defended as he crossed his arms, insulted.

Trish whirled to face him. “Yeah, you know what? I’m not convinced. What you did yesterday was a joke. Who picks up a fucking banana to talk to a lost loved one? You must have known that about Guy already.”

“Oh yeah, smarty pants? Want me ta do you?”

“Gross.” She turned to her computer again.

“For once, I didn’t mean it that way. Like I said, toots, I’m taken,” he replied with a Romeo suaveness.

“Sure. Another thing I don’t believe. I’m pretty good at reading people, Mr. Horeson, and I can tell that you’re just another disgusting, condescending, egotistical, misogynistic man-whore.” For a good moment, Tricia thought she finally had him. He was so wonderfully silent as his eyebrows knitted together and his lips turned downward into a frown.

“Wow,” he breathed, placing a hand to his chest and sighing.  “All of that was right on the nose except that last one. Not bad!” He chirped happily as he slapped his knee. “I mean, I used to stick my dick in pretty much anything that had two legs, but that was a long time ago. I’m locked down, now,” he finished, amused.

Tricia’s upper lip started to twitch at his vile words. “If you’re so locked down, where’s your ring?”

Sucking in his lower lip and thumbing the wedding band under his shirt, he concentrated on not showing his hurt. “Having trouble lockin’ down a date,” he grumbled and shifted his eyes uncomfortably.

“If you really do have a girlfriend, fiance or whatever, she must be some--”

Betelgeuse slammed his hand on the table hard, startling his employer.

“You were gonna say, saint, right?” He warned. “Because she is. You can talk all the trash ya want about me, but you leave my dark angel outta of it. M’kay?” He clipped sweetly.

Furrowing her brow in confused surprise, Tricia nodded slowly. “Fair enough.”

“Good. NOW! Let’s get this party started! Where we goin’? Fuck, I’m hungry. Anything in the breakroom?” He launched out of his chair and exited the room, leaving a very bewildered Tricia behind.

* * *

  
They arrived at a lonely Gregorian mansion made of brick and dressed with a low pitched roof, double hung windows, and an elaborate, white, distressed door. Excitedly, Guy parked the van and quickly ran to open the back doors to bring out his coveted cart of ghost hunting equipment. Tricia tried her best to keep a safe distance away from Betelgeuse, but he was making it nearly impossible. She was sure he was trying to be as annoying as he could. When she chanced a glance in his direction, Betelgeuse had taken his pinky finger out of his ear, sniffed it, then wiped on his shirt.

“You’re so fucking gross,” she muttered to him. He winked at her.

“So, Mr. B!” Guy called out excitedly. “This is the equipment we use to detect any paranormal activity! We’ve got EMF detectors, thermal scanners, cameras, digital recorders, infrared motion detectors, Ion counter--”

“Blah, blah, blah, garbage.” Betelgeuse spun on his heel and walked straight for the mansion.

“Garbage?” Guy squeaked as he looked to Trish for emotional support. She patted his shoulder and followed the insensitive medium.

After knocking to the tune of Shave and a Haircut on the door, a well-dressed man revealed himself.

“Yo! Bio-exorcist at yer-- SHIT that was my other job! Ghost Hunter at yer service! Here ta do the ghost-huntin' you requested? May we come in? Don’t mind if I do!” Betelgeuse waltzed past the man who grew flustered at once.

“Hey there! Wait!”

“Hi, Mr. Durn.” Tricia greeted. “Sorry about that asshole. He has no manners.” She pushed right past as well.

“Well, I never!” Mr. Durn exclaimed, utterly insulted by both of them.

“Mr. Durn, thank you for calling us again... I can assure you… they mean well,” Guy tried to sound professional and apologetic at the same time but missed the mark completely. Ending his sentences with an upward inflection, he just seemed confused.

“Mr. Random! I hope your investigative efforts prove fruitful this time or I’ll be leaving a very scathing review on Yelp.”

“No worries, Mr. Durn! Our new investigator is very talented….?”

A loud piercing whistle echoed throughout the house. “This is one helluva pad! A little too hoity-toity for my taste but, shit, my gal would love this place! How much fer it?” Betelgeuse yelled obnoxiously.

Guy cringed as Mr. Durn gave him an unamused expression. “We’ll, uh, get started now?” Guy squeaked timidly as he maneuvered around the imposing man.

Betelgeuse was making a point to touch absolutely everything, much to Guy’s consternation. Tricia pulled out her personal EMF reader and walked around the sitting room.

“So, Mr. B--”

“People just call ya to come check out their place? That how it works?” Betelgeuse interrupted as he discreetly pocketed a small silver decorative box.

“Uh, yes, but--”

“Then what? You log it in ta some database? Keep track ‘n whatnot?” Betelgeuse ran his fingers over the keys of a baby grand piano and sat down on the bench.

“Actually, yes, we have a very extensive database of places we call hot spots for--”

Fur Elise erupted from the piano and then quickly became a staggeringly speedy ragtime tune making the ghost hunting duo drop their jaws. Fingers flying and hammering at the keys, Betelgeuse played even faster until ending with a resounding bang. It was over as quickly as it had started. He spun around in his seat just in time to catch Tricia off guard and Guy starting a fast clap.

“Thank you!” He ripped off his hat, stood up, took a bow and looked at the shocked goth girl before him. “How’d ya like that, gothy?”

“Er…” she started unsure of what to say, then hardened her features. “Of course, you’d ruin a masterpiece like that,” she huffed and went back to her investigating.

Betelgeuse snickered and started walking toward the hallway leading into the dining area. “Rando! C’mere!”

Guy quickly caught up with him. “Did you find something?”

“Nah, so, listen, this database. Can I see it?”

“Uh, sure--”

“NO!” Tricia yelled from afar.

“WHY NOT?!” The wild-haired man shrieked back.

“Because you’ll sell it to a competitor or something!” Tricia retorted.

“Nuh-uh!” He whined like a child. “C’mon! Ya want me ta do a good job, right? I can start knocking these places out for ya in no time! Clear the list up by gettin’ the fakers off it!”

Tricia finally appeared and glared at him. “Why do you want to finish so quickly? Don’t you want to squeeze every penny you can out of us?”

Betelgeuse considered her words. “Hmm. Good idea… eh… nah… can’t. I technically don’t need the money, and I really need ta find a certain ghost that screwed me over a while back ago - as soon as possible.” He cracked his knuckles while he sneered.

“That’s why you want the list? To get revenge? On a ghost? I don’t buy it.” Tricia bit out.

“Hey, Mr. B, you got something on your--”

“That’s why I took this dumb job, ya salty broad. I got a special exorcism in store for that prick.”

“I think, you want the list because it’s the quickest way you can make a buck,” she shot back.

Guy stuck his hand behind Betelgeuse’s collar.

“Hey! Hands off the goods!” He grated as Guy ripped a tag off his shirt. “Oh, thanks,” he muttered then turned his attention back to Trish. “I told ya, not interested in the money - but don’t get it in yer head that I’m not gonna fight for that raise we agreed on earlier!”

“We didn’t agree on jack shit! I don’t believe for a second that conning us into whatever game you’re playing at isn’t your number one goal!” At this point, Tricia was turning red with rage. Blood visibly rushing to her face and ears.

“Um, Trish?” Guy interrupted and walked toward her. “I don’t think he needs the money,” he murmured quietly as he handed her the tag that read “$375.”

Tricia’s eyes widened in disbelief, then she snapped her head up at a guilty looking Betelgeuse. “You stole that shirt, didn’t you?”

“I wish…” he replied, genuinely sad. “My sugar mama paid fer it.” He muttered quickly, embarrassed.

“Your. Sugar. Mama?” She pronounced in shock.

“Look! That ain’t important, ‘kay!” He pointed a finger at the two youths. “And my babe got her riches usin’ my life rights… so-so technically, it’s my money too!” He defended as he hoisted up his pants and puffed out his chest in a dignified manner. “I ain’t less of a man fer wearing her gifts anyway! So there.” He turned on his heel and entered the kitchen.

“That guy…” Tricia shook her head, confounded. “That guy…” she growled.

“Is so cool,” Guy awed with a slow nod. His partner merely stared at him with a blank expression, then stalked after the infuriating conundrum that was her employee.

As soon as Betelgeuse threw the double doors open to the massive kitchen, a ghost maid staggered backward in shock. He looked her straight in the eyes and smiled. “Hello there,” he greeted her nicely because she seemed like such a timid little thing. No older than sixteen with a cleaver jammed into her skull.

“You can see me?” She asked, wide-eyed with fear.

Guy and Trisha rushed to his side, slightly behind him, and pointed their devices at the space in front of them.

“I’m not getting anything, Trish, you?” Guy whispered hurriedly.

“Nope. He's just a jerk.” Still, she didn’t drop her hand.

“Don’t worry about Abbott and Costello, here, sweetheart. What’s yer name?” Betelgeuse inquired with enough manners to shock his supervisors.

“Um… Elaine?”

“Hi, Elaine. Have ya finished your sentence?” The two employers ogled Betelgeuse as he took some steps forward.

“Yes… but… I don’t want to leave.”

“Thas alright. I’m not askin’ ya to. Are there more of ya? Get lots of visitors passin’ through?”

“Why do you want to know?” She asked, narrowing her eyes with suspicion.

“Ya don’t hafta answer that. What I really wanna know is… where’s the door?”

Elaine looked very unsure of herself and tried to transfer away. She found that she couldn’t and looked at the rugged man before her with dread. “Are you going to exorcize me?” She whimpered.

“Nah, none o’ that business. I’ll letcha go when you answer my question,” he replied simply.

“Little Andrea’s room, sir. Please don’t hurt the other souls. We mean no harm we just want--”

“I don’t care what’cha want. I just need the opening to release the ones that have been taken.” He told her seriously.

The ghost girl gasped and placed her hands to her chest. “The stolen souls? Oh, we’ve heard the news. You’re here to help them?”

“That’s right. Now, take me ta little Andrea’s room.” Betelgeuse released the ghost with a whispering command, that no one noticed, and followed her.

“Did he just say ‘little Andrea’? She died in the fire of nineteen-sixteen!’” Guy announced. “He couldn’t have known about her, Trish. It’s obscure folklore, and he didn’t know we’d be coming here today! He’s really communicating with them!” He squealed excitedly.

Scowling at the realization that vile man might actually be the real deal, Tricia sauntered after Guy as he ran after Betelgeuse.

The ghost hunters had to exit the house to follow Elaine. When Betelgeuse finally saw her, she was standing on a small empty foundation attached to the house. He knew immediately that the place was marked by a traumatic event, the imprint of energetic walls stood in a veil-like essence around the foundation's perimeter. As soon as he walked through it, an eerie sensation trickled up his spine that caused him to shudder.

“This place is giving me the creeps,” Trish murmured as she squirmed in place.

“The temperature is eight degrees lower here,” Guy noted as he checked his thermometer.

A crack in the far energetic wall was clear as day to the thoughtful Betelgeuse. “Any demons come through here yet, Elaine?” He asked, hoping the answer was a resounding no.

“Demons?!” Guy exclaimed in a high pitched voice.

“I don’t believe in demons,” Trish challenged aloud.

Betelgeuse looked over his shoulder at the not-so-certain goth girl behind him. “Ya don’t sound too sure ‘bout that,” he drawled in warning.

“Once, we heard whispering,” Elaine started. “It was trying to convince us to go through. When we wouldn’t, it tried to turn me against my friends by whispering lies. I did not falter.”

“Good for you. When was that?” He asked as he started to feel a cold sweat under his arms.

“About twelve years ago,” she replied.

“What’s happening?” Guy asked fearfully. “Are there fuckin’ demons here or what?”

“Rando… Gothy… we gotta talk,” Betelgeuse uttered seriously.

* * *

 

After assuring Mr. Durn that there was enough ghostly activity for him to be placed on their database of haunted sites, the crew got back in the van and drove off.

“So, lemme get this straight. Ya go around collecting haunting grounds for a… what was it called… a flog?” Betelgeuse asked confused.

“Blog. God, how old are you?” Trish jabbed.

“Six-hundred-sixty-four in a few weeks,” he responded, matter of factly.

“Yeah, so, our blog is very popular, and we started ghost hunting tours in five locations so far so, we can fund our own research. Trish runs the tours, and I run the research! We have a pretty sweet Youtube channel too. Loads of subscribers.”

“So, this guy wants to be on yer next… tour?” Betelgeuse inquired dryly.

“Yes. Lots of people want us, but we don’t have the manpower yet, and we want to make sure our haunts are legit,” Guy explained.

“Interestin’.” He didn’t really care.

“Can we cut the crap now? Tell us what happened back there,” Trish demanded. “And why are you talking about demons?”

Betelgeuse sighed and wondered how much truth he should utter. “Juno’s gonna kill me… okay here’s the deal. Souls are bein’ kidnapped. They’re bein’ sent to a nasty place. I need to bring them back. Take it or leave it.”

Tricia snorted. “That makes no se--”

“Who’s kidnapping them?” Guy asked, wide-eyed through the rearview mirror.

“The ghost I’m most desperate ta get my fuckin’ hands on,” Betelgeuse ground out with malice.

Tricia scoffed. “Yeah, we’re gonna need some proo--”

“What’d he do to you?” Guy interrupted again, panicky.

“None o’ yer business.”

Tricia stared at Guy, jaw dropped in utter disbelief. “Listen, Guy, we can’t just--”

“It’s Hell, isn’t it?” He ignored or just couldn't hear the woman. “The ghosts are being sent to Hell?” He asked, voice trembling with fright.

“There is no such thing as hell!” The goth yelled.

“Whatever helps ya sleep at night, toots. Sure-as-shit ain’t helpin’ me sleep, that’s fer certain,” he grumbled.

“I have a hard time believing that you care about these poor ghosts enough to want to save them from eternal damnation,” she bit out.

Tiredly, Betelgeuse looked out the window and sighed. “I just want revenge, kiddo. I’ll be undoin’ everythin’ he’s done.” He chuckled mirthlessly. “He’ll come find me eventually.”

“How do we save them?” Guy asked with worry.

“That’s the pickle, pal,” he grumbled, still not sure how to go about his mission. “First things, first… I need that database.” A phone chimed breaking the tension in the van as they all checked their devices. It was a text from Lydia.

**Hey, haven’t heard from you all day. Everything okay?**

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Betelgeuse thought about how to respond.

“The sugar mama?” Trish accused as she stared at him, twisted in her seat to read his expression.

Giving her a hooded gaze, he nodded his assent with a challenging brow. Tricia turned back around after rolling her eyes. He typed away before Lydia could worry.

**All good. Done for the day. See ya soon, babe. <3 **

**Okay.**

**Just to make things clear, that was a butt, not a heart.**

**I figured.**

Snorting loudly, making Trish flinch, he pocketed his phone. “Hey, nerds, do I get in fer free at these ghost tour things?”

“No.” “Yes.” His employers replied in unison.

“And family? Wanna bring ma girls. The kid will love it.”

Guy gave Trish an entreating glance. “Fine whatever. The tours are booked until a few weeks from now. So, you’ll have to wait.”

“No prob, snob!"

* * *

 

 

It was finally break time. Well, sort of. Juno never rarely took a break unless it was to re-energize. She was just about to lounge in her favorite wing chair and wait for Betelgeuse’s report when a sudden racket emanated from her office. The thought of Bart rummaging around in there fueled her fury. She stood erect and ready to rumble with whoever was making an obvious mess of her desk. Throwing the door open, Juno charged right out, and almost blasted Betelgeuse to smithereens. Thankfully for him, he had ducked just in time as the blast went over his head, crashing through her wall.

“Hey what the hell?!” He yelled in outrage.

“Yeah, what the hell are you doing?! I thought you were Bart or something.”

“I came ta report! Ya know, my job?!” He dusted the wall debris off his person and muttered under his breath. “Ya really think Bart is just gonna come bargin’ in ‘ere?”

It was apparent that the caseworker was hoping it had, indeed, been Bartholomew in her office. Her rage still read on her face as she adjusted her blazer and walked to her chair. “You could’ve just called,” she grumbled as she took her seat. “So, report already.”

“Trying ta turn me inta confetti… unbelievable…” he continued his little tirade while he paced in front of her desk. “I made a lot o’ progress, but, uh…” he scratched his head and grimaced. “I’m kinda on one of my boss's shit-list already.”

“Not surprising,” she replied dryly.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. I told them the truth.”

“You WHAT?!”

“Well, ya know, not all of it. I figured that if they knew some poor, defenseless, deadbeats were rotting in Hell right now, maybe the softies would just hand over their list.”

“So, they do have a database?”

“Yep. First place we went to today had a breach as big as a fuckin’ Sandworm glory-hole. Gone cold though.”

“Goddamnit. The network is all screwed up. Hellmouths are opening and closing randomly. We can’t keep up.”

“Well, I’m pretty sure these nerds can. Their technology is way more advanced than anything down here. I already tried lookin’ fer the damn thing maself, but I’ve got no idea what I’m lookin’ for. God, when did shit get so damn complicated? It’s all code and crap!” He finally plopped down in his chair and pouted. “Whatever, even with the list, what the fuck are we gonna do? Yell names into the cracks until a demon pops up and fucks our eye sockets with its horns?!” He shot out his chair and began his pacing again.

Juno sat horrified at the imagery. She wondered if he was just speculating or if that was actually done to him. “I don’t know. But if we can find the open portals fast enough, then we might finally be able to find Bart.”

Betelgeuse spun around, pure poison in his eyes as he sneered. “I’ll get that list. Just gotta play nice is all. I can play nice,” he assured her without an ounce of believability.

“Oh boy,” the caseworker breathed. “All right, just get that list.”

“Consider it done.”

“Good.” Juno pulled out some files, prepped her typewriter, and started on her next batch of notes. Briefly looking up, she saw Betelgeuse still standing before her staring at the floor. “What is it?”

He snapped his gaze up to meet hers, then waved his arm dismissively. “Bah, nothin’. Just, uh, nah. Heh. Okay. See ya.”

“Bye,” Juno let out curtly. Right as she went to start typing, the poltergeist interrupted again.

“Need any help at all?” He gruffed awkwardly.

Juno was floored. Not in all her living or dead years with the infuriating man before her did he ever ask her if she needed assistance. In fact, he went through great pains to avoid her orders so that he would not lift a finger unless she threatened to box his ears. Which she had. Often. “Maybe we don’t need to do this job, after all, boy, because I’m pretty sure you just froze Hell over. What, pray tell, have you done to piss off the woman who saved your pale ass from eternal damnation?”

“What?!” He let out, placing a hand to his chest and snorting with insult. “Why do ya automatically assume that I-- I’ll just stop there.” He dropped his arms by his sides in defeat. “Okay, look. I think I fucked up. But she’s actin’ all patient n’ shit, ya know because she’s a goddamn saint. But, uh, they came back with me ta Red’s place--”

“They?” Juno questioned.

“Lydia and, um, ya know, the kid! And--”

“Bianca.” She offered with a raised eyebrow.

“What? Yeah, yeah, the kid. And--”

“Lydia’s child,” Juno interrupted again, her tone deep to get to the heart of the matter.

“Right. And--”

“Defacto, your child.” There. She said it. Betelgeuse took a moment to scratch his chin as he sent his bug-eyed stare to the floor again. “Uh huh,” Juno scoffed, leaned back in her chair, and crossed her arms over her chest. “Sit,” she ordered. He obeyed with a groan. “Spit it out.”

Betelgeuse fiddled with a button on his shirt before he clicked his tongue and mumbled. “When did ya warm up ta me?” He couldn’t bear to look at her as he heard the woman sigh.

“As soon as you robbed me,” she confessed bitterly.

Rolling his eyes dramatically and stomping his foot on the ground, he elaborated. “I like the kid. She’s, uh, cute. What I mean is… when did you… ya know…” in a  sudden fit of frustration, he threw out his arms, “ARE YA REALLY GONNA MAKE SAY IT?”

“For goodness sake,” the old woman grumbled as she placed a wrinkled hand to her forehead. “The second I decided to take you in, I committed myself to raise you as my own.”

“Jeez Louise,” he shook his head in disbelief.

“Let me finish!” Juno had to take a moment to brace herself for the dreaded words about to come forth. “This kinda thing is… difficult for me.”

“Yeah, no shit,” he muttered.

“Okay, how about this? You already said you like Bianca. Right?”

“Yeah,” he whined.

“There ya go. I liked you the moment we met. There was a kindredness. Saw a bit of myself in you. Saw… someone else too. Someone I… loved. Like… is another form of love already. If you dedicate yourself to nurturing it… it grows and deepens.” She finished in a hurry, wanting to end her torture. “There. How’s that for motherly advice?” She shook her head and chuckled at her own expense.

The scowl that had deepened the longer Juno spoke turned into one of mild amusement. “Not bad, ta tell the truth… ma.” Betelgeuse gave his rigid parent a smirk.

“Chavi, whenever you have any doubts, just think about how you’re the luckiest deadman alive. I sure-as-shit don’t know how you managed to get a second chance… picked up where you left off. You realize that don’t you?”

For a long moment, he looked at Juno with pure astonishment. The family he had been denied in life was on a silver platter for him now in death. A woman he loved who, crazy enough, loved him back, with a child to boot. No. He had not realized that. Not until this moment. “Holy shit. Yer right.” Barking out a laugh, he slapped his knee and shot out of his chair. With a new pep to his step, he raced around the desk.

“No,” Juno warned, “don’t you dare--” Betelgeuse grabbed her by the arms, lifted out of her chair, and twirled around the room with his outraged mother. “Put me down, you buffoon!” Juno may have been yelling obscenities, but she couldn’t hide the smile in her eyes as she pretended to hate every second of his antics.

* * *

 

The beetles were aplenty behind the house as Bianca ran around like a little maniac trying to catch them in a glass jar. Panting, the small child doubled over and frowned at her empty bug catcher. She had tried asking her mother what Betelgeuse could possibly want for a present, but Lydia had suggested she help her cook him a nice meal. Bianca had no interest in cooking but knew that a meal for her favorite ghost would not be complete without some crunchy bugs.

Barbara giggled as she watched the little munchkin change tactics outside and start clamoring through the bushes. Her laughter died off when she looked over at Lydia who had her head buried in her hands. Knowing some reassurance was in order, Barbara meandered over to her godchild and squeezed her shoulder.

“Talk to me, sweetie,” she said quietly.

Lydia emerged from her sulking and took a deep inhale. “I’m pretty sure the reality of it all hit him, and he’s shitting bricks now and went out for cigarettes.” She giggled hysterically at her outspoken fear.

“Why would you think that?” Barbara really tried to sound convincing. Lydia gave her a sideways glance, letting her godmother know she wasn’t buying it. “Damn it. I’m gonna kill him if he doesn’t come home tonight,” the ghost grumbled.

Groaning, Lydia flopped onto the bar and laid her face against the cold granite countertop. “He’s run for the hills, and I can’t blame him. Seventeen years. Seventeen fucking years against a blip in time. Comes back to an old hag with a kid. It’s over,” she ended simply.

The front door flung open, revealing a grinning Betelgeuse with an oversized heart-shaped box of chocolates. “YO FAM! Got somethin’ good fer ya!” He singsonged as he kicked the door closed behind him so hard the house shook.

Lydia couldn’t help herself, she ran full speed ahead in his direction and jumped on him, nearly sending him flying backward.

“Whoa, babe!” He chuckled, genuinely surprised by her impassioned greeting. “Miss the man o’ the house that much, ey?” He gave her a resounding smooch and walked into the kitchen while she clung to him like a monkey.

“I was pretty certain you abandoned ship,” she confessed when he plopped her down on the stool. She still would not let go.

“Huh?! After I fought so hard ta get ya here? I don’t think so, little lady,” he chided and tried to stand so he could look at her. Instead, he couldn’t budge and caught Barbara’s concerned look over Lydia’s shoulder. Tossing the chocolates to the disapproving ghost, he wrapped his arms around his sensitive scorpion, lifted her once more, and carried her out to the living room.

Once he was seated, Betelgeuse tried not to focus on their now touching crotches as he stroked her back and massaged her tense neck muscles. “How many times do I have ta say, I ain’t going anywhere, huh?” He murmured into her ear.

“You left so early… without saying goodbye… no calls… no texts…”

“Okay, okay, I get it. Bad boyfriend.”

Lydia finally peeled herself off enough to look him in the eye. “Tell me you didn’t sneak out because you didn’t want to face reality this morning. Go ahead. I dare you.” There was a moment where Betelgeuse opened his mouth to deny it, then he closed it again and scrunched up his face. “I knew it.” Lydia shook her head and tried to stand, but Betelgeuse wouldn’t let her.

“Now, now! Hold on a sec! Lyds--”

“Let go of me,” she muttered.

“Hey! Can I explain?” She struggled harder. “Keep doing that, babe, it feels real good,” he purred.

Lydia froze and realized that she had been inadvertently rubbing up against his groin in her struggle to break free. Glaring at her maddening lover, she punched his shoulder. He just laughed in her face. Upon seeing her scowl deepen, Betelgeuse cleared his throat and tried once more to console her.

“So, maybe, I freaked out a little, BUT! But. Not for the reasons ya think!”

“Oh really? So, it’s not because you suddenly have wife and kid on your plate that you have to be there for?”

Betelgeuse had flinched at the word wife. That was an important word to him. A word that only reminded him of bad times and filled him with anxiety instead of the hope and happiness it once did. “I pushed ya into comin’ here. Even though you weren’t ready. I… haven’t given ya what ya needed or wanted and Lyds… it’s because…” he didn’t know how to go on.

“Because you were literally starved of pleasure, love, and happiness for years and you’re desperate to fill the void they created.”

Letting out a shaky breath, the haunted man let his head drop into his savior's chest. “Tell me what ta do, and I’ll do it. I swear, I won’t put up a fight but don’t go back ta that fuckface. Never… go back to him.”

“I want to be with you. I want you to want to be with Bibi and me. If you don’t want that--”

“I do! Okay? I do. It’s just… I don’t want cha ta be stuck with me because ya feel some kinda obligation and I don’t know what I’m doin’. I don’t know how ta be a… ffff… a… daa…” He really couldn’t say it out loud. “She’s cute n’ all… but she’s… not…”

“Yours.” Lydia finished as her gut twisted within.

He sensed her hurt before he saw it on her face and quickly retracted. “Nah! That’s not what I meant! I mean, I gotta get used to it, ya know? Her! I gotta get used ta her. Whaddaya expect? I come back, and ya have a four-year-old! I didn’t get ta see the progression! She’s just… here now. Poof! Miniature _you_ outta nowhere - from my perspective anyway!” Lydia laughed at his comical rambling. He wasn’t trying to be funny, and that’s what made it so hilarious. “And like I said before, she’s yers, and that means she’s mine. End o’ story. I’ll warm up ta the kid eventually. How can I not? She’s yer tiny clone! I swear Lyds, I love your smile and everythin’ but that kid o’ yers. Jeez! She flashed that on me before, and I was almost a goner. Almost.”

Composing herself, his raven-haired beauty grew thoughtful for a moment. “Yeah. She has a great smile.”

“Not her father’s either. That’s fer sure. Maybe someone else in your family. Super cute though. Don’t tell ‘er I said that. Oh! Look, I even got ‘er somethin’ today.” He pulled out the little silver box he had stolen earlier in the day.

Smiling down at him, Lydia leaned in and kissed him gently. He was quick to arouse, though, so he pulled her hips closer and dug his fingers into the meat of her ass. “Whaddya say we go up ta the room real quick?” He murmured enticingly.

“So, yeah, listen,” she sobered and pulled away. “I need a little break because… I’m pretty sure I’m one fuck away from a UTI and complete vagina failure.” They laughed openly at her crassness, and after giving Lydia a playful spank, Betelgeuse stood and pushed her in the direction of the kitchen.

“Okay let's eat!” He exuberated.

The whole lot of them were about to eat lasagna at the large dining table together. Just as Betelgeuse was about to sit down, he pulled out the silver box and slammed it onto the table in front of his newest addition to his circle. “Here, kid. Got that for ya today,” he gruffed without looking at her.

Stunned, Bianca took it and inspected it gingerly with dewy eyes, then she gasped loudly as she remembered her own present for him. “I have something for you too! I almost forgot!” She ran off and was back in a flash with a jar containing crickets and tossed the contents onto Betelgeuse’s plate. “They’re pretty fresh! I think some are dead… but I wasn’t sure whether you liked them dead or alive.”

His blue eyes widened with shock. The center of attention looked up from his plate to find everyone staring at him. Bianca’s eyes smiled innocently, Delia’s eyes were about to pop out of her head, Barbara had covered her mouth to keep from laughing, Adam had furrowed his brow and pursed his lips, and Lydia… Lydia looked like she was about to sprout horns from her head. She had a devilish smirk on, and her eyes glistened with mischief as she dared him with a look, as if saying, “go ahead, ruin your reputation.”

Well, he would not.

“Thanks, Bibs,” he deadpanned and looked down at his plate again. It was one thing to eat bugs while dead and having no taste buds, quite another to eat them while very much alive with a fresh and sensitive palate. Slowly, he reached for his fork with his left hand and stabbed at the plate. The sound of a cricket crunching made him pale. Pulling up the fork in front of his face, the whole room held their breath. Suddenly, Betelgeuse shoved the fork in his mouth violently. Everyone gasped and swore he turned a slight shade of green as he crunched down. Masticating at a painfully slow pace, he finally swallowed loudly and exhaled. “Aromatic, crunchy, with an undertone of backyard brush on a warm summer day,” he quipped in a regal sounding British accent and dug into his plate with gusto.

 


	16. Life is Good

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Did I say I would have this story done by Halloween? Hahahaha... ::SIGHS::  
> Hope you all had a wonderful Halloween night! I know I had a nice evening. Tiring. But nice. 
> 
> THANK YOU: A special thank you to PrefersFiction & SensualClown for your comments! PrefersFiction, I'm super flattered that you think NHNT would be a good sequel to pitch. I do, in fact, have a version of NHNT that has a more Hollywood feel to it with Lydia aged up for Winona. I've been meaning to write it for ages. It's a similar plot but less romantic, of course. Betelgeuse actually means to steal her body from her but things go awry, the Sector 8 caseworkers are still after them and all that. The ending is completely different, but also leaves room for a sequel. As soon as I write it, I'll update everyone on tumblr and leave a link at this end of this story. Just don't know when I'll actually do it. Thanks again for your lovely comment! 
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Beetlejuice.

 

* * *

 

The only downside to his new life was the sleeping arrangements. The house was too crowded in his opinion as well. Because the night terrors still plagued him, sleeping on the living room couch kept him from accidentally killing or exorcizing anyone upstairs.  Now that Lydia had set an alarm on his phone for the usual times he’d begin his thrashing, he felt he was getting a handle on the problem and wanted to share Lydia’s bed as soon as possible. Still, Betelgeuse was living a life he never fathomed for himself. A real life with some interesting quirks, but he was pinching himself several times a day because, well, he was happy.

It was not as hot out as it had been in August. The weather was gradually turning more tolerable, which meant Bianca would beg Betelgeuse to play with her outside more often. Most of the time she’d ask him to do parlor tricks. Being a natural entertainer who loved the attention, he didn’t mind most of the time, especially when he could get her jaw to drop. Today, however, he was not in the mood for handstands, juggling, street magic, or sleight of hand. They’d be leaving for their review soon, and Dave had already sent word that he would be attending. Lydia was being extra quiet and looking more contemplative than usual. She was worried, he knew, and no matter how many times he tried to quell her doubts or how often Lydia would wave off his awkward yet comforting words of encouragement, Betelgeuse realized the uneasiness in the air was rubbing off on him. He was worried too.

It had only been a couple of weeks, but in that time, the little twerp had grown on him like the persistent moss and mold he’d conjure on his ghostly form. How could she not? She looked like her mother and had a knack for mischief that rivaled his own. The tiny fiend was hellbent on worming her way into his black heart, and she was not subtle about it either. It didn’t matter what he did or said. The child would mimic, laugh, and cheer him on through it all. Plus, Betelgeuse’s word was his bond, when he meant it, and he meant every word when he declared to Lydia that Bianca was now his. Just because he had no idea what he was doing most of the time, didn’t change that fact.

So far, being a father wasn’t too difficult. Entertaining her, although quite exhausting, was his forte. The kid also had so many questions! Lucky for him, he had accumulated a lot of information over the centuries for her constant, inquisitive mind and when he didn’t have an answer, he made shit up. It seemed that lying, another great talent of his, was the perfect tool to construct and fictionalize all kinds of crap to keep the brat on her toes. Honestly, he was quite the gifted bard. At least Bianca thought he could give the Grimm brothers a run for their money. Why shouldn’t he take a four-year-old’s word for it? It was Lydia, however, who made him feel the most adequate in his new, daunting role. She would whisper suggestions and warn him about Bianca’s sensitivities. He learned that name-calling, even in jest, was a sore spot for the kid so, he stuck to the nickname he’d given her, or sweeter terms of endearment when she was approaching his last nerve. 

For the most part, Bibi was a well behaved little girl. She was just a handful. Two handfuls. Too long without supervision and it was a damn certainty her curious mind would get her into some kind of trouble. Betelgeuse thought he’d really get a reaming when Lydia discovered her daughter playing with his matches, or his pocket knife that other time, and his cigarettes the time after that. True to her angelic, saintly, and ever patient character, Lydia would explain the danger to her child and warn her to never do that something or other again. As long as Bianca thought the advice was logical, she would actually listen. However, a simple “no, because I say so” argument, would not fly, he learned quickly. She could be an argumentative brat when she saw fit. Another thing Betelgeuse learned was to take heed with what he promised her. The kid was worse than a debt collector.

“Please! You said you would!” Bianca pleaded and accused at once while she tugged on his shirt. “You promised!”

Betelgeuse looked to the sky, opened his hands in silent supplication, then dropped them again in defeat. “Ugh, fine. Just this once. Haven’t done it in a while, ya know!? Could break yer neck,” he warned, then a thought occurred to him. “Wait. Make sure yer mom sees this. Gonna freak ‘er out.”

“MOMMY LOOK!”

When Lydia turned her face from Bibi’s schoolwork, she was not phased by the scene in the distance of Betelgeuse balancing a chair on his chin with Bianca sitting atop it.

“That’s nice, sweetie!” She called out with a half-smile and turned back to grading her daughter's work.

The clown placed Bianca safely on the ground and stuck his tongue out at his stoic lover. “Ya bore!” He called out insulted, then checked his watches. “Shit. We gotta get goin’.”

“Aw shit,” Bianca mimicked just as Betelgeuse covered her mouth and fearfully looked up to see if Lydia had heard the foulmouthed little parrot. 

He crouched down and pointed a finger at her. “Hey! Watch the potty mouth. Wanna get me killed all over again?”

Bianca merely giggled with mischief and ran off to her mother. “Mommy! Beej said shit!”

“Little shi-- SHE SAID IT TOO!” He blared in defense.

Slamming the workbook shut, Lydia looked at her daughter and manchild with a bored expression. “Great news, the renovations are done at the house, which means we can go home.”

“Yay! Finally!” Bianca’s excitement momentarily faltered. “Wait… what does that mean? Is Betelgeuse coming too?” She asked with worry.

“Heck, yeah, I am!” He answered resolutely before he knew if that was the case. “I am, right?” He asked with equal concern.

Rolling her eyes, Lydia stood up and pinched her children's cheeks. “Of course Betelgeuse is coming,” she answered in baby talk and walked inside the house. The two misfits high-fived and followed suit.

“Hey, babe,” he caught up with Lydia and spoke in a subdued voice. “Yer not gonna send her back to that school are ya? I think she’s learnin’ more at home, ya know?”

Narrowing her eyes with suspicion, Lydia pulled on his shirt, making him slouch to meet her gaze. “Why the concern? Like having her around now, twenty-four-seven? Oh, wait, you don’t get to be cooped up at home teaching a hyperactive child, now do you?” She bit out and released him forcefully. 

“Whoa, chill! I didn’t know ya felt… cooped up! But, hey, look… she’s really smart, and smart kids get bored easily. Trust me, I know what I’m talkin’ about. And--” he stopped himself when Lydia’s eyes went steely. “I said somethin’ insensitive, right? Just tell me what it was so I can pretend ta care and apologize for it before ya take sex away.”

“Are you implying, that you are smarter than me because I’m not as  _ manic _ as you?”

“Aw fuck me,” he breathed in annoyance, “it’s that time a month, innit?” As the words left his mouth, he mentally kicked himself. “Wait! Forget I said that!” He yelled after her as she stormed for the front door. Turning around to punch at the air in frustration, he found Bianca shaking her head with disapproval. “Ah whaddya know, huh?! Yer four!” He exacerbated, then took a breath and shrugged. “Ya know what… she’s just stressed. That’s what it is. That’s  _ all _ it is. Stressed about the review.” He nodded, happy he was able to decipher Lydia’s sour mood.

“Yeah, and ya fucked up, mister!” She pointed an angry finger at him before going to collect her backpack.

Mouth hanging open as he watched the tiny pirate exit, a throat cleared nearby.

“I’m so glad Bibi has a positive male role model in her life,” Adam deadpanned.

Too stunned to reply with anything remotely insulting, Betelgeuse gave Adam a worrisome glance before chasing after his girls. 

* * *

 

The hour-long ride to New York was spent bickering between the three passengers.

“I don’t wanna go back to school!” Bianca whined.

“Why does she hafta go? She’s smarter than the rest of ‘er class! At least let ‘em bump her up ta where she’s supposed ta be,” Betelgeuse grumbled. 

“Bibi gets picked on enough as it, imagine how older children will treat her,” Lydia tried to explain calmly.

“Homeschool! Homeschool! Homeschool!” Bianca chanted.

“Eventually, I’m going to need to go back to work. I can’t homeschool you forever!” Lydia implored.

“I don’t see why ya hafta work at all! I’m workin’! I’m got my raise. I can provide. Plus yer rich!” Betelgeuse countered with the obvious.

“Homeschool! Homeschool! Homeschool!”

“So, because I’m the woman, I should stay home, huh?”

“Higher a tutor, for all I care. I just think it’d be better for her to learn from us. As far as I’m concerned everyone else, outside the three of us here, are idiots. Plus, she’s sensitive, we need ta teach her the ropes at some point, ya know.”

“Ropes! Ropes! Ropes!”

“She should be a kid as long as she can. Make some friends--”

“I. Cannot. Believe you! Little miss dark and lonely talkin’ ‘bout makin' friends!”

“That is precisely the reason why--” 

“CAN YOU FREAKS GET THE HELL OUT OF MY CAB?!” The cab driver bellowed with exasperation.

“HEY! YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP, PAL!” “YOU’RE THE FREAK!” “YEAH! FUCK OFF!” The passengers shouted back as they exited the vehicle.

The taxi sped off, burning rubber as they adjusted their clothes with dignity.

“Can you believe that guy?” Lydia miffed.

“Mouthbreather,” Bianca added.

“Piece o’ shit.” Betelgeuse finished before turning to his ladies and grabbing their hands to walk them to the door. “Alright, babes, bibs. Kick ass in there. No matter what happens. They can’t do shit because I won’t let’em. Got it? I’ll be waitin’ for ya.”

Bianca hugged his leg while he grabbed Lydia by the waist and planted a hard kiss on her. “Listen,” he murmured into her forehead, “I know things have been nuts and I haven’t been exactly good BF material--”

“I understand--”

“Lemme finish,” he tilted her face up and pierced her with his sky-blue eyes. “I’ve got a surprise for ya later. I wasn’t gonna say anythin’, but I think ya need a pick-me-up for this meetin’. Amma right?” Closing her eyes to hold back a sob, Lydia buried her face into his collar and nodded. “I got Medusa on baby duty tonight--”

“I’m not a baby!” Bibi interrupted, insulted.

“And you and I are gonna have some fun! LONG OVERDUE!” He crowed to the sky and gave Lydia a playful shake.

“What about me? I wanna a surprise too!” The child whined with jealousy. 

“Ya got yers comin’, tiny. Patience.” He ruffled her hair and then opened the door to the building for them. “Get rid of that shit stain, then we celebrate.” 

As soon as they entered, Betelgeuse announced their arrival to the receptionist and inquired on where the bathroom was. He waited for Lydia and Bianca to be called. Once they were gone, he stalked toward the men's room. His face turned from happy-go-lucky, supportive partner to grinning devil as he shed his physical restraints and disappeared behind one of the stalls.    
  


* * *

 

Spiritual forces, even when carefully guarded behind flesh, have a distinct and unique presence that radiates outward into the aether. Some call it an aura. Depending on the person and their intentions, an aura can be felt, and it can also be read. Dr. Whiting, being a man of science, usually paid no heed to his own sixth sense that everyone has on some degree, but today… today he couldn’t help but wonder what kind of man sat before him. Dave Pearson reclined comfortably with a binder resting on his lap and to the naked eye, he seemed normal. It was why Dr. Whiting felt so odd. Something about the poised, green-eyed man irked him, and he couldn’t put his finger on it. The door opened, causing the psychiatrist to shift in his seat to greet Lydia and her daughter. The older gentleman was quick to notice the mother’s protective body language as she led Bianca into the room and sat her as far away from Dave as possible. Dave leaned over and greeted his daughter.

“Hi, Bibi, don’t I get a hug?” Dave asked with no emotion in his voice whatsoever.

Bianca buried her face into her mother’s arm.

“You see what I mean, Dr. Whiting? Lydia has effectively and purposefully estranged me from my own daughter.”

“Bianca,” the doctor addressed the child directly, “I know this might be an uncomfortable situation for you, you don’t have to hug anyone or say anything if you don’t want to.”

Lydia concealed her smugness tactfully as Dr. Whiting set his eyes on her. “How have you been feeling with the lower dosage?”

Pulling out her pill bottle, the confident patient met her doctor's eyes and handed it to him. “I decided not take them. You’ll see all the pills are still there. I feel like my old self again. Honestly, those pills were doing more damage than good. My appetite is back to normal,” she pulled out a file and fished out a letter from her physician. “Here is a letter from my primary and my records showing my progress. Here is a stress test that shows everything is normal. I took a few weeks off of work to focus on my daughter. We’ve been very happy at my mother’s house, but now we can go back home.”

Dr. Whiting took a moment to look everything through.

“I was afraid this might happen,” Dave said solemnly. “Lydia is nowhere near fine. That fact that she refused to take her medication is proof enough that she is reluctant to take her recovery seriously… I didn’t want to mention this, but Lydia has dived right into a new relationship, and I’m afraid it’ll lead to another breakdown. I don’t think Lydia or Bibi can handle this kind of instability….”

“Well, although I do not condone getting off your medication without notifying me first, looks like you’re doing really well.” Dr. Whiting finally interjected, ignoring Dave completely.

“You’re not the least bit concerned about her schizophrenia?” Dave asked incredulously. 

“I was not aware that I ever made such a diagnosis, Mr. Pearson.”

“I have proof that Lydia hears and responds to voices--” Dave pulled out his phone and handed it to Whiting.

The temperature in the room dropped considerably. Both Lydia and Bianca looked around for the source, but none could be found. As the doctor pressed play, the phone drained of battery entirely and shut off. Lydia could not see him, but she definitely sensed his presence in the room. Betelgeuse was up to something. The older man handed Dave his phone back. 

“It died. That hardly matters anyway--”

“How could it not matter? She is a danger to my  _ manhood _ !” There was an awkward silence and a few furrowed brows before Dave cleared his throat. “I’m sorry… uh, I meant that Lydia is a danger to my  _ penis _ .”

Bianca burst into a fit of giggles as she desperately covered her mouth to try and stop herself. Lydia bit her lower lip, hard. A tingling sensation tickled her earlobe and made her involuntarily shudder with pleasure.  **_You sneaky bastard._ **

His snicker was only meant for Lydia to hear… “You look so fuckin’ sexy, babe. Wanna let me in? Haven’t done that in soooo long. I miss it. C’mon. Give me permission, and I’ll rock your world while I send this dipshit into a straightjacket.”

It was tempting, but Lydia shook her head slowly.

“Mr. Pearson, are you quite all right?” The good doctor asked concernedly. 

“Your loss, babes. I’ll try again later though.” Betelgeuse chuckled darkly as he gave Lydia’s right breast a tingling squeeze.

“I’m fine!” Dave retorted a little too loudly.  **_What the hell is happening?_ ** “I just need some time to gather my  _ dingleberries _ .” Dave paled and stammered as he tried his best to tame his tongue. “My...  _ bum nuggets! Poopie doobles! Chocolate channel chewies! _ ” 

“Mr. Pearson!” Dr. Whiting had no idea what else to say. 

“Dr. Whiting,” Lydia squeaked, trying desperately to say her next words with a straight face. “I think he might be having a psychotic break! Please help him. We should leave. Come on, Bibi!” Lydia pulled a hysterical Bibi to standing and raced for the door, but not before Dave lurched out of his seat. Accidentally grabbing onto a bit of her hair, Lydia screamed from the pain. 

Dave was not a violent man. Part of him protested his extreme reaction, but it was too late. Not only was he embarrassed beyond imagination, but he had also lost control. Lost control over his family, lost control over the meeting, lost control over his own body. Something was terribly wrong, and his mind raced, desperately trying to find an answer. **_She did this._** **_She’s doing this to me! She’s a witch!_** “YOU! WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME YOU FUCK--” Pain shot through his arm making Dave release his grasp.

While Dr. Whiting called for help on his pager system, Betelgeuse materialized. Sharpened nails digging through the assailant's arm. The ghost went unnoticed by the shaken psychiatrist but was seen by everyone else, including Dave himself. Dangerous blue eyes met terrified green ones as Dave took in the sight of the poltergeist who he thought only existed on television.

“Well now,” the frightening ghost murmured with delight. “Looks like Davy scares easily, Lyds.”

Lydia was frozen in place with Bianca hiding behind her. It was the first time in years that she saw her striped lover in all his crazed glory. It was hot. She couldn’t help the excitement bubbling within though she knew she should be booking it out of the office with her daughter in hand. Still, she stood there, rooted in place with a look of pure awe and desperate to see his face.

“Lydia!” Whiting cried. “Get out of here!”

Betelgeuse looked over his shoulder to find his beloved staring at him like he was a god. He was hard in an instant. “I think you should follow the doc’s orders. I’ll be done shortly,” he winked at her reassuringly, then turned his attention back to the sputtering idiot still in his grasp.

Lydia had enough sense to bolt with Bibi in her arms.

“Now, look here, pal.” The poltergeist gave his best slasher grin. “That’s the second time you put yer hands on what doesn’t belong ta ya. I promised ya I’d teach ya a lesson. So, why don’t we get started?” With his final words, his mouth dropped wide until his jaw cracked open, revealing layers upon layers of razor-sharp teeth. A large, forked tongue slithered out his mouth. Dave wet himself and whimpered incoherent pleas as the doctor barked orders in the phone.   
  


* * *

 

Dave’s piercing shrieks bounced off the walls even though he was behind closed doors. Lydia ran as fast as her short legs could take her. Several large security guards ran for Dr. Whiting’s office just as Lydia bounded for the exit. Once the fresh air flowed through her lungs, Lydia panted and looked for a place to lie in wait. Around the corner of the building was a small concrete area with a fountain shaded by trees. She sat Bianca on the fountain's edge and stayed crouched to take stalk of her fragile daughter.

“Are you okay?” She breathed, still wide-eyed with excitement.

Bianca nodded her head quickly though she seemed shaken. “He fixed it, right? He fixed it?” She asked nervously.

Lydia cupped her baby’s face in her hands and nodded. 

“There ya are!” A familiar voice exclaimed.

The two mediums snapped their heads up to find a giddy Betelgeuse walking their way with a pep in his step. Lydia’s heart swelled when Bianca ran right for him with her arms spread wide. Betelgeuse bent over to meet her embrace and twirled her around with him. With Bibi in one arm, he threw his other arm open for Lydia to join them. In a flash, she was pressed against his side with her arms wrapped around him. 

“Who wants ice cream?!” The blonde maniac yelled with enthusiasm. 

“ME!” Bianca shouted back.

Lydia tugged on his collar for him to lean down to whisper directly into his ear. “I’ll be making you scream later, you bad boy. You’ve been holding out on me.”

“Oh-my-god-yes,” he said quietly before addressing Bianca. “Listen up, kid! You’re sleepin’ with you gammy tonight! Understood?!”

“Aw man,” she pouted.

“NAH-AH-AH-AH! I don’t wanna hear it! I’m done with this sleepin’ on the couch crap. Mommies and daddies sleep in the same room, dammit! So, yer gonna hafta get used ta it!”

Bianca’s jaw dropped open as she stared into her idols eyes. Betelgeuse narrowed his eyes in challenge as his own words struck him. If only for the sake of getting a proper lay, he knew Bianca had to accept his new status in her life. That meant he had to accept hers as well. She was Dave’s blood, and he would probably have to grapple with that fact for the rest of their lives, but he had to start somewhere. 

“Does this mean you’re gonna marry my mom?” The child asked excitedly.

Visibly paling, Betelgeuse opened his mouth, but not a sound came out. The very thought of marriage made him ill. Disorganized images flashed through his mind of sandworms, a parade, drunken fury, fire and brimstone. A gentle squeeze of his arm from Lydia snapped him out of it.

“You know, Bibi,” she lilted as she walked on ahead of them, “it’s the twenty-first century. I don’t need a ball and chain holding me down.” Lydia looked over her shoulder and winked right before placing two fingers between her lips and letting out a piercing whistle. A cab came screeching to a halt beside her, and she confidently climbed inside.

Betelgeuse shook his head in awe. “Yer mother is an amazin’ woman.”

“I know,” Bianca replied simply. 

The two smiled at each other and quickly trotted to the honking cab. Life, Betelgeuse thought serenely, was good.


	17. The Lydia Deetz?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I recently learned that there is such a thing as NSFW November. I happen to have an NSFW side story that takes place in this universe. Some of you have already read it. I might wait until this story is done before posting it. We are so close to the finish line! I just need to write the final chapters. I posted a little role reversal drabble yesterday called I Spy. It inspired some more ideas to add to it so, I'm excited to jot them down and post those too. We shall see what the muse dictates!
> 
> My plot and proofreading beta is luvthephantom!
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Beetlejuice.

* * *

The days were beginning to grow shorter and nights grow longer. October had finally come around and with it, its beautiful foliage with autumn hues. It didn't matter. What mattered was that time kept passing, and Bartholomew still had no results. Nothing to show for. The messenger of the Lord often called now, and Bartholomew had never felt this kind of anxiety before in his life or afterlife. There was something so ominous and dangerous in the air whenever the messenger called that he dreaded what would become of him should he keep failing. He rested little while searching for Lydia, trying to find a way to her.  He could not get into the halls of Records of Sector Eight so, he had to rely on memory to try and find her old home. Alas, his mind was failing him. He knew it was somewhere on the East Coast, somewhere up north. He thought about Bertha and wondered if they had stayed in contact, but Bertha's file could not be found not in the stacks that he had stolen. Bart knew she had been from New York but could not remember the address. The ghoul tried his best to scour the internet for any sign of Lydia Deetz, and there were articles aplenty about the hotshot producer from New York City, but nothing came up about her personal life.

Even if by some miracle he could find her address, Bartholomew knew he couldn't just barge in. Most certainly, measures had been taken to protect her and anyone connected to her. Plus, there was a certain powerful poltergeist who was obviously waiting for his arrival. At one point Bart had decided to try the ABC headquarters in New York City. He had no idea which office was hers, and it took some time to find it, but find it he did. Without a proper summons, it was challenging to travel from place to place. He had to rely on upper management to grant him access. Even in this dire situation, apparently, it was quite a task to give him access to different parameters, which is why he didn't move too often. The day finally came when he presented God's messenger with the floor belonging to the producer’s main level. Pushing through the barrier took much of his energy, but he pushed forward, eager for a victory. Bartholomew quickly understood that he had underestimated Lydia once more when he tried to phase through the doorway in the dead of night. He was nearly exorcized on the spot. Bartholomew retreated as quickly as he could.  Closing the portal, he traveled back to the church. It was now too risky to stay in this place. But he had no other recourse until the messenger could return, then he could ask him to be moved to a different location.

The failure weighed heavily on him. Bart was at his wit's end. There was no way he could summon a lower-level demon into the parameters without a physical body anyway.  His Superior expected him to find some kind of loophole in this matter, and Bartholomew did have an idea. However, it would be nearly impossible without a living person, and there were not many living beings who would be able to see him. Finding someone with the sensitivities necessary would be hard enough. The bigger problem lay in the fact that Bart would have to convince said person to summon the beast within the same parameters as Betelgeuse. Or at the very least, find a way to do a full carnal possession, and invoke the Hell caseworker himself.  

The frazzled specter banged his head against his desk.  It seemed to do the trick because, suddenly, a thought occurred to him at that moment. Snapping his eyes open wide, he almost shouted when the idea struck. Surely there had to be something on Lydia Deetz in regards to the law. He needed a way into a courthouse or police records.  He smiled wickedly as he realized that this may be what would finally lead him to victory.

* * *

 

October always held a strong familiarity and serenity for Lydia. She often wondered if it had anything to do with the day of her birth. It was her favorite month, and of course, Halloween was her favorite holiday. Her daughter being born in October was just the icing on the cake. The more she learned about the mysteries of All Hallows Eve in her youth, the more she fell in love with the ever-mysterious month. The cool air continuously inspired all sorts of creative endeavors when she was younger. Sitting on the porch of her Gothic home, hot chocolate in hand, she took a deep breath and took in the fresh air.

The surprise that Betelgeuse had mentioned before seeing the therapist had been lying in wait for her upon their arrival in Winter River. A vintage Polaroid camera with enough film to shoot for months on end sat on their bed. He’d always known what to get her. Always knew what would make her happy. She was, of course, moved to tears and her hands trembled as she gingerly lifted the machine to inspect it. With only a few markings on it, Lydia knew its previous owner had cherished it. She had abandoned her art in pursuit of her career to save Betelgeuse. It was something she did not regret, but it was indeed something she missed dearly. He was trying to give her her life back in any way he could, and she was grateful. After taking pictures galore in her favorite cemetery, Betelgeuse wined and dined her like the gentleman he was not. After that, they returned home, and he gave her another surprise. When he removed the leather necklace he always wore, he immediately transformed into the poltergeist she had fallen in love with. Donning his stripes and moss, he beckoned her to the bed. Once she was free of her body, Betelgeuse whisked her away to his grave and gave her all the attention, care, and pleasure she'd been missing for almost two decades.

Once the couple had gotten into a rhythm in their new home, things settled in the most amazing ways for their little family.  After doing some research for Bianca's schooling, Lydia had found an ideal compromise. Bianca was now attending a Sudbury school and was thriving. It was an unconventional solution, but after meeting with the teachers and some of the students, Lydia decided to give it a shot. With Betelgeuse working most weekdays and Bianca at school, Lydia had a lot of time on her hands. She tried going back to work but could not concentrate on anything. Prudence was doing such a great job of handling it all that she wondered if she should just hand the reins over to the tiny workhorse permanently.

Lydia supposed that all of her concentration and efforts could be put into finding Bart and getting her revenge, but she had found peace for the first time in years, and all she wanted was for that peace to continue. Not quite sure what to do with herself, she finally decided to take her lover's advice and put her attention on her abandoned passion. So, Lydia bought several cameras, would pick a new place to go every day, and just take pictures. It felt like a much-needed vacation. A vacation that now had to come to an end. 

A full-blown month had gone by and not a word from Dave, not since the review. She hoped that Betelgeuse had scared him enough to never hear from him again. She should have known better. Now that she finally had happiness in her grasp, it was being threatened once more. Lydia glanced down at her lap at the manila envelope containing a court order for a paternity test. She was tempted to set her lover loose and do with Dave what he would, but that small part of her that still held kindness reminded her that she was to blame for Dave's persistent actions. 

“What’s that?” Betelgeuse had walked out of their home and pointed at the folder while fishing out his pack of cigarettes.

With a sigh, she handed him the folder. After lighting his cigarette with his favorite birthday present from Lydia, a silver snake lighter with sapphire eyes, he took it. He fished out his least favorite birthday present from Delia; glasses. A short glance through the contents later, he whipped out the lighter again and made to burn it. 

“Don’t,” Lydia entreated dryly.

He stopped just short from the corner of a page and instead, took a long drag from his smoke while he stared her down. “All he needs is another visit--”

“He’s probably scared that Bianca is in danger. You know, from you. I guess from me too,” she scoffed as she stood up and took back the folder. 

“So, what? We just let him take our kid away?” He accused, insulted at any implication that he’d be a danger to Bianca. As he turned from her and leaned on the wooden rail, Lydia placed her hand on his and smirked. She loved it when he referred to Bibi as theirs, or his. Betelgeuse gave her a sideways glance and rolled his eyes. “All right, c’mon what’s yer plan? I can tell ya got one.”

“We take her to get the test. You sneak in and fudge it,” she announced simply. 

With a dark chuckle, he stubbed out his smoke and wrapped an arm around his wicked scorpion. “See, that’s why I love ya, babe,” he endeared before he smacked a resounding kiss on her head. “Change the results, and daddy dipshit can’t do squat.”

“That’s right.” They stood silently for a while, content in the peace of the moment. “Beej?” Lydia uttered quietly.

“Yeah, babe.”

“I think I’ve avoided my responsibilities long enough.”

“Ugh, not again. Ya really wanna go back to that empty office and run yerself dry?”

“No, actually. I’ve been thinking about making Pru the new exec.”

“Excellent idea! Let shorty do all the work, and we roll in the dough!”

“I’m talking about finding Bart and helping in the mission.”

“Goddamnit,” he breathed with annoyance.

“You haven’t made much progress. I think that if you fill me in on everything, I might be able to help. I got you out after all," she smiled smugly and reached for his hand.

Betelgeuse stayed silent for a while and contemplated. Tricia was still being a downright bitch and would not give up the database. Going from haunt to haunt was proving to be an excruciatingly slow process. If he had the list, he’d be able to do three times as much scouting in his astral body. Lydia was also more in line with the times and may be able to figure out a way around the bigger problem. Getting the souls out. “Okay,” he finally relented.

“Great, I want to start now. So, spill it. Tell me everything you know so far.”

“Take it easy. I don’t want cha Scoobydoo-ing without me. Don’t give me that face!” It was just a neutral stare. “You know ya would. You can help. But I don’t want cha gettin’ in the way.”

“B.”

“Ah-ah-ah. You’ll get yer chance to help, tonight. ‘kay?”

“How? Aren’t we going on that ghost tour?”

Betelgeuse let out another dark chuckle as he gave her a small shake. “Yep!”

* * *

  
Dusk was approaching, and a sizable group had gathered at the Greenwood Cemetery in Brooklyn, all hoping for an eerie night of ghostly spooks. Tricia and her tour guide were collecting release forms and handing out ghost hunting equipment.

“Hi everyone, I’m Neil, and this is Trish. Please hand your forms to her and if you’d like any equipment, come on over to me, and we can sign some of these bad boys out for your ghost hunting pleasure! Ah, we got some stragglers! Come on down folks!” He called to a trio walking up to the gate.

Tricia did a double take when she caught sight of her enraging employee hand in hand with who she presumed to be his sugar mama and a little girl. She had not really expected him to show up, but there he was. 

“Shit,” she breathed as he waved at her enthusiastically from a distance. The ghost hunter almost turned around to ignore him, but her curiosity got the better of her. As they got closer, Trish studied the woman and child by his side. She would not have believed his ramblings about his girlfriend and kid had it not been for their approaching forms at that moment. The sugar mama really was beautiful. Petite, dark, mysterious looking, and age appropriate of all things. The little girl, she could tell, was a ball of energy just like her father. Even though his blonde hair stuck out like a sore thumb, the three most assuredly were a family.

“Gothy!” He yelled, even though he was only a few feet away. “How’s my favorite boss?!”

“Hi, boss!” The little spitfire shouted.

“Hi,” she replied dryly and handed him three release forms. “Fill these out and get your gear from Neil.”

“Hey Mr. B! I thought that was you! Need any flashlights or anything?”

The child ran off to Neil excitedly. “Yes, please! I wanna flashlight! And an EMF reader. OH! And a directional thermometer. Beej, says this stuff is garbage, but I wouldn’t be a real scientist if I took his word for it, now would I?”

Neil laughed nervously. “Heh, how old are you?”

“I turn five tomorrow!”

“Wow!”

Trish could not hide her surprise. “Yep, definitely his kid,” she muttered under her breath.

“Sup, this is the babes! Babes, my sup!”

“Nice to meet you,” Lydia announced as she let go of her camera and offered a free hand to Tricia.

Tricia marveled at the polite gesture, she had been expecting trailer trash, a raspy smokers voice or something along those lines.

“Patricia, you can call me Trish,” she shook the dark beauties firm hand. “I’m pretty sure your name isn’t babes as much as this misogynist would like it to be. ”

Lydia flashed her a brilliant smile and laughed. “It’s Lydia…” 

**_Huh. That’s funny,_ ** the goth-nerd thought unamused. 

“It really is a pleasure to meet you,” Lydia continued. 

**_Lydia and… Betelgeuse?_ **

“I’ve heard a lot about you and your company…” 

**_Even has a camera and everything..._ **

“You have no idea how weird it is to see Beej go off to work every morning.” 

“Hilarious, babe,” Betelgeuse remarked, dripping sarcasm.

**_Did she just say… Beej?_ ** “I’m sorry…” Trisha scoffed with bewilderment.  “Uh, what was your name again?”

There it was. The moment Betelgeuse had been waiting for. Lydia looked a tad confused but answered anyway. 

“Lydia,” she offered again politely.

“Eh-ha-ha. Yeah…” Tricia’s eyes locked onto the spider brooch proudly adorned on Lydia’s blouse. She looked to Betelgeuse only to find him with a shit-eating grin plastered on his face and nodding his head slowly. The freakout started inwardly at first for the poor fangirl before it started to show outwardly as her brow furrowed and jaw dropped open slowly. Breath coming in shallow spurts. “Lydia… Deetz?” She squeaked. 

“Yep!” Bianca piped up. “And I’m her daughter, Bianca Deetz. That’s Betelgeuse  _ Horeson _ . His last name means--”

“Thank you, Bibs!” Betelgeuse liltingly interrupted, wanting to silence the kid so he could soak up this moment for everything it was worth.

Tricia was boring holes into Lydia without blinking. “You. Are Lydia Deetz? The creator… of…” here she finally glanced at her employee once more as it all clicked for her. “Beetlejuice?”

“Well, I mean,” she’s my goddess n’ everythin’, but I wouldn’t say she created this…” he thumbed to himself smugly, “handsome beast ya see before ya.” He snorted loudly as he wrapped an arm around Lydia’s waste. 

“Don’t worry, B,” Lydia deadpanned, “I’d never take credit for--”

The release forms that Tricia had been holding scattered in the wind as she about-faced and bolted into the cemetery crying. After a shocked moment of silence, Betelgeuse cackled away. Lydia shook her head and bit the inside of her cheek to keep from smirking. “You can be such an asshole.”

“I know,” he wheezed through his reply, “ya know ya love it!”

“I don’t get it,” Bianca frowned, hating being left out of whatever joke had just gone over her head. It only made the wicked man laugh more. 

* * *

  
  


The tour went on without Tricia to Betelgeuse’s annoyance. Lydia took her pictures along the way while Bianca pointed her devices at the spirits she could see. 

“I think you’re right,” Bianca sighed dejectedly, “these things are garbage.”

“Not entirely, kiddo,” Betelgeuse looked around at the forlorn, boring ghosts in the vicinity. “The energy here is just hangin’ as low as my d… er, shoe.”

“Ugh! This is supposed to be my birthday adventure! This is boring!” Bibi pouted.

“Alright, how ‘bout we turn on the juice?” The prankster waggled his eyebrows and smirked wickedly at his daughter. 

She perked up immediately. “Yes!”

“It’s showtime!” They cried in unison before Betelgeuse pointed a finger at her in outrage. “Hey! That’s my line!” Bianca giggled mischievously as she waited for the real fun to begin.

Deciding not to be around for her lover's antics, Lydia stepped away from the group and followed her intuition. It led to poor Tricia sitting alone on a stone bench. Always, light on her feet, Lydia’s approach went unnoticed. The medium peered over her shoulder to find the young goth looking through her IMDb profile on her phone. She was swiping through pictures.

“People say I don’t smile enough,” Lydia announced dryly, sending the girl jumping to her feet. “I didn’t mean to frighten you.”

Tricia pocketed her phone and crossed her arms over her chest. “It’s cool. Totally cool. Fine. All good.” She nodded her head awkwardly. 

“So, you a fan of the show?” Lydia asked sweetly as she took a seat on the same bench, attempting to make the girl more comfortable. 

Tricia laughed nervously. “Uh, yeah. You can say that.” There was an awkward silence that Lydia was about to fill before Trish blurted out her next words. “So, like, the show is kinda autobiographical or something? I seriously cannot believe… like… Betelgeuse? It’s… unreal. Unreal. You guys are really…? Together. Real people. I mean, he’s not a ghost. Medium. You’re both mediums? I have a fucking tattoo! Oh, god, please don’t tell him I have a tattoo. I can’t believe I just said that. He said you were his sugar mama!”

Lydia laughed openly after patiently waiting for the girl's rant to be over. “Sugarmama.” She shook her head with amusement. “I’ll have to use that against him. Thank you for that.”

“He said he only took this job to get revenge and to save souls, for shit's sake! Is that… was he… telling the truth?” Tricia hadn’t noticed that her own fingers were digging into her arms. 

“I’m afraid he is, this time, being one-hundred percent honest,” Lydia replied seriously.

“Shit. Holy. Shit.” Tricia shut her eyes hard and pushed down tears. “I’ve been such a--”

“I’m sure he deserved it,” Lydia interrupted the girl’s obvious self-deprecating name calling. “He doesn’t exactly inspire trustworthiness. He loves to upset the status quo. Lives for undermining authority. Women in positions such as ours have to work extra hard to earn the respect of our male peers. Especially employees. I would have done exactly the same had I been in your shoes.” 

“Really?” The girl asked hopefully. 

Lydia nodded her head in assent and patted the empty space next to her. Tricia sat by her side in a flash as Lydia pulled out her cell phone. “Why don’t we exchange numbers? I’d love to meet up and discuss ideas on how to save the souls. I bet you, and I could probably have this whole thing figured out in an afternoon while Beej continues to bash his head against walls.”

“You… want my number?”

Screaming erupted from a distance while an ominous and inhumane moan echoed throughout the cemetery. The two women whipped their heads in the direction of the commotion only to see the ghost tour customers, and Niel, running in every which way.

“OH GOD!” Neil screeched as all of the hunting devices beeped and blinked at once. “THEY’RE EVERYWHERE! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!” 

Throughout the chaos, Lydia could see Bianca sitting on the ground while she held onto her sides and laughed hysterically.

“Well,” Lydia muttered, “guess the tour’s over.”   
  



	18. Revelations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted the chapter to the wrong story at first! I'm not well.   
> I’m trying to get this story DONE! How long has it been already? Okay, I just checked… I published the first chapter of NHNT on 05.29.2018! I need to move on! Lol. Maybe if I post all the remaining chapters, I’ll be able to concentrate on finishing it! Wish me luck!
> 
> My beta is luvthephantom! 
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Beetlejuice

 

* * *

 

 A bounce house of screaming children was much better than a house of screaming children, Betelgeuse realized quickly after escaping grill duty for a blissful moment indoors. Looking over his shoulder to see if anyone was around, he dashed to the fridge and desperately searched for a beer. To his utter lament, they were out. Or Lydia had hidden them.

“Looking for the beer?” His lover's voice carried over to him before he slammed the fridge shut and jumped away from it. His ridiculously oversized chef hat almost fell off his head.

“NO,” he defended as he adjusted his apron that read King of the Grill, “can’t be drinkin’ in front of the youngin’s, ya know! Bein’ a model parent and all!”

“Oh good,” Lydia uttered with mild, faux relief as she lifted a dewy, glistening bottle of ale, “I thought I might have to share the last of it.” She brought the bottle to her lips, tilted her head back, and chugged the rest of its contents.

Betelgeuse stared at her blankly until she surfaced. “I hope you bloat,” he declared spitefully.

Lydia raised an eyebrow while placing another beer on the counter and sliding it to him. He scrambled to catch it and crowed with victory. “Whoo! Yeah! Oh, I-love-you-so-much!”

“Uh huh,” she responded dryly, “I'm going to serve the cake soon so, it’s almost over. Oh. If I catch you staring at Susan‘s ass again, I’ll be throwing a different kind of sausage on the grill.”

“What?! I was not staring at - okay maybe I looked once or twice, BUT BABE! It takes up half the  _yard_! Might as well ask me ta sew my eyes shut.” Lydia had already walked out the door in the middle of his defense. “Damn it, Susan,” he grumbled as he took a swig from his bottle.

“PST! Hey,” whispered a non-corporeal Bertha.

With a frown, Betelgeuse looked around the kitchen trying to pinpoint where she was calling from. “What’s up, Burp?” He gruffed as his eyes landed on a dark corner.

“Am I doing this right? You’re looking right at me! Am I invisible or what?” She whispered again.

“Yes, Houdini. This is basic shit, ya know?” He chided. Ever since he’d moved in, Bertha would bug him to teach her how to do certain things or explain specific rules. Mostly, he’d decline just to be a pain in the ass, but he secretly loved the attention and being thought of an expert.

“I know! We’ve never had guests over before, okay? Never had to do this. I don’t wanna miss the cake though,” she whined.

“Women,” he scoffed and chugged his beer.

“Um, Beej?” She asked nervously. “I’ve been meaning to ask you something.”

There was a long moment of silence before Betelgeuse rolled his eyes and took the bait. “Yes, Burpy-poo?”

“Actually, could you come to the basement real quick? It’s kinda personal.”

“Ugh, now? I ain’t got the time. Got grill duty--” Just then, one of the kids from outside came barrelling through the door, racing for the bathroom. The door was left open, letting in the shrieking and laughing from the children in the bounce house. It was like nails on a chalkboard. “Yeah, sure! I can talk now,” he exclaimed as he stalked to the basement. As soon as he reached for the door handle, he paused just short of grabbing it. Before he could wonder at his hesitance, the door flew open for him as Bertha walked past. Betelgeuse placed a foot through the doorway and again, felt the urge to turn around and leave. He forced himself to move forward and the door shut behind him.

Bertha was now visible and pacing in a circle below. Carefully and with a furrowed brow, Betelgeuse went down the steps and eyed his surroundings suspiciously. The lower he descended, the more uncomfortable he felt.

“Okay, so,” Bertha began timidly, “I’m sure you’ve noticed that I’ve been acting a little weird.”

“Nope,” he let out as he dragged his hand against the wall and tried to discern what it was that he was feeling.

“Oh, well… I think I have been--”

“Ya know,” he interrupted curiously, “I’ve lived here for like a month, and this is the first time I’ve been down here.” It looked like a small apartment, furnished with bookcases, a bed, sofas, an entertainment system, even a tiny kitchen. It was nicely decorated, but part of the basement looked like an office. It was laid out very similarly to the one in winter river, with clippings and notes on a corkboard.

“Well, I guess it never occurred to me that you’d wanna see my place.” Bertha looked around and motioned to her belongings. “I moved down here after Lydia--”

“Why don’t I want to be in here?” He eyed Bertha seriously.

“Huh? Uh, I dunno, because you couldn’t care less about where I live?”

“That’s not what I’m asking.” He moved closer with a warning glare. “Why is there a banishing spell to keep me outta here?”

The lanky ghost was taken aback. “What? What banishing spell? What are you talking about?”

“In-fucking-credible,” he breathed, smirking and not being able to feel anything but pride over the fact that his little scorpion had pulled one over on him. “Looks like our tiny witch is hiding somethin’ down here,” he baited evilly as he waggled his eyebrows.

“What do you mean? Lydia put a spell on my apartment? To keep you out? What do you mean hiding something down here?” Bertha followed Betelgeuse around her place with her barrage of questions as he quickly zigzagged around the space like a bloodhound on the hunt. When he reached the corner desk, he froze. The same hesitation from before took over him, and he nearly jumped with joy.

“Move the desk!” He exclaimed as he balled his fists and gnawed on his upper lip. Bertha eyed him in bewilderment but did as she was told. There was nothing. “N-n-no!” Betelgeuse threw himself to the ground and felt around the carpet with his hands until he finally saw part of the carpet had been tampered with. “YES!” He laughed evilly as he dug his fingers under and pulled as hard as he could.

“B!” The sound of Lydia calling for him rooted him in place as he felt the tiny hairs on his neck stand on end.

“Shit,” he blurted as he shot to standing. “Quick put everything back,” he whispered hurriedly to Bertha as he raced for the stairs. “And don’t you dare look without me!” He hissed in warning. “I’ve been trying to figure this little mystery out since day one!”

“Aw c’mon,” Bertha protested.

“B! We’re gonna cut the cake!” Lydia called again, her voice near the basement door.

“I’ll distract her!” Cried Bertha, then disappeared from sight.

It didn’t take long for Bertha to lead her friend away, giving Betelgeuse the opportunity to exit the basement unnoticed.

* * *

 

After a completely hyper Bibi blew out her candles and ripped through her presents like a force of nature, the party finally concluded, and the guests went home. With Lydia, Delia, and Prudence cleaning up, there was no opportunity to get to the basement again. Betelgeuse would have to wait until everyone was sleeping, but that was hours away, and he was biting at the bit. Not having any patience left for any chores, he removed his cord and cleaned up the yard with a wave of his hand. It was then that he realized he could just try popping into the basement in his astral form. With a blink, he directed himself to Bertha’s apartment. When he opened his eyes, he was still on the porch. “Ohhoho you think you’re so clever, babe,” he murmured, “I’m getting to the bottom of this shit tonight,” he vowed. “Then I’m gonna rub it in yer face!”

“I could just look for you and tell you what it is,” Bertha offered from the doorway.

“No," he retorted resolutely.

“Ugh, fine,” Bertha pouted, then grew timid again. “Um, about what I wanted to talk to you about then?”

“Yeah,” he sounded uninterested as he put his cord back on and picked up his pack of cigarettes from a bench nearby.

“I’ve been reading up on, um, possession,” she began.

“Easy-peasy,” he said while he lit up his smoke.

“Well, I mean carnal possession,” Bertha let out hesitantly.

“Dangerous if ya don’t have a willing breather. Dangerous even if they’re willin’. Not that I’m judgin’, but it got me in a heap o’ trouble back in the day. Had a few… accidents, if ya know what I mean? Who do ya wanna scare that bad?” He was finally curious.

“Um, heh, it’s not for scaring,” she finally voiced as she stared into his blue eyes, willing for him to understand so that she wouldn’t have to say it aloud.

“Oh? OH!” He snickered as he finally comprehended. “Well, well, well, Burpy! Who’s the lucky schmuck?”

Bertha grimaced as she took an unnecessary inhale. “Well…”

* * *

 

Bianca was rattling on to her grandmother about how amazing her new best friends were when Juno finally made an appearance.

“Juno!” Bianca cried as she raced over to her and gave her a hug. “You missed the whole party.”

“Oh did I? That’s too bad,” she replied with relief. “Here’s your gift,” she said, businesslike as she pulled out a box from her pocket.

“Oh yay!” Bianca took it and opened it right away. Inside was a leather pouch. When Bibi pulled open the drawstrings, she jumped up and down as she discovered a deck of weathered tarot cards. “Mommy look! I can tell the future now!” She giggled excitedly and showed everyone. “I’m gonna be a psychic!”

“I thought you were going to be a scientist,” Prudence laughed.

“That was, like, a million years ago, aunty Pru,” Bianca chided as she ran to Delia and started to lay out her cards.

Juno shook her head with amusement.

“What do you say, Bibi?” Lydia prompted her daughter for some manners.

“Thank you, Juno!” She yelled and flashed a brilliant smile.

Juno turned to Lydia and frowned. “Sorry about the news.” She was referring to the leaked footage of her arguing with voices that Dave finally released to the public.

Lydia shrugged. “I’m not. It was perfect timing actually. Pru has been doing such a great job that the network has accepted my resignation, and she’ll be at the helm from now on.”

Prudence blushed from the compliment but still grew serious. “You know you could always come back, you don't have to let Dave push you out of your job.”

Lydia smiled and placed a hand on her shoulder. “I've had a lot of time to think about it. You're perfect for this job. I trust you with everything that you and I have built.  And although I hardly have any idea what to do with myself, I think this is a great opportunity to rediscover what else I want out of life.”

Juno nodded her head. “ Well, I'm glad you've picked up the camera again at the very least. That was always your calling, and you know it. Anyway, I'm afraid I'm here because duty calls. I hear you made some headway with Betel's supervisor?”

“Yes, in fact, I have a meeting with her this evening.”

“Good. Is the nincompoop going with you? I'm afraid his people skills will ruin the chance we have now.”

“No,” Lydia laughed, “Mister Charming is going to do me a huge favor tonight.”

At that moment, loud phlegmy coughing echoed through the back door. “NO FUCKIN’ WAY!  HOO BOY!” Laughing and coughing at the same time, Betelgeuse ran into the house, straight for the group of women huddled together. Bertha came flying in behind him and right as he opened his mouth to exclaim whatever it was, she wrapped her entire body around his head like a stretchy piece of taffy, effectively silencing him as she dragged him back outside.  Betelgeuse kicked his feet and flailed his arms, and the group watched in confused shock as the two oddballs disappeared.

After the moment of surprise passed, the women looked at each other.

“So, what time is the meeting?” Juno asked dryly.

“I’ve got to get going soon. I’ll call you when it’s over.”

“Fine, fine, fine!” Betelgeuse grumbled. Making his way inside again, he straightened his clothes. There was still an evil glint in his eye as he casually made his way to Lydia and slid his arm around her waist. Bertha followed and kept her narrowed, angry eyes on him while he smirked and winked at Prudence. “Oh, hey, June-bug you made it!”

Bianca ran up to him and bounced up and down. “Look at what Juno gave me!” Without missing a beat, Betelgeuse picked her up and looked at the cards in her hands.

“Well, would ya look at that! The famous fortune tellin’ tools of the one and only Juno! Seer of spirits and messenger of the dead!” He grated charismatically as he tickled his little girl until she screamed with laughter.

Juno was taken aback from the genuine affection being displayed. Seeing the two together like that made the old woman shake her head in wonderment.

“You’re lucky, kid. This old bat wouldn’t let those go to just anyone. I should know,” he grumbled with jealousy as he gave his mother the stink eye.

“I never gave them to you because you were always disrespectful and irresponsible,” she ground out with annoyance.

“Still am!” He announced proudly.

“C’mon, B” Lydia nudged him with a chuckle. “We have errands to run,” she reminded him.

“Ah, yes,” he replied in his professional business tone. “Okay, Bibs, see ya later. You know what you hafta do while we’re gone right?”

“Drive Gammy Didi up the wall,” she responded like she memorized crucial instructions.

“Atta girl!” He placed her down and caught Delia’s bored expression. “Good luck!” He crooned at her as the women dispersed leaving him alone for a moment with Juno. She was still staring at Bianca when Betelgeuse grabbed her attention. “That kid will drive anyone nuts with that adorable gob o’ hers,” he chuckled.

Juno did not keep her eyes off the child. “Indeed, much like someone I know,” she muttered. She finally looked at him with an odd expression on her face. “You know, if I thought it was possible, I’d say she really was yours.”

He laughed and grinned at his mother’s statement. “I know right? Good thing she came out with ol’ Chucky’s big, blue orbs. No one thinks twice about her bein’ my kid.”

“Right,” she murmured as she glanced in Bianca’s direction again. “Well, I look forward to Lydia’s report.”

“If she has anythin’ to report. Gothy is a tough sell.”

“I have faith in her,” Juno replied with a smirk as she started to fade from view.

“Hey! I-- Goddamnit, always disappearin’ with the last word,” he grumbled as he made his to Lydia once more.

* * *

 

About to pace right through the floor of the paranormal research office, Tricia was a ball of nerves as she waited for Lydia to arrive.  She had removed the Beetlejuice poster from above her desk and replaced it about six times before finally deciding on leaving it. When Lydia's text came through announcing her arrival, she quickly tore the poster off again.

As soon as the ghost hunter opened the door and caught sight of her role model, all words escaped her. It was lucky for Tricia that Lydia greeted her immediately and walked through the open door.  With an awkward about-face, Tricia led the way to the office. Lydia took the seat that the younger woman pointed to and the fangirl started to sputter.

“Would you, uh, would like - like some coffee, tea, water?” She began nervously then quickly retracted. “Actually I think we only have water right now. From the tap.”

“I'm fine thanks,” Lydia replied with a polite smile.

With that, Tricia plopped down loudly on the chair before her guests. “So do you, like, have any ideas?”

“There's a lot of information that I can't divulge.” She smiled sadly. “Rules and whatnot, but I'll tell you as much as I can.”

“Rules? What kind of rules?  Are you guys part of a secret medium society or something?  Wait. You probably can't tell me that either. I’m so stupid.”

“No, no, it's nothing like that.  But there's a lot of information that’s best left… unknown to the living. Are you okay with that?”

“Yeah sure. I'm okay with whatever.”

“Okay. I'm sure you're familiar with seances, Ouija boards?” Lydia questioned.

“Yeah.”

“We need to do something like that, to pull the spirits out of where they're at, but on a very, very large scale.”

“You mean like hold a seance on television or something like that?”

Lydia couldn't believe how close she was to the answer.  “Yes, something like that. Except we have about seven hundred souls, we need to invoke.”

“Seven hundred?!  That's a lot of ouija boards.”

“There's a formula we need to follow. I'm going to tell you what that formula is, but you have to promise me that it stays between us.”

“I promise. I swear.”

“Okay.” Lydia inhaled and placed her palms on her lap. “To do a proper summons,  we need three things.” She waited for Tricia to nod in understanding. “One,” she held up a finger, “a name.  I already have a list of everyone missing. Two,” she held up another finger, “intention. People need to say the name three times with the specific intention of summoning the soul. This is tricky but not impossible. And three,” she waggled three fingers, “proximity.” She placed her hand on her lap again. “The biggest problem we're currently facing is with the third ingredient.  The souls are too deep in the lower levels. They're just too far away. I figured out a way to get past that problem. But I’m not sure we can recreate that method for seven hundred different individuals.”

“I think I'm following,” Tricia uttered as she looked at the floor and nodded her head. “The more people you have summoning someone, the stronger it is right?”

“Yes exactly.”

“Right, so we just need a huge audience... all saying the name… three times... at the same time... with the intention of making that ghost appear?”

“That's right,” the medium whispered quietly as she sat very still, waiting for the proverbial shit to hit the fan.

“You said you had a method you tried? I mean, guess you would need maybe an auditorium? Something big… something like… a... show...” Tricia went very still, and her eyes widened in shock. “Oh my fucking god. No. No way.”

Lydia pursed her lips and tried to keep her tone even. “You can’t tell anyone. No one would believe you anyw--”

“OH MY GOD!”

“Tricia? Just try to stay calm, okay?” Lydia implored, but it was too late. Tricia had already jumped out of her chair and was screaming in Spanish at a dizzying speed. Lydia sat back, relaxed in her chair, and decided that the best course of action was to let the young woman run dry. She checked her watch. Any minute now, Betelgeuse would be infiltrating NYC Labs.

* * *

 

There was only one lonely asshole working overtime on the weekend. Ned was the name tag on his lab coat. As Ned munched on his dinner, which was not allowed in the lab according to an extensive Osha signage on the wall, he worked through a handful of tests and paperwork, logging in results.

Very impatiently, the poltergeist waited in his non-corporeal form as he floated above the technician.  With so many breathers knowing who he was and what he looked like, he did not want to chance the technician accidentally seeing him. Betelgeuse was pretty sure at this point that he could just walk through New York City as his dead, old self and everyone would notice him. He was no longer “strange and unusual,” he was a celebrity. At least his image was.

After a moment, the ghost was actually happy the technician was there. He was quick to learn how to search for names on the computer and watched the geek do a few tests. When it looked like the man was finally done with his job, he turned toward a small couch pushed up against the wall, pulled it forward, and fished out a duffle bag. The deadman watched curiously as the technician opened the bag and pulled out a towel, a small ziplock with toiletries, and a loofa. It was then, Betelgeuse realized the man was using the lab as his personal apartment.  The idiot would be sleeping there. On an air mattress probably. Under his own damn desk.

“For fuck’s sake,” breathed the ghost.

The man flinched and turned around. “Is someone there? Hello?” Only silence greeted him. “It always gets so creepy here at night.” The technician removed his lab coat and started stripping. It was definitely more than Betelgeuse wanted to see, but the guy finally donned a robe, put on some sandals, grabbed his shower essentials, and went out the door.

Betelgeuse figured he had about twenty minutes - more if the guy decided to beat the bishop - to search for the test and change the results. When he finally found the packet with Bianca and Dave's DNA, he removed the paperwork from within and the vial with the idiot's name on it. Just for good measure, Betelgeuse put on his noose, opened a brand new test packet and swabbed his own cheeks. After scraping his DNA off from between his gums and cheek, he placed the swab in a new tube. Sealing the vial, he then printed out a new label with Dave’s name on it and corresponding test number and placed it back in the bag. The intruder chucked Dave’s real sample into an incinerator container and returned to his astral form.

“Okay,” he murmured at the computer, “time to cheat the system.” He pulled up the paperwork with the results when something odd caught his eye. “Huh?” The test was negative. What the hell?” After a moment of confusion, his shoulders visibly slumped as he realized how stupid he had been.  Lydia had mentioned that there were others. “Goddammit babe,” he lamented, how many douchebags did you fuck to make the kid?” Entirely and utterly dejected, Betelgeuse buried his face in his hands and groaned. He should have known. The minimal features that didn't look like Lydia were obviously not Dave’s either. In fact, Betelgeuse thought that he and Bibi had more similarities than the asswipe-- that's when Juno's words from earlier rang in his mind.

“You know, if I thought it was possible, I’d say she really was yours.”

With a furrowed brow, Betelgeuse lifted his head and eyed the vial with his DNA.

“Nah,” he scoffed and shook his head, but his intuition and curiosity were tingling in his brain as he thought about what Lydia was hiding in the basement. He furrowed his brow once more and frowned, narrowing his eyes at the innocent looking vial, waiting for him in the bag. With a tilt of his head and shrug, he opened the bag and removed the tube. “Just for shits. Right?” He asked no one in particular.  
  


* * *

 

 

Four years of Spanish in High School had apparently been a waste because Lydia could not understand a damn word that was still spilling out of Tricia’s mouth.

“Está muerto. ¡Muerto! ¡Es un fantasma! ¿Pero cómo? ¿Cómo? No entiendo nada de esto. No. Esto es una broma. Es una broma ¡Eso es lo que es! Pero entonces, ¿cómo puede hacer lo que hace? No es posible. ¡Imposible!”

“Ok, I know what ‘eem-poh-see-bleh’ means, and I’m sorry to say, but it is. Very possible. This is real.”

“Are you dead too?!” Tricia blared as she jerked her arms in the air frantically.

“No.”

“Okay, you’re gonna have to walk me through this from the beginning.”

“I can’t.”

Tricia fell onto her chair and exhaled. “Rules?”

Lydia nodded before the young woman placed her palms on her cheeks and shook her head.

“Look,” the medium began, “I know this a lot to process, but every second we waste is literally torturing innocent spirits.”

The girl’s face fell for a moment before she removed her hands, balled up her fists and shot to standing once more. “Okay, what do we do? We need lots of people. People who will be willing to summon ghosts. So, a niche! There’s a huge market for this! OH! WE’RE IN THAT MARKET!” She yelled with realization. “Wait, how does the database come into play?”

“The astral plane shares the same space as the physical plane, just on a different layer. There are cracks in that layer that can be manipulated to travel through them. Some of these cracks have been turned into hell mouths.”

“HELL MOUTHS?!”

“Yes, think of it as a hotspot. And if we could locate these hell mouths, then we can do the summons there to pull the souls through. Easier to call someone through an open door than a closed one, so to speak.”

“Proximity…” Tricia finally said calmly.

“Right. It’s also important to close them up as soon as possible. Betelgeuse will handle that.” Lydia could see the young woman’s wheels turning.

“Okay… okay. I’ll give you access.” After a moment, a smile tugged at her lips. “I think I have an idea.”  
  


* * *

 

 

Ned had returned in the middle of the machines running the purification steps on his DNA. Just as the robed man ran to the device to stop it, Betelgeuse appeared in the naked flesh and slapped a hand to his shoulder.

“Oh hey, Ned!” He exclaimed jubilantly. “I guess you, and I had the same idea, huh?” He chuckled as Ned turned around and gawked at the strange, bare man.

“Er… who are--”

“Rent nowadays, know what I mean?” Betel made his way to the small couch, sat down, crossed one leg over the other, and held onto his knee with both hands. “New York is a bloodthirsty bitch that will bleed ya dry if ya let’er!” He chortled and smiled at the shocked man, then patted the empty place next to him.

Ned did not make a move. “Have we met?”

“Yeah, man! At the meeting?”

“You mean the training last week?” He questioned, confused.

“Yep!”

“Where are your clothes?” He asked suspiciously.

“In the wash with the old lab coat. This place has it all! And listen, I won’t tell,” he winked and smiled wickedly, “if you won’t. They can’t pay us pennies and expect us to survive in this kind of economy!”

“I know, right?!” Ned finally dropped his guard and sat one of the computer chairs. He pointed at the machine, “I see you’re behind too?”

“Aw, bro! The workload! They gotta hire more hands!”

“That’s what I’ve been saying for months!” The tired employee outraged.

That is how the time was spent while he waited for the process to be over and done with. Chatting it up with Ned, who he actually liked, talking about how America was going down the shitter when, finally, the machine stopped its separation process to move onto the next step. Still naked because his clothes were hidden outside of the facility before he transitioned, Betelgeuse stood at the counter and added the proper amount of DNA to the particular reagents necessary for the actual test.

“You know, my lady?” Betelgeuse said over his shoulder as worked.

“Lydia?”

“Yeah, she’s threatening on going full vegan.”

“Oh brother,” Ned rolled his eyes.

“I know! There’s already a serious scarcity of meat in the house! Now she wants to take away cheese?”

“Because of the ‘poor animals’?” His new buddy questioned with air quotes.

“Yeah, and some shit about the environment,” he muttered as he did the final steps and waited for the results.

“I can’t live knowing I’ll never have burger or pizza ever again,” Ned shuddered and shook his head in horror.

Betelgeuse knew it was going to be negative. It being otherwise was impossible. Apparently, one of Lydia’s walking dildo’s was out there and had no idea he had a kid. Because there was no way, absolutely no way, that the test would come out positive. Maybe it was just the masochist in him who continued forward in the fruitless endeavor, but he still waited on bated breath. When the report was finally ready, he picked it up and brought it close to his face as he squinted. His glasses were still in his pants, but one thing was for sure. There was a number at the bottom.

“Hey, Ned? Can ya read this for me? Lost my glasses.”

“Sure,” Ned replied as he grabbed the report and took a look. “Non-excluded.”

“Huh?”

“Oh, you want the exact index? Let’s see. Six-hundred-sixty-one-thousand--”

“Is it negative or what?” He was losing his patience.

“I already said it’s non-excluded.”

Betelgeuse ripped the page out of Ned’s hands and nearly poked his own eye out to read the percentage for himself.

“Dude,” Ned exclaimed, “Ninety-nine-point-nine-percent… positive.”

There was a long moment where his face was entirely obscured by the piece of paper before it finally fell out of his hands to the ground. His eyes would have fallen out of his sockets were he not in his borrowed flesh.

“Deadly-fuckin’-vu.”

 


	19. The Basement

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, everyone! You are all caught up with me now. I am currently on page five of the next chapter so, you'll have to be patient with me as I try to wrap this up. Now that I have everything posted, I can concentrate on just writing. I'm still pretty sick, but that just means lots of time to write lol. 
> 
> We finally find out what Lydia has been hiding this whole time. Hope you guys like it. Tropes are difficult to spin, let me tell you. So, I hope I did my job right as a writer by making it as believable as possible in this universe. Let me know what you guys think.

* * *

 

It’s quite the agonizing predicament when you have deep-seated, romantic feelings for one of your best friends. Especially one you’ve known for about fifteen years. Bertha sighed dejectedly as she rehashed all the other reasons why she could absolutely not tell Prudence how she felt. There she was, sipping on some chamomile tea, wrapped up in a snuggie with pumpkin prints, and wearing the ridiculous sasquatch slippers Bertha had gotten her last Christmas. Just sitting there… on the porch... like an adorable little old lady. A cute, itty-bitty, snuggly, lean, sexy-- 

“Oh!” Prudence exclaimed, shocking Bertha out of her pinning. “Didn’t see you there.” 

Losing her concentration on keeping herself invisible, Bertha stammered. “Oh, uh, sorry. Just practicing the whole in.. visible… thing. Heh.” She awkwardly scratched her head as she meandered over to her friend and sat by her on the bench. “Obviously, I suck at it.”

“No, you don’t!” Prudence blurted out a bit too loudly. “I think… you’re very good at it. You’re great at everything else. Only a matter of time before you’re an expert at this too.” As Prudence blathered on about how talented she thought Bertha was, a deep blush started to creep onto her cheeks. “I think I’d be a terrible ghost,” Prudence added finally.

“What?! No way!” Bertha countered. “You’d be an amazing ghost! You’re way more studious than I am. I bet you’d have the handbook memorized in no time and coming up with your own awesome tricks.” She beamed down at her friend who was slowly shrinking further into her snuggie from embarrassment. 

They smiled at each other for a moment then quickly averted their eyes. Silence ensued until Prudence cleared her throat. “It’s, uh, nice out… oh god, I just talked about the weather,” she finished in a horrified whisper.

Bertha giggled, which sent Prudence on her own little fit of laughter. “I’m sorry,” Bertha finally uttered, somewhat sobered from their shared moment of awkward merriment. “Things have been weird between us lately,” her nerves quickly became apparent in her speech, but not enough to waver her sudden decision to just come out with the truth. “It’s-it’s my fault,” she finally said with a guilty grimace.

Prudence’s eyes widened with shock. “No! It’s my fault! I’m so sorry I’ve been avoiding you.”

“It’s definitely my fault-- wait. You’ve been avoiding me?” She asked in utter confusion. 

Twisting the fabric of her snuggie in her hands, Prudence looked at her bigfoot slippers in shame. “Yeah,” she admitted, guilt eating at her, “I have. I know it looks like I’ve just been working extra hard, but to be completely honest, everything pretty much runs itself. I’ve just been… coming home late and leaving early… because… oh god… I don’t know how to say this.” She buried her face in her hands and sighed.

Bertha could feel her dead heart breaking. She hadn’t experienced any pain in so long, that this emotional hurt was almost unbearable. Apparently, she had not been subtle around her friend, and Prudence was already aware of her feelings for her. Reasonably, she did not feel the same way. “I think I know what you’re trying to say…” she replied quietly. 

Just as she was about to tell Prudence that it was okay for her not to reciprocate, a crack of lightning split the sky that made them both jump out of their seats. “WHOA!” A freezing-like gust front blew them back onto their butts, arms bracing themselves as leaves and twigs whipped at them from all directions. Another shot of lighting struck dead center on the porch. Bertha placed herself protectively before Prudence and watched in shock and awe as the crazed, striped poltergeist crackled and sizzled on the smoking doorstep with a deadly look in his eyes. 

“Beej! What the--?!” Bertha reprimanded but was cut off when he suddenly snarled and kicked the front door open with such force, it flew across the house, right into the kitchen. Bertha did quick work to soundproof Bianca’s room upstairs just in case she hadn’t yet heard the racket the angry ghost was making. It would not do to scare the child. Betelgeuse stomped through the entryway. The two women ogled the space he had previously occupied, then looked at each other with wide-eyed fear for a moment before snapping their heads back to the sound of what seemed like a jackhammer. Scurrying inside, they found the ghoul holding precisely that in his hands. A jackhammer. He had the machine’s end on the basement door, and he was splintering it to pieces while he growled like a beast.

“HEY!” Bertha blared indignantly, but Prudence pulled on her sleeve and shook her head for her to be quiet. 

Once the doorway had a decent sized hole in it, a shimmery barrier was revealed. With a crazed victory laugh, Betelgeuse started hammering away until it cracked open and dissipated. Dropping the enormous tool with a loud thud, he stepped through the doorway. Prudence and Bertha sprinted in his direction until they reached halfway down the stairway. They dared not go closer as they continued to stare at the poltergeist who now held a sledgehammer, muttering something about “stepping right up, testing strength,” and an “I got you now, witch.”

“He’s wrecking my place,” Bertha whimpered as Prudence snatched up her hand and consoled her.

“EUREKA!” He grated, a manic glint lighting up his blue orbs as he raised a wooden box in the air. The eerie sensation he had felt in Delia’s basement flooded his entire being. Catching sight of something else in the rubble, he bent forward and picked up a file as well. The ornate, hardwood box still in hand, he blinked, and the pages within the folder were plastered on the wall before him so he could read it all in one glance. Batshit, nutty eyes scanned the words with an abnormal speed until the box fell from his hand to the floor again. He stood there and eyed the small chest in horror, then very suddenly and without warning, he gave it a good stomp. It cracked open, a pile of dirt spilling out of it all over the wrecked foundation. Although his suspicions were now confirmed, it did nothing to quell the dread welling up inside him as he continued to stare at the dark soil before him.

“Well, for shit’s sake! What is it?!” Prudence screamed all of a sudden.

He said nothing as Bertha appeared next to him and began reading the documents.

“I think,” Bertha replied, “we should be asking ‘who is it?’ These are demolition and excavation requests for a presumed burial ground beneath some building in Wales.”

“It’s me,” he grunted dryly as a queasiness suddenly took hold, backing up and away from his remains until he hit the farthest wall in the opposite direction. “What’s left o’ me anyway.”

* * *

 

With a renewed sense of purpose and feeling quite proud of herself, Lydia got in her car and checked her phone. There was still nothing from Betelgeuse, and it was already quite late. Still, her spirits could not possibly be dampened. She and Tricia had come up with a brilliant plan and Lydia could almost taste the impending victory. With a smirk, Lydia sent a gloating text to her lover.

**Guess who owes me dinner, housekeeping duties, and all the back rubs I want for the next week?**

Smiling and biting her bottom lip in anticipation of his response, Lydia furrowed her brow when none came. “Hmm. Maybe he’s still working on finding the results?” She sent another text just in case.  **Should I pick you up?** No response. Before letting her mind wander to the worst-case scenario, she decided to just go home and wait awhile.  **Okay, well. I’ll wait for you at home.** She paused a moment longer and then realized that his phone was probably still with his physical belongings outside of the facility. Lydia’s worry diminished with that logical thought, and she drove home. 

Exiting her car and making her way up the steps of her porch, she noticed a dark circle burned into the hardwood. She was still staring at it as she fished out her keys to unlock the door when it suddenly gave way sending her toppling forward through the small foyer. It took her a moment to collect herself when panic set in. Someone had obviously broken in. Lydia’s immediate response was to call out for Bibi when she heard someone call for her instead.

“In the kitchen,” a gruff, demanding voice met her ears as she stood up and sighed with relief.

“Jesus. I thought the worst for a second there. Did you kick the door in?” She huffed as she stalked to the kitchen where Betelgeuse sat calmly on a stool at the island in the center of the room. Lydia was about to give him a piece of her mind when her eyes locked on the contents splayed across the counter. The wooden chest holding his remains and a pile of paperwork. She was rooted in place for a long moment when Betelgeuse spoke again. 

“Lucy, you haf some es-plain-neen to do,” he uttered with a tired frown.

When Lydia chanced a look at him, she took in his countenance before daring to speak. Wearing a plaid bathrobe, barefoot, hair still damp from a presumed shower, paler than usual, and nursing a beer, her lover appeared utterly exhausted. He wasn’t even looking at her. He was turned toward the counter, eyes on the lip of his bottle. The most essential thing Lydia noticed was he did not seem mad. That was at least something.

After a hard gulp, Lydia took a careful step toward him. “I--”

A sharp intake of breath from him stopped her from saying anything else. “Nevermind the  _ ‘how _ ,’” he shook his head slowly in bewilderment. “Not even the  _ ‘why _ ,’” he continued with a single mirthless laugh. “What I wanna know is the  _ ‘what _ ,’” he finally turned his face in her direction and bore holes into her with a look of something close to hurt, “as in  _ what _ the heck were ya thinkin’?”

“I told you. I went a little crazy--”

“Nope,” he shook his head in denial, “what you did, took a lot of planning and scheming and…  _ repetition _ . Don’t you tell me that this was some impromptu witches brew that you just cooked up in a night because… I know fer damn sure it wasn’t.” His jaw clenched tight and pulsed from his apparent grinding. He was mad.

“I was… scared… that’d I’d never see you again. I needed something. Someone. Who reminded me of you. Someone real. Someone...” Lydia started to choke up but Betelgeuse’s face only hardened. The painful void that Lydia had meticulously filled over the years was now swallowing her whole once more. She knew he would not react well to the news, but she had hoped that he would warm up to the idea once he grew to love Bianca. 

“So,” he replied with as much control as possible, “you fed… Bi… your  _ baby… _ human remains?” Having said it aloud, his horror overcame him. 

“Wait… what?” Lydia’s brow furrowed with confusion.

“She’s just a kid!  _ Your _ kid! How could you juice her up with that kinda experimental, black witchcraft shit!”

“No! I’d never do that!” She yelled, aghast at his implications.

“I’ve done some real questionable shit in my day, babe, but this? This takes the cake--” he paused when her words registered. “What?” He barked at her when he realized she denied his accusations.

“I would never do that to my child. Any child!” She defended while giving him a hard look of her own.

His eyes shifted around the room in confusion before landing on Lydia again. “But the test was positive. Ninety-nine point-fuckin’-nine percent!”

Lydia deflated visibly, shook her head, and shrugged her shoulders in defeat. “Well,” she sighed dejectedly, “that would stand to reason since I used Dave to conceive her.”

“Huh?! NO!  _ MY _ DNA was a positive match! The fuckwad’s was already negative when I got there!”

Lydia’s eyes widened with surprise before she shot her hands to her mouth and tears started flowing. “It worked,” she whispered through a bewildered smile. 

Betelgeuse narrowed his eyes. “Okay!” He relented, exasperated. “Maybe I do need the ‘how…’” 

“I didn’t juice up Bianca with your remains. I juiced up Dave!” She laughed and threw her arms around her confused lover. She was so overcome with emotion she could barely speak. “I’ll tell you everything.” She sniffed. 

Still immobile on his stool, Betelgeuse was slow to return her embrace. It was an automatic gesture that he wasn’t even aware of because his brain was working at a mile per second. What did this mean? Lydia had cast a spell on Dave, using his DNA, to conceive… 

“That's impossible,” he murmured, his face scrunched up in a mixture of confusion and fear. Quickly, he ripped Lydia off of him and pointed a finger at her. “Impossible. Now. Explain.”

“There was no spell that would do what I wanted. Close, but not exactly. So, I made my own using other spells from the grimoire you gave me years ago and using the rules from the handbook as my blueprint.” 

Lydia had spoken so quickly that Betelgeuse started waving his arms to interrupt her. “Slow.”

“Okay,” she took a breath. “All of the rules share the same ingredients. An intention, action… and belief. I found someone who shared your physical traits.”

“Right.”

“I made up a spell. Using your remains… casting a glamor, summoning, and fertility to… to make me believe…” Lydia trailed off not knowing how to delicately explain the rest.

“To make you believe you were… with me?”  Betelgeuse blinked quickly, putting it all together, then taking it all apart, and putting it all together again. Then a memory struck.

 

_ “B?” She whispered, desperation reading on her every feature. “Are you in there?” _

_ By the gods, his angel was beautiful. He knew he was chained. He knew he felt pain. He knew she was meant to torture him like they made her image do before. But he didn’t care. She could torture him anytime. Anywhere. As much as she wanted.  _

_ “Lyds,” a voice outside of himself whispered back with need. _

 

The memory ended as Betelgeuse gave a long, wheezing gasp. “Oh my god,” he panted, “oh my god,” his short and shallow breaths made his mind fuzzy and his nose tingle. 

“I know it’s a lot to take in… but… there was one night that was different. Not only did he look like you… he…” How could she say that another man had touched her just like him? Moaned like him. Kissed like him.

Had the whole fucking thing been one crazy coincidence? Leonard had started a new form of torture because physical pain just wasn’t working like it used to. He pulled Lydia’s image from his mind to taint the only good thing he could hold onto. The things she did to him were unspeakable, so dark and perverse that he had repressed the memory completely because the worst part of it all was that he had enjoyed it. But that last time was different. He had felt no pain while a vivid vision filled his mind. She had been sweet, kind, and gentle. It didn’t feel like torture at all. It was heaven. “Jesus-fuckin’-Christ. I… I… I need to sit down,” he breathed while still sitting on the bar stool.

“Please don’t feel betrayed. I--”

“I… remember,” he whispered right before Lydia gasped at the revelation. “I was  _ there _ ,” he uttered quietly as sweat beaded on his forehead, “kinda.” Like some freaky-witchy-weird phone sex except that Dave had been juiced… with his juice. Which meant… “That’s my Bibi,” He squeaked. No. Theirs. “ _ Our… _ baby.”

“I guess so,” she smiled and wiped her tears from her cheek.

“Oh, I gotta sit down,” he said again shakily as he stood up. After holding his head in his hands for a moment, he gasped loudly and ran off. 

Lydia ran after him as he raced up the stairs and stopped before Bianca’s room. Taking a deep breath, he gingerly turned the handle and peeked inside. Seeing her tiny sleeping form completely overwhelmed him and before he knew it, he was kneeling by her bed and peppering kisses all over his daughter’s head. 

Bianca groaned and swatted at him. “Ugh! What are you doing you weirdo?! Gross!” When she sat upright, he pulled her into a bear hug and laughed. “What is happening?” She looked to her mother for help.

“What?!” He retorted as he shook her. “Can’t I give my kid some love?!” 

“I can’t breathe!” She elbowed him in the ribs and squirmed, but he would not relent. “Mom! Help!” Lydia ran to the bed, but not to help. She attacked them both with love. “You too?!” Bibi outraged, utterly annoyed at losing precious sleep.

* * *

  
  
A month. An entire month.  **_Because of that… that… that thing._ ** All of Dave’s hard work, his loyalty to the company, all of it meant nothing. He knew his paid “vacation” was the end of his arduous climb up the corporate ladder. He’d be stripped of his management position and tossed into a cubicle forever if he was even that lucky. At least he still had his 401K. He’d need to cash it in to pay for the exorbitant, extended stay at the private psychiatric facility that his insurance did jack shit to cover.  **_All because of that… that... Monster… NO. Not a monster. He’s not real. She drugged you. Remember? Somehow… she drugged you. To make you look crazy. Hallucinate. Yes. Yes._ ** Every stinking day, Dave would wake up to see if Lydia’s life was in ruins after he released the footage. What had transpired was far too unfair. Not only was the ordeal basically forgotten the next day, but his anonymous account was also sieged with reprimand and threats defending the psychotic harlot. Dave shook his head to dispel the anger that was ready to boil over again. His mind inadvertently turned to Bianca. His poor, innocent daughter, in the arms of that crazy whore and that disgusting philanderer. All he could hope for was that the paternity test results would be in the mail soon. His true revenge would start then… and the rescue of his dear daughter too, of course. 

An epic migraine started to throb to a blinding degree as Dave made his way to the bathroom. Staggering inside, he almost dove face first into the medicine cabinet. The light was blinding, which was odd, he couldn’t remember having turned it on. The ill man ripped open the medicine cabinet, fumbled with a bottle of Tylenol, and tore off the lid. Pills spilled everywhere as he counted four white painkillers and finally popped them into his dry mouth. When he closed the mirrored door, it revealed a man standing right behind him. Spitting out his pills like a sprinkler, Dave whirled around to find… absolutely no one. He clutched at his chest and panted as he whipped his head from side to side and searched for the intruder. Slowly, Dave made his way out to his bedroom. All was quiet and still. He was sure he had seen what looked like a priest staring at him, with pity, from over his shoulder.

“I’m losing my fucking mind,” he laughed mirthlessly. 

A slow, high pitched sound, like one of a rusty knob being turned, squeaked from behind him. Gulping hard, he fought the urge to stay rooted in place and turned toward the bathroom once again. He watched in horror as the sink’s knob turned and turned until steaming water gushed out of it. The shower also suddenly came to life, and hot water poured out the shower head, quickly filling the bathroom in a thick blanket of vapor. Just when Dave was about to bolt, another familiar sound met his ears. Somehow, his feet took him forward, and he stared at the mirror as an invisible finger began to trace a message into the steam filled surface.

**YOU… HAVE… BEEN… WRONGED.**

The letters disappeared as the mirror fogged up again. Bravery, curiosity, or just plain stupidity pushed Dave forth. “Betelgeuse?” He croaked with trepidation. Another message began.

**HE HAS WRONGED YOU. HE IS THE ENEMY.**

As the old letters disappeared, new ones replaced them.

**I CAN SEND HIM BACK TO HELL...**

**WHERE HE BELONGS.**

**LET ME HELP YOU.**

“How?” He whispered, no longer caring who or what was communicating with him.

**CALL MY NAME THREE TIMES.**

“What’s your name?” Dave asked with a mixture of dread and hope.

**BARTHOLOMEW.**

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	20. Hell's Door

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Goodness! This chapter was very difficult to write. You can all thank Orangeplaneta for the extra smut in this chapter (she asked for it) and TheArtofSuicide for editing said smut! There's also a shoutout to Mostgcst in there ::WINK::. See if you can figure it out. Thank you luvthephantom for helping me with plot points! I really needed the help. I know where I'm going, but getting there is the tricky part now. 
> 
> WARNING: Smut ahead!
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Beetlejuice

 

* * *

 

There was hardly a breeze, which made the cold morning tolerable enough to sit outside with only pajamas and cozy blanket. The steam from the mug of hot cocoa in Bianca’s small hands wafted up into her nostrils. Closing her eyes, she inhaled the delicious, chocolatey aroma and smiled. Whatever the big news Beej had to tell her was obviously important because from the moment she was finally released from his grasp he catered to her every desire. Betelgeuse was usually gratuitous when it came to her whims, but today was different. He was actually asking her what she wanted. Encouraging her to come up with anything. The weirder, the better. So, she asked for ice cream and spaghetti for breakfast all while she watched cartoons. When she was done, she found her parents huddled together and whispering. Today was a special day. She just wished she knew why already.

“Brought ya another blanket,” Betelgeuse announced as he sat by Bibi’s side and wrapped her in another layer.

“It’s not that cold. I like it. I didn’t know it was so quiet so early in the morning,” she mused aloud.

“Ya would if ya weren’t such a sleepyhead and actually got up when we ask ya too!”

Bianca giggled as he ruffled her hair. She hated waking up so early for school. Most of the time her mother would just dress her while she was still sleeping. She’d wake long enough to brush her teeth, have her cereal, then go right back to sleep in the car on the way to school. The only reason she was so wide awake now was that of the rude awakening earlier.

“So, uh, listen, Bibs. I got somethin’ ta tell ya. It’s, uh, a bit, well, weird and hard ta explain, but just trust that I’m tellin’ ya the truth, okay?” He pursed his lips, uncertain of how he should proceed exactly. Scratching at the smudge of dirt on his pants, he chanced a glance at the little one beside him who was looking at him expectantly.

“I ain’t got all day, you know!” She rolled her eyes dramatically and took a sip from her mug.

Betelgeuse shook his head, bemused by the little character. “You’re somethin’ else,” he breathed. “Alright, here it goes,” he cleared his throat and brought his hands down on his knees hard. “Dave isn’t your dad.”

“Thank. God.” Bianca praised with genuine relief, sending Betelgeuse into a fit of chuckles. “I knew he was lying,” she said as she shook her head and frowned.

“Oh, ya did, did ya?” He scoffed, amusing her notion.

“Yep.”

“Yeah, well, doncha wanna know who your real dad is?” He asked as he shifted in place and furrowed his brow, trying to prepare himself to drop the bomb.

At that question, Bianca grew thoughtful. She finally shrugged. “Nah. I have you,” she announced simply.

Betelgeuse had to hold his breath to keep his emotions in check. His heart was going to burst if he made any sudden moves. After a long moment, he let out a loud exhale while at the same time blurting out what had been bottled up inside since the wee hours of the morning. “Okay, good because I’m actually your dad.” It had come out rushed and choked with a long wheezing sound throughout, all with his eyes shut tight. He felt a small warm hand rest on his cold clenched one, and when he opened his eyes, Bianca had a smug grin plastered on her face.

“I knew that too,” she replied like it had been a secret knowledge she’d known all along.

For a moment he actually believed her, then he grinned back at the little know it all. “Well, you’re just an all knowin’ oracle, aren’t cha!?” He exclaimed as he wrapped an arm around her and shook her playfully. “Wish you woulda told me sooner!”

“You wouldn’t have believed me!” She shrieked with laughter right before yawning loudly.

“Looks like ya need more Z’s, kiddo,” he chuckled and took her mug out of her hands. “Off ya get. You can sleep in as much as ya want. No school today.” She was already asleep by the time he placed his daughter in her bed. He smilingly watched her peaceful face. Lydia’s gifts to him were priceless. A frown formed finally when his train of thought led to something he had only just considered. 

He found Lydia meditating in their room. She was so still, her breathing even, her eyes rapidly moving beneath her eyelids. She was projecting. “Where are ya, babe?” He murmured close to her ear. 

Lydia smirked. “Wouldn’t you like to know,” she whispered before her eyes fluttered open. She was all smiles until she noticed a concerned look in her lover's eyes. “What happened? She didn’t take it well?” She asked with worry.

“Nah, she’s as happy as a clam,” he raised an eyebrow and gave her a knowing look. “Said she knew all along.” After they shared a laugh, Betelgeuse grew serious. “I was just wonderin’... what the… the price was.” He pursed his lips and tightened his grip on her hand, beseeching her with a look to tell him the truth. “There’s always a price with magic like that. So, what was it?”

Lydia gave his hand a reassuring squeeze and smiled sadly. “Well, the most obvious one that comes to mind? Bibi is the only child I’ll ever have.” She shrugged, having already come to terms with that fact after Bianca was born. “They had to perform a post-partum hysterectomy… to stop the bleeding,” she muttered meekly as Betelgeuse sighed aloud. “I didn’t know whether I’d see you again and definitely had no idea you’d come back… well… alive. So, I’m sorry if… another kid is something you wanted--”

Betelgeuse pulled her into a tight embrace, interrupting her. “Oh, babe, I wish I would’ve been there for ya. And look, I thought my baby-makin' days were done six-hundred years ago, okay? You’ve given me a crazy miracle, and there’s no way I can make it up ta ya. Hey,” he pulled away to look at her face, “I looked through Bibi’s baby album a while back. I wanna know about all of it, okay? Take me through your memories someday?” He asked genuinely.

Lydia swallowed the lump forming in her throat. “Of course. I also kept a journal… if you want to read it.”

“Yes, absolutely. All of it. I’ve been meanin’ to ask for a while, ya know? Just… haven’t had a chance. Been focused on other things, like gettin’ rid of that stalker, the job, movin’.”

Lydia tensed for a moment at the mention of Dave. “There’s something else, I think.”

“Shoot,” he requested with confidence, ready to take on whatever Lydia thought might be a challenge.

“I think Dave became obsessed with me because of what I did to him,” she confessed. Saying it out loud felt so good. Lydia had been holding onto that secret and the guilt that came with it for years. “That’s why I don’t want you hurting him, but I’m afraid he won’t stop.” 

“I don’t buy that, Lyds,” Betelgeuse said seriously. “I bet he’s got restraining orders up the wazoo. I know a dipshit when I see one and believe me, he’s a big - big dipshit. Epic.”

“I checked--”

“Probably didn’t dig deep enough. Look,” he grabbed both her hands and waited for her to look him in the eye. “I’ll have the nerdlings do their hacking shit on him. Prove ta ya that he ain’t worth your pity,” his reassuring look morphed into a deadly sneer, “or yer mercy.” 

That look. Those arched eyebrows, the evil glint in his eye, the way the corner of his mouth turned up. That look that promised something dark and horrible. That look drove Lydia crazy. It always had.    
  
“You know,” she murmured enticingly, “it’s your favorite day of the week.” Placing a hand on his thigh, she slid it forward until her thumb caught his zipper.  Betelgeuse fluttered his eyes dramatically and sighed with pleasure.    
  
“Ah, yes, Sinday,” he closed his eyes reverently as she massaged her thumb on his crotch until he was hard. Placing his hands on the mattress, the horny bastard crawled forward until Lydia had to drop back onto the bed. She was now trapped beneath him while his head dipped, lips brushing her exposed collarbone. “Yer day of worship,” he hummed sensually on her delicate skin. It broke out in goosebumps immediately. He tugged her shirt down to expose her shoulder and raked filth-stained teeth on the crook of her neck. He could feel the warmth emanating from her flesh and noticed her breathing coming in shallow his face moved closer to her breasts.    
  
“Mass has started, babe,” he husked into her cleavage. “I’m ready for communion.” Lydia’s shirt was all too thin, the foolish woman. She gasped, then yelped in surprise when he nipped at the hardened nipple poking through the flimsy layer of fabric. Soft moans began to fill the air as he continued teasing through her clothing, already soaked from his saliva. Lydia clawed at his pants, searching, desperate to unfasten his button and zipper. “Well, aren’t we eager today?” He chuckled, evilly maneuvering away from her hands.

Lydia released a sour huff of frustration. “We’ve been up for almost twenty-four hours. I’m horny and tired,” she muttered with weak annoyance.

Betelgeuse couldn’t help but chuckle. “I’ll do all the work,” he reassured with a devilish grin. Nevermind that by all rights he should have been more exhausted than anyone. All the energy he expended the previous evening should have knocked him out cold by now, but he was too eager to please his goddess in light of the new gifts she’d bestowed on him. Bringing his hand to her face, he traced the outline of her cheek and jaw with his thumb until he reached her lips. “Now, spread those beautiful legs for me,” he commanded gently. When she did as she was told, he adjusted himself between them. Slowly, he brought his hand down, keeping eye contact, watching how her pupils dilate when he hooked his fingers around the crotch of her equally thin pajama shorts and pulled them aside forcefully. Briefly, his eyes widened at the revelation that she was wearing underwear. “I think ya got too many layers on,” he reprimanded. 

Lydia’s eyes burned with lust and challenge. “Gotta make you work for it,” she retorted with defiance. 

His grin was downright villainous. He would meet that challenge. “I can work with that. I bet,” his wolfish smile expanded as he just barely ran the back of his knuckles over her clothed, warm lips, “I can leave the joke ya call clothes on and still have ya screamin’ my name.”

She knew he could. “I bet you can’t,” she grinned back at him, fighting off the moan that was building from his tantalizing ministrations.  His nails scraped ever so gently, his touch as light as a feather, but it was enough for her body to respond. Warmth pooled between her legs, and she could feel that delicious throbbing ache as her folds swelled with need. Without hurrying or changing pace, he continued his maddening rhythm; up and down, slow and gentle. His touch was still so light. Her nerves were forced to take notice of all the other sensations her body was feeling. The damp spot on her shirt where he suckled at her was now cold, molded around her nipple, the evaporation process doing its own teasing of her hypersensitive flesh. 

Just as she started to gyrate against his hand, he ripped himself from her, gripped her from under her knees and pulled her to the edge of the bed. He stood before her as bent her legs and pushed them back slowly. The shorts and damp underwear dug into her clit with an agonizing combination of pleasure and discomfort the further he folded her legs in toward her.

“That alright?” He checked, making sure she was comfortable enough. She merely nodded, biting down on her lower lip, eyes lighting up with anticipation. She knew what was coming. “Good. Now hold on to these beautiful limbs for me, would ya?” He requested with a mischievous purr in his tone. Lydia slid her hands behind her knees, keeping herself exposed to him. This was the angle that would work best for him in their current shared state of exhaustion. All the vital parts were within reach. Her breasts were pressed together by the inside of her thighs, her pussy and ass were easy pickings once he got the meddling layers out of the way. His clothes would stay on, he decided, while lovingly palming her crotch, massaging into her while his other hand cupped the previously ignored nipple. 

Lydia closed her eyes at the contact, relishing the waves of pleasure crashing over her. Once again, his fingers hooked around her clothes, this time yanking the soaked crotch of her shorts and panties aside. They breathed simultaneously, hissing and gasping. Using his thumb and ring fingers, Betelgeuse spread her lips, then used the index and middle digits to graze her clit softly. She couldn’t hold back the whimpering that started.

“Fuck, babe. I ever tell ya that you have the most beautiful pussy in the fuckin’ universe?”

“Every time you fuck me,” she replied,deep and sultry.

“Damn right,” he asserted with a growl before dropping to his knees and burying his face between her legs. A groan wrenched from her throat as his mouth clamped down, devouring her with slow but deep, penetrating movements. He surfaced long enough to breathe, taking in her hot, sweet aroma. Mouth watering for more, Betelgeuse brought his face close again, nuzzling the tip of his nose and lips against her sex. “I love the way you taste,” he mumbled into her folds right before his tongue darted out to tease her entrance. Lydia screamed for him when he sent his own moan vibrating right through her. It wasn’t long until he was lapping away at her like the filthy dog he was. The sounds of wet tongue meeting a soaked cunt filled the air along with loud smacks of his lips against hers. “Say my name,” he groaned into her as he pulled her shorts up just over her privates. 

“Betel…” she panted, “geuse.”

He dug his thumb into her dripping pussy and slid it down toward her ass. “Again,” he husked.

“Ungh, fuck,” she inhaled sharply, “Betelgeuse.”

Using the excessive amount of fluids already available to him, he rubbed his thumb on her cute little asshole. 

Lydia’s mind rebelled as it always did when he teased her most private area. The idea of feeling pleasure from such a filthy act in such a filthy place was both appalling and exciting. She never asked for it. Could never bring herself to request or beg for him to touch her there. Lick her there. Even though it was exactly what she secretly wanted, every time now. It was the reason she discreetly kept herself as clean as possible down there. Not that the obscene man would care.  

She cried out in pleasure then snapped her gaze between her legs to look at him. She was holding on to her legs for dear life. Fingertips already pale from her harsh grip. The pleading look on her flushed and sweaty face made him want to pound her ass right then and there. After a few more instances of sneaky and downright evil maneuvers this past couple of months, he had finally convinced his butt shy lover into experimenting with anal play. He was biding his time though, he wanted her to be ready in mind… and body. Today was not the day, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t about to do some more priming. His thumb stilled as he locked eyes with his raven beauty. “Again,” he commanded.

At just the thought of what he was about to do, Lydia felt a surge of pleasure and an overwhelming ache. She wanted it. Wanted it bad. “Please,” she rasped, “I… I can’t,” she whimpered pleadingly. 

**_Oh, this little game_ ** , thought Betelgeuse as he shuddered from her response. They had a safeword. Her plea wasn’t to make him stop. But just to make sure… “You need to safeword?” He asked quickly. Lydia shook her head in denial. “Aw,” he responded with no sympathy for her current plight, “is it gonna be too much fer ya?” He pressed into her hole as he brought his other hand to separate her lips again and blew a hot puff of air into her.

Another wave of desire ripped through her at the same time a sharp pain stung within. Lydia threw her head back with a mewl, “ungh, please, pleaseeee.” The longer he left himself inserted, the more she craved it like a drug.

“Say my name,” he breathed into her again and pushed his thumb in further.

“Betelgeuse, please,” she begged once more. “Oh god!” She didn’t want to come like this. She wanted him. Wanted him inside her and fast.

“Please what?” He asked with faux ignorance as he started to pump into her. His other digits beginning to work her clit with the same speed.

“Fuck--! Fuck me!” She cried and groaned as she tried to stop herself from arching her back and letting go of her legs completely. “Please, fuck me.” 

“Oh, with pleasure, my little slutmuffin,” he grinned as she shot him a dirty look. “My angel,” he corrected, predatory grin still in place as he stood and unfastened his belt. Lydia made to move, but he stilled her with a warning glare. “Ah-ah. You stay right there,” he growled and pulled out his cock. Leaning over her, he stroked himself and rubbed his tip up and down her slit. He let himself go to slide his hand under her shirt and expose her left breast. While gliding and pushing into her heat, he rubbed at her nipple with one hand and played with her clit with the other. Her howls were about to do him in so, he aligned his head with her entrance. With the patience of who knows where from, Betelgeuse teased her opening with the tip of his cock, pumping in and out just enough to tear more whorishly lewd cries from his goddess, all the while adding to her symphony with his own grunts and shouts. 

Lydia couldn't hold on anymore, and just as she was about to combust, he plunged into her deep and hard. “OH GOD! FUCK-FUCK-FUCK!”

“UGNH, FUCK, LYDIA,” he bellowed as he whipped into her, his balls tightening as they slapped against her. He cried out with blinding pleasure as he spilled inside her. When her legs gave way, he collapsed on top of her. 

Panting and gasping for air, Lydia clutched him, desperately trying to anchor herself after her mindblowing orgasm. His weight was almost unbearable, even with his legs off the bed. “B,” she called softly, “let's wash up and get some sleep before it’s too late.” His breathing was way too even. “B?” Lydia adjusted herself to get a look at his face, but he was turned away from her. “Are you asleep?!” A loud snore was her only answer.  
  
  


* * *

 

Betelgeuse couldn’t believe his ears. “That’s the plan,” he scoffed at the idea of it being that simple, “just ask people to do a summons? For nothing? Free? Outta the goodness of their hearts?” He snorted loudly just for good measure.

Tricia raised an eyebrow but continued to keep her eyes on Guy. She had barely made eye contact with her employee since the night of the ghost tour. Whenever his gaze was averted, or he was busy doing something else was the only time she would look at the man. After her meeting with Lydia and deducing that he was dead, the ghost hunter couldn’t wrap her mind around it. Everything about him indicated he was alive. He ate, drank, breathed, needed glasses to read, turned red as a tomato whenever he had to climb a set of stairs, even passed gas occasionally to blame it on her in the office. Maybe she had it all wrong. Perhaps she misunderstood. 

“That is the plan, Mr. B, and it’ll work,” Guy reassured, “we have over three hundred thousand subscribers on our youtube channel. All we need to do is make a promo video and make sure our newsletter goes out several times before the live show. If we can get some good footage?” Guy smiled wide. 

“We’ll only get more viewers, which means more volunteers,” Tricia finished meekly, casting her eyes to Betel’s boots.

Scratching his stubbled chin, Betelgeuse frowned as he processed the information. “How do we know how many will participate?” He finally asked. “Numbers are a big factor in all this ya know.”

“Unfortunately we dunno,” Trica mumbled.

Betelgeuse sighed loudly, stomped his foot, and jerked his arms in front of him. “Am I losin’ ma hearin’ now too?!” He yelled with frustration, tired of her humble attitude she now wore around him. She had sucked all the joy out of pestering her. It sucked.  

“Beej,” an astral Lydia said calmly as she floated near him. No one could see or hear her save him. “Give her a break. She’s still processing.” 

Betelgeuse grunted in reluctant acquiescence. 

“I said,” started Tricia a bit louder, but still staring at his shoes, “we don’t know… but our viewers love our content. Imagine how many will participate if we can get some ghosts on film? Er… Lydia said you could help with that?”

“Oh, she did, huh?” Betelgeuse sent a glare in his lover's direction. Lydia smiled sweetly. “Did she also mention that is a big, fat no-no? Because it is probably the biggest rule, you’re askin’ me ta break.”

“Psh!” Tricia let out involuntarily, then covered her mouth quickly.

Betelgeuse quirked an eyebrow and grinned. “Got somethin’ ya wanna say there, boss?” 

Tricia deflated right before catching the challenging glint in his eye. It took a moment, but she finally found the courage to broach the subject she’d been avoiding for days. “Nothing much,” she shrugged, “just wondering why that would be a problem for the Ghost with the Most.” She ended with a hard T and crossed her arms in front of her.

There was a long silence before Betelgeuse started cackling. “Ha! Now that’s more like it!” He rubbed his hands together and winked, a mischievous grin plastered on his face. “Ya want me to put on a good show?” He chuckled with sick glee. “I can do that.”

“Why am I suddenly very afraid?” Asked Guy with a crack in his voice.

“Great,” smiled Tricia as she slapped her partner on the shoulder, “Guy, print out the haunt list from our database and hand them to Betel.” 

“Oh, it’s Betel now?” Jabbed her subordinate with a huff. 

Tricia ignored him but blushed anyway. “Betelgeuse, as soon as you find a Hellmouth, text me the place, and I’ll pull the permits to film on location.” With a final nod, Tricia picked up her bag, stood from her chair, and walked out of the room with her head held high.

“Alright, ya heard the boss lady, Rando! Hand over that super secret list!”

Guy scowled as he turned to his computer. “I’m your boss too, ya know?” He grumbled as he typed away.

“That went well,” Lydia chimed, meandering over to Tricia’s desk.

“Well, you did all the work,” Betelgeuse muttered under his breath. His eyes landed on the empty space of wall where the Beetlejuice poster used to be. “Hey, Rando? Where’s my poster?”

Guy looked over his shoulder to see what he was talking about. “Oh, that,” he chuckled as he stood to retrieve the paperwork, “she took it down ever since, you know… she found out who are. I told her she should ask you and your wife to sign it,” he chirped happily before his face went sour. “Then she punched me.” Guy snatched the paperwork out of the printer and handed them to his employee. “It’s rolled up behind the desk. But you didn’t hear it from me,” he lilted on his way out the door.

“Dorks,” Betelgeuse gruffed, shaking his head as he took a mental picture of the list and shoved it in his pocket. Betelgeuse unfastened his noose. Donning his stripes, he blinked and sent his clothes into his desk drawer. “Okay, Babe, let’s go,” he exclaimed while taking her hand.

“Wait!” She looked at him imploringly then sent her gaze to Tricia’s desk. 

“Aw, no. Nope. I won’t do autographs, babe. I won’t. Not in my contract,” he said resolutely as he snapped his fingers to pull the desk forward and reveal the poster. “It’s beneath me,” he continued in a dignified manner while also uncapping a sharpie. “I reserve that for conventions, babe. You know, ta get paid?” He stuck the sign back up where it used to be and signed the poster with a flourish of his hand. 

**TO MY BIGGEST FAN, GOTHY: I WILL NEVER. EVER. LET THIS GO. XOXO BETEL**

Lydia gave him a dazzling smile, pulled on the lapels of his suit, and kissed him hard. “I love you,” she laughed and looked at him so lovingly that it made his sigh. Dead or no, she took his breath away. 

“Your turn,” he smiled back as he wrapped an arm around her levitated them to the poster. The sharpie floated up to Lydia’s level.

“I still can’t move stuff,” she confessed while concentrating hard on moving the marker. The astral body of the marker ripped from its physical copy. Lydia frowned and placed it’s ghost layer back in its partner. 

Betelgeuse plucked it out of the air and held it’s tip to the poster next to little cartoon Lydia. “Okay, now you can do it.”

Smiling wide, Lydia wrapped her hand around her lovers and started to write.

**TRISH, THANK YOU FOR YOUR HELP. YOU ARE EVERYTHING I HOPE OUR DAUGHTER WILL ASPIRE TO BE; STRONG, BRAVE, AND KIND. YOUR FRIEND, LYDIA.**

Betelgeuse dipped his head and kissed his angel’s neck as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her against him tightly. “Yeah,” he sighed and gave the poster another once over. “I wouldn’t mind if Bibs ends up like Gothy. Successful business woman with a whole lotta fight in ‘er, and a violent distaste for boys?”

It was completely involuntary. At the mention of boys, Betelgeuse had a horrible flashback of every instance he had harassed a woman. After that, a series of memories of every dirty trick he had ever done to get into a woman’s panties. His eyes widened slowly at the horrors that awaited him once his daughter reached puberty. 

“So, where are we headed to first?” Lydia asked, unaware of the current turmoil the father of her child was going through.

**_Good God_ ** , he thought in horror,  **_all of those women were daughters! Shit!_ ** How could this have only occurred to him now? Lydia had been sixteen when he tried to marry her! Not that he had any ill intentions for her, but had the marriage gone through? Had she expressed interest? 

“Uh, babe?” he asked quietly in a terrified croak. “Chastity belts still a thing? Ya know, ones with teeth?” He looked at her seriously while Lydia stared at him in confusion from over her shoulder. She doubled over and busted out laughing. This only fortified his concern. 

They were searching their eighth destination on the list. A used bookstore that was going out of business and already closed for the day. Betelgeuse was still simmering on how to keep his daughter away from boys.

“We gotta put her in an all girls school, Lyds. Hope and pray that she turns into a lesbian or somethin’.”

“That’s not how that works, and no, we’re not sending her to yet another school,” she retorted with mild interest as she meandered through the deserted aisles. “She’s doing really well there. “Why is this suddenly bothering you so much, anyway?”

“The more important question is why isn’t it bothering you?” He accused, scratching his head and conjuring his tenth cigarette. “She’s in a school where all ages and… genders... share the same classes! What if an older kid tries somethin? Huh? We can’t protect her!”

“She’s five, we have a little time before boys start showing interest for goodness sake.”

“Babe! You were nine when someone hurt cha!” He pinched the bridge of his nose and clamped his mouth shut, regretting the outburst instantly. 

He was referring to when her father’s uncle had molested her. Lydia stopped her search to give him her full attention. The poor man was actually distraught. Shoulders tense, hands clenched in fists, and a look of despondency on him. “We do what we can,” she reassured gently. “Unfortunately, we can’t protect her from everything, B. But we can be there to help her through whatever comes her way.” The sound of whispering tickled her ear. Lydia turned around to search for the source.

“Maybe we can!” He exclaimed with hope. “I can haunt the school! I can just follow her around… all day… Babe?” Lydia had disappeared around the corner. “Hmm. Maybe we should take turns,” he grumbled, still trying to figure out a solution. He walked to the end of the aisle. As he turned the corner, he nearly knocked Lydia over. “Sure ya don’t wanna…” the whispering filled the air before him, “home..school..” he trailed off and looked over Lydia’s shoulder only to be met with a large crack in the aether at the far end of the aisle. Slack-jawed and frozen in place, Betelgeuse stared into the red glowing abyss as if in a trance.

“Looks like all the others but I can hear whispering,” Lydia noted as she edged closer. 

Lydia could hear whispering, but Betelgeuse started to recognize something horribly familiar. The soft whispering turned to murmuring until he finally heard it for what it really was. Screaming. All he could hear… was screaming.

“Do you think this could be it?” She asked while turning to face him. She gasped audibly and ran to his side. “B?” She placed her hands on his shoulders and tried a gentle shake. His face was pure fear, his pupils were pinpoints, his brow furrowed in a tight grimace. “Betelgeuse,” she called out, voice cracking with worry. His entire being started to tremble, eyes widening to the size of saucers. Lydia placed her hands on her lover's face and forced his gaze to hers. “HEY!” She shouted, startling him out of his episode. “Look at me,” she insisted until his eyes were locked on hers. 

A choked whimper escaped him as he tried to speak. “That’s it,” he breathed and nodded.

“Okay,” she grabbed him the hands and transferred them back to the office. It was empty, everyone having gone for the day. “Why don’t you sit down--”

“I’m fine,” he gruffed while he donned his noose and proceeded to dress. “See ya when I get home,” he said quietly, leaving the room without a backward glance. 

Lydia followed, invisible and without uttering a single sound. She knew he could sense her presence, but she didn’t care. She stayed with him until he parked the car in front of their house. When he shut off the engine, she awoke in her room and made her way to the window. He stayed sitting in the car, staring into nowhere. She continued her vigil, silently watching over him, waiting for him to come to her. Eventually, he did just that. 

The rescue of the damned souls was no longer an elusive conundrum it once was. The opportunity to face what they had been dreading all along was now as real and tangible as the flesh they wore. The time was now upon them... to knock on Hell’s door.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	21. Chickenshit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew! Finally got this chapter done. The holidays slowed me down a bit. Now, I've been booked as a stand-in and BG on a show for two weeks starting tomorrow and then I'm off to Miami to visit la familia for a few weeks. I'm going to TRY my BEST to write while I'm on location. I know I won't feel like doing squat after 12 hours of being on set. But I've basically got two jobs on this show and I don't know how long I'll have while I'm waiting around. Plus, writing on my phone is what caused the tendinitis to begin with! I'm gonna try people... I'm gonna try anyway.
> 
> Thank you luvthephantom for proofreading this chapter! 
> 
> Thank you for the comments and likes! 
> 
> OH! BTW: I've been uploading art to Neither Here Nor There. My drawing skills have gotten better since I've gone digital and I feel more confident about illustrating some scenes. If you want to keep up with just the art so you don't have to comb through the chapters, you can visit my DeviantArt page: 
> 
> https://www.deviantart.com/mordelle
> 
> I've been posting them on tumblr and my IG as well but I don't post the NSFW stuff on IG... because... well, my acting stuff and family stuff is on there... plus I don't think it's allowed. 
> 
> Ok, enough blabber. I do not own Beetlejuice yadah yadah.

Seven o’ clock, Eastern Standard Time. That’s when it was supposed to start. The most anticipated ghost hunting episode of Afterlifers was sponsored by the very creator of Beetlejuice, Lydia Deetz. The number of viewers increased into the hundreds, and by the time they went live, thousands were logged in and commenting. Except for some trolls, everyone seemed excited.   
  
“Is this thing on?” Asked a male voice over a black screen.   
  
“Guy, the lens cap,” said a female voice in a harsh whisper.   
  
“Oh, crap…. How’s that?” Guy Random’s face filled the entire screen from a downward angle, a clear view up his nostrils making him look utterly ridiculous.    
  
“Guy!” Trica barked as she slapped her forehead from behind her laptop. “We’re live, man. We’re live.”   
  
“Oh! Hi everyone! Sorry about that. Some technical difficulties. Can everyone see and hear me okay?” Tricia gave him the thumbs up as she watched the viewers comment their assent. “Great! This is our first live show and depending on your, yes your, participation…” he nodded gravely, “it won’t be our last. We’re going to wait a few more minutes before we hand it over to our sponsor. I know you guys are all excited to meet her. She does not make public appearances often, so you’re in for a real treat tonight!” Guy cleared his throat and looked to Tricia concernedly. “Um, we’re just waiting for more people to log on…” 

* * *

  
  
Betelgeuse was in the car and drumming his fingers on the dash with one hand while he used his other hand to scratch and tug at his collar.    
  
“I dunno, babe,” he worried, “I don’t think you should go in there.”   
  
“I was supposed to be in there ten minutes ago. It’s seven. We have to go in. I understand that you’re--”   
  
“I’m not scared,” he scoffed loudly and scratched some more while his left leg suddenly became restless.   
  
“Well, I am,” she announced truthfully.   
  
“Well, ya should be!” He yelled suddenly and gripped his knees tightly. “A demon comes flyin’ outta that hole, and we’re fucked. Totally. Fucked,” he said hoarsely, beginning  to chafe again.    
  
“They can’t just come through. You said so yourself,” she reasoned.

  
“Yeah, well what if I’m wrong? Huh?! I’ve been wrong ‘bout shit before!”   
  
Lydia’s eyebrows almost disappeared. “Wow. Can I get that in writing?” She smirked playfully.   
  
With a deep scowl, Betelgeuse glared at his joking lover. “This isn’t funny.”   
  
“Look,” she sighed, “we have no idea what’s gonna happen, but we have to go in there.”   
  
“Nah,” he shook his head and adjusted in his seat. “They can handle it. I can shake up the place from here.”   
  
Lydia nodded in understanding. “Okay,” she consoled, “see you later then.”   
  
“What?!” Betelgeuse watched in horror as Lydia exited the vehicle. Rolling his window down, he stuck his head out and yelled after her. “I’m not scared! I’m just being efficient! Why get up and walk all the way over there when I can just sit ‘ere? Babe. BABE!” With a snarl, he slammed his fist into the wheel causing the car to honk. She didn’t even flinch and was just about to reach the door. A mental image of Lydia being mauled by a hell beast changed his decision to wait in the car. “Aw, fer fuck’s sake,” he growled with frustration. “WAIT! I’m comin’!”   
  
  


* * *

  
  
Guy was buying time by listing off Lydia’s career achievements just as she and her frowning partner meandered their way to the set.    
  
“Oh! She’s here, folks!” He exclaimed excitedly as he set the camera on a tripod and waved the producer over to her mark.   
  
A vice-like grip encompassed her arm before she could go further and spun her around. She was met with the angry eyes of her lover. “You see any sign o’ trouble…” he warned quietly, “you book it outta here. Ya get me?”   
  
“Yes, I promise--” before she could finish, Betelgeuse pulled her in and crushed his lips to hers. It was a desperate kiss, full of dread and love at the same time. She pulled away and held his face in her hands while their foreheads touched. A small whimper broke the tender moment. The mediums turned their attention to where the sound had come from.    
  
Tricia had her lips pursed, eyes squinted, and hands balled into fists, desperately trying to contain her emotions at the gut-wrenching, fluffy sight of her OTP.   
  
“Jesus. Keep it together, will ya?” He grumbled and gave his scorpion one last peck. “Knock ’em dead.”    
  
Lydia held his hands and gave them a squeeze. “Hey,” she met his gaze and smiled reassuringly, “I love you.” She eyed him thoughtfully, willing him to understand that she had learned her lesson from their previous shared tragedy.   
  
With a grimace, he glanced at Tricia who quickly turned away and pretended to type something. “I love you, too,” he gruffed. “Don’t do anything stupid, babe.”   
  
“Or heroic?” She asked playfully.   
  
“Same fuckin’ thing,” he grumbled and walked out of sight.   
  
Although a talented and proficient producer she was, Lydia was not as keen to appear in front of the camera and had expertly avoided most scenarios that required her appearance. The few junkets and conventions she did attend were only successful because her reserved demeanor was precisely what the public expected of her. They just saw it as mysterious, when in reality it was paralyzing anxiety. This was different though. Lives, well, souls were on the line, and all she had to do was talk to a camera and not a live audience.  **_Should be cake._ ** With a deep breath, shoulders back, and head held high, Lydia walked in front of the camera. As soon as her eyes locked on the damned little red light that signified the camera was rolling and live, she couldn’t help the split second of dread that welled up in her.  **_You’re Lydia Deetz. Just be Lydia Deetz._ ** Mustering up all the courage she could, Lydia stared deep into the camera’s dark lens and addressed her invisible audience.   
  
“Good evening,” she smirked slightly and paused before continuing, “boils and ghouls.” Lydia caught Tricia practically dancing in her chair at the sound of her reference to the show. “I’m Lydia Deetz, creator of the animated series, Beetlejuice,” she paused, her welcoming smile dimming into a grim look. “Most of you already know about my most recent…” her gaze shifted as she tried to find the right words, “fall from grace… when a video of me speaking to voices was released on the web. I want to thank those of you who reached out to me with your support. I’m here to go public with a secret that I’ve been hiding since I was a teenager.” Casting her eyes to the ground for the moment, Lydia gulped and proudly looked at the camera again. “That video does not show me speaking to imaginary voices, spurred by mental illness, as the media would have you believe. I was speaking to a spirit.”    
  


* * *

  
Betelgeuse exited the building and found an inconspicuous corner to “change.” Removing all of his clothing first, he gripped onto his literal lifeline and closed his eyes. He hated himself for being afraid. Hated that his hands were trembling. Hated his weakness. Lydia was just inside, spilling her guts out to the fucking world, showing tremendous bravery, and here he was… chickening out.    
  
“Betel, you fuckin’ chickenshit,” he berated himself harshly, “take the fucking thing off. Come on! Do it!” All he could think about was Bart jumping out of nowhere the moment he was released from his physical body and slamming him back to hell. “COME ON!” He blared to the sky. “DO IT!” He was panting, clutching at his cord so tightly that his fingers had lost circulation and were tingling from the lack of blood supply. He growled and snarled, sweat dripping down his clammy, shaking body, fighting with himself.    
  
“Go on then,” a voice said, startling the everloving shit out of the fragile man.   
  
“JESUS-FUCK!” He screamed and jumped back only to be greeted by the sight of Juno. “Mommy,” he breathed with a squeak of relief, doubling over and placing his hands on his knees for support.   
  
“What did you just say?” Juno muttered, completely disarmed into shock.   
  
Betelgeuse cleared the ball of phlegm clogging his throat and spit it off to the side. “I said,” he panted while he straightened up, trying his best to look and sound dignified, “the fuck ya doin’ ‘ere?! Aren’t ‘cha supposed to be waiting for the deadbeats to poof into yer office?”   
  
The caseworker decided it was best to follow his lead away from that awkward moment. “I’ve got Maria and a team on it… I… I thought you could use some backup,” she mumbled and looked away from him so that he couldn’t read her concern for his safety.    
  
It did not escape him, however, and he breathed easier for it. He nodded in understanding and brought his hand to the noose once more. This time, he removed it without hesitation.   
  
Leaving his clothes and other physical belongings in the dark corner, Betelgeuse and Juno disappeared and entered the library.   


* * *

  
The more she spoke, the more Lydia found strength. Her voice carried with power and determination.    
  
“I’m breaking a lot of rules here, and I’ll probably get into trouble for it, but these are dire circumstances. Maybe you’re here just because you want some good entertainment, maybe you’re here because you believe,” she smiled wickedly, “either way, you won’t be disappointed.”    
  
She couldn’t see them, but she sensed the presence of her poltergeist and Juno. “The names of the souls will appear on the screen below. They will flash three times. It is imperative that you say the names when they appear and concentrate on summoning them to this place.” She checked her watch, nodded somberly and looked into the lens. “Well, in the words of someone very dear to me…” she smirked, knowing full well Betelgeuse could hear her, “It’s showtime.”   
Lydia walked off screen and took her seat next to the ghost hunters. The camera was facing the Hellmouth that was invisible to all but the ghosts and the medium in the room. Still, the energy it emitted did not go unnoticed by Guy or Tricia. It was ominous and all-encompassing. With shaky hands, Guy pulled a rosary out of his pocket and wrapped it around his hands. For once, Tricia didn’t bug him about his fears. She was afraid too, and in her mind, she uttered a silent prayer to every goddess she could think of.   
  
“First name on the list…” Tricia murmured as she typed, “going live…” her finger hovered on the return key, “Now.”   
  
The name flashed once. Regina Campos.    
  
Betelgeuse waited a moment before making the lights flicker ever so slightly.    
  
Guy began his commentary. “Did you see that everyone? The lights just flickered. Not our doing, I promise you.”   
  
The name flashed again and the number of comments spiked. The lights flickered again until a few bulbs popped.    
  
“Easy, moron,” Juno chided, “they won’t be able to see anything now!”   
  
Guy was quick on his feet and switched the camera to night vision. “We’ve got some serious activity going everyone,” he exclaimed with excitement and fear. Pulling up his thermometer in front of the camera, Guy stared at it intently to see if it would change. Betelgeuse obliged by dropping the temperature. “Holy shit! Look!” He brought it closer to the camera. “It’s dropping!”   
  
When the name flashed for the third time, all the other bulbs explode with dramatic flair making Guy shriek and jump out of his skin. “HO-SHIT!”   
  
“I thought we were starting off subtle?” Juno complained again.   
  
“That wasn’t me,” he murmured back, staring at the ever glowing crack in the wall. The whispering had started. The next name was on the screen and the viewership increased by the hundreds in a matter of minutes. Although Betelgeuse was incorporeal at the moment, he felt his entire being tense. The screaming filled his mind and he couldn’t move, couldn’t stop seeing the souls that were crushed together, all waiting for an end to their suffering in the violent storm that kept them forever lost.   
  
“Betel, you have to keep going,” Juno tried to get his attention, but he was too far gone. Going completely against the rules, Juno concentrated hard on her image and willed the camera to catch a glimpse of her ghostly face.   
  
“Did you see that?!” Tricia yelled and pointed at her laptop. “I saw-I-saw-a face!”   
  
Guy ran before the camera once more and lifted his EMF for all to see. It was blinking green. “This is not a trick everyone! This is happening! Keep saying the names!” He couldn’t see it, but he felt it. A warmth began to spread behind him, and although he couldn’t hear the eerie whispers, he could sense something calling him. He couldn’t help it and turned around to face whatever it was that beckoned for him.   
  
Lydia saw the portal crack and crumble at its corner. The glowing that came from within flickered as if someone had just tossed kindling into a dying fire. Her eyes grew wide when she heard a whisper call out from inside    
  
_ “Guy……”  _   
  
Lydia shot out of her chair and yelled at the young man. “GUY! Get out of there!” Either he didn’t hear her or ignored her, he continue toward the wall instead.   
  
_ “Come… come home…”  _ The evil voices called to him as he edged closer to the wall.   
  
“NO! DON’T!” Before she knew what happened, Lydia darted forward to stop him. “DON’T TOUCH IT!” She latched onto Guy’s arm and pulled with all her might. It was no use, he was entranced and only fought to move closer.    
  
“What’s happening?!” Tricia called out, rooted with fear as she watched Lydia push against her partner. Was this for show? Was this part of the plan? “Lydia?!” She cried out to her mentor with desperate confusion.   
  
“TRISH, HELP!” Lydia screamed while Guy’s larger and chubbier physique pushed against her smaller frame.   
  
Tricia sprang into action and ran to help. Without even thinking, she slipped her fingers into the back of his pants and pulled back. It helped a bit as they staggered further from the wall but Guy would not relent.   
  
Juno stopped the parlor tricks and watched the spectacle unfold. The computer was left alone in the corner which meant the names would not show up. Realizing this, the caseworker decided quickly on taking over the machine she loathed so much. “I’ll take over the names,” she called out to her invisible son, “help them!”    
  
He couldn’t hear or see the commotion. Something was nagging at him to wake up from the nightmare that had taken hold of his mind, but it wasn’t enough to snap him out of it.    
  
Tricia was now wrapped around Guy’s legs, and somehow he was still edging closer and closer to the wall, pushing Lydia back. The medium whirled around, using her feet like brakes, the heat of the Hellmouth caressing her face the closer she got.    
  
_ “Lydia…”  _ A whisper tickled her ear.   
  
“No,” Lydia shook her head in denial. “No-no-no-no!”  **_Don’t touch it. Don’t touch it. Don’t touch it!_ ** So caught up in trying to keep herself and the others away from the firey opening, Lydia could not think of anything else. Closer and closer she got until the heat from the blazing crack was causing her to sweat through her clothes. An awful stench of burning hair filled her nostrils. Full blown panic had set in. She screamed bloody murder.   
  
“BETELGEUSE-BETELGEUSE-BETELGEUSE!” Tricia let out in a piercing screech. It happened so suddenly that Tricia almost missed it. A blur of black and white knocked the air out of her, sending her and the others hurtling in the opposite direction of the wall. Her body went stiff as a board, and a rope snaked itself around her arms and legs. She and Guy had been tied together in a far corner near the entrance. The set entirely out of view but another sight held her eyes captive. Towering before her was Betelgeuse. Moldy hair standing on end, striped and corpselike, and cradling a stunned Lydia in his arms.   
  
“Whoa,” Guy breathed, “she’s floating…” he uttered weakly, not able to see the Ghost with the Most, and fainted.   
  
The look of pure shame could not have been more apparent on the dead man's face when his eyes locked with his supervisor’s. Tricia was too shocked to say a word. She stared, eyes wide, and nostrils flared in silent hysteria.    
  
“What the fuck happened in there?” She finally croaked.   
  
Betelgeuse set Lydia down next to his bosses and turned away. “I choked,” he gruffed with disgrace and made his way back to Juno. He expected the worst, having left the old woman alone in a room with a gateway to Hell itself, but the scene before him made him shake his head with disbelief.    
  
The Hellmouth pulsed with fury while Juno was hunched over the laptop, typing, and puffing away at a cigarette that was just barely dangling between her lips. She was muttering all kinds of expletives between the names of the damned souls. Fire blazed and sparked out of the gaping hole, making its way toward her. It got to the camera first, however, and the recording device gave out completely, cutting off the visuals to the computer.   
  
“Goddammit!” Juno yelled with frustration. When she looked up, fear cut across her face.   
  
“Time to close it, Juno. It’s over,” he called out to her from behind, eyes cast to the ground, not able to step any closer and hating himself all the more for it.   
  
Juno quickly made her way to him, clasped his hand, and began the incantation to close the illegal portal. Another voice carried within as Lydia grabbed onto her lover’s free hand and joined their efforts. With the power of three to kill the connection to the physical plane,   
it was over in no time. The astral fires and heat were snuffed out with a hiss and a pop.    
  


* * *

  
  
They thought about going back to the office to regroup, but everyone was so shaken that Lydia offered up her home as both headquarters and refuge. Bertha was kind enough to prepare drinks and snacks but kept herself out of sight as not to scare the guests. Everyone was silent, sipping on their respective decaffeinated teas or hot chocolates. Prudence, Betelgeuse, and Juno were the only ones absent. Prudence had gone to pick up Bianca from school while they all waited to hear back to see if their plan had yielded any results.    
  
Finally, Betelgeuse made his way downstairs, having stopped in the bedroom to don his physical body and some clothes. They surrounded him as soon as he hit the landing.   
  
“What happened?” “Did it work?” “How many did we save?” “Where the heck did you come from?” They all cried out in unison.   
  
“Calm yer tits everybody!” He groused. After a moment of silence, he gave a curt nod. “Two-hundred and eleven.”   
  
Cheering and sighs of relief escaped them. Lydia embraced her lover who, although still feeling shitty about his lack of control over his fears, gave her a triumphant smirk anyway.    
  
“This is cause for celebration!” Guy exclaimed.   
  
“We’re not done yet, dummy!” Tricia smiled at her partner.    
  
It was true that the ordeal was far from over, but they couldn’t help the victorious high they were feeling. After the traumatic events from earlier and waiting helplessly for hours, relief coursed through them all. The ghost hunters had no idea who was providing the mysterious drinks and food, and after a few glasses of wine, they could hardly care. Besides, Guy didn’t want his many questions answered. He had a feeling he would not take the news well.   
  
“Hey, babe,” Betelgeuse called out, “did you get my smokes?” He patted his pockets even though he knew he had left his clothes from earlier behind.   
  
“If they’re still in your pants,” she replied offhandedly and pointed to the pile of clothes on the couch. 

  
He walked over to his jeans and fished around his pockets. Getting frustrated quickly, he turned out all of his pockets only to find them empty. No cigarettes, no lighter, no wallet.   
  
“Fuck! I’ve been robbed!” He growled with anger.    
  
Lydia checked for him once more but found nothing. “Sure you didn’t leave them here?”   
  
“Nah, everything, even my wallet is gone. Oh-ho-ho that makes me so--” a string of angry gibberish escaped him as his blood boiled. He hated it when he lost shit, but having his shit stolen? That was something that was always infuriating. A thief being thieved was just plain embarrassing. “My favorite lighter. My money!” He cried with outrage.   
  
Lydia rubbed his back consolingly. “Told you to be more discreet with where you leave your stuff.”   
  
Just when he was about to retort, Prudence hurried through the front door. “Oh, you’re all here! So, what happened? You said you’d text me!” Prudence whined at her best friend.   
  
“Hey,” Betelgeuse furrowed his brow. “Where’s Bibs?”   
  
Prudence froze to the spot. “What? I… I thought…” she trailed off, growing paler by the second.   
  
“Pru?” Lydia rushed to her friend. “Did you forget? It’s okay, I’ll go get her--”   
  
“No!” Prudence interjected and gripped onto Lydia’s wrists. “They said her father picked her up!” She shot a look of concern toward Betelgeuse.   
  
“What?” He blurted out in confusion. “Whaddya mean? I… I’ve been…” It all hit him at once. Only people on the list were allowed to pick up the kids from school. He had never picked up Bianca. His wallet was missing. With his ID. Only one person could pull off looking… like…   
  
“Dave,” he whispered, as bile rose up in his throat and his stomach soured.    
  
Lydia’s breath hitched right before everything started to go black.   
  
  



	22. Consequences

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m back! I hope you all had a good holiday season. I know this time can be tough for most. So sorry that this took so long. Still dealing with tendonitis flare ups and I was in a bit of a funk for a while. 
> 
> WARNING: This is a pretty violent chapter. Intense. Very bloody and gory. (Also, why this chapter took so long to write.)
> 
> My beta’s for this chapter are my partner Tim and a fellow Beetle Babe, BD-Z (check out her fics!). Thank you so much! 
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Beetlejuice.

 

* * *

 

Blood. There was blood on his hands. Something was very wrong with that. Just plain weird. Someone was screaming something. Maybe more than one person. Everything was a blur. Everyone felt so far away. 

Heaving and feeling a sudden break in the storm raging within, Betelgeuse stared at his red-stained hands in confusion.  **_Ow. My knees hurt,_ ** he thought, wondering why there was blood and why it felt like he was kneeling on shards of glass. He looked down and noticed that it was because he was indeed kneeling on glass.  **_Oh, right_ ** , his mind finally caught up with this body as he looked around the disaster surrounding him, and remembered just having gone totally ape-shit. 

The living room as a wreck. Frames and paintings that were on the walls were now broken and strewn all over the floor. Delia’s vases and sculptures were shattered to pieces. Near the fireplace was a sizable hole in the wall. A lot of the firewood was missing, and judging by the paneless windows, he had a good idea of where they might have gone to. 

The sirens were what finally brought the situation into sharp focus. Bibi had been kidnapped. Stolen away. Because of him.  **_Lydia…_ ** How could he ever look at her now? 

Another glance around the room revealed Bertha standing a few feet away, arms stretched in his direction, her face contorted in fierce concentration. He tried to stand and speak, but he could do neither. She was restraining him. His eyes followed Prudence as she sprinted by him and tore the front door open to meet the police officers outside. Guy sprung forward and crouched before him. Tricia and Lydia were nowhere to be found. 

“Mr. B,” Guy said quietly, trying his best not to agitate the broken father, “the police have arrived. You need to stay calm. Let’s get you cleaned up, huh? Then we can talk to them.”

His eyes shifted from Guy to Bertha. “Beej, blink twice if you’re gonna stay calm when I release you,” she demanded resolutely. 

Betelgeuse did as he was told. Most of the rage had dissipated and turned into exhaustion. There was only so much shame he could handle in one day. The guilt was steadily seeping into his energy reserves, numbing him to the core. She released him before he visibly caved in on himself, a choked sob escaping him as he did. Just as Guy placed an arm on his shoulder, Betelgeuse leaned away from him and stood up with a loud sniff. “Where’s Lydia?”

 

* * *

 

He took quick steps down the stairs to the basement where they had taken Lydia and stopped short when he reached the landing. There she was, eyes closed in Bertha’s bed, asleep. Or so it seemed. 

“She won’t wake up,” Tricia breathed. He hadn’t even noticed her sitting by his lover’s side. 

Betelgeuse’s heart dropped into his gut. He wanted to get on all fours like a dog and beg for his Angel’s forgiveness. He edged toward her slowly and took a shaky breath. Tricia cleared out of his way and watched the heartbreaking scene with tears in her eyes. 

“Lydia, he whispered while he knelt by her side, “I… I’m sorry. This is… this…” he fought down the urge to bury his face in her hair and cry, “this is my fault,” he choked out. Lydia hadn’t made a single movement. Her cheeks were wet from her tears. “Lyds?”

 

* * *

 

Lydia tried to project to Bibi, but it was no use. She tried Dave, and that didn’t work either. So she projected to the school instead. Police officers were questioning the staff. That is how she learned that Bianca had willingly climbed into a green Toyota Camry. Dave obviously had help. There was no way Bibi would go off with Dave willingly, and there was no reason why she shouldn’t be able to reach them in her astral state. Her heart ached terribly at the thought of her daughter’s panicking face. When she reached Dave’s apartment, the authorities had already stormed in to search for the kidnapper. 

“Bibi?!” She yelled over the commotion, knowing her child would be able to hear her if she was there. 

“Looks like he left in a hurry. The neighbor says he hasn’t been home the last couple of nights,” an officer informed his superior. 

Lydia did her own searching. Checking every one of Bianca’s former hiding places. She wasn’t there. 

When she searched high and low in every place she could think Dave could be, she finally awoke and found herself in a hospital. 

“Oh thank goodness,” cried Prudence as she lunged to her bedside, “you’re awake! You’ve been asleep for so long. We all thought the worst—“

“Where’s Betelgeuse?” She asked flatly, sitting up to examine herself and her surroundings better. 

“At the station,” she responded apologetically, “I told him he should be here with you, but he blames himself and… oh, Lydia…” she broke down crying. “You don’t-you don’t think that-that Dave would… would…”

“He hasn’t been home in a couple days. Which means he hasn’t checked his mail. Which means he doesn’t know he’s not Bianca’s father. I don’t think he’d… hurt her.”

A doctor walked into the room, her face was friendly and held mild concern. “I thought I heard some chatter. You were really out. When the salts didn’t work, I’m not gonna lie, I was worried.”

“I need to leave,” Lydia began, “my daughter is missing,” she started to pull the blankets off of her, “and I have to go—“

“Lydia,” Betelgeuse popped into the room but stopped abruptly and became incorporeal at the sight of the medical professional. 

“Ms. Deetz,” the doctor looked over her shoulder a moment thinking she’d heard something. She held up a hand and approached her patient’s bed, “I understand, and I’m gonna make sure we do our best to get you out of here as quickly as possible but…” she pulled up her chart, “I’m a little concerned. I want to run a few more tests.”

“What’s wrong?” Prudence worried, bringing her hand to her mouth quickly to cover her quivering lip. 

“I don’t want you to worry too much,” the doctor consoled. The room started to grow colder. “There are signs that you may have had a mini heart attack—“

A bulb popped above their heads startling them all. 

“Oh god,” Prudence turned around to hide her emotional state, her shaking shoulders giving it all away. 

“Please don’t worry just yet. We still need to do some tests. Any history of heart disease or complications in your family?” The doctor asked.

Lydia cast her eyes to her hands and nodded. “My father died of a heart attack.”

“Okay,” she responded soberly. “I’ll be back shortly, and I’ll also send a nurse in with an extra blanket. So cold in here!” She left the room and closed the door behind her. 

Betelgeuse materialized at the foot of Lydia’s bed. “Did you find anything?” He was determined to ignore the bad news for now.  **_One fuckin’ nightmare at a time._ **

She shook her head somberly. “You?”

“I’ve been chasin’ every single lead the cops have. I just came by to check on ya.”

“There's no way he’s done this on his own.”

Betelgeuse shook his head. “I’d bet my left nut that Bart’s behind this. Which means...” he couldn’t finish that thought. Hellforces where helping Bart stay hidden. Betelgeuse wanted to vomit. 

Lydia nodded, then buried her face in her hands. She sobbed until a pair of tingling arms wrapped around her. “She’s okay. I just know it. I can feel her, I just can’t get to her.”

“I know,” he reassured, “I know.” Whether Bianca was okay or not, he was gonna wring Dave’s neck. Period. 

 

* * *

 

Never had blinding rage filled Bianca’s tiny body as it did now. She was an unstoppable, rabid, little beast. Red-faced and shrieking like a banshee, leaving Dave at an utter loss of what to do. How could such loud, piercing sounds come out of such a small child? And for so long! For the first hour, all she would do was cry and sob until he was sure she was going to faint. When he tried to console her and assure her that she was safest with him, Bianca’s heartbreaking wails started to turn into hellish screaming, the sounds of which Dave had never heard.  Still, those screams were better than the endless loop of that freaks name. It was like she didn’t need to breathe, yelling that stupid name over and over again without reprieve until she abandoned her mission for a new form of torture. 

“I WANT MY MOMMY! I WANT MY MOMMY! I WANT MY MOMMY!”

He was about ready to tie her down and gag her. 

“THAT’S ENOUGH, BIANCA!” Dave bellowed in between her gasps.

It would seem she finally heard him because she whirled around and set her blazing eyes on him with the most terrifying face, still contorted in rage. Both middle fingers shot from her tiny fists in her abductor's direction

“FUCK YOU, YOU PIECE O’ SHIT! I HATE YOU! I HOPE YOU DIE!”

Dave‘s mouth dropped open, shocked to the core. 

After Bianca was finished addressing him, she ran to a chair and kicked it, sending it off to a surprising distance. “I WANT MY MOM AND DAD!”

This threw him in for a complete loop. His daughter could not possibly be addressing that cretin as her father. 

“Bibi,  _ I’m _ your dad!” Dave shouted at her. 

It was no use, she was lost to her rage once more, unable to hear anything but the blood pounding in her ears along with her own screams. 

“She’s possessed,” Dave breathed, still reeling. 

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were right,” Bart said as he approached. There was no way he could have a conversation over that pests screeching. “Maybe I can be of assistance,” he offered. With a snap of his fingers, Bianca went stiff and silent as a board. She hit the ground with a loud thud. “There now,” he sighed with content, “beautiful silence. You know, David, a little paddling might do the child some good. Instilling obedience at a young age is very important, especially for a female.”

Before Dave could retort at the man's idea of parenting, Bartholomew grabbed his arm and pulled him away from a whimpering Bianca. He briefly looked over his shoulder at his trembling daughter and felt a tinge of concern. 

“She’ll be alright. Let her cry it out silently,” Bart reassured him. “Now, it’s quite obvious the poor thing has been brainwashed. Pitted against you. Do you see now why Lydia must be taken out of the picture?”

“I… this is  _ his _ fault…” Dave accused with a hint of uncertainty. 

“Yes, yes, of course, it is, but you must understand that Lydia and that vile snake are cut from the same cloth. Two sides of the same coin. Getting rid of one without the other would be ineffective. That’s how this mess started to begin with. My forgiving nature is to blame really,” he sighed like the weight of the world was heavily on his shoulders, “but rotten souls must be removed from the rest of the flock lest they influence those whose hearts are pure.”

Bartholomew was right of course and Dave was indeed furious with Lydia, but even now he hoped that by getting rid of Betelgeuse…

“Make no mistake, My boy,” Bart emphasized, sensing Dave’s resistance, “That woman is rotten to the core.” He couldn’t understand why Dave was hanging onto hope. The woman had hidden the existence of his child, been unfaithful, and turned his child against him. The poor man was apparently not well. Looking into Dave’s records was enlightening. He had two restraining orders against him from women he’d been involved with. Nothing violent or untoward happened, so Bart surmised that the man just had issues with getting too attached. **_Poor fool._** **_Priesthood would have probably suited him best._** Alas, not everyone could hear the Lord's call. To sever this unhealthy connection, Bart decided to… _embellish_. 

“Because of their selfishness, they’re actions led to the unfortunate and untimely death of a sweet young woman. A dear friend of Lydia’s, no less. And do you know what?”

Dave tensed. “What?” He asked, dreading his answer.

“Lydia was hardly phased. Her relationship with that monster was more important than helping her friend.”

Dave cast his eyes to the ground. 

“She is completely loyal to him, David. She’d rather die than be without him. She will always search for him. She will never be yours. You... and Bianca are better off without her.”

Dave’s shoulders slumped with the realization that the priest was right. It was time to let Lydia go and set his priorities straight. Anger began to fester within as he imagined Lydia and Betelgeuse living out their lives together. It was time to put his daughter first. It helped to think that it would be the ultimate revenge against his former lover. 

“I understand,” he replied finally, completely missing the wicked smirk from Bart. They walked out of the room together without a single look back at the poor, desolate Bianca. Her tears flowed silently, pooling around her head. She was alone. So utterly alone.

 

* * *

 

He hadn’t slept. Not a wink. Betelgeuse looked at his watches, but only one matter to him now. The one that told him that it had been forty-eight hours, to the very second, since he last saw Bianca. Preferring to take on his ghostly form to suck the energy out of every astral source he could find. He didn’t need to sleep, but Lydia did, and she was doing very little of that. He chanced a look over to her sitting by the window in their bedroom. Her head was leaning against the glass, and her eyes were closed, but he knew she wasn’t sleeping. He knew she wasn’t there. She was searching. 

They barely spoke about her time in the hospital and what had happened to her while projecting. Betelgeuse had no idea what the prognosis had been, and Lydia never said a word about it. Truth be told, he didn’t want to know. At least not until Bibi was found. All he could do was push it from his mind and make sure Lydia got proper rest. A small beeping sound emanated from one of his watches. He walked up to her and shook her gently, sending a strong intentional call to his lover. “Times up, Lyds. Time to come home. I’ll take over now.”

Lydia’s eyes fluttered open, her sunken cheeks and dark circles around her eyes giving away just how tired she was. She was barely eating. They had come to the agreement that she would only search for a few hours a day on her own. He worried about her fragile body. It tore him to pieces to see her this way. 

It wasn’t just Lydia, the whole house seemed like it was under some sort of curse, a spell, a haze. Everyone walking around like zombies. Delia basically moved in, the Maitland‘s called several times a day just to check in on them. Everyone was camping out where they could, trying to stay awake. Their phones were constantly hooked to a wall, lest they should lose power. Shifts were taken to cook though hardly anybody ate. The TV was on in every room set to different news stations. Finding Bianca within the first seventy-two hours was crucial, that’s what the police had told them.

“Nothing,” Lydia murmured dryly.

“I’ve got a new list of place--” at that moment, a black, decaying crow landed on the window sill and tapped on the glass rapidly. Tied to it’s moldy, taloned leg was a small rolled up piece of paper. A moment went by as Betelgeuse, and Lydia eyed each other questioningly before Betelgeuse ripped open the window and forcefully snatched the bird in his dead hands. Not caring for the ghost bird, his eager fingers yanked hard, tearing the poor messenger’s leg off. The crow shrieked in pain and fought back before the poltergeist hurled him back out of the window. Quickly, he unrolled the note and read aloud as Lydia stood and clutched onto him while reading silently to herself.

“Bait Al-Jauza & Ms. Deetz, it is unfortunate that it has come to this, but you have left me no choice in the matter. The child is alive and well…” at the mention Bibi being alive, both parents sighed with relief, “and she will remain that way as long as you follow my instructions. One, cease your efforts on freeing the damned souls. Two, come to the location detailed below, alone. I will stress that should anyone else accompany either of you, you will never see Bianca again. Ever the Lord’s servant, Bart.” Betelgeuse snarled but committed the address to memory before crumpling up the note.

“What do we do?” Lydia asked as she began to pace. “It’s a trap. Obviously.”

“Yeah, it’s a fuckin’ trap,” he groused, willing the red that had begun to seep into his vision away. “You’re not going.”

Lydia whirled around, eyes glaring. “The hell I’m not!”

“I’ll go with Juno,” he ignored her.

“No! You read what he--”

“Juno can disguise herself as you, and she’ll be able to affect the physical plane. You can’t. I need to stay in the fleshbag, so that limits me.” His eyes shifted as a plan started to form.

“So you’ll put Juno in danger? I can fight Bart just fine in my astral body! He can’t use the seal on me because I’m still alive,” she reasoned.

“Yeah,” he spat back, “something he can remedy, babe. He almost killed ya once. You ain’t goin’.”

“Then I’ll go in person. I won’t be vulnerable that way. I’ll be harder to kill--”

“I said no--”

“And I’ll have the upper hand,” she finished resolutely as she stalked to her bookcase and pulled it aside quickly, revealing a hidden nook that contained the grimoire he’d gifted to her and other artifacts of witchcraft. 

It was the first time Betelgeuse had laid eyes on his witches tools and trinkets. Carefully, he approached to assess the magical items, and was impressed. 

“Beej, Bart will know it’s not me. He’s old enough to see through tricks like that. I won’t risk Bibi’s life on a hope that he won’t. Dave will be there too. You don’t think Bart might’ve taught him how to banish a ghost? Exorcize one?”

Betelgeuse stayed silent and closed his eyes.

“You’re right,” she said softly, “you need to keep the noose on. Neither of them will be able to take you on in your physical form. Not if I’m there to help. You take on Dave while I keep Bart busy. It’s the only way. You know it.”

The deadman looked to the ceiling for some kind of answer and found none. “Okay,” he sighed, “but ya have to prove to me that you can take on a poltergeist in yer current state--”

“PROHIBERE!” Lydia shouted suddenly while throwing both hands in his direction, hurtling him back into the wall. 

Shocked into stillness, it took the ghost a moment to realize what had happened. He scrambled out of the wall and winced in pain as he caught sight of his scorpion’s determined gaze and proud stance. It reminded him of the last time she had sent him crashing through a wall. He gave her a leer and dusted himself off.

“Lydia Deetz,” he warned gravelly, “when this is all over, I’m gonna fuck you into the next millennium.”

She gave him a malicious look of her own. “When this is over,” she promised. 

 

* * *

 

They made quick work of letting everyone know of Bart’s correspondence and his terms. The outcry and disapproval were cut short by Betelgeuse who made it very clear that Bianca’s safety was the priority, and in the end, everyone understood. Still, they were not about to leave the two with no help at all. It was decided that there would be a signal to bring in the cavalry. Once Bianca was safely extracted, Delia and Prudence would be the first point of contact, each with a getaway car. Juno would be waiting on the outskirts of the parameters to be summoned easily should Betelgeuse or Lydia need back up. After all the details were quickly finalized, the couple got in the car and drove to the location Bart had indicated.

Just as the sun was setting, they arrived. It was a small warehouse close to the docs. All entrances and windows seemed boarded up. A misty veil encompassed the entire building for only them to see. Bart had obviously taken steps to make sure that nobody else could intrude on their dealings tonight. As they exited the car, Lydia walked over to Betelgeuse and entwined her fingers in his.

Her last encounter with a Hellmouth was still vivid in her mind, and Lydia did not sense an inkling of the same energy as she stared into the fog. “I don’t sense anything. Do you?” 

Feeling sick to his stomach, Betelgeuse looked around carefully, concentrating as hard as he could, but even he could not sense any Hell forces.  “No, but that doesn’t mean shit.”

“Mommy!” Bianca’s voice echoed out of the building and right into Lydia‘s heart. She almost ran off in the direction of where her daughter would surely be, but a vice-like grip held her in place. 

“That may not’ve been her. We gotta stick to the plan, or this can turn ugly,” he tried to sound calm and collected. He was far from that. Pissed that they would use such a dirty trick to lure them in, the dead man was prepared for full out murder. Not that he hadn’t been already. 

Giving each other a knowing look, they turned toward the building, hands linked, and pushed their feet forward.

The door opened of its own accord. When they made their way inside, the door took a life of its own again and slammed shut, locking them within. The mist that surrounded the building hugged itself close to the walls. Their hairs stood on end as they sensed they were being watched.

“What is this,” Bart's voice rang out and echoed. The barrier was placed for only you and the mongrel to enter. Who is this man? I told you that if you brought anyone else—“

“Relax, yer Holy Numbnuts,” Betelgeuse greeted, “got a little makeover ‘s all.”

Bart was stunned into silence for a moment as he scanned Betelgeuse from head to toe. He recognized his voice. He thought maybe his foe had taken possession of some poor fool, but upon closer inspection, it became evident that he wore his own flesh. But how is that possible? “Dave,” he whispered into Dave’s mind, “what is the meaning of this? Did you know that Betelgeuse was flesh and blood? This is impossible!”

“Oh yeah! I forgot to mention that,” he said apologetically.

“You forgot? You forgot?! You idiot. This could ruin everything!”

“Well, I guess I thought you knew!” Dave defended.

Bart’s mind reeled as to how this could be. A resurrection voucher was virtually impossible to possess and had always been thought a myth. There was no other way, however, for Betelgeuse to be walking before him now. Then he saw it. A braided leather cord wrapped tightly around his neck. 

“How in Heaven’s name did you steal the resurrection cord?” Bart gawked. 

“Oh, I didn’t steal anything,” Betelgeuse announced proudly. “This was a gift from on high for the _massive_ _misunderstanding_. Guess I should be thankin’ ya for that little vacation you sent me on,” he baited, hoping to get Bart riled up enough to lose control over the situation. “Because of you, ya can call me Jesus Junior!”

“Blasphemer! Liar! The Lord would never grant you such a gift!” Bart retorted with rage.

“Believe what ya want. Now, where’s our kid ya batshit crazy fucker!” He yelled back. It was essential to keep him preoccupied and distracted for Lydia to continue her preparations. The only thing that kept him in check was the fact that he had no idea where Bianca was at the moment.

**_This is a problem_ ** , Bart thought.  **_Two mediums in the building._ ** The binding and exorcism rights that Dave prepared would be useless now. It was at this moment that Bart understood how vulnerable he was. It was time to change the plan.

Meanwhile, Lydia was somewhat grateful that Bart was taking so long. He was obviously distracted enough to not sense what she was doing. Fortifying her intentions by muttering a barrier spell, she reached for her vial that contained a myriad of herbs and bone that had been crushed into dust.

“Babe,” Betel hissed, “you can step in anytime, ya know.”

“ Revelare, ” Lydia murmured, sending out a pulse of energy out into every shadow of the building. The fog dissipated, revealing Dave hand-in-hand with Bianca at the far end of the room. Bart was nowhere to be found. 

“Bibi!” Lydia called out to her.

Bianca stared forward, emotionless. Her eyes glazed over, her cheeks stained with dirt and streaked with dry tears, and over her right eyebrow, an angry purple bump. These details did not escape her parents who were feeling opposite things at once. Lydia was filled with a gut-wrenching need to hold her daughter, while Betelgeuse felt the strongest urge to wrap his hands around Dave’s self-righteous neck.

“Oh, Davey,” he warned without an ounce of malice or hatred, “you and I are gonna have more in common than just our good looks, pal. Yer a dead man.” It was just a plain fact. 

Dave actually smiled at the threat and quickly grabbed Bianca by the hair while he wrapped his other hand around her throat, rooting her parents in place. 

“I know you’re a creeper Dave, but I don’t think ya have it in ya ta hurt a kid. I’m calling yer bluff,” Betelgeuse groused.

“By all means. Call it.” It was Bart’s voice coming out of Dave’s mouth.

“Big mistake,” Betelgeuse sneered.

There was a pregnant pause while the three adults just stared at each other before they launched into action.

“ Spiritus relinquo !  Gratus esse possis !” Lydia yelled as she ran forward. 

For a moment, Dave’s body jolted violently making him momentarily lose his grip on Bianca. Bart held fast to Dave’s body while Dave came in and out of consciousness, realizing too late that his hands were tightening around his daughter's throat. “What are you doing,” he screamed within his own mind.

“Shut up! If you fight me, we will lose this battle. Trust me, boy!” Bart’s control was slipping over the girl as he concentrated on fighting Lydia‘s efforts to extract him.

Bianca’s eyes fluttered, and the haze obscuring her vision began to recede. For a moment she was elated to see her parents running toward her. “Mom, Dad!”

Betelgeuse’s heart could’ve shattered right then and there. It was the first time she had called him that.

Bart finally found his footing, lifted Bianca in his arms and started to run.

“Bibi,” Betelgeuse called out, “what did I tell ya ta do when someone puts their filthy mitts on ya?!”

Bianca‘s eyes went wide with realization. As if by reflex, her legs kicked wildly until they made contact with Dave’s crotch. In an instant, everything was thrown into chaos. Betelgeuse and Lydia ran toward their daughter, both shouting exorcism rights even though they knew it wouldn’t work so long as Dave gave Bart permission to stay put. They did it anyway, knowing that it would confuse and distract the ghost within.

Dave was screaming from the pain, though no-one but Bart could hear it. It was hard to hear and see, Bart was trying to keep Dave calm to take full control of his body. The child twisted and screeched in his grasp until she freed herself. Right before Betelgeuse could land a punch, Bart sent Dave’s body backward, jumping an unnatural distance away from his attacker and toward a flight of stairs. At the same time, Bart unleashed his full power and sent every physical object hurtling toward the heathens.

Bianca clutched onto her mother's clothes as Lydia quickly pulled out a vial of dark powder and blew it in a circle around them. She had effectively created a barrier against Bart’s efforts. For now, she and her daughter were safe, while hurricane-like winds blew all kinds of debris and unanchored objects around them. Lydia knew the exit was behind her but couldn’t see a way out.

Bart struggled to climb the stairs and eventually couldn’t take it anymore. “Sorry, my boy but you’re only slowing me down.” With all of his might, he pushed Dave down into the depths of his own subconscious, until Dave was barely present. Finally, Bart’s vision cleared as he scrambled up the steps to the second floor. Betelgeuse was hot on his heels, snatching one of his ankles before he could reach the landing. Bart had never used carnal possession until today. Struggling with the newness of it all, the control over the body was taxing.  When he finally understood that his leg was trapped in the grasp of his nemesis, he sent the wrong foot backward effectively kicking Betelgeuse in the face, but also sending himself face first onto the floor.

Betelgeuse saw stars, but his unreserved rage was his guide. Growling with pain, he crawled up the stairs with only one goal on his mind.  **_Kill. Fucker._ ** Now that Bart occupied Dave’s body, killing him was the only way to get Bart out in the open. He was doing the breather a favor really. Muttering incoherent threats and curses, the wild man grabbed Dave by the hair, pulled his head up, and slammed it right back down on the ground. Repeatedly. 

Bart could not feel Dave’s pain, but the attacks were still disorienting. He focussed on sending whatever was nearby toward his enemy, and caught a blur of a chair that rammed Betelgeuse square in the face, throwing him off of Dave’s body. Bart fumbled and flailed like a fish out of water. Bones crunched and limbs bent in ways they should never be bent, until he finally managed to steer Dave’s body to standing. “I think I’m finally getting the hang of this,” he chuckled as his head cracked and snapped until it was almost straight. 

Betelgeuse could only open one eye as the other had swollen shut, but his vision of Dave was clear. Bart had no idea what he was doing. His flesh was bruised and gray, his neck looked like it had been broken in several places, his shoulders were dislocated, and one of his forearms was bent behind his elbow. Betelgeuse spat a wad of blood to the side before he scoffed. “Yeah, I don’t think so, Batty. No worries though, I’ll put the fleshy outta of his misery for ya” He was not bluffing. It’s not that he’d forgotten what his contract entailed. It had been made very clear he was not to kill a single living soul. However, “act now, consequences later” was always his motto. With that, Betelgeuse grabbed the same chair Bart had thrown at him and swung it in the poltergeist’s direction.

Bart easily blocked the attack, but he didn’t expect Betelgeuse to be right behind it, lunging for him. He was tackled to the ground and saw a fist come down on his face several times before he was lifted off the ground. Bart sent a broken arm toward his nemesis’s bad eye, which he thought would dissuade him from attacking again, but the madman only grew angrier and more determined. Betelgeuse advanced on him once more, making Bart backpedal right for the stairs. One foot dangling off the edge, Bart swung Dave’s broken arms forward to keep him from falling. He could feel Dave’s life hanging in the balance. Literally. 

Betelgeuse snickered and coughed as he watched Bart desperately trying to gain his footing. Slowly, he meandered over to him. “Need a hand?”

“You wouldn’t dare--”

Without hesitation, Betelgeuse flicked Dave’s broken nose. It was enough to send his body toppling backward to his death. Betelgeuse cackled and held his aching sides. He waited for the final beat of Dave’s heart to send Bart to the lost soul's room. However, when Dave took his last breath, something else happened entirely. 

It was sudden and violent. The noose around Betelgeuse’s neck tightened. It cut off his air supply and lifted him off the ground. For a moment, he had no idea what had happened. The more he clawed at his neck, the tighter the rope squeezed. All reason was lost and replaced with a loud thumping in his brain. The pressure in his head was building at an alarming rate and true panic set in. He wanted to scream, he wanted it to stop, but more than anything in the world, he wanted air. It would seem that the consequences for breaking his contract were to be dealt with sooner rather than later.

 

* * *

 

**AN: Please let me know what you thought of this chapter in the comments or send me a message! As usual, you can follow me on Tumblr @mordellestories or on IG @gisellemarie.la. I also have a dedicated email[mordellestories@gmail.com](mailto:mordellestories@gmail.com)**

**I want to do some kind of giveaway or something as a thank you to you all. I’ve never done anything like that before so, suggestions are welcome!**

**I’ve already started writing the next chapter! In the meantime, give some love to Orangeplaneta on her first ever Beetlejuice Fic “[Haunting Me](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16625570/chapters/41225525#workskin).”**

**Thanks for sticking around!**   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	23. Hell Breaks Loose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the comments and feedback! This is the second to last chapter.
> 
> WARNING: Graphic Violence ahead!
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Beetlejuice.

 

The raging winds ceased. The debris that had been blown about the entire space fell from the sky and cluttered around mother and child.

Luckily, Bianca could not see what was now visible to Lydia. While Bibi shut her eyes and buried her face in her mother's legs, Lydia's eyes were wide and unblinking. She watched in dread as Betelgeuse kicked and thrashed, clawing at the noose around his neck. She was witnessing one of her worst nightmares once again. Betelgeuse was dying right before her eyes, for the third time, and there was nothing that she could do about it. Her mind tried to reason that he was already dead, but the look of pain and desperation on his face was so acute that logic was silenced and frenzy sprung her into action.

Without a second thought, Lydia tore Bianca's arms from her waist, knelt down, and looked into the terrified eyes of her daughter.

"Stay in the circle. Don't leave," Lydia commanded.

"But mom," Bianca protested.

"Do as I say!" She shouted so loudly that her voice cracked.

Bianca jerked back in shock, as her mother had never used that tone with her before. She dared not challenge the cold, terrifying woman before her. So, she stayed and watched her mother run for the stairs. Bianca's eyes followed her until Lydia jumped over a body. There, at the foot of the steps, was the beaten corpse of Dave. She had wished him dead, and now he was. Before the implications of that truth could form in her mind, she witnessed something petrifying.

Dave's eyes snapped open.

Her child's screams were agonizing. A sharp tingling sensation spread from the base of Lydia's neck to the top of her scalp.  _ **Something's wrong. Something's wrong. Everything is wrong!**_  A quick glance back showed her that Bianca was still safe. Betelgeuse was suspended above her, gasping and choking for air. She lunged for his legs in an attempt to hold him up. The spiritual hangman's noose only tightened the slack. Her next thought was to pull him down, not knowing if it would work. She wrapped her arms around his convulsing legs and pulled as hard as she could. A loud snap emanated from above her and Betelgeuse went still. He dropped to the ground. The look on his face tore a violent scream from her very being. His eyes were wide and bulged out of their sockets. His face was blue. He was dead. Before she could register what had happened, he began to fade from sight.

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no!" Lydia's hands went right through him. She felt the ground and desperately searched for what she knew was already gone. Another scream from Bianca made her whirl around just in time to see Dave's reanimated body crawling toward her daughter with frenzied speed. It put "The Exorcist" to shame. This was downright traumatizing.

Lydia was left with no more coherent thoughts. Instinct kicked in and drove her to save her daughter. The body leapt from the ground, pouncing at Bianca, but crashed into the invisible barrier. It acted like a force field against him. Writhing on the floor in a panic, blood and foam flowed from his mouth in terrible gushes.

Dave's heart had stopped beating, but Bart had begun to pump it for him. He seized onto Dave's lifeline like a leech to stay in his body. He was desperate to get the upper hand before Betelgeuse could return. He couldn't reach Bianca to thwart her mother. He had run out of options, which is what finally reminded him of his primary goal. The very reason he had summoned the heathens to this dreadful place. To trap them.

Once Bart was reoriented with his surroundings, his eyes frantically searched for the pentagram drawn in the middle of the building. He let out a triumphant cackle when he reached the center.

"Watch now, Lydia Deetz!" The pitiful woman was back in that blasted circle, clutching her spawn. She would not be safe for long. "You thought you could meddle with dark spirits? You thought you could have your wicked way and not be punished?! THIS IS YOUR DAY OF JUDGEMENT!"

Lydia pulled out her phone not waiting for whatever disaster was about to be unleashed. Of course, her phone was drained of battery completely. So much spiritual energy from Bart had consumed anything with power nearby. She did the only thing she could do.

As Bart started to chant his spell, she shouted her own. While at the same time, she concentrated hard on her green pulsing orb and dipped into the theta stage. A deep meditative state that was necessary to travel beyond the confines of the physical bodies.

* * *

 

Meanwhile, Delia and Prudence waited anxiously in the car for Lydia's signal.

Prudence ripped her already bleeding cuticles off her thumb. "Should we just go?! It's been too long! I think we should just go."

Delia revved the engine while in park for the fiftieth time. She was ready to go but knew the stakes. "We can't put Bibi in danger. Lydia told us to wait for her signal."

"Since when do you listen to Lydia?!" Prudence retorted.

"Since when don't you?!" Delia yelled back.

At that moment, Lydia appeared on the windshield of the car and screamed. "GO!" Then she was gone.

"FUCKING HELL!" Delia blared, her body erupting in instant and painful goosebumps.

"GO-GO-GO!" "I'M GOING-I'M GOING, I'M GOIN!" The panicking redheads screeched in unison as Delia put the car in drive and slammed on the accelerator.

* * *

 

Betelgeuse shimmered into view, smack in the middle of a too-crowded room. Panic started to set in when the faces began to look familiar. They all looked the same as when he left them behind, in the lower levels, save one difference. They were clothed. He was almost thrown into hysterics when the terrifying thought of being sent back to Hell clouded his mind.

But relief washed over him when another look around revealed that he was in the Search and Rescue Department, just outside Juno's office.

"Fuck!" He was dead. In a goddamn waiting room where restrictive bindings were at their highest. Lydia and Bianca had been left behind with Bart.

Betelgeuse balled his fists and shut his eyes hard, willing himself to Lydia's side. He went nowhere. He had broken his contract. His special traveling permits were now revoked. Sending himself to his home parameters would send him back to his grave. Lydia needed to summon him if he was going to get out of this place. But she had not called for him yet. What if something happened to her? Bianca had not called either. For a moment, the thought of her watching him kill who she had known as her father rooted him to the spot. Maybe she'd seen him do it. Perhaps she'd reject him now that she knew what he was really capable of. He shook his head to banish the thought and pushed through the crowded waiting room. His vision started to blur and meld with memories of darker times. The familiar faces, the extremely close proximity of their bodies, and the overall aura of fear were all taking a toll on his mental state.

"Juno-Juno-Juno." She didn't come. His summons would not work in these parameters. He was trapped.

"Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit." He was trying so hard to stay grounded. He couldn't think straight. All he could do was run and try to find the exit. He finally burst through the double doors and onto the main floor.

"All new arrivals, report to Waiting Room Number Eight," droned a familiar voice.

There was only one person who'd agree to help him reach Juno now. Hopefully, she wouldn't send him to Saturn upon seeing him. He ran to Waiting Room Eight.

* * *

 

Delia's car screeched to a halt right in front of the warehouse. She didn't even put it in park before getting out. As the two clamored out of the vehicle, the BMW continued to roll toward the building until its bumper kissed the roll-up door. Every door and window was shut tight and would not budge for either of them. A sharp scream filled the air.

"Oh God," Prudence yelled, as she slammed her fists onto a door. "Delia, what are we gonna do?" But Delia was nowhere in sight. "Delia?"

Delia was in the driver's seat and already halfway down the driveway. She'd need the distance to make it through the doors. She hit the brakes, put the car in drive, and took a moment to steel her nerves. Her hands were shaking, and her breath was shallow.

"Delia..." she addressed herself. "You have got to take the upper hand in all situations or people, whether they're dead or alive, will walk all over you."

Her eyes suddenly blazed with determination as she slammed the gas and radio simultaneously.

A car horn sent Prudence toward the sky, and when she turned around, she had just enough time to jump out of the way. The shiny, red man-magnet, that was blasting "Gangnam Style" for the world to hear, sped up the driveway and careened through the giant door.

* * *

 

Betelgeuse kicked the waiting room door open, knocking it off its hinges. He sped past the new deadbeats and brought his fists down on the reception counter.

Miss Argentina, used to panicked new arrivals, didn't even look up before she told the angry ghost to take a number.

"Are you fuckin' kidding me?!" he outraged.

Recognizing the gruff voice that could only mean trouble, her hand shot to the eject button faster than a gun-slinging cowboy.

"W-w-w-w-w-WAIT-WAIT-WAIT!"

* * *

 

Bart had been suddenly ejected out of Dave's body. He was so exhausted that he hardly noticed the ground was trembling beneath him. A car had blasted its way through the building, almost thwarting Bart's final efforts, but not quite. He knew his spell was complete and that the tremors shaking their surroundings had nothing to do with the barreling vehicle. He had succeeded. The cement floor cracked under his feet while he scrambled back and away from the pentagram. Hellish light blinded him momentarily, screams of tortured souls filled the air, and a clawed fist broke through.

* * *

 

Betelgeuse shot his hands up in surrender. "Lyds is in trouble!" He shouted, hoping to stop her from sending him even further away from those who needed him.

Hand on the button, Miss Argentina froze and looked him in his pleading eyes.

"Oh, shit," a familiar voice whimpered.

At the sound of this voice, sick joy came over the poltergeist. He turned around and found Dave cowering behind him.

" _Hermano_ ," he groused through clenched teeth, "oh boy, do we got unfinished business!" He ended with a smile.

"SOMEONE HELP ME!" Dave screeched as he tried to escape.

"GET BACK 'ERE YA LITTLE SHIT-EATIN'-COCKROACH! PAPA'S HUNGRY!" He bulldozed through the crowd and snatched a screaming Dave by the hair.

* * *

 

Lydia didn't wait for the dust to settle after Delia's car crashed through the doors. She picked Bibi up and bolted. Prudence ran inside and tore the driver's door open, helped a limping Delia to the back seat while Lydia shoved Bibi in there with her.

"Get out of here!" Lydia yelled at her friend before she slammed the door shut.

"ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY?!" Prudence blared back. "LET'S GO!"

"I have to stop him! Just go!" Lydia tried to reason with her, but she wouldn't hear it.

"I swear-ta-god, Lydia, you don't get your skinny, pale ass in this car, I'LL KILL YOU MYSELF!" She finished with a banshee-like shriek, that sent Lydia actually clamoring into the front seat.

All the doors shut and secure, Prudence's trembling hands put the car in reverse just as the engine gave out. Their attention was momentarily torn away when a looming shadow obscured their light. The dust began to clear, revealing a large silhouette of a figure, its wings spread wide.

"Pru," Lydia managed a hoarse whisper.

The keys jingled as Prudence turned them in the ignition repeatedly. "I'm trying," she whimpered back.

"Mommy, what is that?!" Bianca screamed.

Delia forced Bibi's face into her bosom and held her tight. "Don't worry, it's nothing, help is coming. Help is coming. RIGHT?!"

 _ **Help is coming. Help is coming. Help is coming.**_  Lydia's inner voice tried to console her. But how was help supposed to get there? Betelgeuse was gone. He had died and disappeared. "DIED!" She suddenly screamed her realization. "BETELGEUSE-BETELGEUSE-"

* * *

 

"BETELGEUSE, stop beating that poor man!"

The poltergeist stopped his abuse when he felt a surge of energy from a summons run through him. Lydia had called!

"Do me a favor, darlin'," he addressed the receptionist as he stood over Dave with a sneer. "This is Bibi's kidnapper. Send this piece o' shit to my favorite vacation spot for me, will ya?" He turned his attention back to the pitiful mess beneath him. "I'll be back for ya, Davey. You can count on it."

When he caught sight of Miss Argentina's wicked grin, he let the summons take him with a dark chuckle.

* * *

 

When Betelgeuse did not appear right away, Lydia shouted Juno's name three times. The caseworker popped into view almost instantly, her stance commanding and ready for a fight.

"Juno, the car won't start!" Lydia yelled in her direction.

With a snap of Juno's fingers, the car came to life, tires screeched as it sped back toward the gaping hole in the entryway, but then it froze. A moment of confusion took over them all when the car was lifted off the ground. That is when Juno caught sight of a black-winged demon from hell, smiling in their direction. Its hand was stretched out. Clearly, the possession over the car was his doing.

"BADA-BING, BABY!" Betelgeuse's showman voice rang out for all to hear. "IT'S SHO-OH-FUCK!" His tagline was cut short, his smile vanished, and his legs turned to lead. Had he been in his fleshbag, he would have shit himself right then and there. "Leonard," he whispered in complete and utter terror.

Leonard's smile only widened at the sight of his former client. "Betelgeuse," he crooned while he looked his charge up and down. He had changed substantially. The striped suit, the exaggerated corpse look, the wiry hair standing on end, almost made him unrecognizable. All of which would be remedied. Soon. "I like the suit," he complimented genuinely.

The poltergeist had no idea how to respond and was frankly having trouble accepting reality. "Hum, erm, thanks?"

"Of course, it'll look better once I throw you on my bed," he continued slyly, then he caught how it must have sounded and mentally kicked himself. "I mean,  _the_  bed. The bed of spikes?" He corrected himself, slapping a hand to his forehead out of frustration.

"Right, right," Betelgeuse muttered and nodded, pursing his lips as his mind desperately fought to stay sane.

"Fool!" Shouted Juno, snapping him out of his confusion. "Do something!"

"Yep." He ran.

Giant balls of fire flew in his direction. He couldn't think. He could barely comprehend the chaos that commenced once his boots launched him in the direction of Delia's beat up car. His vision was blinking between memories and his current surroundings. The ghost was on complete autopilot, dodging, jumping, and running from Leonards attacks.

"Idiot!," Bart yelled from the floor at Leonard, "his lover is in the car! USE IT-OOOFFF!"

A grey, low-heel shoe had collided with Bart's teeth, hard. When he looked to see where it had come from, he found Juno winding up for a second throw.

"I warned you, Bartholomew," Juno growled before throwing her other shoe at him.

Bart ducked and avoided the attack. "Really, Juno? Resorting to throw- OW!" The shoe had boomeranged back, clocking him on the back of his head. Both shoes were now whacking him from every direction at a dizzying speed.

The caseworker was having trouble concentrating on a full attack on Bart while playing tug o' war with a demon. Both of them were pulling at the car energetically, its occupants screaming inside every time the vehicle jolted in either direction. Leonard was strong, but if she could have just gotten her son to stop running in fucking circles, they may have had the situation under control. Alas, it was not to be.

"UGH, this is ridiculous!" Leonard dropped the car on top of the old woman and followed Betelgeuse's incessant zigzagging for a moment before flapping his wings hard. In a flash, the demon stopped in his preys path, and Betelgeuse ran face first into his crotch. "GAH-grrrgggfffhoooow!" Leonard hopped up and down, grabbing at his groin at the same time.

It was like running into a bag of rocks. Betelgeuse palmed at his nose and fell to the ground. He was exhausted. Looking up at the idiotic demon hopping on his hooves like a red ballerina should have sent him into fits of laughter, but the vision before him only solidified how fucked he really was. There was no doubt that Leonard was a clown.  _ **A clown with rock-hard balls, apparently.**_  Compared to the other hellspawn in the lower levels, he was actually small. However, without his bigger pals beside him, he looked massive, and there was not one stupid thing he could do to erase the atrocities that Betelgeuse knew he was capable of. The ghost grimaced and flinched as a series of Leonard's favorite torture devices flashed through his mind. He caught sight of Juno crawling out from beneath the car. She looked hurt but proceeded to quietly ferry Delia and Bibi out of the vehicle while Leonard and Bart were occupied. Just as Leonard was about to turn around...

"That a new loincloth?" Betelgeuse asked half-heartedly, "or just new jiz stains?"

Leonard halted at once and inspected the tattered cloth in his hands. He growled and shut his eyes to harness some patience. "Crack jokes while you still can, pest-"

"When do demons wash their clothes?" He asked dryly.

Leonard's brows furrowed and his jaw dropped. "What?"

"At the end of Demonth," he finished and forced a smirk while Prudence and Lydia slowly opened their doors.

Leonard dropped his hands to his sides and rolled his eyes. "I hate you. So. Much. Do you have any idea what I'm going to do to you-"

"What's a demon's lesson called?" The poltergeist ignored his question.

"I swear to Satan, you say another word…" Leonard said as he pointed a finger warningly.

"... a Demon-stration."

Leonard sent his leg flying forward, kicking Betelgeuse to the back wall of the building, then charged right for him. When he reached his target, he wrapped a clawed hand around the pitiful soul's throat. "How was that for a 'demon-stration,' huh?!"

Betelgeuse managed a thumbs up. "Good," he forced out with a grunt, "for a pussy," he squeaked and gurgled, his vision starting to go black.

Bart had been rendered unconscious for a moment and when he came to, he was glad to know the shoes were gone, but a tilt of his head revealed the group of women being led to the exit while the stupid demon was distracted.

"DEMON," Bart bellowed, "they're getting away!"

Leonard looked over his shoulder and watched them scurry for the gaping hole in the wall, then looked at the ghost who summoned him. "And?" He said without a care in the world. "I have what I've come for, tool. Bring me the seal."

Bart stood and dusted himself off. "Who are you calling tool,  _tool_?! I summoned  _you_! I am your  _master_! And I will give you nothing if you don't stop them from getting away!"

Rage pooled behind Leonards eyes before he held up a hand and clenched his fist, bringing the ceiling down right in front of the escapees. Baal had briefed him on Bartholomew and insisted he keep their man on the outside in the dark. It was the only reason Leonard did what fool wanted. With a wave of his hand, the ground began to crack around the group of women. The caseworker fought against his efforts and shielded the rest of them. She had to go. The floor fell beneath the old woman, sending her falling through. For good measure, Leonard let the ground sink around the breathers, effectively stranding them on an island of concrete.

Betelgeuse struggled under Leonards grasp. Bart was running right for his family. Juno was gone and who knew when she'd be able to return. Delia was bleeding pretty bad. Prudence was screaming. Bianca was sobbing and Lydia-

His eyes went wide with true fright. Lydia's teeth were gritted in pain. Her eyes were shut tight. She was clawing at her chest where her heart was.

Instantly, he surmised what was happening to her. "Stop," he pleaded with his captor, "my wife, she's-she-"

"She's having a heart attack!" Prudence screamed. Before she could catch her best friend, Lydia fell to the ground with a thud… leaving her soul standing in its wake.

Silence fell as all stared at the dead woman standing over her own body in shock. Movement caught Betelgeuse's eye. Bart was on the move again, an evil grin plastered on his face while he raised his hand that contained the Seal of Damnation.

"NO! LYDS!"

Time slowed for the Ghost with the Most. He struggled, twisted, and kicked but was still rendered helpless as Bart jumped over the crevice and brought the seal down on Lydia's forehead.

All went black…

* * *

 

When Lydia was twenty-three years old, she had come to terms with her emotions for a particular ghost. Although she knew that her tastes were a bit odd, it still surprised her to find out that she indeed had romantic feelings for a corpse-like, obnoxious, egotistical, and just-plain-gross dead guy. When she tried to understand why her mind and body would betray her in such a fashion, she realized quickly that they had more in common than she initially thought. He had always been an outcast. Just like her. He knew what that was like. He knew her. That alone could have tipped the scales in his favor, but it was more than that. Despite him knowing he was different and mostly shunned in his life and afterlife, he was proud of who he was. He believed in himself. That unequivocal belief in himself led him to achieve great things. Sure, sometimes he did terrible things, but they were still incredible feats.

Lydia had learned to believe in herself by his example, and in turn, she too accomplished great things because of it. However, when she looked upon his face as she tried to escape with her family, she did not see the ghost she had fallen in love with. For months since his return, Betelgeuse had tried very hard to be what he once was. To hide his trauma from her. Make her believe he had not changed. In lots of ways, he was the same. Some improvements in morality, however slight, were even a plus if she was to be honest. What she could not endure, was the loss of that spark in those once smug blue eyes. He was supposed to rise up, humble the demon that towered over him and crush that fucker's face with his steel-toed boot. Instead, he stayed helpless on the ground and cracked some bad jokes to give them a chance to escape. He was ready to be left behind. He had given up far too quickly. That was inexcusable in Lydia's mind. She would rather die than let that spark be gone for good. So, that is what she did. She died. Or at least, that is what she led them to believe.

Bart's smile faded when the seal, still resting on Lydia's forehead, rendered no results. He tapped it on her head a couple more times just to be sure, and when he noticed Lydia's smug grin, he knew something was terribly wrong.

"I don't understand," Bart murmured with a furrowed brow.

Lydia purposefully pushed her head into the seal and smiled wider. "Let me help you understand, Bart. You see, there's more than one demon in this room," she pronounced proudly. Her eyes shifted for Bart to follow her gaze.

When Bart looked over his shoulder, his whole being trembled with terror. Leonard took slow steps back, his jaw nearly hitting the floor. Betelgeuse was no more. In his stead was a monster. The face of the beast had his likeness, much like he looked when in his favorite snake form, but this? This was entirely different indeed. For one, he was gigantic. Bigger than the biggest of Sandworms anyone had managed to lay their eyes on. His huge serpent-like body uncoiled itself revealing four raptor-like legs with large talons. His mouth was stretched into a snout, his eyes were glowing an ethereal green. He was no snake. He was a goddamn dragon of death. His glowing eyes settled on Leonard and then, his thinned lips curled and exposed a horrific smile.

"Goodbye, Bart," Lydia crooned before Juno appeared before him and used Bart's momentary paralysis, and his seal, against him. The caseworker grabbed hold of his elbow and wrist and forced it into his face.

Bartholomew didn't even have the chance to fight back. The seal, still in his grasp, lodged itself in his cheek… and he began… to burn.

* * *

 

His instincts and thirst for blood were all he had left. To the monster he had become, Leonard no longer looked so intimidating. He looked like a meal.

"Now, now, Betelgeuse," Leonard's voice quivered as he raised his hands in surrender, "I'm sure we can figure out a way…" he lost his train of thought when drool fell out of the beast's mouth and pooled before his feet. "I'm so dead…" the demon whimpered as Betelgeuse rose to his full height, opened his mouth with a snarl, and lunged at him.

Leonard flapped his wings and shrieked like a little girl, but it was too late. Betelgeuse snatched him out of the sky, slammed him on the ground and viciously tore his wings to confetti. He bit down on the demon's abdomen and shook him like a dog would his favorite chew toy. All the while, the demon screamed in agony until Betelgeuse sunk his teeth on Leonard's head and tore it clean off his shoulders with enthusiasm. Before he could gulp down his treat, the demon's parts were pulled out of his reach. Frantically, Betelgeuse snapped his head around in search for the culprit and saw Juno throwing the remnants of his meal into a gaping, fiery hole in the ground. Furious, he propelled himself in her direction. A voice rang out that made him dig his claws into the ground and slide to an abrupt stop. He gazed in the direction of the raven-haired witch and salivated.

"Taaaasssstyyyyy," he hissed with hunger. More than anything in the world he wanted to consume her.

Merged with her body once more and fully concentrated on her task, Lydia chanted a spell to close the Hellmouth with Juno's help. The ground began to tremble again as Betelgeuse charged in her direction.

"Lydia!" "Watch out!" "Mom!" "He's coming for you!" The voices of her loved ones rang out in warning, but she was determined to finish her task. He would not hurt her. He would not. She had to believe that. With all the resolve and belief she could muster, Lydia shut the portal and swung around to face her monster, both arms raised in the universal symbol for him to stop. Inches from her face, the beast froze instantly before her. With a determined fire in her eyes, Lydia said her next words.

"Get in," she grated, then opened her mouth wide, took a large breath, and swallowed him whole.

At first, it was clear to all that a battle raged within Lydia. She growled, twitched and jerked until she fell to her knees panting.

"Mom?" Bibi managed to call out to her first. When Lydia's only response was a groan of pain, she tore herself away from Delia and raced to her mother.

"Wait, Bibi!" Prudence warned.

Bianca threw her arms around her trembling mother and stroked her matted hair away from Lydia's face. Her body stilled and calmed instantly. Lydia's eyes were red-rimmed with tears, but she smiled at the sight of her daughter.

"Are you guys okay?" Bianca asked, concerned but hopeful.

Lydia nodded and returned Bibi's embrace. "We're okay."

"Please tell me this nightmare is over," Delia exhaled with a mixture of relief and exhaustion.

Lydia gave Juno a knowing glance. "There's one last thing we need to do."

"Fuck," Delia blurted out and collapsed into Prudence's arms.

"Bibi," Lydia stood and led her daughter to Juno. "I need you to wait outside while me and your dad finish things up.

Lydia waited until the group exited the building, then made her way to Dave's mangled corpse. She stood over his pathetic form and nodded her head.

"Yes, I'm sure," she said aloud. Her voice echoing slightly in the empty building.

"Yes, I remember the words," she responded to the voice only she could hear.

She took a breath and opened her palms face up.

"Hands vermillion…"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter! The next chapter will definitely be the end. Don't be sad! I have a couple of short stories almost ready to publish in this fandom. One is a smuty delight and the other is just plain absurd. So, STAY TUNED! Subscribe, follow, or whatever so that you don't miss out!


	24. Third Time's a Charm

 

 

Had Betelgeuse known what it felt like to squat in Lydia's body while she held their daughter, he would have jumped in more often. The dopamine that filled Lydia's brain radiated off of her aura, soaking him like a warm bath. It was what had finally quelled the monster he had become and what probably saved his lover's life back at the warehouse, even though Lydia didn't buy it. Lydia gave Bibi another tight hug, and finally, let her go when the bell to her school rang.

"Hey," rang out a raspy, male voice from her mother's lips, "don't I get a hug too?"

Bibi rolled her eyes and placed her hand on her hips. "I just did! Don't be weird!"

"Get yer butt over here right now, young lady, and give yer old man a hug!"

Bibi watched her mom pout angrily, and she could not hold back her giggles. Hearing Beej's voice and watching his mannerisms through her poor mother was just something she could not get used to. "Fine," she relented and gave them another embrace.

Betelgeuse sighed contentedly as those warm sensations washed over him again.

"It's so nice to have you back, Bianca," her teacher exclaimed happily, drying a tear from the corner of her eye.

Bianca's eyes shot open, and she tore herself out of her mother's grasp. "Okay, love you guys, bye!" Embarrassed, she rushed past her teacher, unintentionally ignoring her.

Lydia stood up, cocked an eyebrow, and snorted most unattractively. "Kids," the ghost gruffed on her behalf, "ya know I love'em." He glanced over at the teacher and realized his error when she frowned and furrowed her brow.

Lydia took over at once and coughed. "Whew," she placed a hand to her throat, "still getting over my laryngitis. Well, I'll see you later. Bye!" She spun on her heal and briskly walked to her car. "What the hell, Beej?" She whispered aloud.

_**Sorry, babe.** _

In the safety of her own car, Lydia put on her Blu-tooth in her ear so she wouldn't look crazy talking to the air. She could communicate with him in her mind but found it difficult to keep from speaking out loud.

"You know I love you, right?" She asked her rhetorical question.

 _ **Squatters rights**_ _,_ he retorted resolutely.  _ **I ain't leavin' until I get it in**_ **writing** **...**   _ **that I won't be dragged off to court for killin' that sleazebag.**_

Lydia nearly banged her head on the steering wheel. "I  _need_  my privacy," she whined, on her last nerve. "It's been two weeks!"

 _ **Fine. As soon as we get home, I'll get out,**_ he said simply.  _ **And, hey, if chains just happen to slap themselves on my manly, yet delicate wrists, and I get hauled off to yet another prison, never to see you or Bibi again, well, ya know, OH WELL! AT LEAST YA HAVE YER PRIVACY!**_

"Don't be so dramatic!" A headache started to form as they bickered all the way home.

* * *

 

"I'm just saying," Lydia continued her argument as she entered the house and stalked to the kitchen for a drink, "Bibi needs to be able to  _see_  you. I need a little breather from your  _constant_ presence and  _unrelenting_  sexual appetite-"

"OH! You're complaining about sex now, huh?!" He yelled through her.

They had inadvertently started taking turns discussing their predicament using Lydia's body, effectively making her look quite insane. Or possessed.

"There is a  _time_  and  _place_ , Betelgeuse." Lydia stormed into the kitchen, catching Prudence sitting on the counter with her legs crossed tightly, and a blush spreading across her cheeks.

"Oh, hi, Lydia!" Prudence chirped breathlessly.

She watched the ginger with narrowed eyes as a smirk tugged at her lips. Immediately, Betelgeuse spoke up, plastering a leer on Lydia's face. "You fuckin' on my kitchen counter, lovebirds?"

"BETEL!" Lydia blared as Prudence shrunk in on herself and Bertha ejected out of her lover.

"You know," Betelgeuse took over once more, "there's a  _time_  and a  _place_  for that kinda kinky shit and it ain't on my American Heirloom, walnut cutting board!"

Mortified, Prudence jumped off her seat and pulled her collar over her face.

"I'm sorry, Lydia!" Bertha cringed, but then suddenly changed her tune. "And it's not  _your_ cutting board, Beej!"

"PAIN KILLERS!" Lydia screeched. "NOW!"

"I'm afraid those will do little to ease your discomfort, Ms. Deetz," emanated a male voice with a British accent from behind her.

Lydia turned around and took in the sight of Juno and a handsome man wearing modern clothes that seemed clean and freshly pressed. His chestnut hair and sky-blue eyes were as striking as his sparkling, dashing smile.

Involuntarily, Lydia scowled and scoffed. "Oh, look, everyone," Betelgeuse declared with a pompous Brit accent, "it's McSteamy himself. With a hoity-toity accent coming to haul me away finally." Betelgeuse lost the accent and growled. "Julian," he let out with as much disdain as he could muster, "if they sent you, then I really am up shit's creek."

Julian laughed good-heartedly, "Oh, Betelgeuse, you really are a - what do they say nowadays - a hoot?" His smile was smug and his eyes glimmered with mischief, sending Lydia into a quiet panic.

"Why don't we all have a seat in the living room," Juno suggested.

As they all got comfortable, Lydia's eyes were glued to the charming man before her.

_**If you keep staring at him like that, babe, I'm gonna hafta teach ya a lesson.** _

**He just looks so famil** _ **-**_ Lydia began to defend herself but was interrupted.

"Are you an angel?!" Bertha covered her mouth from the outburst.

Julian smiled at her sweetly. "No, my dear, I don't think my nature will ever allow it, I'm afraid." He sighed, but the smirk never left his perfectly chiseled face. "I am merely a messenger. With a very important message for my," he looked over at Lydia, "... my charge."

"I ain't yer goddamn  _charge, Fabio_ ," Betelgeuse grated. "I'm not givin' up this hot bod for a cell, got me?"

"Would you shuddup and hear what he has to say," Juno droned.

"Betelgeuse," Julian reasoned, "you broke your contract-"

"Hell yeah, I did! And I'm not sorry! That little shit had it comin'! And THEN, I get strung up for taking out the trash! That was no picnic, you sadistic prick! That shit  _hurt_! I think that little stunt was punishment enough. IN FACT, I've had enough punishments to make up for my ALL my previous  _dalliances_  with other douchebags who ended up dead because o' me! I DEMAND RESTITUTION!"

"B," Lydia whispered while bringing her hands to her head, "please tone it down."

"Now look whatcha made me do," Betelgeuse groused as he glared in Julian's direction. "Sorry, Lyds," he mumbled as he internally rubbed her temples and activated her pressure points.

Julian gave them a pitying glance. "Your partner cannot withstand your invasion much longer. Come out now. I promise I'm not here to punish you. As a sign of good faith, I brought Juno with me to this meeting. Plus, you tore a demon to shreds, what have  _you_  to fear?" He finished and relaxed onto the couch, crossing his ankle over his knee.

Betelgeuse deliberated and took in his non-threatening demeanor.  _ **Whaddya think, babes?**_

**I don't sense anything dangerous about him, but we should take precautions.**

Betelgeuse carefully extracted himself from Lydia, sitting next to her. He placed a protective arm around her as she relaxed, then he snapped his fingers. A pair of handcuffs appeared, by his own doing, and he cuffed himself to his witch.

Lydia lifted her hand and stared at the contraption. "Do you mean to tell me that you could have done this  _the whole time?!_

"Well, yeah, but it ain't full proof!" He defended.

"I'm gonna kill you," she growled through clenched teeth.

As they began to bicker once more, Julian pulled out a small wooden box and set it on the table. The arguing stopped as all eyes fell on the mysterious box.

"Go ahead, open it," Julian said with a toothy grin.

The poltergeist wrinkled his nose and scratched his ear before finally leaning over to grab the box. He braced himself as he peeked inside, but his jaw dropped when he finally opened it for all to see. It was Odin's Noose. Everyone gasped as he gingerly took it out and inspected it.

Betelgeuse looked from the cord to the messenger. "Why?"

Julian looked quite proud of himself as he shrugged his shoulders. "The details on how Dave died were a bit muddled, now weren't they? No telling what would have happened if Bart hadn't of interfered. And we can't get Dave's side of things, now can we?" He looked pointedly at Lydia before returning his gaze back to Betelgeuse. "You see? Muddled."

Betelgeuse scoffed. "I can tell ya  _exactly_  what would've happened-"

"I said," Julian raised a hand to stop him from digging his own grave, "muddled. I have a lot of pull in the upper levels, dear boy, don't make me regret this. The terms are the same as they were when I first offered you this  _gracious_  gift." He was polite as ever, but there was no mistaking the warning in his voice.

"What's the catch?" Lydia voiced everyone's next question.

"As I mentioned," Julian sighed, "the terms are the same."

"I mean, what does he owe  _you_  for 'pulling' for him," Lydia demanded.

"Yeah, what she said," Betelgeuse barked.

Julian stood up and everyone else followed his lead. He stepped closer to Betelgeuse, standing almost nose to nose. He looked sad even though his smile prevailed. "I suppose there is something I want from you."

"PFT! I  _knew it-"_

Julian grabbed Betelgeuse's face and gave him a peck on the forehead before his victim flailed his arms and rubbed at his head with the back of his hand.

"Come on,  _man_!" The poltergeist complained. "I know I'm irresistible, and I'm not sayin' you ain't nice ta look at, but I'm taken  _here_!" He motioned to Lydia before placing her in front of him to protect himself from further advances. He gagged for good measure.

Julian laughed and held his sides while everyone stared. It only annoyed Betelgeuse more.

"Consent these days is no joke, pal," the poltergeist grumbled.

"Oh, my, look who's talking," Julian laughed some more. "You really are a hoot. You've come a long way, my boy, I'll turn you into a hero yet." With that he faded from sight, his laughter echoing into nothingness as he did.

When he was gone completely, the women in the room burst into giggles.

Indignant, Betelgeuse adjusted his tie. "Yeah, yeah, laugh it up. Fuckin' guy. Here I am thinkin' he's eyein' my Lyds…"

"Beej," Lydia guffawed as she wrapped her arms around him, "I don't think he was hitting on you." Her laughter died off and she patted his shoulder reassuringly. "I think you two are related."

"Oh, yeah! I thought he looked familiar," cried Prudence.

"Wow! Think he's your older, handsomer brother?" She gasped loudly. "Or your hot dad?!"

His eyes nearly popped out of his skull when he beheld Juno's pursed lips and knowing look.

"Aw, hell no!" He yelled and threw the noose on the coffee table. "I'm not taking shit from that loser!  _Whoever_  he is!"

* * *

 

Tucking Odin's Noose under the collar of his red and black, paisley tuxedo, Beetlejuice muttered and complained at his reflection. He was flushed and sweating anywhere and everywhere. For the death of him, he couldn't get his breathing or his mind under control. Every disastrous possibility played like a film in his mind's eye.

"Jesus-fuckin'-Christ it's like I'm wearing a goddamn garbage bag. WHY IS IT SO FUCKING HOT IN HERE?!" He wiped his brow with his sleeve and narrowed his eyes at his own face looking back at him. "What are ya doin', man? Huh? Don't cha  _learn?_ " His hands shot out, grabbed the standing mirror, and shook it violently. "RUN WHILE YA STILL CAN!"

He caught Bianca's expert, judgemental gaze in the reflection. "Mom sent me to make sure you weren't getting cold feet, but you're sweating balls so, I think your feet might be hot."

Betelgeuse whipped around and pointed an angry finger at her. " _You_! This is  _your_  fault. If ya hadn't have proposed ta me in front of everyone with that stinkin'-cute-evil-little-face!" He paused to catch his breath. "I wouldn't be in this mess," his voice cracked with nerves.

The six-year-old rolled her eyes. "Grow up. Mom wants to see you." She smiled, turned on her heel, and left.

"Little turd." He said with a shake of his head. "God, I love that kid."

The wreck pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. Four months ago, his daughter had waited for the perfect opportunity to corner him and Lydia in front of the entire family at one of their gatherings. The twerp had found their old wedding bands, placed them both into a handmade box she made at school, fished out the Handbook for the Recently Resurrected with notes and post-its to boot, she'd thrown flower petals all over the floor, and proposed to them both. Lydia immediately said yes so, what the fuck was he supposed to say?  _ **Been there, tried that - four times - no thanks?**_  The word "sure" was all that escaped him at the time. Now he was regretting it. This kind of anxiety was torture. It wasn't worth it.

A gentle knock tore him from his thoughts. His bride was standing at the doorway and flashed him a smile.

 _ **Okay, maybe it's worth it**_ , he thought as he looked her up and down. She was sporting her favorite colors. The dress was black all around with only one translucent sleeve but had a spackle of crimson vines that curled and wove themselves in different areas until they wrapped around her neck. She stepped inside and slowly twirled for him to see the back. The same design continued but left her back mostly exposed behind a web-like pattern. She was a beautiful, Gothic Queen.

"So?" She asked hopefully as she approached him and placed her cool hands in his clammy ones.

"I can't believe," he began with awe in his voice, "that you just waltzed in here and let me see you in the fuckin' dress," he finished scoldingly. He ignored her look of annoyance. "You know it's bad luck, right? I mean, I think we need all the luck in the fuckin' universe right now, right? I mean, you  _were_  in attendance at our last - not one but  _two_ \- almost nuptials,  _right_? Am I- not  _remembering_  correctly or wha-"

She planted a hard kiss on his lips to shut him up but slowly began a sensual conquering with her tongue. When she leaned back only slightly, he sighed with his eyes still closed. He took in a deep, steadying breath and let it out all at once with his next words. "Can we please fuck real quick, ya know, just to shake the nerves out?"

"No." She gave him another long kiss. "We planned for absolutely everything that could possibly go wrong. We'll be fine."

He still looked suspicious. "How do ya know? Huh?"

"Because third time's always a charm."

"Nah-ah-ah-ah-ah." He waggled a finger and then started to count on his hand. "Publicly shot down the first time. Actually got hitched and then dumped. Eaten by a sandworm the third time. Sent to HELL the fourth time! I'm not exactly fartin' lucky charms, babe. Someone has it out fer me!"

"It's  _our_ ," she emphasized, "third try. Plus. I know for a fact, that everything will work out this time."

"Why?" He barked at her.

"As someone once taught me, my certainty is greater than your doubt." She was referring to the laws that governed the astral plane when he was teaching her how to best her opponent.

Betelgeuse couldn't help but give her a proud grin. Her belief was etched in stone. It flowed off of her and gave him strength. "I wonder what wise, ol', handsome stud taught ya that?"

They laughed together until Lydia felt something cold wrap around her wrist with a click. She held up her arm up to find herself handcuffed to her groom. Lydia glared at her soon to be husband before she realized he had popped the key in his mouth and swallowed it with a loud gulp.

"What. The. Fffffffff-"

He held up a hand to silence her. "Extra precaution, is all!" He chirped happily. "Now let's get HITCHED!"

* * *

 

The old Deetz residence was once more the location for the ceremony. It was to be done outdoors this time to accommodate extra guests and keep unwanted ghouls from crashing the gathering, but was close enough for the astral guests within to be able to witness their union in safety. Everyone had been prepared to deal with any kind of sudden intrusions. Juno went through the necessary red tape to officiate the wedding. All was ready.

Bianca patiently stood in front of her parents and waited for the music to cue her down the short aisle. She could feel her father's suspicious glare burning a hole through the back of her head.

"Ya got the rings right?" He gritted through his teeth.

"Yessssss." She hissed back.

"Prove it."

She shook the box in her hands with extra sass. The rings could be heard knocking around within.

"I'm not sayin' you could ruin this whole damn circus, but… you could ruin this whole damn circus, ya  _clown_.  _Show_  me the  _rings_ ," he grated.

"Bite me."

"You don't even know what that  _means_ ," he rasped above her head. A heel slammed down on his foot. He jumped and hopped with exaggeration, but when he caught a twitch in Lydia's left eye, he stopped his fidgeting at once.

Bianca heard her cue and walked down the aisle with extravagant grace, her burgundy frills fluttering in the wind. The crowd murmured their approval while Bibi beamed, soaking in all of the attention. When she reached Juno's side, the music changed to a slow Medieval Waltz, and all eyes turned to the bride and groom expectantly.

The panic was back in full force. At first, he was rooted to the ground, unable to move. It was an agonizing amount of time before Betelgeuse finally and abruptly gripped onto Lydia's cuffed arm and propelled them forward, sending them down the aisle faster than was planned. All the while, he greeted the attendees breathlessly and unnecessarily.

"Hey, how are ya? Ya made it! Nice digs. Yer tits are about to bust out, ha, made ya look. Alright, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon."

He continued his muttering and mumbling while the musicians sped through their notes to keep up, which was unfortunate. It was truly a beautiful piece. People giggled and snorted at the spectacle. When they finally landed before Juno, who was shaking her head with a raised eyebrow, Betelgeuse doubled over, panted, slapped his knee, and straightened out.

"Whew! Made it. Get with it, June-bug." He snapped his fingers to hurry her up. A tinkling laugh made him look at his bride. He chuckled nervously in response to her light-hearted one. This whole thing was outrageous.

Juno cleared her throat and lifted the pamphlet, which was specially made for their union.

"Dearly departed and the living. We are gathered here today to join Lydia Deetz and Betelgeuse in matrimony. A contract that shall bind them until the death of the true living partner parts them." She looked at Lydia. "That means your death, Lydia." She nodded in understanding. Juno squinted. "That means you'll be stuck with this buffoon for the rest of your living days."

Lydia and the crowd laughed.

"Har-har. Very funny." Betelgeuse frowned and dabbed at the sweat gathering on his eyebrows.

"I understand," Lydia assured aloud with a snicker.

"Suit yourself." Juno shrugged her shoulders and continued. "The rings, please."

"I'm gonna die," the groom muttered under his breath as Bianca opened the box and pulled out the rings. He snatched Lydia's ring out of Bibi's hand as if it could disappear at any moment. Lydia gently took his.

"Do you, Lydia, take this…" Juno scoffed, "... _man..._  to be your lawful wedded husband _?"_

Lydia looked over to her lover in order to give her answer while looking into his eyes, but he'd gone pale and was busy tugging at his chafing collar. "Uh, yes. Yes, I do." The crowd laughed again at her seemingly unsure response. She slipped the ring on his finger. "Hey," she whispered, "are you okay?"

Betelgeuse was breathing through his mouth so loudly that he heard nothing. Not even Juno.

"Do you, Betelgeuse, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?" Juno looked up to see her son drenched in sweat and his eyes rolling back. He didn't answer. His mother whacked him over the head with the pamphlet, startling him out of his panic attack.

"FUCK,  _what?_ " he whined and rubbed his head.

"Say 'yes,' you fool," she growled while the guests laughed even louder.

"Yes!" He yelled. Then he fainted.

Since they were cuffed, Lydia was jerked to the ground alongside him. She took the opportunity to quickly and forcefully peel his bloodless fingers apart in order to place her ring on her own finger. Juno ignored the gasps and clamoring from the crowd and droned out the last bit of what was necessary to conclude the wedding.

"Great. I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride, yadda-yadda-yadda. Congratulations."

Everyone raced to the couple on the ground, but also made sure give them enough space to breathe.

Lydia stroked her husband's hair away from his face and kissed him. Bianca was filled with so much joy and excitement that she threw herself on her father's gut with a screech.

"OOOMMPH!" The wind was knocked out of him, but he was now awake. When he was able to open his eyes, he was surrounded by familiar faces. All of them either smiling or showing concern. For a moment he wondered how he came to be where he was, surrounded by people who actually cared for his well being, but when his eyes met Lydia's, he realized what must have happened. "Shit. Did I miss it? Did we do it? Is it done? What happened?!" He asked breathlessly.

Lydia laughed through her tears and nodded. "Welcome back, Mr. Betelgeuse Deetz."

There was only one reason she'd say his name like that. Since he had no real surname of his own, and he sure as shit didn't want Lydia and Bibi to take on the name "Horeson," he had opted to take hers. They were married. Officially. Nothing could come between them again.

"Aw,  _yeah_. Gimme some sugar!" He puckered his lips, pulled her down, and crushed his lips to hers. His free hand squeezed her ass for all to see.

The group dispersed as they cheered while music beckoned all to celebrate.

"Now, who has the spare key?" Lydia giggled as she shook their trapped wrists.

Betelgeuse frowned. "What spare key?"

* * *

 

Down in the true bowels of Hell's Ninth Circle, a damned soul shivered and winced from the bitter cold. His body was frozen in a large block of ice. His head was the only thing exposed. It was difficult to open his eyes and even more difficult to think straight. Where was he? Who was he? He couldn't remember. A harsh rapping against the top of his head made his eyes snap open. A large red, horned face with yellow eyes and goatee, sneered at him. He was instantly terrified.

"Hello, Bartholomew," Baal said with a dangerous smile. "How's the weather treatin' ya?" He chuckled most darkly.

 _ **Bartholomew!**_  He rejoiced briefly.  _ **That's my name!**_  His memories flooded him suddenly and he felt sick to his stomach when he surmised where he was. "D-d-d-demon!" He stuttered through his convulsing. "B-b-be g-g-one!"

Baal threw his head back and laughed.

"The-the L-l-l-ord sh-shall s-s-save me-me!" He continued.

The demon snapped his gaze to his prisoner. His grin widened. "Oh, the  _Lord_." He chuckled again. "Tell me, Chosen One, did the Lord have a  _booming_ ,  _commanding_  voice?!"

_**That voice… no, it can't be.** _

"Baaaaart! You shall be my instrument and cleanse the world of unfit souuuuulsssss," he dramatized while holding one clawed hand to chest and extending the other toward the sky. "I was Thespian once upon a time. What a load o' shit you swallowed, kid. Seriously, you were too easy." He snatched Bart by the hair and looked into his pitiful, tearful eyes. "Poor, poor, Barty. You've been duped. Too bad you can't be part of our future plans. But hey, there are loads of your kind just ripe for the takin'! Small, self-righteous, little tools who think they're purpose is to clean house for some made up cause." He patted his head reassuringly. "Your torch has been passed, buddy. And someone's gotta take the rap for the shit storm you and Leonard caused." He shrugged and gave him one last smile. "You're in for a  _real_  treat."

 

_To be continued?_

* * *

 

**AN: That's all folks! I know I left it kinda open, but this story is now officially complete. I hope you all enjoyed it. I've gotten to know some really cool people in the fandom and I wouldn't change a thing. Thank you so much for all your support, your comments, and messages.**

**What's next? I have a few things in mind. A couple of little things that are almost complete to add to this fandom. I do want to start tackling a longer fic in the Harry Potter fandom as well. I'm also in the research and brainstorming stage for an original novel that I've always wanted to write.**

**Keep in touch! You can find me on tumblr mordellestories and on Discord mordelle#9350 and on Instagram @mordellestories**


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